


Will of the Force

by afaceinanendlesscrowd



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Jedi Ben, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi Luke Skywalker, Jedi Training (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Redemption, Light BDSM, Light Masochism, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay, Possessive Kylo Ren, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Stripper/Exotic dancer, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Stripping, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Verbal Humiliation, alternative ending, it's kylo ren LMAO expect mean and rough
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:27:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 39
Words: 125,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27633410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afaceinanendlesscrowd/pseuds/afaceinanendlesscrowd
Summary: Seven years ago, Ben Solo blew up the Jedi academy and with it, your entire life and everything you knew. Running to the deepest corner of the universe, you hid there in the hopes one day you could make it home again.Now the supreme leader has found you again and wishes to use your power for his own gain in ending the Jedi once and for all.But how far will you to go stop him? And more importantly, will you be able to do so before falling back into the arms of the man you had once loved so much?
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 159
Kudos: 273





	1. CORUSCANT

**Author's Note:**

> You/Reader is a female with female genitalia, medium/long hair and breasts with the pronouns of she/her.  
> enjoy :)

_“Good, good. I knew you were ready.” You felt a hand clap on your shoulder and turning, you smiled to your master as he watched the rocks levitating around you as you mediated. “Come with me a moment.”_

_You stood and glanced around at the others in the group, still pouting as they shakily levitated some rocks into the air above them, some even throwing you pointed glances as you walked away._

_“I want you to move into this other class- it’s more advanced. But I’m warning you that they train hard, some more than others- you have to be prepared to work. Are you?” He raised an eyebrow at you and you nodded, anxiously looking at the lightsaber strapped to his side._

_You anxiously awaited the day you’d have one of those, had thought about its shape, colour, form day in and out. It was all you wanted- to be a real Jedi._

_“Yes, master Skywalker.”_

_“Come then.”_

_Skywalker turned and began to walk away from the smaller group, calling over his shoulder for them to keep practicing, and headed down towards the raised concrete platform at the bottom of the hill._

_Your stomach was twisting in knots at the sight of it, at the few people who were there- all in the more advanced classes of Master Skywalkers training, all at least two maybe three years older than you._

_You’d been here for years, slightly in the shadows as you trained alongside the other students. You watched as this group moved up and on without you, despite you showing as much promise as them- but they had been active, showing off their skills, speaking out to Luke about their wants. You had been quieter._

_A mistake now that they had all been practicing together for a few months, advancing well ahead of you. At least their departure from the bigger group meant Luke had finally been able to see your talents, feel out your power a little better. But it also meant the other kids in the group did too and so, you became outcasted._

_Hopefully here, you’d fit right in._

_“Alright, welcome our new member to the more advanced folds.” Luke clapped your shoulder, all of the people standing in front of him turning to look at you. You surveyed them, trying to remember their names- the dark skinned girl with white, braided hair was Voe you were sure and the quarren beside her was Hennix. “I think she’s about to show you all up with her meditation skills.”_

_Hennix laughed. “Is that so? I levitated_ all _the rocks you gave me yesterday.”_

_“You also dropped them five minutes later.” Voe nudged his arm, rolling her eyes._

_The boy on her left, you were sure was named Tai, chuckled. “Welcome to our small, competitive group.”_

_“Nice to be here.” You smiled at them shyly, trying your best to be polite, restrained._

_Your eyes wandered further left and landed on the last member there, who hadn’t said anything yet- but you knew exactly who he was. You had remembered his name from the moment he arrived at the camp, shortly after you, memorised every inch of those brown eyes and pale skin._

_“Come on then. Show me what you got.” Luke clapped his hands and you all sat down in a semi circle, a few rocks placed in front of each of you._

_You took a deep breath, allowing the force to flow into you, trying your best to concentrate. The last thing you needed right now was to look like an idiot after Luke trusting you, but the worst thing to do was panic._

_Deep breath in. Deep breath out._

_You heard a few whispers and after a few moments, opened your eyes to notice the rocks floating around you in perfect circle. The others were just raising theirs, Voe clearly frustrated as she tried to lift hers and struggled._

_“You’re ace at that.” Tai noted. “I think that’s what we’ll call you from now on, since we don’t know your name anyway. Ace.”_

_You smiled. It wasn’t your favourite nickname, but wasn’t it an olive branch in some respects? An offer of friendship? You’d take it any day over being outcasted again. Besides, your real name was nothing exciting. “Alright, sounds good.”_

_“Still not better than Solo over there.” Voe muttered, eyes darting towards him. “Nobody is.”_

_You wondered if she was ever reprimanded for that- for such an un-jedi like attitude. But your eyes wandered over to the boy across from you anyway, startled as you realised he was staring right at you. He had two circles of rocks surrounding him and seemed to barely even be concentrating on them as they floated around.  
“Nobody is.” He muttered, but you could hear the amusement in his voice. He offered you a small nod. “Welcome, Ace. I’m Ben. Ben solo.” _

Gripping the sheets, you pulled yourself back into reality with a gasp. You’d sweat right through your t-shirt and now, you were shivering from the cold draft that was making its way in the window you must’ve left open when you fell asleep.

Another night and you’d woken up from yet another haunting memory. For years, your mind had been still and perfectly blank. It was better that way.

But now, it was as if you’d woken up again and your brain was determined not to let you forget a single moment of your past.

You leaned upwards and slammed the window shut, pulling the paper thin covers around you as tightly as you could manage. The radio beside your bed kept blaring it’s simple, soft music in an attempt to drown out the cries of the city all around you.

Today, clearly, was not going to be a good day.

Perhaps you’d have to get a new job as a physic, you decided, as the train in front of you whizzed by as you missed it by mere moments. If only you hadn’t forgotten your outfit and hadn’t been forced to run back to your apartment for it you might’ve made it.

Now, you were going to be late for work. Given it wasn’t usually such a busy night, it hopefully wouldn’t be such a big deal- but Leclarc always found a reason to be mad at you and you were just handing him this one.

It just really wasn’t going to be your day.

Leclarc was a skeezy, slimy Hutt and unfortunately, your boss. He owned the Outlander club, having bought it off the Baath brothers when they took off due to the Yuuzhan Vong War. You’d wish he would’ve taken off too or been killed in the rebellion, but no such luck. His ties to the multiple gangs within the city made him too powerful.

Stepping over a vine, you kept a tight clutch on the bag on your shoulder, glancing around at the other bystanders around you, also waiting for the next train. You narrowed your eyes at the man to your left eyeing up your things and bared your teeth at him slightly- if he even dared try take It, you’d snap his wrist into pieces.

Coruscant’s underground was certainly no safe place to be, any time of day. It was so far underground all the light down here was artificial and even that barely managed to brighten the sorrowful streets.

You couldn’t remember the last time you saw daylight. Real, blinding daylight that warmed your bones, split your skin open. You missed it. You missed everything that was lacking down here- decent air, the stars, the suns, the moons.

The ground rumbled again- but no train in sight. Given how much machinery was kept in the depths of the under-levels, ready to serve the elite who lived above you all, it was probably just that. You were used to it at this point- your apartment felt like it was constantly vibrating.

Just six hours and you’d be back there again. That’s what would get you through this shift. Just six long hours then you could go home and eat as many jogans as your heart desired and sleep the rest of the awful day away.

Screeching came from your right and finally, there was the next train. You only needed to go two stops and perhaps you could’ve walked, but you’d rather get to work alive than be taken and sold off by some thugs. Not that they _could_ take you, that is. Coruscant’s under levels certainly toughed the strong and consumed the weak, no doubt about it. To live here, you had to do more than just survive- you had to adapt, to make yourself strong.

Luckily for you, your years of training had made you ready for this kind of thing- not that you ever gave any indication you’d had any beyond the basics. You didn’t need anyone asking any kind of questions about yourself or where you’d come from.

You’d made it nearly seven years without questions and hopefully, many more. It wasn’t exactly in your plans to die anytime soon.

Given the way the man, who was now standing down from you on the train, was staring at you however you figured it may be in his plans. Especially given the wicked gleam in his eye.

It was going to be a sprint to work.

“You’re late!” Harley called as you ran through the backdoor, sweating your ass off. You shot her a knowing glare and kept going, straight downstairs to the locker room. There was no time to mouth off to her or chat- if you weren’t upstairs in five minutes, Leclarc was going to serve your head on a silver platter.

Or, if you were really having the worlds worst day, he’d make sure you were advertised with the private rooms tonight. Something you had no want, or will, to do.

You streaked some lipstick across your cheeks to colour them slightly before swiping the dark red over your lips. No time to take care with any of your makeup, just a quick swipe of eyeliner and a quick stick on of lashes that almost touched your eyebrows and you were ready.

Throwing your things in the corner, you grabbed the outfit that was hanging out your bag, the damn thing that made you late, and tugged off your clothes.

Probably your worst outfit- but given this was your shortest, and least busy, shift of the week it would have to do. Just a simple, black underwear set that connected to the lacy suspenders hanging down your thighs which led down to a ridiculous pair of shoes.

Harley grinned at you as you ran back upstairs, stealing some perfume from the desk she was currently perched on and practically drowned yourself in it.  
“Busy day?”

“You know it.” You shot her a smile. You liked Harley- she was fair with tips, she never fought you over a customer and she knew exactly how to work Charlie, your shitty manager who was somehow creepier than Leclarc. “Quiet night?”

“Appreciate it, tomorrow is usually so busy we can barely breath- I heard a rumour there’s a VIP client coming in to visit.” Harley hopped off the desk and reached for you, rubbing something off the corner of your mouth. “Charlie said he wanted to talk to us about it tomorrow.”

“Great.” You muttered as she linked her arm into yours and the two of you headed upstairs. A VIP was one of two things, usually.

Either a grimy, handsy politician who didn’t know how to control himself and figured that because you worked a job like this you were ‘below’ him and therefore, had to do whatever he demanded of you.

Or one of Leclarcs even grimier friends, who figured the same except you usually had to give in to their demands, unlike the politicians, or Leclarc would spike your body on the metal bars decorating the back of the joint.

There was only four girls he’d ever ask to deal with a VIP- Harley, Luminara, Rinya and you. The only four he trusted not to completely embarrass the club.

Luminara and Rinya were handed the sleazier of the VIPs, given that they were far more willing to go further with them than either of you would. Harley would bend sometimes and give in- it just depended on how much money they were offering.

You weren’t in the same boat. You respected their grind and needed the money, desperately, but sleeping with any of these clients wasn’t worth it.

Look, but don’t touch. That was the main rule.

“Ladies.” Charlie appeared out from behind you as the two of you stood, surveying the room for potential customers- not that there were many. Like Harley said, quiet night.

“Hi Charlie.” Harley shot him a wide grin, gently holding onto one of her lek and pushed it back over her shoulder to join the other. “Looking good, as always.”

Charlie may be human, just like you, but he really was just disgusting. The sneer he gave the two of you made your stomach flip.

His eyes trailed up your outfit. “You don’t look very put together. Tomorrow, I expect better. The best.”

Keeping your expression completely neutral, you just nodded and avoided spitting all of the horrible words circling your mind currently at him. “Whatever you say Charlie.”

“I’m serious. Leclarc will be here tomorrow as well- don’t embarrass me.” He pushed past you, slamming into your shoulder as he went and disappeared into the crowds behind you.

Harley rolled her eyes. “Ignore him.”

“I always do.”

It really didn’t matter what species they came from- Hutt, Togruta, Zabrak, plain old human- you knew one thing for absolutely certainty: men were the fucking worst.

The few circled around your podium threw more creds onto the steel platform beneath you. You sunk down to a squat, stuffing a few of them into your bra before offering a smile, rolling onto your stomach.

They cheered and a few hands reached out, desperate to touch you, but you slithered away. It didn’t matter how often you moved away from them, how much they called you a bitch for doing so, they didn’t quite got the message not to to touch you.

They never did.

You curled upwards, dragging your hands across the piles of money before dipping your hips low to the floor and throwing the money upwards, letting out a completely fake giggle as it rained down around you.

Shouts erupted from the corner of the room, where a group of them were playing sabaac and you were momentarily distracted as you glanced over. Someone from the left yanked your hair towards them.

“Take something off. Isn’t that what we pay you for? You’re nobody. Nothing!” He hissed. A mistake, on his behalf to get so close to you.

You spun on your ass and kicked his chest with your clear platform, watching as he stumbled backwards into a table of drinks. The rest of the guys laughed as he started to shout, struggling with security as they began to escort him out.

Charlie was watching from the corner and shot you an unimpressed glance before heading off again.

But you didn’t care- no client was going to treat you like that.

Whether you were a nobody or not.

It did occur to you sometimes this job was ridiculous. Especially in the late hours of the night as you climbed the stairs to your apartment, feet aching as the pair of heels dangled from your hands.

But what else were you supposed to do? It was hardly like the underground had many career options. Join a gang, you’ll probably die. Try make it on your own, again death or worse, sold to some creep.

Unlocking the door, you threw everything down to the floor without so much as a second glance and headed inside, flopping down on the bed with a groan.

You’d given up everything to make it here, to hide yourself well enough nobody would ever look twice at you. Being a dancer may seem to contradict that, but people didn’t see you as _you_ anymore- you were just an object, something they wanted to own, to buy time with. They didn’t give a shit about the person you were underneath the whole facade and that was just fine by you.

The job meant only the lowest of the low interacted with you and those kind of people didn’t care about you.

They didn’t care to sense out the powers you repressed day and night, shoving them deep down inside you until they were completely stifled and lifeless.

They didn’t care you were there for as little time as possible, desperately trying to save to make it back to Raysho. To make it back to your parents, if they were still there.

You hoped they were- not a night went by when you didn’t see their faces, ingrained into every dream you ever had, your mothers voice singing out to you, your fathers laugh rumbling around your brain.

From the rumours you’d heard about the war between the First Order and the resistance heating up, you’d need to get home quickly when you eventually did go. Especially if the First Order were to win and given the size of them compared to the resistance, you suspected they would. Some small part of you knew it was wrong not to join said resistance, to show your solidarity with them.

But like you said- you’d worked for nearly seven years to keep yourself hidden well enough just for the chance to go home again. To wrap your arms around your parents and finally feel as if you were at peace.

That wasn’t going to be jeopardised by anyone, especially not the foolish voice in your mind screaming at you to do something, anything. You had been blessed with powers other hadn’t. You would be disappointing your master so by not helping and in doing so, disappointing everyone else at that camp who hadn’t escaped the fateful night you managed to somehow live.

You tried to silence it. Reminded yourself of what was important, what you were really working towards.

Every shitty client, every harsh word spit your way, all of the fighting and running- it wouldn’t matter as soon as you were home again. It was all that was keeping your spirit alive and you’d be killed in a rebellion in seconds. It would all be a complete waste.

The voice screamed on anyway.


	2. VIRUS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he's comin fo u

You took another deep breath and pushed a piece of hair out of your face, glancing up at yourself in the mirror.

A significant improvement to last night, at least. You’d taken time with your makeup, made sure it highlighted your best features and even your hair was sitting perfectly tonight. Even if you had to wear a significant amount of makeup to cover the bags under your eyes from waking up twice in a cold sweat.

What had set off these dreams of your youth, you wish you knew- but you were being tormented with them endlessly for the past week and a half. As if some part of you you thought long dead was trying to wake up, to let you know it was still breathing.

All you wanted to do was choke the life out of it.

The dreams weren’t particularly scary, certainly not nightmares. Just memories- such painful memories of a time you actually felt happy. Safe.

Of a time you thought perhaps you’d bring some good into the world.

_“This is maybe the best day of my life.” Hennix announced._

_You giggled as you held the metal in your hand, glancing around the rest of the group as you awaited your master anxiously._

_This was the moment you’d all anxiously been awaiting for some time now and finally, it seemed master Skywalker was sure you were ready._

_When he announced you’d be making your lightsabers earlier in the week, you’d been ecstatic. The trip there and back had been mind-blowing (and a little scary) and upon returning, you’d all gotten to work immediately on building your lightsabers._

_All that was left to turn them on, a moment you’d all anxiously been awaiting. You knew colour didn’t matter so much anymore- it used to mean something, about the force and the way it flew through you but the colours had expanded so much now it did’t mean what it used to. That’s whatmaster Skywalker said anyway._

_“Alright.” Luke nodded, seemingly impressed with your work. You watched anxiously as everyone began lighting their sabers, one at a time._

_Voe went first, that familiar hum buzzing in your ears as she lit up a blazing green saber and smiled._

_Hennix went next- blue. Tai was the same._

_You turned your attention to the last Jedi to your left, Ben. He met your eyes, just briefly, before turning his own saber on- it shot up, a blazing blue. Something that looked like relief filtered into his eyes._

_Taking a deep breath, you turned your own on and blinked as it blazed an indigo colour._

_In the legends, you knew blue had meant force users who used the force on a more physical level whereas green had meant someone who valued peace and their mind over all, like master Skywalker._

_But indigo… you swallowed as your eyes travelled around the group. Not typically, but legend wise it was said indigo meant your heart, therefore the force that flowed through you, went both ways. To the dark side and the light._

_Indigo was also extremely rare after the Jedi extinction of 19BBY, it was more typically a generational pass down kind of colour rather than from a Kaiburr crystal._

_Voe snorted. “Do we have something to worry about?”_

_“Quiet, Voe.” Ben hushed her, frowning. You shot him an appreciative glance as you turned to look at your master._

_“It means nothing- but if you wish to listen to the legends, yes it can mean someone who perhaps turns to both the dark and light side of the force. But that does not make you any less of a Jedi. It is important to have balance.”_

_“So I’m not evil?”_

_Luke clapped your shoulder. “Mace Windu, among other Jedi, had similar lightsabers. Were they evil?”_

_“No.”_

_“Well then.” He nodded. “Practice begins tomorrow. Do not let me catch you using these tonight when everyone has retired to bed.”_

_He gave you all a stern look and wandered off towards the other group up the hill, to check how their progress was going._

_You glanced over to Ben, whose eyes were still on that bright blue light emitting from the saber, his hand shaking slightly. Whilst the others talked amongst themselves, you shuffled over and gently rubbed against his arm with your own._

_“Everything alright Solo?”_

_He nodded. “I just..I waited for this. For a long time.”_

_“I know the feeling.”_

_“Do you ever worry we don’t deserve it?” He kept his voice low as he cast his eyes out towards the rest of them. Hennix was gently swinging his saber in circles, circling his wrist whilst Voe offered her criticism on his movements. “That the force picked the wrong person?”_

_“I mean, with me, of course. My parents are..nobody. They’re farmers.” You sighed. “You’re a Solo- your uncle is one of the greatest Jedi alive and your mother is general Leia Organa. How can you worry the force made the wrong choice?”_

_“It’s like a voice, it just..” He trailed off and shook his head. “Never mind- and you belong to be here just as much as I do.” He nodded to your saber which you’d now tucked into the belt on your waist. “Unless you’re going to become a Sith and kill us all.”_

_You laughed and pushed him gently. “As if. I don’t think any of us could be capable of that.”_

_Ben gave you a gentle smile in return but you noticed that haunted look, as if whatever voice he was talking about had entered his mind again._

_“Me either.”_

You blinked and you were back in front of the mirror in front of you. Harley was behind you, frowning.

“You’ve gone super pale.” She touched your back. “Is everything okay?”

Taking a deep breath, you smiled at her. Tried to put the memory to the back of your mind, where it belonged. “Everything is fine. You look good.”

She was in a red, mesh bodysuit with ribbons tying up the back. She’d let her lekku hang down her back, a similar red ribbon tied around each one. Her clear, platform heels made her tower above you.

“Are you kidding? Look at you! You look incredible. I’m so going to get upstaged.” She whined but you knew she didn’t mean it as she tugged at the straps of your outfit.

You’d pulled out your best outfit, something you’d traded a _lot_ of credits for from some gang member who was selling it to piss off her boyfriend who’d bought it from above- but the money you made wearing this thing made it completely worth it.

It was an underwear set made completely of, what you presumed were fake, diamonds. Intricate patterns weaved all over, delicately covering your body and a diamanté heart between your breasts. You’d also made sure your heels were a little shorter tonight. No need to fall on your ass in this thing- it barely covered you as is.

“Come on. Charlie wants to talk to us about these VIPs.” Harley tugged your arm and the two of you walked upstairs. She teetered on her heels slightly and you kept a steady hold on her, avoiding the eyes glued to the pair of you as you nipped past the front entrance to the club and into Charlie’s office.

“What’s with the builders?” You noted a few of them as you walked over, visible in their bright polyester coats.

“Duracretes. Infestation.”

“Ah.”

Given the deep laugh you could hear from inside, Leclarc was already here. You felt yourself flush red as Harley knocked on the door- you’d become accustomed to being watched by men over the years. To them thinking they owned your body because they paid for it, uncaring in their gaze that explored every inch of your body.

But the way Leclarc looked at you was different. Creepy, yes- but on an entirely different level. Whilst the men in this crowed would never own you, would never know you, it was different with him. On some level, you did belong to him- and you hated him for it.

“Come in.” Charlie shouted, swivelling on his chair as he watched the two of you enter. Next to him, leaning on the cabinet was Leclarc who surveyed you both with those beady eyes.

“Main stage?” Leclarc asked.

Relief barrelled through you instantly. Main stage meant performing whilst the VIP was perhaps shown the premises or was just being taken to the meeting room- usually it meant no private rooms or audiences.

“Push the crowd back a little more, give these two the stage for when they come in. Makes a good impression.”

Leclarc let out a huff you presumed was a laugh. “He isn’t here to see me about my girls.”

“Who?” Harley asked, eyes wide and innocent- but you knew better. She was scoping. You were also pretty curious to who it might be.

“It’s better if you don’t know.” Charlie dismissed you both with a wave of his hand, turning his attention back to the Hutt in front of him.

Harley huffed as you got outside, the two of you heading in the direction of the stage. A guard had been placed at the front of each platform, to keep any usual crowd back to give you more space to dance and perform.

Not that you’d be doing anything special- a VIP who was just walking through the premises? Fuck that. As much as you hated private performances, the money was outstanding. The sooner you could get off the main stage and into the crowd tonight, the better. You were going to make a killing in this outfit.

“Next week, I’ll let you borrow my pink wrap around if I can wear that.” Harley fixed your twisted strap again and pouted at you.

You laughed. “Alright, deal.”

“You got much time off this week?”

“Tomorrow, thank god. My feet are already aching.” You scanned the crowds. “You think it’s someone really important?”

“It’s strange he didn’t want us to know.”

“Yeah. Hey, you wanna take a break after this VIP goes and then work the crowd together? Double the pull?”

She flashes you a toothy grin and hopped towards the other stage, near to yours. “Hell yes.”

Hoisting yourself up on stage, you walked to the back and dipped behind the curtain there, stretching quickly.

A purple light was shone on stage, signalling the beginning of your performance. You took a deep breath. That image of that stupid, purple lightsaber flashed in your mind but you shut it down quickly. Not the time nor the place.

Deep breath. Then another. You tried to think of something more comforting- your apartment. A shit hole, but the only place you had that resembled a home. You would sleep all day tomorrow, maybe watch some holonet.

Something sharp kept curling it’s way around your chest- something dark. It almost felt like tar was being poured over your body.

More deep breaths. Just a few more months, maybe a year and you’d have enough credits to hitch a ride home. This place would be a distant memory. You’d end up digging up soil for the rest of your life, but you’d take it any day over this.

That feeling receded slightly, as if it had just been testing you. Hand outstretched, you began to open the curtain and froze. Something inside of you began to almost buzz- a feeling you hadn’t had in a long time. A very long time. Seven years, to be exact. It almost felt like-

_No. No, no, no._

There was no way in hell this was happening and if it was, you were very screwed. You’d have to play extremely dumb to whoever it was that had set this off and that was if they didn’t just shoot you instantly.

But there was something else- that dark feeling, the one you had only felt once during your training, was also there. Pouring like honey into your body, your soul, as if testing out your body. Trying to work you out.

You slammed your shields down instantly on whoever it was and plastered a smile on your face, hand gripping the curtain once again.

_Repress, repress, repress._

If you didn’t go out there now, people would know something was wrong. Whoever was testing you, would know something was wrong.

Seven goddamn years. Seven. You weren’t going to get caught out now because some force sensitive idiot had walked in here and almost woken you up.

Striding out onto stage, you gripped the metal there and began your usual routine, eyes dipped down to the ground. You didn’t dare look out into the crowd- to whoever might be trying to expose you.

Force sensitivity was difficult. It could be hard in a room this size, with a crowd this big to narrow down exactly who it was coming from unless they were also sourcing you out. So as long as you stayed within the crowd, you’d be safe from them.

You could see Harley on the floor out the corner of your eye, giggling as someone threw a huge wad of credits onto the stage, even with the extra distance. She scooped it up in her arms, hugging it to her body.

Smiling, you kept dancing. The two of you could find some shoddy diner after this and get breakfast- everything was going to be fine.

Truthfully, you probably had enough saved up to beg your way onto a shady transport to at least the next jump. But the problem wasn’t getting off Coruscant- it was the other planets you’d have to hop to and from. They all had different prices and you wanted to really cover your ass to make sure you didn’t fall short by one planet.

Maybe it was time to go. You’d gotten so comfortable here, assumed down here in the sewers nobody would look at you- but now somebody was. Worse, they were looking at the innermost parts of your soul like a spreading virus.

You had to get out of here.

Focusing on the dancing, you tried to put it out of your mind for now. Pulling any sort of mental shield up that you could, you did what you’d learned to do best- put on a show. It would be hours yet before you could go anywhere and now wasn’t the time to panic.

Just dance.

An hour or so later, a quiet fell over the crowd. Not a huge quiet- just enough that you slowed your dancing slightly, glancing upwards at whoever had entered to make so many of the men there stop drinking and stare.

Harley had even faltered slightly to your left, sitting on her knees as she watched the group from the back appear through the curtains.

You knew exactly who they were- or at least, you’d heard of them through legends and stories from when you were young.

The Knights of Ren.

All five of them in their kilted out glory and masks. Each more impossibly tall than the other, built like machines, lethal, sharp weapons strapped to every inch of their bodies, their hands. You weren’t ashamed to admit even your knees wobbled slightly at the sight of them- they certainly did their job in terrifying people.

But this wasn’t the time to stare because if the knights were here and Leclarc had such an important meeting, you knew exactly who would be behind them.

You tried to focus on the metal behind you, climbing up it and slowly making your way down. If you were up here, you needed all your concentration to be on that. Not on the knights nor their leader who you presumed was about to make an appearance given the further silence falling over the room.

That feeling from earlier returned, your previous guest returning to their probing. You could feel yourself break out into a sweat as you tried to focus on dancing and keeping your damn force repressed, stopping it from seeking out theirs.

_Seven years. Seven years._

Dropping to the bottom, you slid off the pole. Praying for a quick exit of the guests, you took another deep breath. You needed some air, your chest feeling as if it was caving in on itself. Whoever was testing you was really pushing it to try and figure out who you were. But you wouldn’t give in.

_Repress. Repress. Repress._

You slipped onto your stomach and slid out flat before bringing your hands up, ready to push yourself up and onto your knees. The crowd cheered as you did so, with Harley resuming her routine too- though you could see her throwing you glances.

_Interesting._

You pushed upwards, flicking your hair back and almost screamed at the man who had appeared directly in front of you, head tilted as he looked down at you, his voice still echoing in your mind.

The supreme leader.

All air was almost instantly stolen from your lungs as he stood, masked, armed, with his hands by his side. No wonder the crowd had been going nuts- they clearly were expecting a bloodbath with him approaching your stage.

Considering it was likely him who’d sniffed out your powers, they were going to get one.

It felt like forever had passed as you sat on your knees in front of him- just waiting. Waiting for him to do something, anything. Perhaps choke you to death or more kindly, just shove his saber through your stomach.

“Leclarc.” He spoke softly- but loudly enough to command the attention of your boss who was still standing behind all of the knights near the back of the room. Leclarc pushed Charlie forward, who scuttled over instantly.

“Did she upset you supreme leader? I do apologise profusely, we’ll remove her from the stage instantly if you wish and replace her with someone-“

“Inform your boss I’ll be going back into the meeting room. I have one more term to discuss with him and he’s to come back in five minutes.” He paused. You stared into that endless, dark mask searching for any scrap of humanity- but found none. “And bring her.”

“H-her?” Charlie swallowed.

The supreme leader nodded, just once, and turned on his heel.

You were going to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcooooome back!
> 
> This took me like 3 days to plan LOL, I was just excited to get started on a new work and i'm already loving the plan for this one so so much more than RFOS, i'm so exciiiiited and i promise you guys will love it just as much if not more.
> 
> Please keep commenting your thoughts as always, I love to hear them!!
> 
> J x


	3. AWAKENING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> running your mouth, fighting, stabbing and all for...what exactly?

You weren’t superstitious- not really.

On the way to work your first pair of heels had a snap in them you hadn’t even seen, meaning you had to go back and get a different pair. Then the train broke down. Some lady tried to get you to stop and sit with her outside your work. All things that whilst at the time, just an inconvenience, now seemed like some kind of message.

As if they were all trying to give you the same, subtle warning: the supreme leader is going to kill you if you go in today.

But he wasn’t going to make the performance of it you assumed he would, which was strange- given his ancestors executed the majority of the Jedi and those who were force sensitive, something he later repeated himself, you presumed he’d want to make a show of your death. To prove no matter how far you went, there would never be any hiding.

Not from the Sith. Not from the First Order. Not from him.

Perhaps he was going to punish Leclarc first, for not reporting you. Not that he could’ve known, but the supreme leader wasn’t known for exactly being levelheaded so maybe at least you’d see one good thing before you died.

A beautiful image came into your mind of Leclarc dangling from the ceiling, choked on one of his own disgusting body parts. Maybe if you somehow lived past this ordeal, you’d come back here and do it yourself.

Whilst to you it felt like Leclarc owned you mentally, he didn’t truly own you and you knew that- unlike so many of these girls who he actually did own and sold them about whenever he pleased. The only reason he didn’t actually own you was because you voluntarily came here.

But girls like Harley would never get out of here like you had hoped to. As Charlie rushed you off stage towards the back room, you looked back at her one more time and made that promise to yourself right then- if you ever survived what the supreme leader was about to do to you, you’d come back here and set her free.

As if she heard you, Harley nodded as she watched you go and held up a hand as if to say goodbye. She was gone, seconds later.

Foot tapping impatiently, Charlie watched as you pulled a cover over yourself and took a few, shaky sips from the water you’d stored in your bag. That was all you got before he’d hooked his hand under your arm again and dragged in the direction of the back room, eyes skirting around nervously as he did. He was scared- you could tell.

You could’ve laughed as you went, almost skipping to keep up with him- you were going to die in a diamanté underwear set and a bright blue silk robe.

A part of you wished the supreme leader had just done his job properly the first time. That way you could’ve missed all of this suffering for nothing.

You could’ve died as someone your parents would’ve been proud of.

Charlie shuddered as you arrived at the door. Whatever had happened in that meeting wasn’t pretty, given the blood you now noticed splattered all over his shirt. He didn’t seem hurt however so it wasn’t him that-

The door swung open, revealing a body laying right in front of it. There was a huge hole in his torso, his blood still spilling out and soaking into the black floor beneath your feet. You clamped down on the shout trying to work its way out of your throat and instead focused yourself to look upwards, past the body to your boss and the supreme leader.

One of Leclarcs guards. Bellonda was their name. Given the dissatisfied look on Leclarc’s face, he wasn’t happy about it- and given the terrified look on his other guards face, he was expecting it to happen again.

“You aren’t bothered?” The supreme leader motioned to the body as you stepped over, still in your heels. Charlie assisted you, his own face a little pale now as he watched the blood cover your feet.

“I can handle a little blood.” You kept your voice even- but your mind was screaming at you to run. To wield what little powers you had left, awoken by the man in front of you and use them to just get out of here as fast as you could.

In this outfit, without your bag and weapons you wouldn’t last a night, not even an hour, in underground Coruscant- but you’d just go up. Up and up until you found a transport and then you’d beg until someone let you get off this awful, fucking planet.

“It’s a nice plan. But nobody on the upper level is going to help a hooker escape from the First Order.” The supreme leader remarked.

You blinked. He’d read your mind- perhaps had been able to the moment he’d walked in the building. But how exactly? You’d read about force relationships between users, how they could use it to communicate but typically it wouldn’t be like this. This sudden onset. You made sure your mental shields were slammed back up.

“Not a hooker.” You shot back.

He sat in silence. Perhaps surprised you did’t bother to ask him how you knew he’d read your mind- but you weren’t stupid. You knew how the force worked better than anyone, maybe even better than him.

Or least, you had once.

He had also known that. Once.

“You don’t sleep with people for money?”

“No.”

“She’s-uh.” Charlie cleared his throat, stepping forward. “She, uh typically would refuse that service sir. I could find another girl who would be maybe more suitable if that’s why she has been brought here-”

“If the supreme leader wishes her, she will not refuse it.” Leclarc grumbled. Like hell you wouldn’t- you’d bite his dick off before you let that masked monster touch you. You bared your teeth at your boss, feeling Charlie’s hand tighten on your arm as you did so.

It might’ve been a sweet, worried gesture if you didn’t know him so well. That was not concern for you, that pinch- he was just worried Leclarc would start firing the gun on his side at you for being so rude and he’d get caught in the crossfire. Or lose his job. That pinch was just telling you to shut up.

“Shame. It seems since you’re so eager to..how did you put it? _Repress_ what raw power you do have, I assumed that was all you were good for now.” Stars, his voice was deep. Deeper than you ever remembered it to be- but that was perhaps added by the moderator he’d clearly added to his mask.

He was baiting you. Why, you weren’t quite sure- to see said raw power? Just to get a reaction? You knew better than to get angry with him and give in.

But you were angry. You knew exactly who the man in front of you was and you knew what he had done to your friend, to all of your friends- your dreams this week hadn’t let you escape those memories, replaying them over and over until you woke up most nights crying from the agony in your heart.

_You know, all that moderator does is remind me what a weak little boy you were and how all you grew up to be was an even weaker man._

He sat completely still- whether he’d heard that or not down your little bond the two of you seemed to have, you weren’t sure. But you’d aimed it directly at him as hard as you could.

Was this sudden connection caused by your history together? Did he even know who you are, or did he just presume you were some force sensitive girl he’s been lucky to stumble upon? Until you snapped at him, he perhaps thought the latter- but from the stillness he was exhibiting, it made you wonder if he was now studying your face the way you were studying him, working out exactly who you were.

The mistake he left behind all those years ago. His screw up.

Leclarc was frowning as he glanced between the two of you, trying to work out whatever invisible conversation the two of you were having. “So, what did you want her for, supreme leader? She’s my best dancer see and I-“

“I want her.”

You flinched. _That better be a fucking joke._

“I’m-“ Leclarc paused. “You want _her?”_

“Make it part of our deal. I’ll make sure the knights come through on our end- but only if you give me her.”

Fury erupted in your veins and you wrestled out of Charlie’s hold. “I am not to be sold, I do not belong to him like the others-!”

“Charlie.” Leclarc hissed.

Your manager yanked you back, almost knocking you off your feet as he hissed something in your ear about being quiet or he’d kill you all.

“She’s my best girl- and whilst you can have anything you wish, supreme leader, technically I do not own her like the others.”

“If you wish credits be deposited into your account as compensation for losing your best dancer. But there will be no negotiation here- I’m taking her and you won’t stop me.”

You didn't care if he killed them- you’d run from the First Order, from all of this bullshit for seven years. Survived all kinds of creeps and thugs, dealt with every kind of godawful man in the city and stared death in the eye too many times all for nothing- you were so close to getting home, to being free.

No fucking way were you giving that up now.

 _Fuck you,_ you shot down at him as loudly as you could before you stepped on Charlie’s foot as hard as you could with your stiletto. He shouted, but recovered quickly and swung his arm up again to grab you- but you were quicker and the small knife you kept in the fold of your bra was in your hand and into his neck within seconds.

He screamed, falling like a brick- and you took the opportunity to run.

In these shoes, a real task. But you just focused on getting out the back, escaping the most powerful man in the galaxy and getting off this stupid planet.

Stupid, so stupid to leave your knife in Charlie’s neck and leave without any other weapon- the stilettos in your hand would have to come off once you got out of here and be used instead, at least until you could stop somewhere slightly more safe.

The back door swung open with a creak and you kept going, shoes clicking against the gravel outside. You kept breathing, kept focusing on the end of that alleyway. You’d make it. You’d make it. You’d-

Suddenly your legs weren’t moving anymore. None of your body was. You were suspended in the air, completely stuck in place as someone swung you around and pulled you back towards the club.

The supreme leader stood there, hand outstretched as he pulled you forward, two of his knights behind him.

“That was pathetic.”

You spit at him, struggling against the force he was currently using against you right now to keep you still.

“Back to the steadfast.” He said quietly to the two men beside him and his hand dropped, dropping you to the pavement below.

You fell with a clatter, knees slamming into the concrete. With a groan, you watched as they slowly approached you, hands ready to pick you up.

But this couldn’t be it for you- couldn’t, wouldn’t.

“No!” You threw whatever you had left in you at them- scratching, kicking, even biting as they attempted to shove your face into the pavement.

One of them lost his temper with you and fist raised, he brought it down with a sickening crack and punched you across the face. Hard.

Then again.

And again.

You felt that warm sensation of blood drip down your face and spit it out to the side, body shuddering with sobs and exhaustion.

“Asshole!” You shouted as they lifted you up to face your supreme leader, the two of them holding you tightly between them. You could barely move.

The supreme leader surveyed you for a moment and you wondered if he would just kill you, right there. If you weren’t worth this hassle. You wanted him to kill you- god, you just wanted him to snap your neck right there and save you the misery of being a prisoner.

But he straightened and instead, just folded his arms and ignored the barrage of abuse you were throwing him down the line between you. That feeling from earlier came flooding back, rattling your bones- the force, intertwined with something darker. Except now it was stronger, as if by fighting him, by trying to run, you had truly accepted its awakening.

The supreme leader tilted his head to look at you and you swore at him again, out loud this time. Something about that goddamn mask just looked so smug, you couldn’t help yourself.

“Let’s go.” He seemed to give in with whatever he had debated saying to you and strode back inside.

He’d barely made it a foot into the door before you hung your head down and threw up, all over the concrete below you. The knights at either side of you groaned and hoisted you up higher, dragging you away from it.

From everything you knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another double release, so enjoy!


	4. MEMORIES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Steadfast! Enjoy your stay!

_“Where’s Ben?”_

_You glanced upwards to where Voe had appeared above you, looking around the room with those sharp eyes of hers. She seemed more agitated than usual- but that was just Voe. Always ready for a fight, or some kind of confrontation._

_“Off somewhere with Luke. I’m sure they’ll be back in a day or two.”_

_“Another mission?” She huffed and took the seat near you, perching down on the stone. You imagine she already knew exactly where he was and wasn’t happy about it. Her hands were cracked and scarred, just like yours, as she reached them out to warm them on the fire. “Why does he never ask us to join him?”_

_“He usually goes alone. But I suppose Ben is his best apprentice.” Thought it certainly took you effort to say it, you could admit that it was true. Ben was the strongest amongst you all, in all fields of training. He’d also started before all of you._

_“You would be the best if you got that much favouritism.”_

_You wondered sometimes, if Voe was so angry because she was simply ashamed. Ashamed Ben beat her in all areas of training and more importantly, ashamed because Jedi weren’t supposed to feel that way._

_“I know, I should be indifferent.” She huffed. “It’s not like you’ll agree with me anyway. I’ve seen how much you idolise him.”_

_“Luke?”_

_She shot you a knowing look. “Ben.”_

_“I don’t idolise him.”_

_“Fine, you idolise his power then, his skills. Which_ is _him.”_

_You stood and threw the stone you’d been playing with down onto the ground between the two of you and turned to go. “You’re ridiculous”_

_“We are not allowed to form those kind of attachments- he’ll never see you as anything except one of us. A friend. A fellow Jedi.”_

_“That was the old way- you know Luke doesn’t follow the same rules as the Jedi before him- not those kind anyway. Not fully.” You sighed. “And I don’t wish him to see me any other way, Voe. Truly.”_

_“Keep telling yourself that.”_

Bright filtering light was pushing its way through your eyelids, forcing them to open and look around.

You moaned as you did, a dull ache forming in the back of your head- someone had knocked you out. Hard, too. Given how much screaming and kicking you’d done for most of the way to the transport, you weren’t entirely surprised.

For a moment you wondered if you were in the sun given the way it was blinding you- but as your eyes adjusted to the room, you realised this was certainly no planet.

It was a prison cell.

Perhaps you were to be grateful that you hadn’t been killed but instead, were being kept as the supreme leader’s prisoner. But you would rather be dead any day of the week than trapped on this ship with that monster and his pets. There was no love lost between the Jedi and you, that was true- but you’d never affiliate yourself with something like the First Order- not even as a prisoner. You needed to get out of here and soon.

There was nothing inside of it except the chains running out of the ground that were attached to your ankles. You winced at the rawness of the skin there- you’d obviously turned around a lot whilst out cold. But how long had it been? Hours? Days?

It wasn’t exactly like anyone would know you were gone. Nobody except the your bosses who had handed you over freely and Harley who would be just fine without you.

The only thing you really mourned was your apartment which you gave all of three days, if you were lucky, before someone had broken in and stolen all of your items. The cash you’d saved over the years was buried in your apartment, somewhere a common thief would never notice nor bother to look for. Hopefully one day you’d be able to return for it all but currently, it seemed you were going to be broke.

You weren’t dressed in what they’d taken you in, thank god- instead, simple black pants and t-shirt. You’d certainly be having words with whoever had undressed you and where exactly they’d put your things- you paid a lot of credits for that outfit. It was yours and you owned so little that the things that did belong to you, meant the most.

It’s why you were so angry your knife you’d carried for years was likely now in a gutter somewhere after being embedded in Charlie’s neck if that asshole Leclarc hadn’t kept it for himself, as a sick memento of the moment.

Like you said- it was nothing, just a knife but it was _yours_.

The cell door to your left clanged open, a stormtrooper pushing open the door before stepping out of the room again. You shuffled, glancing up at him. Wether or not you were supposed to move, you weren’t sure.

But no need to wonder, for a few seconds later heavy thumping sounded from the corner and showed itself in the form of the supreme leader, who was dressed in his usual armour, mask and all. His dark cape swung around his legs dramatically as he halted to a stop in front of you.

“Good sleep?”

If you had anything, anything at all nearby you would’ve thrown it at his head. Slamming your mental shields up, you just nodded.

“There’s little point in doing that- they’re so weak, I would break through them anyway without much effort.”

_Prick._

“Why don’t you tell me who you are?”

“I’m nobody.” Not the smartest card to play. The few comments you had thrown his way in the club clearly indicated you knew exactly who he was and given he was reading your mind like an open textbook… still, there was no harm in playing with him.

“We both know that isn’t true.”

You squinted up at him. “What was it you said? I’m a...hooker? There you go. I’m just a simple hooker, oh supreme leader.”

A faint snarl came from the modifier and then he stretched his hand out. You choked, hands shooting up to grab your neck as you fought to get any air down your throat. It seems his world infamous temper was finally rearing its ugly head.

You felt all the blood rush to your brain as you continued to gag then the panic began to flood your veins. He was really going to take you all this way just to kill you? This was it? _Bad tempered, weak idiot-_

With a thud, you fell to the ground as he let you go, hands smashing against the floor as you caught yourself. Your chest shuddered as you struggled to gulp air down as quickly as you could, glancing back up at him.

“Don’t get smart with me.” He warned and turned on his heel. As he left, he turned to the stormtrooper on his left. “When she wants to inform me of how she possess the power she does, she can eat. Just water.”

He turned back to look at you- and for a moment you wondered if that was all. If somehow, you were getting out of this easily.

But this was the supreme leader and to think so, would to be extremely naive.

Something you realised as he raised his hand again and shooting agony began to pour through you, the cracking noise even making his troopers flinch.

“When you decide to talk, let them know.”

You could feel the sweat pouring down your forehead and onto the ground beneath you as you stayed in your curled position.

He’d snapped one of your ribs.

The fucking bastard has snapped the whole thing in half- you could feel it stabbing into you as the pain circulating your body made another general round.

But you stayed completely still. Counted your breaths as many times as you could. Fell in and out of consciousness- anything to avoid caving and turning to the stormtrooper outside your door to ask for help.

You’d rather die than give him anything he was asking for.

Given how long it had been with no sign of a healer, it seems he was maybe happy to let you do exactly that.

You nursed that small light of the force inside of you, trying to focus on that- it couldn’t hurt to pay it a little attention, not when that jackass wasn’t around anyway. Besides, you had missed it truthfully.

It was painful. Painful to resist something that had made you so joyous once and then had taken everything from you, had forced you into hiding- but the force made you who you were and to feel it flowing through you once more soothed you into another sleep.

_Huffing, you perched down on the rock in front of you. You’d been running for an hour now and given the storm clouds approaching, it was maybe time to call it a day. You had more training later and if you were to keep going, you’d never make it through the session._

_Given how hard your ass was being kicked by your friends as your test with master Skywalker approached, you needed all of your strength._

_Scanning the temple grounds, you noted they seemed quieter than usual. Maybe Luke was holding a class inside for the younglings and the others, you weren’t sure. Practicing in the arena._

_Just as you went to stand and head back to your hut, you heard voices rising over the hill behind you. None of your business to listen in to whoever was there- but you could hear Ben’s voice rise above whoever was with him and before you had meant to, your feet were carrying you up the hill to the ridge behind them._

_“Why do you hide so much about yourself?” Tai was with him, the two of them sitting side by side on the grassy slope._

_Ben sighed, eyes focused on the horizon. “The pressures of living up to my family’s legacy..it’s a lot. Sometimes, I think it’s too much. Not just my uncle but my mother, my father.”_

_“I see.” Tai nodded understandingly._

_“I’m just not like them, I’m..I don’t know. Different, I guess.”_

_“You need to be who you truly are- you aren’t as bad as you think, you know.” He nudged his arm and a small smile erupted onto Ben’s face- the first you’d seen in about a week. As your time at the academy passed, he seemed to get more and more down. Reserved within himself._

_You all tried to make things better for him- Tai especially. Hennix could make him laugh whereas Voe was always just waiting for him to fail, to slip so she could finally one up him._

_You were just trying to go one night of sleep without those brown eyes following you into your dreams._

_“Are you sure? You mean that?”_

_“Don’t be afraid of what people think about you. Just be yourself- the rest will follow.” Tai smiled at him. “The only person that even vaguely dislikes you here is Voe and that’s because she wishes to be better than you.”_

_“Ace doesn’t seem fond of me either.”_

_The two sat in a considering silence for a few moments before Tai spoke again. “She’s very quiet about her power and I think sometimes we tend to intimidate her to the point she hides it from us. But between you and I from what I’ve seen? She’s getting to be just as good as you Ben.”_

_“Yeah.” He turned his attention back to the orange sky in front of them. Letting out a long sigh, he rested his chin on his leg. “I know.”_

Coughing, you felt yourself being dragged back into consciousness by the vague feeling of a boot smacking against your side. The agony of it had you biting the inside of your cheek enough to make it bleed, eyes adjusting to whoever was looming above you.

“I don’t have the patience for this.”

The supreme leader. Just who you wanted to see.

Shutting your eyes again, you resumed your curled over position and spit onto the ground, right beside his other boot. It was coated with blood and splashed over the perfectly shined black leather. You might’ve laughed, had you not been so close to deaths door from the pain.

He knelt and you felt your face lifted off the ground as he gripped it, hard, with those leather gloves he donned along with the rest of his little outfit.

“You have force sensitivity.”  
“I do?”

Such stillness in that mask- did the man underneath look as he did when he wasn’t so awful? Or had all that hate inside his heart made him ugly and old beyond his years? You certainly hoped so. You hoped he wore that mask because someone had given him a disgusting, brutal scar that was beyond repair and he could barely look at himself in the mirror.

“You are so very loud.” He let go of your face, throwing it out of his hand and standing again. “Do you want another rib to crack?”

“Do your worst.”

“I tried to give you the chance to tell me the truth, to tell me of your heritage but you chose the painful way. Remember that.”

You froze, waiting for the next crack, for the sheering pain- but it didn’t come. Not in your body anyway but instead, that dark, encompassing feeling returned like needles and prickled into your mind as it probed.

You shouted as you felt him invade your memories- hundreds flashed by your eyes before you could stop them, before you could even say a word.

Raysho, your mother planting bulbs, your father hugging you as he left you at the temple, Luke smiling at you, your lightsaber, Voe shaking your hand, mediating, the temple, being thrown from your bed and waking up underneath rubble, escaping to Coruscant. There was a slight pause and then the rifling continued, more and more flashing up in your mind- but these weren’t random memories he was now looking at.

These were all of Ben.

Ben training, ben’s lightsaber, the talks you had, watching him sleep, his eyes melting as he sat across from you in front of a fire.

With a shout, you threw up any shield you had left and forced him out of your mind, hissing as you did so. Your body throbbed with effort, hands shakily holding your side as you lay beneath him on the ground.

“Do not go into my mind.” It took all of your energy, but you made sure to look straight up at that ugly mask of his. “Ever. I will kill you the first chance I get if you do that again.”

He was completely silent. Probably putting together the pieces of who you were, of what those memories meant- unless all these years just becoming a ruthless killer had made him completely stupid as well.

Raising his hand, you half expected another snap for throwing him out of your mind and for threatening him. But instead, you felt a soothing flow over your chest, down into your sternum- your rib. He was fixing it.

There was no way in hell you were going to thank him for that- instead, you chose silence as he worked and when it was finally just a dull ache in your side, you pulled yourself into a seated position, back against the wall. You’d still need medical attention at some point- but at least he’d reset it.

Still, no words came from him as he just looked down at you. As you opened your mouth to mock him, he knelt again and gripped your face tighter than he had before.

“Do not threaten me again. Ever. Or I will do far worse to you than a cracked rib.” With a tight grip, he smashed your head backwards into the concrete behind it and held you there a few seconds before letting you go.

You rubbed your mouth, glaring at him- but you stayed silent. You didn’t feel like gaining another cracked anything, not when you just had this one healed. He turned to leave and paused, facing away from you.

“Nice to see you, Ace.”

With that, he took off again, out of your cell. Your blood turned to ice as he said that old, stupid nickname they had all called you. He remembered you.

Coward couldn’t look at you as he said it, but he remembered you.

That was perhaps worse than anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! welcome back. again, i have like 10 chaps in backlog so expect quick updates for the first while!! 
> 
> As always, let me know your thoughts/theories! xx


	5. ESCAPE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> run !

_“You’re sure?”_

_That familiar laugh rumbled around the room, tight hands squeezing your arms as your father stood above you, smiling. “Yes.”_

_It was time- the transport ready to take you to master Skywalker’s Jedi temple and you were here, saying your final goodbye to your father. He would take you leaving much harder than your mother would, so she had offered to walk you to the ship._

_He was lying- he had this thing, you see, if he was lying where he’d smile at you to try and comfort you. But the edges of his mouth would look like they were trying to turn downwards, as if a frown was trying to break its way out and tell the truth._

_“But what if you guys need me, what if something happens and I’m-“_

_“Not to be rude kid-“ He tucked one of your stray hairs behind your ear. “But you don’t exactly do much around here except cause trouble with these powers of yours. At least over there you’ll get to train them into something good. Maybe even get a nice fancy job.”_

_What this training entailed and what it would lead to, none of you knew. But whilst you were excited to find out, some part of you still felt hesitant. Of the unknown mostly but, there was a feeling deep inside of you warning, whispering that this could be a mistake._

_You didn’t even know where this temple was, only Luke’s order knew. How would your parents ever find you?_

_“I suppose.” Your father wasn’t the only one lying. You forced yourself to nod, to offer him a bland smile. It was going to do you no good to worry him with your thoughts. To go and work with the Jedi was important. Much more important than farming, which is the only life you’d ever have if you stayed here._

_You took another glance around your house, one last time. At the bright red clay pots, piled gently over the stove, the fire burning brightly beneath them. To your mothers endless collection of journals scattered over the room, put down wherever she last left them. Your shoe twisted into the blue rug on the floor which had turned grey from years of being run over. Things that had meant nothing to you over the years and now, were the things you’d remember most about the house._

_Your father interrupted your thoughts. “Come on, it’s time.”_

_Taking one more glance at him, you tried to memorise every wrinkle in his face. The exact shade of his eyes. Who knew when you’d see him again? This could be the last time for years for all you knew._

_“I love you kid.”_

_You threw your arms around him and squeezed hard, trying to stop the tears that were prickling in your eyes. He let you go and gently ruffled your hair. You turned to go, offering one last teary smile and headed for the door._

_He called your name and as you turned, you saw him fighting the tears in his own eyes. He slipped a frame into your hands- the only photo the three of you had together, all laughing at some festival a few years previously. You cradled it to your chest._

_“I love you too.”_

You awoke slowly, blinking in the blinding lighting of your prison cell.

It had now been what you estimated to be maybe be a week and a half, if not more, that you’d been kept in here. You received food and water once a day and that was all- no other interactions. Usually stormtroopers dropped it off but once, he’d sent a knight along.

It took everything within you not to laugh- if it was an intimidation tactic, it certainly wasn’t working. Not as you watched the knights huge hands dwarf the metal tray of food they were holding for you.

The supreme leader hadn’t been back with any more of his questions, though you doubted he had much else to ask- what was there to say? By peering into your mind, he gained all the knowledge he had wanted to know. How you were force sensitive, how you knew him. Granted, you threw him out of there- but it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen most of it and it was hardly like there was much left to say. No grand scheme to take down the first order. Just plain desperation to stay alive and make it home again.

The only question buzzing around your brain was what now? Kylo Ren certainly wasn’t an idiot, so you knew he had to have more plans than just keeping you in a cell. There had to be a reason for taking you that was beyond just simple capture. Death would’ve come by now if that was his plan- he wouldn’t waste his time like this.

However, it was one question that you didn’t want to know the answer to. You had to get out of here and it had to be before he came back to see you again. 

Or you’d never escape.

A day or so later, your cell door slammed open and you could’ve wept with joy at the sight of the man walking through it- exactly who you’d hoped for.

A knight. Which one, you weren’t sure- you hadn’t spent enough time with them, but you knew there was five and you knew they all had different weapons and slightly varied outfits. This one had an axe strapped to his back as he entered, but with no food tray or drink in sight. He stopped, not too far in front of you, and just stood there. Waiting.

It seemed he was stepping the intimidation thing up- maybe he’d heard you thinking about how funny you’d found it. You were really going to have to try and be more quiet with your thoughts. The two of you just stayed in awkward silence for a few minutes before you squinted up at him, eyes roaming over his outfit.

“Who designs this shit?” You gestured to him. He stayed completely silent. “You look like a tin man. If this is supposed to be scaring me, it isn’t working- I’ve had a Hutt for my boss.” You were rambling- but you were doing it on purpose. “He was a creep but he did pay decently- or he paid me decently, at least. For a dancer that is. I mean, I think it’s because he wondered if I would slit his throat in the night if he didn’t.” You paused. “He wasn’t wrong.”

Nothing.

“Are you quiet because you’ll get in trouble if you talk? Or is it like, religious…?” It was definitely a cult, nobody could deny that. But you wondered if they had any practices or rules- if you ever managed to stomach having an actual conversation with these murderers, maybe you would ask.

“Do you have anything you would like to inform your supreme leader?” His voice rattled through the monitor attached to his mask, much like his boss’.

You paused. What exactly did he think you were going to say? Perhaps Kylo Ren expected you to beg for your freedom or offer something in exchange for getting out this cell. But you planned to get out of here all on your own and you’d never beg for anything from him.

Ever.

“No. There is nothing I’d like to inform _your_ supreme leader.” For good measure, you added a spit that landed right near his shoe. Thanks to your recently awakened force sensitivity, you could actually begin to feel his chagrin as he stood in front of you.

Time to crank it up a tiny bit, it seemed.

“Is it fun, being Ren’s bitch?” You tilted your head- god you wished you were in your work gear with full makeup on. No man stood a chance with you then and more importantly, it made you feel powerful as hell. Right now, you probably looked like a bag of shit so the whole, wide eyed stare wasn’t as enticing as it usually looked. “Sit when he asks, run when he asks, kill who he asks. Do you also shit when asks or does he allow you that small privilege?”

“I suggest you be quiet.” Finally- a small crack. Annoyance began to radiate off him like waves, slow and steady. He was clearly trying to slam a lid on it.

“You’re obviously here to either make me beg for my freedom or to intimidate me into talking about my powers.” You laughed. “Well- they don’t exist and I don’t beg. So, you may as well take that axe off your back and swing it over my neck. It’ll be less painful for both of us.”

He sighed and for a moment, you were disappointed he’d just walk out of here without you getting what you needed- but he stayed there, still silent, arms folded.

You were going to have to annoy him even more and given the fact the knights, and their boss, were renowned for having a short fuse, this was becoming more of a challenge than you had expected it to be.

But you knew these kind of men- had met them hundreds of times, in hundreds of different forms. These men were prideful- attacking their skills was the only way they were going to snap.

“Are you the fuck up?”

His mask tilted slightly. “What?”

“Are you the least trained? The shitty one, the one who can’t swing a weapon to save his life? Or did you do something? There has to be a reason you’re standing in here with me like some sort of babysitter. Or was I right and you really are just Ren’s little bitch, chasing him across the galaxy because you have no other purpose, like a lost little-?“

_Smack._

The punch didn’t hurt as much as you had expected it to. Not even as it knocked you onto your side, making your head skim across the concrete on the ground.

Gripping your cheek, you watched the knight retreat out of your cell with a shake of his head and he slammed the door behind him, leaving you alone again.

You smiled as the blood began to drip down your face.

“What’s wrong with her?”

You cracked open one of your eyes to where the two stormtroopers were huddled above you, peering down. Your food-tray was sitting in the corner of the room, clearly dropped when they saw all the bloody pooled beneath your face.

Exaggerated. You’d used a little water from earlier to smear it everywhere so it looked ten times worse than just a simple cut and nosebleed and made sure it had dried all over your face. Right as you heard them fiddling with the keys in the door, you’d laid your head right down into the puddle and curled up as if you were pained.

“Has anyone been in here or is she just..bleeding?”

“I haven’t seen anyone. We aren’t supposed to be in except for dropping off food, so I don’t think this is from our guys.”

“You better get a medic. Inform the supreme leader too.”

The stormtroopers footsteps got quieter and quieter as he ran out of the cell and down the hall. You tried to listen into him as keenly as you could, to figure out where exactly was going- to make sure you wouldn’t go the same way. From what you could hear, he went left and left again at the first turn.

The other stormtrooper bent down to be more at your level and touched your face, lifting it out of the blood.

“Hey.” He pinched the skin there, trying to wake you up. But you played dead and waited until he sighed, keys jangling as he reached for your ankles and unlocked the two cuffs there, arms reaching back for you to pick you up.

There was no time to waste, not if that other stormtrooper would be coming back.

As quickly as you could manage, you took a deep breath and swung yourself around to face him, the skin on your ankles singing with joy from being released from the chains.

Then, you punched him as hard as you could.

And you ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double release


	6. WHAT NOW?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> runnin im runnin im runnin

The stormtrooper wouldn’t be hurt by that punch, not really- his armour would protect him from something so weak.

But you had to hope that the surprise would at least knock him off his feet- and it did.

He landed with a shout beside you and scrambled to his feet, hands outstretched- but you were up and running, yanking the cell door closed behind you and prayed nobody was too close by to hear his screams for help.

It would’ve been helpful to probably begin mastering the force again so you could’ve used it to make him shut up. But you’d been too busy working on something else and given you barely had the energy to stay awake most of the day, it was all you could do for now.

You hadn’t run like this in a long time- maybe years. You’d jogged occasionally on the way home, of course, and maybe a quick sprint if someone in the train station had stared at you a little too long- but you hadn’t run like this. Legs blazing with pain as you went as quickly as you could, lungs already burning. Adrenaline pumping through your veins as some deep, buried part of you finally felt like it was waking up and to your delight, it was ready to fight.

You were ready to fight.

Skidding around the corner, you swore as you realised every damn hall in this place looked the same and more so, it was freezing- you had no shoes either. How you were going to find a ship in this place, you weren’t sure. Worse, you’d need to remember how to pilot one which was something you hadn’t done since being at the academy.

But you had to keep running- no stopping. It wouldn’t be long before word for got you’d escaped and this ship wasn’t endless. They’d find you eventually and if they didn’t, he would. If he hadn’t already sensed you out.

Another wide endless corridor, but down one of the turnings you could see it- a window. You turned and ran towards it, hands smacking against the glass as you looked down into the loading bay.

Ships. A whole lot of ships. Surrounded of course by engineers, workers, stormtroopers- but you could get onto one and figure it out from there. You’d just have to be careful.

Unfortunately, it seemed luck wasn’t on your side for very long. As you took off again for the staircase you could see towards the left, the alarm began to ring out across the ship. Probably alerting everyone you had gone missing.

That feeling from the club, the feeling you now recognised as Ren’s force, curled around your ribs- he was looking for you. In fact, he was trying to figure out exactly where you were by pulling on whatever tether the two of you seemed to be forming.

The sooner you could find a way to snip that, the better. You’d rather die than be attached to that monster and besides your emotional reasoning for wanting to be rid of him, it was just plain inconvenient when you were trying to escape.

Nobody lingering at the bottom of the stairs, thankfully. You peered out into the room which was now much busier, everyone running around to get into their positions. They probably thought it was a drill, which worked for you.

Ducking down behind some of the containers at the back, you spotted a t-wing down by the left hand side, near the open hatch. That was the only kind of ship you knew how to fly even vaguely and from the way it had been abandoned, your ticket out of here.

You tried to go as quickly as you could across the floor, eyes scanning everywhere around you as you kept low and made your way towards it. Groups of people were beginning to line up now against the walls and whilst there was still enough running around not for you to look entirely suspicious, time was running out. Given the fact you weren’t dressed like anyone else here and your face was covered in blood, it wouldn’t take them long to figure out you weren’t one of them.

You had almost made it to the ramp, your heart beating erratically in your chest- some part of you knew this had been far too damn easy and there was no way in hell you were actually going to get out of here alive. But a smaller, brighter part of you began to have hope as your hand stretched out to help yourself up and onto it.

Until someone knocked you off your feet, that is.

Turning, you winced as you noticed the knight storming towards you. Not the same one who had punched you earlier, an entirely different one. He had lifted you up that night outside the bar, only recognisable by the fact he was the only one who had a gun like device attached to his arm instead of a weapon like the others.

He’d thrown something at you- what, you weren’t sure. But your back was stinging like a bitch and it was distracting enough that he managed to get all the way down and grasp your neck, yanking you off the floor.

But you weren’t going down without some kind of fight.

You dropped like a dead weight and he grunted, pinching your neck even harder. You were struggling to breath- but bringing up your feet, you began to push them into his stomach, trying to wriggle out of his grasp, hands clawing his arms. When you felt your head start to go light from the lack of air, you began punching his stomach with your feet as hard as you could.

He let you drop to the ground with a hard thud and snarled, bringing the gun in his hand up towards you.

You smiled at him. “What? Afraid to hit a woman- or just afraid I’ll beat you?”

His hands soared downwards for you- but you moved sideways, rolling out of the way. He followed and whilst you were quicker, you were also weaker and stumbled as you got up, hands raised in defence.

He swung his gun round and smacked you with the end of it, sending you stumbling again before his leg came up to kick you down, foot slamming into your stomach.

The air was knocked out of you as you hit the ground for a third time, eyes beginning to edge into the darkness- you wouldn’t be able to take much more but still, that part of you was begging you to fight.

He appeared above you and given the crowds watching you both and the fact you were clearly done you figured it was over. But the knight didn’t seem to care much about either of those things and fist raised, he brought it down on your face in a hard, clean punch, right across the mouth.

Then again.

And again. The nose this time.

You could feel the trickle of blood begin to drip down and saw it splatter on the equipment beside you as he kept punching. You were in so much pain you didn’t even know where the first punch started and the next began- you just tried to focus on anything else in the room until it was over.

“Enough, Trudgen.”

He’d finally tracked you down then. That grip around your ribs seemed to dissipate as Kylo Ren arrived, masked as always, staring down at you on the ground. You could barely see him through the glossy haze of your sight- but you could tell he was annoyed. Probably by your escape and the subsequent show in front of his employees rather than the fact your face looked like a swimming pool of blood.

His knight straightened right on top of you, listening to his master.

“Good little bitch.” You hissed at him and with every ounce of strength you had left, you swung your leg up and kicked him as hard as you could now he was at the optimal angle.

Right in the dick.

Scattered chatter erupted from behind the supreme leader, terrified whispers probably for your safety given you’d just brought one of the knights of ren at least halfway to his knees, his hand gripping his scrotum.

The supreme leader said nothing as he surveyed the two of you. Just stood, completely silent. Perhaps debating your punishment.

Or hopefully, death.

You’d been so damn close and yet, so far. From what you’d heard the stormtroopers gossip to each other about as they passed by your cell, plenty of rebels had escaped these ships before. What they hell were they doing that you weren’t?

In your defence, they didn’t have a stupid force connection with the supreme leader himself.

“General.” He finally spoke, interrupting your thoughts. You noticed the angry looking, blonde man beside him turn to attention. “Get everyone back to work.”

He did so, shouting at the crowds to get moving again. The knight, Trudgen, walked off to join the other knight who was standing behind the supreme leader, also just staring at the two of you.

“Bring her. Let’s go.” He instructed and turned on his heel.

You allowed the other knight to lift you onto your feet and wrap a hand around your arm, dragging you along with them all as his other hand snapped a pair of cuffs onto your feet. Where you were going, you weren’t sure- but given he took a right turn out of the bay, it wasn’t back to the prison. Not yet anyway.

Your eyes grew wide as you walked, glued to the windows that ran all alongside the ship. You were being pulled along so fast, you could barely look- but there were stars. Stars you hadn’t seen for a very, very long time.

The three of you walked into a room with an even bigger window and outside, endless stars surrounding you. Nothing else. You waited as the knight stopped right by the window and held you there, the supreme leader just beside you at a distance.

With a nod, the knight stepped back and you were allowed to just stand on your own.

“Bring me here to enjoy the view?” Your eyes snapped over to his direction, his own body facing the stars outside. As supreme leader, you imagined he wouldn’t have the time to do anything so mindless as enjoy stars.

He’d loved them, once.

You shut the memory out. Too painful and god forbid he get to watch it to- he didn’t deserve to see a single one of those memories you had of back then. He lost that privilege the moment he fell to the dark side.

“I wondered to myself for a few days why you’d be in Coruscant. Of all places, it just didn’t seem fitting for you and dancing too..then I realised you probably had to take a ride anywhere you could get it and just fit in anywhere you could to avoid suspicion.” You listened to him talk, feeling yourself tense. “But why stay there so long, when you had family? Why torture yourself in a place like that?”

He paused. You could feel him turning to look at you, but you forced your gaze to stay on the stars ahead. “Are you asking me, or are you just drawing the worlds longest conclusion?”

“You were saving to go back. To Raysho, wasn’t it?”

Now you were looking at him.“Get that from my memories or does some sick, twisted part of you still remember something about me?”

His voice was soft, but so lethal. “I remember plenty about you, Ace.”

“Don’t call me that.” You hissed, chains clinking as they rattled around your wrists. You sent him an image down the bond of you wrapping them around his neck and killing him. “ _Never_ call me that.”

“Why? Is it painful for me to call you that?” He strode for you and when he was close, wrapped his hands around the chains there, tightening them. “You couldn’t kill me with or without these.”

“Want to test that theory?” You stared into that mask. “Tai told you once I was almost better than you.”

“Do not-“

“What? Mention Tai? Your friend, _our_ friend, who you _murdered_ -“

“Enough.” He yanked hard on those chains, hard enough to almost bring you down to your knees in front of him. He was breathing heavily. The mention of Tai was clearly a sore subject- even your own heart ached slightly at the thought of him.

“Where are we, Ace?”

You glared at him for using that stupid nickname and glanced out into the stars in front of you again- but there was nothing there. Not a clue to your location in sight.

“The middle of nowhere?”

“We’re in the Hosnian system.”

 _Where in it?_ You almost said. The Hosnian system contained a sun and four planets, none of which were in sight. One of those planets being-

Wait.

“No. No, no-“ You almost grabbed him and despite what you said earlier, you almost did beg then. “I kept away for seven years, they are innocent, they are-“

“I’m not here to kill your parents.”

Relief instantly flooded through you- but he wasn’t exactly known for being so charitable. A cold feeling crept down your spine as you kept focusing on that endless sky. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

“How could I-“

There wasn’t a single thing in sight. Not even a rouge ship, making it’s way to another planet or any kind of protection system ship.

There was nothing here.

“When they’re already dead?”

You swore the floor underneath you just slid out from under your feet as he said that, knees wobbling as you almost hit the deck.

“What?”

“I suppose being in the underground of Coruscant you wouldn’t have heard of the Starkiller. The Hosnian system doesn’t exist anymore- it was blown up.”

Everything you had been working towards for seven years, gone. Any dreams of ever seeing your parents again, over. You’d never go home. You’d never tell them you had survived that fateful night.

Not only that, they had been blown to pieces, along with everything they owned. You’d never be able to visit their graves or step inside your house again.

You were vaguely aware of Kylo Ren saying something else but all you could hear was white noise as you stared outside to where Raysho should’ve been, waiting for you.

His voice was so even as he spoke and your stomach tightened into further knots just listening to him. How could he be so calm about this? About all of this killing and death? As if it was no more than just an annoyance. An errand to deal with.

He’d been Ben once. He’d been someone you trusted with your life, someone you cared for more than anyone else in that camp. You’d defended him, comforted him, watched him grow into the Jedi he was supposed to become before the weaker part of him took over his mind and destroyed everything.

He’d destroyed everything.

“What will you do now?” He asked you.

You could’ve had years at home and died with your parents instead of slaving down in that club. He didn’t even know you were alive, nobody did. You had been paranoid for nothing.

_Why didn’t you go home?_

He pressed again for an answer. “Now it’s gone. What will you do?”

_Why, why, why?_

“Will you stop fighting to escape?” He was getting anger at your lack of replies.

You looked up at him slowly.

Where that burning will to run had been earlier had now disappeared. All you felt was an overwhelming sadness and exhaustion- the only thing that had kept you going for seven years had slipped out of your fingers quicker than sand.

You had nothing. Nobody.

“I won’t bother escaping again.” You let out a shuddering breath. “What have I got to go back to now anyway?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! As always, leave me your thoughts! :)


	7. BEND TO MY WILL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> um.... here, have a friend.

“Let’s go.”

You blinked upwards at the stormtrooper standing in front of you, a little timidly you might add, as he gestured to the door in front of you.

“Hard to move with a chain on your leg.” You reminded him. With a sigh, he approached you and began to unlock it- but didn’t bother to touch the ones around your arms. Probably worried you’d attack him.

But you had no interest in doing so. It had been three days since Kylo Ren had revealed that the Starkiller, the First Order’s weapon that the resistance later blew up, had completely obliterated the Hosnian system. On the way back to the prison, one of the stormtroopers had talked about the new one they’d built, adapted to fit their ships.

Maybe this war was going to end before it really, truly began.

You wished you cared more- but you couldn’t bring yourself to, no matter how hard you tried. It wasn’t that you were siding with the First Order, you hated them and if they were to beat the resistance life would be worse for everyone.

But everything you had worked for was gone. Your parents, gone when you could’ve had time with them.

It wasn’t a nice thought to have circling your brain for three days straight.

“Come on.” The stormtrooper interrupted your gaze, nudging you with his gun. You shot him a glare and began to walk, out of your cell and forward, turning when they motioned for you to do so.

Passing by the control rooms and some of the engineering rooms, it seemed you were moving deeper into the ship. A more quieter area, with far less personnel around. Another prison? A slightly cushier one?

You had meant to ask the supreme leader what he actually intended for you to do here, but just hadn’t gotten around to it. Between your ribs being snapped and his constant invasions of your mind, there hadn’t been the time.

The guards stopped in front of a double set of doors and stood at either side. You glanced between the two of them, waiting for something- but they said nothing, completely still.

_Everyone on this ship is so fucking weird._

“She’s cuffed?” You heard a snort from behind you and turned to see two of the knights approaching. They were quite different- you could just tell by the way they walked. Both had a bit of swagger to their step but the one on the right, with the scythe on his back, was more reserved. Observant. The other with the club still in his hand seemed to be looking you up and down and you noticed a faint dent in his helmet.

“They’re scared of me.” You said and flashed the guards a winning smile. They shuffled nervously in their step.

Good. Fucking assholes.

“Why haven’t you just let her in?” The same knight from before that spoke, with the club, stepped forward and his keys jangled as he took them out, slotting it into the lock of your cuffs. They dropped to the floor with a clang.

The stormtrooper hit a panel beside him and the doors opened with a quiet hiss, revealing..

A room?

Not what you had expected.

Not just a room- what seemed to be, quarters of some kind.

“Is this for real?”

“Master Ren said you’d be staying for some time, so you’d need your own space.”

Walking inside, you were surprised to see it even had a small living area as well as a bedroom withthe biggest bed you’d ever seen- your body was already calling out for you to lay down on it and sleep forever.

“I see.”

“To your standards I assume?” The knights stood behind you in the foyer, arms folded. “Given you lived in a slum before.”

They really were just asking to get punched. The masks alone made them look like dicks but their personalities didn’t help.

You settled for a glare instead, voice dripping with disdain as you answered. “Absolutely.”

“Don’t bother trying to escape. If you do, it’s back to the prison cell- and Master Ren has made sure the loading bay is only accessible by badged personnel so I wouldn’t try go and find an escape ship again.”

“Buzzkill.” You spun around, eyes wide as you took it all in again and turned back to them. “Is that all?”

“That’s all. Canteen is down a floor on the east wing. I’m sure Master Ren will come along to see you this evening.”

With that, they left you and the doors shut behind them. For the first time since you arrived, you took a deep breath, allowing yourself to relax slightly. That heavy concrete grief that had cemented around your heart was still there- but you could finally breath through it. As if a small hole had been punctured there.

You didn’t bother to wait a single minute before you were striding for the bed, slamming the bedroom door shut behind you and collapsing onto it.

A moment later, your snores filled the silence of the room.

The bathroom was just as nice as the bedroom- plain, but the biggest bath and shower you’d ever seen and it was nice to rub off the prison grime and smell. You felt a little more like yourself.

Clean clothes were in your dresser- nothing that nice, just plain pants and another t-shirt. The supreme leader certainly wasn’t dressing you for any company, that was for sure. But that was just fine by you.

You let your hair fall down naturally and decided to go for a look around. The rumbling in your stomach was becoming more incessant by the moment and food was also a priority.

Peeking out the doors, you expected guards or even one of the knights there- but there wasn’t a soul in sight as you slipped out of your quarters and began to explore the east wing of the ship.

Nothing too exciting of course- it was just a First Order ship. Their reputation for clean cut and efficient machinery was certainly true. There was nothing unnecessary here, no flourishes. Just a plain and simple battle ship.

This must’ve been the living quarters, given the lack of people around. As you travelled down to the canteen more and more people appeared.

They almost looked normal. Not like the demons you had always pictured in your mind when you thought of the enemy. Just _people_.

Most of them probably didn’t even know any better. They were probably just scared to be on the smaller side, the weaker side. You didn’t blame them for it, as awful as it all was. The First Order were hard to shake, that was for sure and you had no doubt it would be a death sentence to even try and leave.

But again, you’d heard rumours from the other guards gossip of a breakaway trooper. He’d apparently joined the rebels and was currently aiding the new Jedi girl.

The Jedi girl interested you much more than the trooper. He was certainly interesting, but a new Jedi? From no particular family (that you had gathered) and powerful enough to escape Kylo Ren? That was someone you hoped to meet someday.

Joining the queue, you grabbed a tray from the side and lined up. You got a few glances thrown your way and you knew it wouldn’t be because of your outfit but more likely the huge, swollen purple cheek you were currently sporting courtesy of Trudgen and the cut lip that was bright red. Not exactly a good look.

Your mind drifted back to the new Jedi. You could admit that the idea of her burned a hole into your heart. Some part of you always wondered if you should’ve gone back- found your way to a rebel base and trained as hard as you could, finding any Jedi who had perhaps also survived and banded together. Found Master Skywalker and begged him to help you defeat Kylo Ren.

A part of you even screamed now to keep fighting, to get off this ship. But it was going to be impossible to get off here even if you did want to escape. For now, you were exhausted. If you ever saw the ground again, you might try.

But for today, it was a no.

It was too late anyway. Too late for you to do what that Jedi was doing- you had taken the cowards route and hid in the corner of the galaxy but had still been found. Just as you rightfully deserved.

You just hoped she could stab her saber through Kylo Ren’s chest before he destroyed them all with this weapon of his.

The food was nothing special, but at least it was a much more decent portion that you had gotten in prison. You sat by yourself in the corner of the room and swallowed it down, avoiding the stares still being shot your way.

It had occurred to you it would only be a matter of time before someone gathered enough balls to wander over here and ask either who you were, or what was wrong with your face. So, when the brunette girl with a face like thunder approached your table, you half expected her to throw something at you given that expression of hatred.

But she just stood there, shuffling awkwardly for a few moments.

“You mind?” She gestured with her tray. You shook your head and she sat down with a huff. “I’m Elihu.”

You almost said your own name- but it felt wrong in this place. As if it didn’t belong to you, as if it didn’t belong _here_. You hadn’t said it for years in that club, trying to protect the person you had been, the person you hoped to be when you got home again.

But home was gone. As was the old you.

So, you settled for something else. Someone else. “I’m Ace.”

Keeping your eyes down on your food, you didn’t say anything else. You were unsure how social you could be and stars knows you didn’t need to get some poor girl tortured because Kylo Ren didn’t want you exposing who you were to anyone.

“What did you do?” She asked, shovelling food into her mouth as she stared right at your swollen face. Before you could answer, she began to speak again. “I fucked up an engine repair. Like, really fucked it up to the point my superior shouted at me for a solid ten minutes and then put me on probation. Hence why I’m sitting over here- my team won’t talk to me and I figured you must’ve also fucked up with something to be alone.”

“I’m new.” You glanced around the room, to the pairs of eyes now glued to Elihu’s back. “I.. didn’t take to moving here well, let’s just say that.”

“Ah, the prisoner. I heard about you. The fact you’re allowed out freely is probably why everyone is looking at you- and cause’ of that shiner of course.” She smiled at you.

You allowed yourself a small smile back. It was nice to talk to someone who did’t expect something from you or have to worry they’d be rummaging around your mind simultaneously- she also reminded you of Harley with her quick talking and rambling stories.

“What does probation entail?”

She huffed. “Watching my colleagues do work and saying nothing. It’s only a month but it sucks. I damaged the Knights of Ren’s ship engine, that’s why it’s such a big deal.”

“Good.”

“Good?”  
“Who do you think gave me the shiner?”

She smiled again. “Alright. Good.”

Elihu had gone back to work twenty minutes later, as had most of the cafeteria and you began to explore again. A few control rooms, storage cupboards. Nothing exciting.

When you turned to go back to your room, you noticed a corridor extending just down from it, a solid black set of doors at the end.

Despite it probably being a suicidal idea, especially given the power you could feel coming from that room and who you knew it belonged to, you went down anyway and slipped inside, squinting into the darkness.

At the end of the room was a window, into some well lit area. You could hear shouting and the faint clashing of metal.

It was the Knights training with each other. Without their masks or usual armour.

Probably a very private thing for them all given they wore them nearly everywhere else on the ship, but you didn’t care. They’d beaten the crap out of you endless days in the row- they could shove their privacy up their ass.

Unsurprisingly, they were all pretty good looking. Well toned, tall, fit. Of course the galaxy’s biggest gang of murderers all had to have decent genes- completely unfair.

None of them noticed you watching them. There was something very beautiful about the way they fought. It was something you always felt was under-appreciated in duelling, the artistry of it all. It truly was an art form sometimes, the way you flowed with the other person. Even better when you were trying to catch each other out and win the fight, because that passion and competitiveness was there too.

The last time you had duelled someone like that..

It had been Ben.

_“Come on!” You almost kicked him out of his cot that morning, already dressed and ready. “You’re in such a weird mood.”_

_“I’m not.” Ben mumbled from underneath the blanket as he pulled it further over his head._

_What was wrong, you weren’t sure. He was getting more reserved by the day lately and you had been the only one that was even allowed in here, except for Tai of course. Even when you did come, he’d always asked you to leave after a while, wishing to be alone again._

_“Look, I know Luke has been all weird lately and everything has been weird but come on- I want to practice Ben.”_

_“Find Voe or Hennix. Or Tai.”_

_“Voe is condescending and not a good partner. Hennix and Tai are busy already and the others aren’t as good as I am.”_

_“You’re rather vain.”_

_You smiled. “Come on, you know it’s true. I’m practically the best at this stage and with you hiding in this bed, I’ll definitely overtake you.”_

_Slowly, he glanced at you from the cot. “You won’t.”_

_“I will if you never practice.” You held out his saber towards him, holding it gently. He never let anyone touch this- except you. Why, you weren’t quite sure._

_With a sigh, he hauled himself out of his bed and took the saber from you with a frown- but you saw the smile there, peeking through._

_The two of you headed out towards the slab above the huts, a quieter area than the one the other two were currently practicing on. The sabers in your hands crackled to life as you stood across from each other. You shuffled it in your had, twisting it around._

_“Have you ever thought about having it customised?” Ben nodded down to your hand. “You’d suit a double blade you know, the way you handle that.”_

_You grinned and twisted it around again. “Look at you, little lightsaber expert. Is that what you write in those scrolls of yours?”_

_“I write everything about the Jedi. Everything I learn.”_

_He didn’t give you much time to prepare, stepping forward with a large stride and bringing his lightsaber down with a solid hit. You blocked him and the two of you began to move backwards, the scream of your sabers ringing out into the darkness with every clash of the two blades._

_“Is that why you’ve been so distracted? Did you learn something you weren’t supposed to?” You asked as the two of you dug your heels in, pushing against the others lightsaber. He grunted._

_“I don’t know what you mean.”_

_His foot swiped for you, but you were already moving around his other side, swinging around your head. He caught your next few hits, throwing them off._

_“You do know. Why don’t you wanna just tell me what’s-“_

_“I don’t want to talk.” He slammed his lightsaber down hard, almost catching the edge of your foot. “I just want to fight. Can you do that?”_

_“With pleasure.”_

_You ducked underneath one of his swipes and watched as he reacted, flipping himself over you in a careful tumble. Your hand came up just in time, deflecting his hit and you swung it around your head, aiming for his side._

_The two of you moved back and forth, clashing at every movement, neither gaining any ground. It was like a dance._

_Where you were good, Ben was great. He slammed his foot into you after twirling his saber and surprising you, sending you flying across the concrete and crashing into the ground._

_Watching him approach, you smiled and grabbed your lightsaber again._

_Maybe Voe was right and you did idolise him- but this was why. This dance the two of you were doing, pushing each other to the limits in ways nobody else could._

_You knew it wasn’t something that could ever, or would ever happen. You were Jedi and Ben loved the way of the code far too much to ever do anything that would distract himself from it. Besides, he was so good that it wouldn’t be long before Luke was sending him off to do his own missions. He’d be gone and you’d be here, still waiting for your own chance to prove yourself._

_Despite all of that, you knew this- if you could have Jedi soulmates, ones that nurtured and grew your power, whose force intertwined with yours in every way…_

_Ben Solo would be yours._

“You shouldn’t be here.”

You almost jumped out of your skin at the modified voice coming from behind you. Turning, you saw the supreme leader standing there, just watching you.

“I wanted to see them in action- real action. Not just beating a woman up when she’s an easy target. Or is that all they’re actually good for?.”

No sound of amusement or annoyance from him. Did he ever feel anything that wasn’t just pure rage? You would hate think how that would feel. That tidal wave of anger just rushing through you all the time. It would be exhausting.

“I saw what you were thinking of.”

You frowned and turned away from him, back to the show below you. “I told you to stay out of my mind.”

“I can’t help it when your mind is playing like a film into mine.” He really did have the perfect voice for a killer. So soft, so enticing. But cold as ice. Emotionless.

“I’m trying to learn to shield it again. It’s just…been a while.” You folded your arms and cast him another glance. “What’s with the helmet? You afraid for me to see your face or something?”

Hesitation and then, after a moment his hands moved up to the helmet and something clicked, allowing him to take it off.

You blinked once. Twice.

You had prepared yourself for a monster- and had found yourself staring at a man.

His hair was a little longer, more unkempt that it had been. He somehow seemed taller, broader too. But he was still the same as he’d always been. He was still the boy you knew except..his eyes were so dark- they’d always been that murky shade of brown but it was light every inch of light had been sucked dry out of them, until there was nothing left except that evil that resided with him.

And- “The scar?“

“Given to me by the reason I brought you here.” He saved you the trouble of asking that exact question. “I want you to train with me.”

“Train with you?”

“I remember your talents. I remember how good you were- it would be foolish of me to kill you and waste such power when instead, I could wield it myself.”

You choked on the laugh coming out of you, staring at him wide eyed. “Wield it _yourself?”_

“It’s not like you want to fight for the resistance. You never sought them out. Now you have nothing left to go back to, so why not give yourself real purpose? Help me destroy the Jedi and restore balance.”

His eyes clung to yours. Such desperation lay there that you wondered if the First Order was truly winning at all- and to come to you, to try and train you for himself.. he must truly be desperate for the help to defeat this girl.

He must be worried.

“No.” You took a step back from him. Then another. “You can’t seriously be stupid enough to think I would ever wield a lightsaber again, never mind in the name of the Sith.”

“Why not? What did the Jedi ever do for either of us?”

“I’ll never know- you killed them all before I got the chance to find out.”

He frowned. “But you lived. That means something.”

“No.” You laughed bitterly. “It means your aim was shitty and you should do a better job next time. Kill me if you like, but I won’t be joining you to _restore balance_ anywhere.”  
He was still as fast as he’d always been- his hands wrapped around your shoulders in seconds and shoved you backwards into the wall behind you with a growl. Your head smacked against the glass and you glared at him.

“What the-“

“You will do this- I’ll make you if I have to.” He snarled but you stared right back at him, defiant.

“If you even fucking dare, I will pick up a lightsaber again- but solely to kill you.” You shook your head. “I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to taint my last memories of training with this-“

“You have power. Great, unheard of power and you-“

“Will happily throw it away if it means I don’t have to help you!” You hissed. “You killed my family. You killed all of my friends and took everything the night you fell to the dark side- why would I ever help you, you _pathetic child?_ ”

His hands tightened on your shoulders and you could see the words about to spill out of his mouth, the intense gaze he was holding with you- if he wasn’t about to say something cruel, he was going to force control you into doing what he wanted.

Panic seared into your veins. You were finally out of that prison and becoming a robot who performed for him was not in your plans.

You threw yourself forward mentally, into his shields, battering them as hard and as fast as you could. Despite his rigid walls, you found a crack and threw the memory inside like a grenade.

_“It’s okay.” Ben kneeled in front of you_

_“It’s not okay! She’s hurt!“ You threw your hand out towards the door. You’d been practicing and you hadn’t meant to, the force had just slipped out of your control-_

_“Listen to me-” You felt his hand slip under your cheek and force you to look up at him, fingers grazing your jaw. “It was an accident. They happen all the time.”_

_“But her arm-“_

_“Will be healed. I’ve done it to all of them and they’ve hurt me. Relax, Ace.” He kept his eyes on yours until he was sure you were listening, until your breathing slowed, and nodded. Letting go of your face, he reached down and gripped your hand._

_You watched as he squeezed it, thumb brushing over the back of your hand. “I won’t be punished?”_

_“I won’t let that happen.”_

“Enough!” Ren slammed you even harder than before against the glass, a faint crack coming from the back of your head. His hands dwarfed your shoulders, fingers digging in as he growled. “Never, ever do that again- or I won’t hesitate to slice your head off.”

“You might as well. I will never train with you.” To make sure he really did know you meant it, you did him the extra courtesy of spitting at him.

He snarled as it landed on his face, wiping it off onto his glove. You expected a slap or something, but instead he grabbed your mouth with one hand and painfully squeezed it open whilst shoving the other one in, covered with your spit, and forcing it back in.

You choked as he grabbed your tongue and kept squeezing, face inches from yours. “Never. Do that. Again. Do you understand me?”

There was nothing you could say as your tongue wiggled painfully in your mouth, so you settled for nodding instead.

It seemed to satisfy him and he let you go with a final, disgusted look and took off towards the doors again, leaving you in the dark.

As he reached them, he looked at you over his shoulder.

“You’ll bend to my will Ace.” A dark gleam entered his eyes. “One way or another.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed!! Let me know ur thoughts, as always. Much love.


	8. NOTHING LEFT

Standing above the bed, you stared down at the outfit that had been left on the bed for you.

The constant privacy invasions would never really end it seemed. Someone had left it there for you whilst you were in the shower, as if slipping in and out of your room with no warning wasn’t strange at all.

All it did was remind you this was not a place to get comfortable.

Nothing accompanied the clothes except a small, typed out note that just read: _TEN MINUTES, MAIN UPPER HALLWAY._

It seemed after a few more days of just lingering around areas of the ship and spending your lunchtimes with Elihu, Kylo Ren had decided to take you on his next mission. Very trusting of him, given you were still half convinced to take off the second your feet hit solid ground.

But you didn’t expect much leeway on his half and you knew his knights would probably surround you at any given moment he wasn’t directly watching you himself.

The clothes were nice- smart, diplomatic. Wherever you were going he was obviously trying to make an impression of some kind, not a statement. But you were fine with that.

How he knew your size, you weren’t sure- but it probably wasn’t him who dealt with anything to do with you. He had people to take care of these kind of things for him whilst he, as he put it, _restored balance._

Was it terrible to admit you’d spent a few nights tossing and turning over him? Over that burning look in his eyes as he slammed you into the glass and the sharp tone of his voice when he warned you never to go into his mind again? You couldn’t help it- every time you shut your eyes, there he was. Striding for you, snarling, hissing.

You just couldn’t get over how once, this boy had been Ben Solo. Gentle, calm, at one with the force in a way you’d never seen. He was still powerful, but that power was volatile.

He scared you, yes but.. some part of you wasn’t scared at all.

Frighteningly, it was curious.

Fifteen minutes later you stood hidden around the corner of the upper main hallway, still awaiting the supreme leaders arrival. You’d checked you were in the right place, and you were- so he must’ve been running late.

As you went to peek around the corner a second time, modified voices flooded the end of the hallway as they passed.

“His ships departing?”

“Soon. Off on his campaign of terror- you know what he’s been like after Crait.”

“I feel sorry for whoever he’s heading down to see today. He smashed up an elevator this morning.”

The voices faded as they passed on by. Campaign of terror? That didn’t sound too promising for wherever he was taking you. In fact, that sounded terrible. But what had you expected from someone like Kylo Ren? It wasn’t like he was going to take you on a fun day trip. He was the kind of guy that smashed up elevators after all.

Right as you half began to wonder if you should just walk off, he appeared behind you with a quiet hiss of the moderator attached to his mask. You turned to see him, two knights standing behind him, back in their usual gear. You tried to silently work out which ones they could be, trying to assign them to the faces you had seen in their training room but with no such luck. But it was the two who had let you into your room a few days ago.

“Let’s go.” He commanded and began to walk away from you. You rolled your eyes and followed, heading after him.

It was a short walk to the ship in the bay that had been prepared for him. When you walked inside, the doors shut behind you and you realised the two knights headed to the front to fly it- this was perhaps the ship Elihu mentioned. Had she called it the Night Buzzard?

“Yes. It is.” Kylo Ren took a seat to the left of you. Bizarre, to see him sit like that. To relax. Was he even capable of such a thing?

“Stop that.”

He huffed. “At least work on the shield if you refuse to work on your other powers- you’re practically shouting at me.”

Sighing in defeat, you took a seat across from him. Far, across from him. “How?”

“You don’t remember how we were taught originally?”

“I do but it doesn’t seem to be working.”

“Maybe you’ve become too weak in your years of hiding like a coward.”

_Condescending, arrogant jerk-_

“Insulting me won’t help.” He interrupted the tirade of insults you threw his way. “Focus on physically building it- give it a colour, a material, _build_ it.”

It was no different to how Luke had taught the two of you and you found it interesting he wasn’t trying to teach any differently. Strange, given how you knew the First Order liked to preach of how everything the Jedi did and taught was completely wrong.

But, despite that, you decided to listen to him and give it a shot again. It wasn’t giving in to him or his request to train on any half- you just didn’t want him to listen into your thoughts anymore.

Your shield had been quite different when you were young. Small, but stable. A nice brick wall your friends could pop through if they wished. 

But you didn’t want small or nice. You wanted to scare the shit out of him the next time he tried to come in there without your permission.

So you began to build.

  
“Where are we actually going?” You asked, watching as hyper speed faded and you arrived in front of a glowing purple planet, it’s shields projected high into the atmosphere.

“Fondor.”

“Fondor..” You trailed off, glancing out one of the windows behind you. “In the Colonies?”

He nodded. “We have some business to attend there.”

“Why am I being brought along?”

“You aren’t getting bored on the Steadfast?”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Of course I am. But you aren’t the charitable type, so cut the bullshit.”

His eye twitched. Funny, even now it still did that- when he was younger, it did it every time he got annoyed with someone. Some things really never changed.

“I figured you should see how rebels are dealt with. How people who even associate with rebels, are dealt with.”

Ah, intimidation into training with him. Again. It seemed he never really learned with you- as you already said, you’d rather be dead than train under his apprenticeship.

But you kept your mouth shut. You wanted to see Fondor, to see exactly what he was going to do on said ‘campaign of terror.’

Fondor wasn’t what you expected- somewhere with such a renowned shipyard and ocean surrounding it, you figured it would be brighter. More beautiful.

But it seems the First Order killed whatever it touched. Grey clouds erupted above you, blocking out any trace of sunlight, and you frowned as you strode off the platform of the night buzzard and into the docks in front of you.

Everything was like the sky- just gray. Lifeless. All of the buildings surrounding you looked just the same as the night, high rising with tall glass windows. The ocean behind it seemed a murky blue that you swore never to step foot in- you weren’t particularly fond of the ocean.

You stayed behind Kylo Ren, his two knights in step behind you. You could feel eyes being cast upon you as you walked towards the two ranks of soldiers stood to attention and in front of them a small group of men you presumed to be the generals running this operation. People were probably wondering who you were.

But you were nobody. A prisoner.

“General Sky.” Stopping a few feet away, Kylo crossed his arms behind his back. The men in front of him looked worried and you could hardly blame them. A last minute visit from the supreme leader wasn’t exactly something to look forward to- especially not when said leader was a murdering psychopath.

“Welcome, supreme leader.” He bowed his head in respect. “Whilst we are most pleased you’ve decided to visit, we aren’t sure just why exactly.”

“I heard the resistance passed through.”

The group waited, each throwing quick glances to each other. Your stomach twisted slightly- this couldn’t be good.

Behind you, engines roared as you realise another ship had followed you in from the steadfast. As it landed and its doors opened, stormtroopers began to pour out.

“I swear to you supreme leader, our government has held no allegiance to the insurgents. We offered them no aid in any capacity.”

Silence. Such awful silence poured out from Ren.

“I’ll be placing Fondor until military occupation.” His head tilted towards the stormtroopers arriving behind you. “From today.”

“Sir, I-“ The general began to stammer, mouth open as he looked around for someone to support him, to offer backup. But nobody spoke, eyes trained to the ground beneath them. “We gave them no assistance!”

It didn’t seem to matter to Kylo Ren. Just the mere contact was enough to punish them. You shook your head, glancing out towards the shipyards again.

“The problem the Old Empire had was that they were too…lenient. They allowed places like this to perhaps, not ally with the resistance but, not quite pledge their loyalty either. That ends today- I have zero tolerance policy for weak leaders.”

Within seconds, you heard that familiar crackle of a lightsaber light up and swing upwards, bringing it down over the generals neck. You bit down on the bile trying to escape your stomach as his head flopped onto the ground in front of you.

Kylo Ren turned slightly to glance at you but you kept your gaze hard, defiantly staring back at him. It wasn’t intimidation he had brought you here for- he just wanted you to see how truly awful he was, to try and destroy any memory you had left of him as Ben and replace it with this.

He switched his lightsaber into the other hand, eyes still on you. Unfortunately, you could admit it was beautiful. Terrible, but beautiful, as it shone a deep shade of red in front of you.

Truly a Sith’s lightsaber.

He turned back to the crowd in front of him. “We’ll also be seizing the shipyards. Is there issues with that?”

Quiet, and then- “They’ve always been independent sir. Even the empire respected that.” Another general spoke out, eyes darting towards his superior whose blood was now beginning to pool andstain Ren’s shoes. You tried to focus on something in the distance- anything that wasn’t his decapitated head.

“I’m not the empire nor their mistakes.” At that, the lightsaber swung again and another round of horrified, quiet gasps escaped the crowd in front of you as another head went rolling across the ground.

The blood was seeping into the concrete. You wondered who cleaned this sort of thing up. Did they just leave it to the rain? Did they force one of the workers to do it, hands and knees and a bucket of soap? To scrub your colleagues blood out of the rock after watching them be decapitated.. it was a horrible thought. It was one you were trying not to focus on too hard, trying to avoid vomiting in front of everyone.

“Any other issues?”

Not a single person spoke out. Stormtroopers began to flood the area and began to shuffle people along and back to work, shouting loudly. Ren walked off towards one of the buildings, leaving you to stare at the two bodies in front of you. Another government, crushed under the boot that was the First Order in two swift strokes of a lightsaber.

You wondered if this was how a democracy was murdered- and if you were becoming a first hand witness.

You were to stay the night in Fondor. The Steadfast would be arriving tomorrow with more military backup and you’d head back up to it then and onto Ren’s next mission, wherever that would be.

Surprisingly, you were allowed to leave your accommodation. But given this was a pretty fenced in area and one of the knights was on watch, it explained why they allowed you to walk down to one of the shores near the shipyards.

You just stood, breathing in the sea air. As much as you weren’t a fan of being in the ocean, you could certainly appreciate its beauty on a calm night- not even a ripple occurred as you stared out at it.

Today should’ve terrified you- and it did. But not in the ‘I never want to leave the safety of his ship’ kind of scared but more ‘someone has to stop this’ scared. How you would get away from it, from the first order, was the problem however. But you’d have to figure out a way somehow.

Only one moon on this planet, you realised as you glanced up at its luminous light. Unusual.

But no amount of beautiful scenery could stop the events from earlier replaying over and over in your mind. The generals face before he died would probably be ingrained there forever, the sheer panic in his eyes as that lightsaber swung downwards towards him. Not just him, but the supreme leader too- the way he swung and killed with such gentle force, such ease. As if it meant nothing to him.

Maybe it didn’t- maybe that blood was all that eased the raging fire inside of that heart of his.

Murder had never been something you thought much of in the academy. Though stars knows, Luke got many questions about it…

_“So it’s not the Jedi way?”_

_“To attack anyone innocent or defenceless, no. When you have no choice, it’s different but like I always say, there is always a choice to be made.” Luke reminded the group. You were sat in the circle, a small fire in front of you as you huddled around it. A very cold night tonight and given how miserable everyone was feeling, Luke had suggested sitting together and talking for a while. He was soon going to regret it._

_“Were you defenceless when your hand got cut off?”_

_“Well, yes-“_

_“So a Jedi did that?”_

_“No. A Sith did that, but-“_

_“Do Sith have different rules to us? A Sith way?” Hennix asked. “Maybe they have a handbook or something..”_

_The group laughed._

“He’s dead.”

You blinked, back in front of the ocean and turned to see Kylo Ren approaching you from behind. No mask but he probably didn’t need to hide his face here anymore, no need for intimidation- who was there left to scare?

“Hennix? I know that.” You frowned.

He was very still behind you, keeping a fair distance. “Not Hennix.”

Oh.

_Oh._

Despite the fact that you knew it was a probability after all these years, you had still hoped it wouldn’t have happened. Hoped he’d found the resistance and fought back.

“I killed him. At the battle of Crait.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “ _You_ killed him?”

“You don’t think I could?”

“No. He’s…Luke.”

That seemed to piss him off. He strode a little closer, eyes burning with rage. “He’s dead. I did kill him- and with his death, there is only one Jedi left.” The one who had given him that scar. The girl that had escaped. He squinted slightly in the darkness. “You know about her?”

You yanked your shields back up. Bastard, rummaging in your mind even when he didn’t really need to. “I’ve heard rumours. Mostly about how you let her escape your ship. Twice.”

“She was more powerful than I anticipated.” His eyes weren’t quite focused on you, as if he couldn’t look at you. He glanced out towards the sea. “Much more.”

“You have a habit of underestimating people.” He always had, even when he was Ben. He was supportive but never actually expected you to beat him- and when you did, he was more surprised than anyone else.

It’s what made beating him so enjoyable. It had been sweet once, that surprised look on his face. But that surprised look in your dreams turned to something more sour- when you’d see his face twisted that way, he wasn’t Ben but Kylo and you had struck him down.

“I’m not underestimating you now. I’m trying to train you-“ He began to get aggravated, but you weren’t interested in what he had to say.

“Why did you bring me here?” You snapped. You weren’t in the mood to listen to him rant about why you should let him train you and all you wanted now was to head back inside and think about your former master and how the hell Kylo Ren managed to kill _him_.

“You’re upset.”

“You just told me you murdered our former master, your uncle and our _friend_ , and today you brought me here to watch two men get decapitated. So, yes, I’m a little pissed off and tired.” You sighed. “I mean, what? You want to train me? I said no. I won’t change my mind, so you may as well kill me instead of dragging me across the galaxy as your prisoner.”

He was silent for a few moments- but now he was looking at you. Watching you, closely. You hated it- hated his stare and how it felt like it was stripping back every layer of skin there.

“Are you angry I made you watch them die or angry you had to watch me do it? To be so different from the boy you knew?”

You _knew_ it was about destroying the imagine you had of him. You knew it. Storming up the shore, you glared at him as you passed him.

“Don’t make this about you. I don’t give a shit about you- the sooner someone sticks a lightsaber through your poisonous heart, the better.”

He reached out, clutching your arm in an iron grip. “You do care. I see your dreams, I hear what you think about Ben, how you felt about him- you hope he’s still alive. You hope he’s somewhere inside of me.”

“I do not-“

“Don’t lie. I can see right through you.” He tutted at you. “He’s dead- I killed Ben the moment Luke turned against me and I’m better off for it. The moment you let him go and realise your true potential, you’ll be better off for it too.”

“Let me go-”

“He is dead.” He repeated it, the words clanging through your heart. “Your parents are dead. Luke is dead- there is nobody left for you except me. Nothing left except your power. Deal with it, Ace.”

“He would be so disappointed in you.” You snarled, puling your arm away from his grip.

“Luke?” His voice was so mocking that you imagined yourself punching that smug face of his until it was a bloody pulp. You didn’t even care if your shields were down and he could see it too.

“No.” You turned away from him. “Ben.”

He didn’t say a word as you turned and walked back up to the compound.

You didn’t bother to look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!! I hope you guys are enjoying. This is going to progress a little slower than RFOS but i'm happy with it anyway lol 
> 
> Enjoy & as always, let me know your thoughts.


	9. BATUU pt 1

Elihu seemed more miserable than usual that afternoon as she ate her lunch, pushing it around her plate with a quiet sigh.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“It’s ridiculous. I’m a grown woman and I have better things to worry about than this shit.” She muttered. “You can’t judge me.”

“I’m in no place to.”

“Alright. The engineer to your left, kind of back corner there with the red hair? Tied up in that crown braid?” She nodded subtly and after a few seconds, you gave the room a sweeping glance and spotted who she was talking about.

“Got her.”

“I like her. She.. I don’t know. I don’t know how she feels.” She stabbed the food in front of her with her fork, twisting hard. “I hate it- I hate how irrationally irritated I get when she smiles at one of the other engineers.”

“Has she given you any kind of clues? Or..anything?“

“No. I mean, I don’t know- sometimes we’ll do a job together and laugh and talk and it doesn’t feel like it is with my friends but it’s so hard to tell with woman. I never know if they’re flirting or if they just want to be my friend.”

You shot her another glance. She was very pretty and you noticed her eyes dart over in your direction, towards Elihu. “I guess you gotta take the leap then. Ask her to hang out.”

“I’d rather suffer in silence. I can’t handle a rejection right now.” She sighed miserably. You snorted. “You spotted anyone you like?”

“On here?”

“Yeah! Any cute engineers or an officer maybe?”

“I- no. I don’t have time for that right now.” You could feel the red spreading onto your cheeks as she questioned you.

“Why are you blushing so hard?” She narrowed her eyes. “Are you like.. one of those adult virgins or-“

“El.” You made a face at her and she laughed. “No. I just don’t have time- being constantly watched by the supreme leader doesn’t exactly leave me with a lot of company.”

“But you have done it, right?” She wiggled her eyebrows at you.

“Yes, you demon. I’ve done it plenty.”

You’d had boyfriends over the past seven years. Just a few, of course- it was hard to find decent men down in the Coruscant underground and these men certainly weren’t that decent. They just weren’t absolutely creeps. But you had enjoyed their company at the time, using it to distract you from the shitty reality of your life.

You had never loved any of them. You had never loved anyone, not really. You used to believe you had loved Ben, and maybe you had in some capacity. But you never knew him and he hadn’t known you, not truly.

“Hello, earth to Ace.” Elihu waved a hand in front of you. “You’ve been falling into daydreams a lot for the past day or so. What’s going on with you? Where did you go the other day?”

 _To watch Ren take over an entire planet and place it under his order whilst beheading two of its leaders_ maybe wasn’t the best answer to give.

“I’m just getting a little..bored. I just had some stuff to do for Ren, but nothing exciting.” You gave her a bland smile and went back to looking around the canteen. You kind of wished you were one of them for a minute- that you had a purpose. Somewhere to go, something to do. Was Ren getting you to submit through pure boredom?

It wasn’t all that was troubling you. You were bored, but you also couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said on the pier.

_Your parents are dead. Luke is dead- there is nobody left for you except me. Nothing left except your power._

_..the moment Luke turned against me_

What had happened at the Jedi academy that night, you never knew. Voe, Tai and Hennix had been on an off world mission and hadn’t come back until everything was gone and burning. Luke had said nothing of what happened- just waited with you until the transport picked you up and took you to the first planet it could find that would be safe enough to hide at. The two of you had waited for so long, he’d managed to get word of what had happened to his apprentices- which is how you came to find out all three of them had been murdered by Ben. Or, by that point, Kylo Ren.

But here was Ren, saying Luke had turned against him. You could remember vaguely that there _had_ been tension between the two of them for a few days leading up to the attack and Ben had retreated almost entirely into himself. But Luke turning against his own nephew? Luke, the entire driving force of the new Jedi Order harming another Jedi? It just didn’t seem plausible.

Besides, it wasn’t like he didn’t have reason to lie to you- he could’ve been trying to twist your feelings about your old life into something sinister so to gain your trust.

“Hey-“ Elihu stood to leave. “Listen, I know how bored you must be just wandering around this old piece of junk. There’s another area on board, staff only but I could sneak you in maybe? Grab a few drinks tomorrow evening?”

You smiled. “I’d like that. See you tomorrow El- and good luck, if you do talk to red over there.”

She took another deep breath, anxious eyes fleeting towards the redhead. “See ya!”

You waited until she’d filtered out the cafeteria, along with the rest of the crowd, before getting up and following them all out.

It was time to try and get some answers.

His office wasn’t what you expected.

Firstly, you hadn’t expected him to have an office at all- but when you asked where he could be when you couldn’t find him in the training hall with the knights, some officer had pointed you in the direction of a very dark hall and you’d gone down it, following that dark energy you knew so well by now.

Two doors, one to the left and one to the right. He’d said it was the door with the gold handles, not the silver.

The silver was probably his quarters.

You swallowed and knocked twice on the golden handled door before slipping inside. He was there, thankfully, positioned over by the window. No helmet and less clothing than usual- far less. This was the first time you had really seen an outline of him that was more than the colossal cape he wore and he’d truly grown into a man.

An evil, heartless dictator man. But a man nonetheless.

Was it even possible to grow at such an age? He’d been twenty two when he blew up the academy. How the hell had he gotten taller?

“Ace.”

_Fuck that fucking name._

“Your shield is working. I didn’t even hear the swears I imagine you threw at me.” He turned around to face you. “What do you want?”

“I want to talk to you. About what you said, in Fondor.” You said and watched as he stiffened slightly. “About…Luke turning on you.”

No emotions rippled across that perfectly still face of his. Not even an eye twitch.

“I can’t decide if you let it slip and you’re telling the truth, or if you said it in the hopes I’d remember and you could use such a lie to.. deceive me. I suppose.”

“Deceive you into what, exactly?” He raised an eyebrow and you watched as he strode towards his desk. “Training? Behaving? I don’t think a lie about Luke would entice you into doing either of those.”

“Unless this is all a game.”

He leaned onto his desk, staring up at you. “I don’t have time to play games with you Ace, though I wish I did. But I have a Jedi to destroy and a useless prisoner to keep an eye on.”

You felt your temper flare at his words- and for the first time, you felt your face grow warm as he stared at you. He had a stare that felt like it was seeing right into the deepest corners of your mind.

“Then tell me. What did Luke do?”

“Will it encourage you to train with me? If it doesn’t, I don’t see its use.”

You shrugged. “It’s use is that maybe just for a moment, I won’t hate you as much as I did before. If he actually did turn on you.”

“I don’t care if you hate me Ace.”

“You will if the day ever comes when I can get my hands on a lightsaber.”

He straightened, those massive legs reaching you in just a few long strides, mouth uncurled in a snarl as he leaned above you. Your chests were almost touching, the two of you staring at each other.

“Coming in here and threatening me is not a wise decision.” His hands twitched by his sides. Itching to hurt you, you imagined. But for whatever reason, he kept a lid on that surging temper of his.

But you weren’t backing down yet- and you weren’t scared of him. “Tell me what he did.”

“I don’t think you’ll be able to handle it.” There was nothing caring in his words- they were full of bite and poison.

“Why? Because you killed my parents?” You snapped. “ _Tell me_ , you coward.”

That tore off the lid on his temper- within seconds, he was lifting you in the air and you felt yourself slam into the wall behind you as his hand curled around your neck. Tighter and tighter until you were gasping for air.

“What?” You choked out, hands grasping his arm as he gripped tighter. “Scared I won’t believe you?”

No reply, just a steady huff of angry breaths coming from him as you felt your vision began to darken, legs now flailing to kick him off you- but you weren’t strong enough. Physically, he overpowered you completely.

But something rang out in your mind- was that it? Was he hesitant to tell you because somewhere, deep down he felt you wouldn’t believe him? He’d probably tried to tell Tai and the rest of them but you knew they wouldn’t have believed him since he killed everyone in the camp and his behaviour at the time.

_I’ll make no judgement. Just tell me the truth- don’t I deserve that at least?_

Silence down the bond. On the verge of blacking out completely, you felt yourself go limp- then pain shooting through your body as he dropped you to the ground of his office, letting you hit the floor with a thud.

Groaning, you edged yourself upwards and shot him a glare. _Asshole._

As he opened his mouth to say something else, wether that to be warning you not to call him names or the story of Luke, there was an urgent knock at the door.

“Enter.”

The general ran inside, a little hesitantly, and stopped a few feet in front of the door. He looked down at you, still curled against the wall, hands clasping your neck which was surely red or bruised, and made a face before turning his attention back to the supreme leader.

“We’ve had word- rebels on Batuu. The scavenger, specifically.”

Kylo stiffened slightly. The scavenger was the one you’d heard about- the Jedi girl who had escaped him. Your heart rate picked up as you watched him debate in his mind how to handle this.

“Prepare my ship and get a message to the Night Buzzard- we leave for Batuu immediately.”

“Yes sir.” The officer nodded and scuttled back out the door, throwing you another cautious glance before he went.

Glaring, you hauled yourself off the floor and began to walk towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

“To my room, _supreme leader._ Is that not allowed?” You mocked. His face had lost that expression from before, a mixture of fear and anger, replaced by something completely still. The face of the supreme leader.

“You’ll be accompanying us to Batuu.”

“That’s ridiculous. You want me to come with you, to where a bunch of the rebels are, unarmed, untrained-“

“You aren’t untrained.”

“Will you give me a weapon?”

“No.”

Crossing your arms, you shot him a look. “Unarmed.”

“You’ll be staying on my ship.”

“Why bring me at all?”

“To keep an eye on you. I don’t trust you being here alone.”

“What exactly do you think I’m going to do? Sneak into your room? Read your diary?” You raised your eyebrows at him. “A diary would be pretty on brand for you actually-“

“Enough. You’re pushing it today.” He strode forward and prodded you in the back, hard. “Move.”

You went- for no other reason than going to Batuu had to be better than sitting in your room all evening and morning until Ren needed you next.

Besides, if he was going to leave you in the ship, perhaps you could find a way off. A way out of there. If only you could keep your shields up for the entirety of the trip there.

You had to try.

Ren’s ship was smaller than the Night Buzzard- but you could appreciate the sleek, flawless design of it with its two wings. The inside also felt more private- the Night Buzzard was more open, clearly a living space, whereas this had just a small open area before leading through to the cockpit and another room for the canon operations you presumed.

The Knights took their own ship and it seemed to be just the two of you here as you glanced around, swallowing nervously.

It was stupid to be nervous to be alone with him given he had almost killed you just an hour before in his office, hands wrapped around your neck. But that thought didn’t kill the shaking of your legs as you sat in the seat beside his after his gruff instructions to do so.

You’d debated going to sit out in the open area, but given what a dangerous hunting mood Ren seemed to be in, the cockpit with the seatbelts seemed a much safer option. Clipping yourself in, you tried to just focus on the stars outside as Ren took off from the Steadfast.

But the silence was eating at you- and strangely, you wondered if it was eating at Kylo too as you felt his force signature ever so slightly tap into yours.

“What are you doing?” You felt it recoil slightly.

“I’m impressed you can feel that.” He noted and after a few more checks, pulled the handle down in front of him without much warning. You felt yourself flatten slightly against your seat as he put the ship into hyperdrive.

After a moment, you were able to sit back up and you glanced over at him as he relaxed in his chair. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve said this countless times, but the force is still very strong within you despite years of repression.”

“And as I’ve said countless times, it’s because I was every bit as strong as you were.” You bit back. You couldn’t help it- he hadn’t even said anything that awful but you just felt the need to snap at him.

“That isn’t true. But you weren’t far off. If only your training hadn’t been stunted.”

“It’ll be staying stunted.”

“We’ll see.”

Silence for a few moments and then- “Are you going to tell me about Luke instead of trying to kill me?”

“I’m still debating the killing you idea.”

“So, you’re just happy for me to forever think that you killed everyone in a rage, Luke was saint who you betrayed and our friends were completely right to attack you?”

He was still for a moment before turning to face you. “It sounds to me like you don’t need the story of what happened with Luke. You already seem to have an idea.”

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t know what happened with Luke. But here’s what I do know- I know we all found out how you were related to Darth Vadar, a fact that was publicly outed in an attempt to humiliate your mother to both you and the general galaxy by some asshole official, and that Luke had hidden this from everyone. I know he isolated you during training because of this. I know two weeks after this came out, everyone I knew had died because you lost it and killed them all. Most importantly, I know Luke watched our friends go after you and allowed them to think this was all of your doing.”

Kylo said nothing as you stopped talking, your heart racing. These were thoughts you hadn’t dared to think of for years- ones you hadn’t wanted to consider. That Luke had a heavy hand to play in his nephews downfall, that he’d sent your friends to their death by chasing someone who was already lost instead of sending them to their safety like he did with you.

But why hadn’t he let you go with them was the question you wondered most of all. Why, when you were the most powerful of all? To protect that power? To sacrifice them like lambs, to distract him from killing you too? It had never been clear to you.

Given Kylo Ren had killed the only man who could ever answer this, it seemed you’d never find out.

“What is it you want from me here Ace?”

“I want you to tell me that I’m wrong. That I read into it too much because I cared about you too much- that Luke was good and he didn’t sacrifice our friends to escape. That he didn’t isolate and turn you to the dark side.” Your voice was breaking as you spoke, as all of the outpouring emotions you’d kept away for so long began to try and escape you. “I want you to keep being the bad guy because I don’t have the energy for a grey area.”

He blinked. If you didn’t know how smart he was, you’d truly wonder what the hell was going on up there with him and if there was any thoughts at all.

“I can’t do that.” He turned his attention back to the panel in front of him. That was to be your answer, it would seem.

Maybe your master hadn’t been all he seemed.

Maybe it was time to consider Kylo Ren wasn’t the sole cause of his downfall.

The hyperdrive came to a stop and you popped out over Batuu. Your eyes grew wide at the bright colours of the planet, of life itself, shining below. Kylo carefully navigated the rocks surrounding the planet in a belt shape and began his descent.

“So, I’m to sit here whilst you find the Jedi girl and what? Kill her?”

“Capture her, unless I _have_ to kill her.”

“Why capture her if you want to destroy the last of the Jedi? She escaped once..”

“I wish to learn about her power.”

You frowned. He was definitely being weird. “You were a Jedi. Now a Sith. Surely you know enough about the force that there’s no need to explore her power.”

Honestly, he could do what he liked- but part of you felt the need to shelter her from him. You were unsure how powerful she could be exactly, especially given you weren’t sure wether she had even trained under a master and Kylo Ren was…well, Kylo Ren. As much as you wanted her to win, you had a horrible feeling she may not win this particular battle and if she doesn’t, she’ll wish she was dead.

“I’m not a Sith- and her power is…different.” Something stirred inside of you as he said that, slipping his mask on with a concerned look on his face. You shoved it down. “I have information I have to share with her that I recently discovered.”

“I see.”

The landing was smooth. Right on the top of Black Spire Outpost, looking right over the entire area- Kylo had briefly described it on your walk down to the ship as a place for seedy, dirty smugglers where vermin exist in mass quantities.

So, not his type of place apparently.

Snob.

Why the resistance were here of all places, you weren’t sure. It was a little unusual to be seen somewhere with so many criminals, so desperate for a credit that they’d happily call the First Order at the sight of you.

“You are not to leave the ship.” He was powering it down, slipping off his belt.

“Screw you. I can’t believe you took me here to sit in a ship.”

He stood, ready to walk off the ship and turned towards you. “I don’t remember you being so rude when we were younger.”

You glared up at him and shot down the bond. _You repulse me- I can’t help it._

Striding over, his hands gripped either side of your chair as he lent down and right into your face. You swallowed in the shadow of that mask, unsure where the hell to even look.

“I know how you felt about me before, I feel it. I’m the same man- so is it not stronger now, that as you put it…I’ve grown into a _man?_ ”

You jerked forward to kick him, or push him off but he only came back harder, hand wrapped around your throat as he pushed you back into the seat with a quiet snarl.

“I would never think of you that way. I’d cut my throat first.”

He leaned close, so damn close that your breath shuddered as the edge of his mask brushed against your cheek. Those leather gloves tightened their grip.

“I feel you. I feel that conflict right now- that disgust that I’m touching you but more importantly, disgust at yourself for how you missed this touch.”

“That isn’t true.” You hissed.

“Lying doesn’t look good on you.” With another push, he let go of your neck, adjusted himself and headed for the doors. “Stay on the ship.”

Those double doors closed behind him as you breathed, hand on your neck. You glanced towards the doors behind you, to the control panel that lay beside them.

No way in hell would you be sitting here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a double release, enjoy! -->


	10. BATUU pt 2

Unfortunately, your daring escape to get off Kylo Ren’s ship was not going well.

You had no idea how to work the stupid data pad on the side of the door and figured it would’ve been easy- but of course it was signed in to Ren’s own force signature.

“Fucking hell.” You slammed your hand into it and took another look around the ship- but no luck. You had searched every inch of this thing but not a single hidden weapon or trinket in sight to help you.

Taking a deep breath, you dug deep into yourself- into where your own force was shifting inside of you, flowing with all of the energy surrounding you. You were gentle, lightly pulling it further up until it began to flow all over your entire body.

Your cheeks grew wet- this was more emotional than you had meant it to be, but you hadn’t done this in so long and the last time you had was under such different circumstances. A different life.

A life you could have a chance of finding again- but only if you escape.

Laying your hand besides the panel you took a deep breath and forced that energy forward- imagining the supreme leader as you did so. Of his silken voice and that grating mask that had felt like it scratched your cheek. Of his eyes, searing your soul, and the words he spewed at you, words of a cruel man. Of a scared boy.

The doors opened with a hiss and you almost cried out in glee. But there was no time to linger- you had to move. And now.

Luckily, all of the knights that had accompanied you seemed to be gone with Ren and his Jedi business. Whoever this girl was, she’d distracted him enough he hadn’t thought to leave a guard for you behind just in case. Or, as he always did, he’d underestimated your powers to get through his stupid door.

Nobody was around as you stepped out, feeling almost bare- Ren had given you a weapons belt, but nothing clipped into it. It was a stupid idea to go looking around with no protection, but you had to try.

As you went to head for the ruins to the left, you spotted a flash of blue darting around one of the ships. Then again.

Someone was over here- and it certainly wasn’t a trooper.

The dirty ground was the perfect cover for your footsteps, completely silent, as you crept over to the ship you’d seen them disappear into. It was an extra first order ship, that a few stormtroopers had been packed into.

Climbing the ramp, you winced as you heard banging. Nobody in the main entry bit- it was coming from deeper in the ship. You tried to keep quiet as you snuck to the left, into the engine room. Was there more than one person? You swore the banging stopped as soon as you walked in and seemed to echo from somewhere else at the same time.

Just as you were trying to work out how exactly to look around the rest of the ship without getting caught, or shot, you felt something press against the back of your head.

“Move.” A woman, it sounded like. She definitely had some kind of gun against your skull.

“I’m not-“ You threw your hands up in self defence. “I’m not first order.”

“You aren’t resistance.”

“I’m neither, I guess. I’m a prisoner.” You sounded so goddamn lame- but it was better to state the facts quickly rather than getting a laser to the brain.

“Of the First Order?” She asked. You nodded. “You looking for liberation?”

“Isn’t any prisoner? Especially of the First Order.”

She snickered and slowly, pulled the gun away from your head. “Alright, turn around but keep your hands up- I swear to god don’t pull any tricks.”

Keeping your hands up, you turned slowly to face her. She was about the same age as you, roughly. Dark skin, black hair with dazzling blue dyed into the bottom.

“I’m taking this.” She held up a white data card, with a gold circle in the middle. “Are you going to stop me?”

“No.”

“Good. Well then, do you wanna come with me?”

There it was- an offer of escape. A chance to do the right thing after so long.

Some terrible, torn part of you didn’t even want it. You felt too ashamed for hiding for so long whilst your master was murdered by his student. Whilst the entire galaxy fell to its knees in front of Kylo Ren with little power to stop him.

A part of you also felt like this conflict with Jedi was never ending. Was joining the resistance that smart? Were they really the good guys?

Hell, you couldn’t be sure. But anything had to be better than being locked in your quarters on the steadfast.

“Give me a gun and I’m all yours.” You motioned to the belt, stuffed with weapons. She grinned and handed you one immediately, which you slotted into your belt. “I’m Ace.”

“Vi Moradi. Or you can call me Starling.”

With that, she took off again and you followed. Down and out of the fleet towards the ruins, where the two of you climbed down them carefully. Resistance fighter jets screamed above you as you ran, shooting at the First Order soldiers who were swarmed all over the place.

Had there ever been peace? You knew at some point there had to have been, when you were at the academy- but was it real peace? Were you always doomed to repeat history until it was resistance versus the empire, over and over? 

Vi swung right, ducking underneath a low set of pillars and you followed, noticing some squadrons ahead of you, hidden right into the old temples. No civilians around- probably all chased off and back to their hiding spots for the time being as the war raged on in their city.

“Kalia!” Vi shouted, wildly swinging her hand towards a girl. A resistance pilot, dressed in a shade of blue that matched Vi’s hair and the jet behind her. “I got it.”

The girl immediately took it from her, tucking it into a breast pocket as she shot a nervous glance to the outpost behind you. “We knew you could- I have to get this to the general.”

Another explosion shook the buildings from behind you as the three of you watched stormtroopers fall from the roofs, mowed down by resistance jets. It was a terribly nice sight, you had to admit. They weren’t your favourite people.

“Go! You cannot lost that information. We’ll find another transport.” Vi clapped Kalia’s shoulder and then took off again with a quick glance at you to follow her.

You followed her back through the buildings, growing concerned with the ever-growing dark feeling within your chest. That wasn’t good- that was Ren and given the way he was quite literally yanking on you, he probably knew you were off the ship and was actively seeking you out.

But it was too late to warn Vi, to tell her to split up so he couldn’t find her- as you rounded the next corner, you came to a skidding stop behind one of the columns. Vi was frozen in front of you, trembling as that awful, crackling sound of his lightsaber filled your ears.

“It seems you found my prisoner, Amaka- or released her, at least.”

Another codename it seemed. She clearly had a lot of them. Kylo circled her slowly, like a cat playing with its food. He tilted his head down to look at her, mask bathed in red from his lightsaber.

“Where is she?”

“Probably off with the resistance by now.” She paused. “You sound annoyed. Is she valuable?”

“No- even if she was, I wouldn’t tell you. You’d sell anything for a scrap, _vermin_.” He hissed and you heard her gasp for air as he dropped her to the ground, her hands slapping against the dust. She briefly glanced towards you before resuming her coughing, looking at the ground. “I know she’s near, so she can’t be with resistance. I feel her.”

“Unlucky for her.”

He raised his saber slightly, pacing around her again. You ducked out of sight, fighting to keep your breathing controlled, quiet. “I’ll find her myself. What you can tell me is where General Organa and the resistance are. Their new base, since I’ve destroyed this one.”

“I don’t know.”

He crouched to her folded body. “Oh, you do. You know everything, so don’t let me down now. Or else.”

Despite the threat, even as he stood as held his lightsaber down pointed towards her, Vi still didn’t budge- not even a hesitating mouth open as she just stared him down furiously.

“Tell me where the resistance is!”

There was hope, right there. There was the fight you had lost for so long and had been desperately searching for, but had lost the second you learned the Hosnian system had been blown to a million pieces.

It was showing itself right in front of you, in this girl. In all of the resistance outside, believing in something better, fighting to make it all right again, no matter how many times the empire came back with a vengeance.

However, there was no time for your hero moment as you stepped forward to collect Vi but immediately retreated. Another crackling came from the other end of the room and your eyes grew wide as Ren stumbled back from the spy, arm raised defensively at the girl that had just entered.

You watched in wonderment as she held her blue lightsaber up, watching Kylo Ren with intense eyes.

The scavenger. The last Jedi.

She was dressed unusually for a rebel, clothes you’d typically see on a warmer planet like Jakku or Tatooine and the way she held the lightsaber was controlled, but unfamiliar. It was hard to explain, but she just didn’t seem comfortable with it, as if it didn’t belong to her.

Still, she was clearly skilled as she swung it around her hand, catching it effortlessly with the other one.

“The resistance is more than one place- it’s everywhere, it’s alive and will rise against you time and time again.” She looked like she was shaking with anger, biting out her words.

Her presence had distracted the supreme leader enough that Vi had managed to wriggle towards where you were, escaping his clutches. When she reached the edge of the room, you checked he wasn’t looking before dragging her in, wincing at the cut on her cheek from when she’d hit the floor.

“Those who fight against me will fall.” Ren spat and with a large step, slashed his lightsaber down and onto the girl. The two began to duel and you watched the sparks flying over the room before turning back to Vi.

“Are you okay?” You kept your voice low as the lightsabers clashed against each other

She nodded, clutching at her throat. “Why didn’t you run?”

“I couldn’t just leave you there.”

You got to your knees and helped her into a sitting position, wiping the dust off her shirt and hair. She coughed into her jacket, eyes wide as she tried to stay silent- the two of you needed to move from here, fast. If Ren caught you, it was game over.

Pulling her to her feet, you threw her arm over your shoulder and began to make your way to the back exit. Vi could hopefully direct you from there on where to go.

“My-“ She coughed. “My necklace. It’s from my brother, please-“

You glanced back, noticing it right by the entrance where she crawled in. Propping her against the wall, you quickly strode over, dropping to your knees to pick it up.

As you reached for it, watching the two of them duel again, the girl managed to get a good hit in. Kylo crumped and hit the floor- then everything seemed to move in slow motion.

As he landed in the dust, head tilted in your direction, his eyes immediately sprang to meet yours, your hand clasped around the necklace, mouth open.

Right then, he wasn’t Kylo Ren. All you could see was Ben in those angry, fearful eyes. A boy terrified to lose. To disappoint.

He was up within a second and the moment was gone, striking down even harder on Rey. You ran for Vi, who had recovered enough now to stumble by herself and threw the necklace over her neck before pushing her towards the back of the door.

All you had to do was help her find a resistance ship and climb onboard. If this girl could distract Kylo for long enough, you may even escape with them. What would come next, you weren’t sure but wasn’t it better than this?

You were almost outside, almost close to freedom when a hand wrapped around the back of your arm and tugged you back. _Fuck, fuck-_

Vi turned in a panic but before whoever was yanking you back could take her too, you used whatever force you could find within you and cast your hand out, slamming the door behind her shut and holding it there.

“That won’t last for long- you aren’t that strong.” The modified voice came from above you- not Kylo Ren. One of his knights. He’d probably called out for them, to come and get you when he spotted you grabbing the necklace.

He was gone you realised as you walked through the room you came from. Probably chasing after the Jedi girl. Whatever knight this was dragged you through the building, your feet stumbling as he did, right into the other side. He was going back towards the fleet.

Your chance to escape, gone. If you hadn’t hesitated those few stupid seconds, maybe you could’ve made it.

But at least Vi had escaped and more importantly, it seemed that whatever information she had tried to get to the rebels had escaped too thankfully.

Gunfire still rang out all around you and you tried to shield your face whilst keeping up with the brisk pace. Someone shouted something to your left, warning you-

The knight fell with a shout, something wet squirting all over your arm as he did so, his hand releasing you.

He was shot- someone had caught him in the leg and was now shouting for everyone around you to run. Resistance. They’d shot him.

You stared at the blood covering your arm and grimaced, glancing back to him.

Was this a second chance? Had some godly figure in the stars offered this to you, to reach the rebels and escape Ren’s clutches?

But they were already taking off, disappearing into the sky above you. You’d never reach them in time. You could steal someone else’s ship but, if he’d used his power to find you and could send the Knights out to do the same, you wouldn’t want to endanger them by going after them and ruin their entire mission.

So, in what may have been the dumbest move of your entire life, you kneeled down and tugged the jacket on your shoulders off, tying it around the knights leg to help with the bleeding. Yanking off some of his armour to make him weigh less, you tried to ignore the silence emitting from him. You’d love to know what the hell he was thinking right now.

With slight hesitation, you unclipped his mask and lifted it off his head. He was glaring at you, mouth tightened as he huffed in pain- but you recognised him from the training arena and from his voice.

“Do I at least to get know your name if I’m going to save your ass?” You muttered, hands shifting under his shoulders.

He was silent and then- “Ushar.”

“Alright. Come on, Ushar.”

He was a big guy and luckily, probably so well trained to such awful combat conditions that a gunshot wound wasn’t as bad for him as it would be for others. He was leaning on you, but could still use his other leg to help himself back towards the fleet of ships.

The two of you stumbled your way towards the fleet, to his ship the Night Buzzard. The other knights were already there and waiting, taking him from you as you arrived. One of them grabbed you and yanked you inside, the bay doors closing behind you.

“We’re to take you back to the Steadfast.” He informed you before striding off in the direction of wherever the rest of them had gone.

The ship started up, buzzing with life beneath your feet. You sighed, plopping down onto one of the seats in the front entrance and closed your eyes.

Now the real planning would have to begin.

A few hours after arriving back at the Steadfast, you heard the front door of your quarters open with a quiet hiss. Jolting up and out of bed, you sped over to the bedroom door to see who your unannounced visitor was.

Unsurprisingly, it was the only asshole who would walk in here without so much of a knock.

“I’m surprised you’re here.” He was back to his usual ship wear- tight tunic, no gloves or mask. His eyes briefly wandered over you and snapped back upwards. You felt naked as hell- given how exhausted you were, you’d been in bed trying to fall asleep so you weren’t exactly dressed for a meeting with the supreme leader, instead being in the only sleeping garments they’d left in your drawers- a flimsy nightgown that barely touched halfway down your thighs.

Crossing your arms over your chest, you looked up at him. “Is that so?”

“You left the ship and found yourself a rebel. Then, Ushar got shot- it was more than enough for you to escape. But you didn’t…”

“Don’t kid yourself- I stayed because I ran out of time and this stupid link between us, which you haven’t even talked about so I have no idea if I’m just going insane and it’s just me that feels how unusual it is, would mean you’d be able to find me anyway. I’d endanger the rebels if I went with them.”

His mouth twitched, as if he were trying not to smile. “Shame you were smart enough to work that out.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “You wanted me to go with them?”

“I would’ve found you immediately if you had- them too. Don’t worry Ace.”

“I am not _worried_."

Perhaps it hadn’t been a stupid decision to come back here. You’d protected the rebels. Fine by you- you’d had years to hide and it hadn’t worked. If coming back here and being his stupid prisoner meant they could have an advantage, you’d make it work.

“It’s not like they’d accept you anyway.” His eyes grew dark as he stepped closer to you. You took a step back, heart accelerating as the A/C above you blew cold air over your skin. “You’re a traitor.”

“I am not-“

“You are. They’ve been fighting me since I came to power, desperately failing, looking for anyone to help them. This Jedi girl is their last shot because they have no idea about you and unfortunately, I got you first.” He sneered. “You betrayed them the moment you chose to stay in that club and shake your ass for credits instead of going back-“

Your palm shot through the air, aiming straight for his face, but he was quicker and gripped your wrist in an iron tight hold. His eye twitched as the two of you stood there, both as angry as the other.

“I get it.” You flexed your hand, trying to wriggle out his grasp. “You had a shitty day. The girl escaped. But don’t come here and take it out on me- I helped one of your knights. The least you could do is show a tiny bit of fucking gratitude.”

“Gratitude?” He bared his teeth at you, gripping harder. “I should give you nothing, given that you do nothing for me.”

“What is it exactly you’d like me to do for you?” You narrowed your eyes at him as he shifted slightly, stilling. “Submit to you? Train?”

He was silent and then, you were falling into a memory quicker than you could stop it from happening, Kylo breaking straight through your shield with a careful swipe-

_“Ben-”_

_“Just once. Just once so I know, before-“ He stopped himself. “Before anything happens, I just-“_

_“Before what happens?” Your hand pushed his chest back, wobbling on your knees slightly. “What’s going on with you lately? I know the news about your mothers parents was confusing and everyones being so strange about it but-“_

_“I don’t want to talk about that.” He snapped._

_Agonising- so agonising to see someone you cared for in such pain, to see his eyes desperately searching you for any refuge you could offer him. Who were you to refuse and send him away? You didn’t want to._

_In one careful swoop, he’d grabbed you and pressed his lips to yours, pushing you back down onto the cave floor beneath you._

_Nothing was going to stop you- not even the voice in your mind warning you how stupid this was when something was clearly wrong with him. You’d felt his energy shift since the news of his heritage broke, saw how your friends were treating him. You knew something bad was coming from all of this but his lips against yours, hands trailing down made it hard to be sensible, to consider the recklessness of this decision-_

“Get out of my head.” You gritted your teeth and with a shove, you managed to force him out of your mind.

“You submitted once.” He reminded you. “You will again- one way or another.”

With that, he finally let go of you and took off, slamming your quarter doors behind him with a heavy slam.

You pressed a hand to your temple, massaging gently. How the hell he’d done that with such ease and why he’d picked that memory, you weren’t sure.

But one thing you were sure of was that you were in the shit now.

Deep shit.


	11. LET IT IN

_“I don’t understand.”_

_You tried to keep pace with Tai as he marched up the hill towards the huts, his expression stormy._

_“Talk to him. He hasn’t left that place in two days. Not since that asshole in the Galactic senate revealed the truth about Organa’s parentage.”_

_You dared a quick glance towards him and found he was already watching you. Gauging your own reaction._

_But you didn’t care about her parentage, or Ben’s. It didn’t make either of them less of a Jedi or a person. Blood doesn’t define anybody. Despite trying to tell Ben this, he’d hidden himself away for the past few days and it didn’t help that Master Skywalker seemed to be encouraging him to do so. Your other friends didn’t help either- Voe had been relentlessly bitchy about the whole thing whilst Hennix just stayed painfully quiet._

_As you’d sat in your hut that evening, half asleep, Tai had stormed in and demanded you follow him to help Ben. Which was how you’d ended up here a few minutes later, standing outside his door._

_“Why me?”_

_“You’re the closest person to him.” Tai rolled his eyes at your expression. “Don’t act like you aren’t. You two have been inseparable for the past few weeks- which is stupid, may I remind you. Ben is well on his way to finishing training and the he’ll be gone-“_

_“I know that, Tai. We’re just friends.”_

_“I’m not an idiot Ace. None of us are- we see how you feel, we sense an energy change in the two of you every time the other walks in.” He shook his head. “I know the new Jedi aren’t like the old- but he is leaving. He has so much to do before..anything like this.”_

_You smacked him on the arm. “Stop lecturing me. I know all of that which is why nothing is ever going to happen- now go away. I’ll talk to him.”_

_He sighed and retreated into the darkness. You waited until he was out of sight before chapping twice on Ben’s door before slipping inside._

_It was pretty dark- he only had one candle lit and it was currently sitting on the little wooden stool beside his bed, placed on top of all of his papers and books he constantly wrote in._

_Ben was sitting on his bed, legs folded underneath other as he focused on something in front of him. He glanced up at you as you walked inside._

_“Ace.”_

_You glanced around his room. As neat as always. If it wasn’t the fact he’d been missing for two days, this would pretty normal behaviour for him. “Are you alright?”_

_“I’m fine.”_

_“Sure?”_

_“I presume Tai asked you to come in and check on me.” He rolled his eyes and stopped looking at whatever he was concentrating on. “I’m fine. Luke just.. wanted me to do some deep meditation for a few days.”_

_“Fine, maybe not. But I miss you.”_

_His eyes found yours in the darkness and blinked slowly. It had just kind of slipped out- you hadn’t meant it to._

_“I could be leaving soon..” He chose to tactfully ignore your comment, thankfully, and glanced over to the small window in his hut. “You know, I’ve never seen the Eternal caves. On the other side of the island.”_

_You shuffled on the spot. “Neither have I.”_

_“Let’s go.” He stood. “Tomorrow night. Let’s go and explore them.”_

_You were surprised by his sudden decision. He wasn’t one for choosing to do something so sporadic and without Luke’s permission… “Are you sure-?”_

_“I leave soon. Don’t you want to see them with me before I go?”_

_Prick. He was deliberately playing on the fact he knew you didn’t want to hang out with anyone else except him._

_You shot him a look and glanced out his window. “Fine. We’ll go tomorrow.”_

_“Tomorrow.”_

You blinked in the darkness of your bedroom, inhaling deeply. It felt like someone had pressed a boot against your chest and was refusing to move it.

Perhaps it was just the pain of the memory. The last time things had been normal between the two of you. Before it all happened.

You hated him. You hated Kylo Ren for many reasons but this was another to add to a long list- ever since he’d stormed inside your room a few nights ago, every dream you had was filled with Ben. But not the usual dreams- the most painful ones of all.

Ones of when you loved him the most.

It didn’t matter how much you tried to think of something, anything else. It always wound its way back to him, to memories of the two of you.

At least it was less painful than your parents.

Hauling yourself up, you headed for the bathroom. You promised Elihu you’d meet her for a few drinks after bailing a few nights ago given what a day you’d had on Batuu. It was time to get out this stupid room anyway- it wasn’t doing you any good to be curled up in the dark.

Glancing in the mirror, you sighed at your reflection. All the bruises from weeks past had completely healed and cleared, so at least you didn’t look such a train wreck anymore. Tugging at the shirt in your hands, you frowned- you didn’t have any nice clothes. Not that anyone on this ship did but still, it would be nice not to look like you’d just spent ten hours down in the engine room in uniform. But there was nothing in your drawers and you certainly weren’t going to ask for any, so you just had to deal with it.

Elihu had asked you to meet her near the cafeteria and waved to you as you arrived, grinning. Thankfully, she was in casual clothing very similar to your own and had just let her braids loose rather than tying them up.

“I never thought you’d come.” She bumped your hip with her own as you began to follow her down to the other end of the hall.

“Sorry- busy few days.”

“Don’t be sorry! So, has the supreme leader finally found you something to do?”

_Does something to do include trying to escape him, letting a rebel spy go free with important information and then having literal sex dreams about his old self?_

“Uh, kind of.” You offered her a bland smile and kept walking.

The staff bar was nothing fancy- very simple, much like the cafeteria just with slightly dimmer lighting and a more warm atmosphere. A few looks were shot your way as you walked in, but you ignored them and kept in pace with Elihu who leaned against the bar and tapped it twice to catch the guys attention.

“Whatever’s strongest.” You answered when he asked what you wanted and a laugh came from your left. You glanced over, noticing two guys had popped up behind Eli.

“Hi!” Eli launched an arm over them, greeting them. “I didn’t know you’d be in here. I figured it would be an early night given how much Cardinal was beating your asses yesterday.”

“We figured that’s exactly why we deserved a drink.” The guy answered, eyes darting back to you. “Who’s this?”

“Ace.” You held out your hand, which he gently shook.

“I’m Azan and this is Kyp.” He introduced himself and his friend. “We work with Eli.”

“Ace works more up top than us.” She interjected, saving you from an explanation. You nodded gratefully to her.

“I could tell- ordering whatever's strongest? You must be stressed.” He laughed.

 _If only you knew,_ you thought and offered a polite smile.

“Come sit with us!”

Stupid. Stupid to make friends with people who were, in some way or another, an enemy. Being an ex-Jedi it did make them an enemy didn’t it? They worked for the very people currently trying to take over the entire galaxy and stomp every last inch of freedom underneath their feet.

But did these people really know what they were doing? Or had they been indoctrinated in, unable to resist if they wanted to?

You decided to sit with them and stop overthinking it.

One drink wouldn’t hurt.

Being a dancer at the club meant you did not drink. You tended to try and stay away from the stuff on shift as much as you could, waiting until you got home before you bothered to even sniff alcohol and even then, you tried not to touch it. You had no time for it and certainly no time for the way it made your stomach turn the morning after.

On the job, you needed to be sharp- keep an eye out for good clients, watch out for anyone trying to snatch you off the stage. On the way home you had to be just as wary of the streets of Coruscant.

So, you hadn’t drank in quite some time. Months even.

It meant by your third drink of their strongest poison, you felt like the entire bar was on a tilted axis and no matter how many times you sat yourself upright, it didn’t help.

Elihu was giggling at something Kyp had said, her shoulder pressed against yours as she listened to him. Azan was on your other side, saying something that you weren’t quite listening to.

His hands were wandering into dangerous territory- they’d started innocently enough with a quick touch to the knee when you said something funny but how now worked their way up to resting on your thighs with a light touch. 

Azan barely looked at you as he spoke- his eyes just kept trailing downwards. Everywhere but your eyes. You felt like you were back in the club, offered up to men like a piece of meat. Like you were worthless except for your body.

A sour feeling settled in your stomach at the thought and right as you went to shift yourself away from him, the mood of the entire table changed. Everyone went completely silent as someone arrived at the head of your table, staring down at you.

You glanced up, tipsy, and grimaced as you saw the knight there staring at you. Ushar, it seemed to be, from the weapon on his back.

“Hello.” You bit down on the snicker trying to fight its way out of you. Not a funny moment and besides, what the hell was he doing here?

He reached a hand out in your direction. “Master Ren wishes to speak with you. Immediately.”

“Buzzkill.” Azan coughed and Elihu had the good sense to look away, to keep a hold of her laughter.

Ushar helped you out of the booth, You half expected him to just leave- but given the knights thirst for violence, you felt bad for what was coming for Azan for such a stupid slip of tongue.

He snickered again but you missed whatever he said, wincing as you noted his hand splayed out on the table. An easy target.

Within seconds, Ushar had slammed a knife down into it and didn’t even flinch as Azan screamed. He just straightened, pulled the knife out without hesitation and pressed a hand to your back to move you away from them all.

You shot Elihu a quick, apologetic glance and began to walk where he directed you with his careful pushes to the back.

He wasn’t manhandling you like they usually did. You were surprised, especially given you were definitely missing a few of your footsteps because of the alcohol. But he seemed to stay patient, just gently guiding you along the hallways and up to Ren’s area of the ship.

“I appreciate you putting the tourniquet on my leg.” He said quietly as you arrived to the doors.

It was enough to spread warmth into your skin. Appreciation from someone, _finally_. Even if it was a murdering snake.

“You’re welcome.”

It was nicer than you had imagined and a part of you just wanted to laugh for how little he’d changed in terms of decorating. He’d never been one for clutter and it seemed to be the same even now. Everything had a place and a file.

You swallowed, noting the shut door to your left. Probably his bedroom.

“Down there.” Ushar nodded to the stairs off to the right and turned, leaving you alone. Hauling up your mental shields as much as you could, you headed down the stairs into a completely white room built with a large glass table in the middle containing some kind of instruments and to the right-

Ren blocked up the rest of the space. He was in full gear, mask and all you realised as he turned to face you.

Your eyes focused on that visor and tried desperately not to feel so dizzy. It was bright in here, that was for sure.

“You won’t train but you’ll get drunk with my staff.” He turned to face you. “You won’t train, but you’ll let some sleazy engineer feel you up in a dark bar.”

“Screw you.” The knight must’ve been able to show him what he’d seen- you sensed a connection between them all. A strong one, at that. Given how linked you were to Ren, you imagined you’d probably be able to tap into it but screw that. You had no intention of going into their sick minds.

He strode for you and you almost flinched, waiting for whatever movement he was going to make, whatever strike he was going to punish you with- but he stilled, just a few steps in front of you.

“Why do you care anyway?” You snapped. _It’s the drink, it’s the drink, think clearly here-_ “Jealous?”

 _Goddamit_.

A very soft huff of air from the mask. “I simply didn’t realise you were so easy. I would’ve suggested better options for you to go after before, is all. To satisfy…whatever needs you seem to be having.”

“I am not-“

“It certainly seems like it.“

“I don’t give a shit what it seems like.” You stepped forward and again, without much thought, you slammed both hands into his chest and pulled back. “You think I’m easy because some sleaze put his hands on me and I didn’t immediately move away? I sat there debating _how_ to move away without it potentially being offensive because let’s think- _I am a prisoner_. If he complains, I imagine I will be punished given he is an actual useful member of this vessel. Not only that, but this is a small ship, it wouldn’t take much for him to find me if he was pissed off at a little rejection.”

“You were scared of him?” He almost sounded surprised. A touch of anger laced in his words too.

“I’m not scared of anyone. Not even you.” You jabbed a finger into his tunic. “Besides, I didn’t get the chance to move before your knight arrived. For the record, I would never let him touch me, or anyone else on this ship. They don’t look _at_ me.”

“At you?”

You were surprised so far no reprimand for the shove or the jabbing of your hands. You should’ve stopped there and finished ranting but those drinks had shot straight to your mind. “For years, I cannot remember the last time someone looked at me. Not my body, not the clothes I was wearing, the ways my eyes were outlined, or how the clothes fit said body but _me_. I don’t care about it that much, eventually you just get used to the glazed over stares- but you think I would be so easy to just sleep with someone who doesn’t even _see_ me? Just..” You shook your head. “I don’t know why you felt the need to be such an asshole about it, but get over yourself.”

He was quiet for a moment. “You’re drunk.”

“I’m not.”

“You wouldn’t have said any of that without a drink.” He tsk’d and turned away from you. “Maybe that’s the key to get you to train. Ply you with alcohol.”

“I will never train with you. Drunk or not- besides, that would probably be a health hazard.”

“I see.” You swore you almost heard a smile in his voice. Another short pause before-“Maybe I can’t get you to train but it certainly seems I can get you to talk.”

“Not gonna happen. I’m already sobering up.” A slight lie- the lighting in here was certainly helping but you were still swaying on your feet.

“Let’s talk about your dreams.”

You stilled. _That_ certainly was going to sober you up quickly. 

“I wanted you to come here because I wanted to talk to you about working on your shield.” He huffed. “You’re interrupting my sleep now, bursting through in the middle of the night. When I try to return to sleep, your dreams are still playing.”

“You can see-?“

“Yes. Sometimes, if you’re projecting hard enough. Typically the more the dream is focused on me rather than you, the more likely I am to see it.”

_Oh fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck. This wasn’t good._

“Great.” You buried your face in your hands, groaning quietly. If he had seen last night, that wasn’t so bad but the night before- Ben’s hands roaming your body, your whimpers sounding off the cave walls…oh stars above. How humiliating. “I’ll..work on it.”

“It’s only going to improve if you let the force in. If you bend to it’s will.” He took a few steps and stopped even closer to you. One of those gloved hands appeared from underneath the cloak and you felt the air stop in your throat as he pressed it against your chest, right over your heart.

That feeling inside of you that you now recognised as him began to flow faster, brighter through you. You felt it encompass your bones, your heart and squeeze tightly.

“Let it in.” His voice was so quiet you barely heard him. “Work with it. Not against it.”

For someone so awful, you still heard it deep below- still heard that eager, loving boy who had loved the force and how it made him feel. The abilities it gave him.

It’s what made being around him so unbearable. To know that boy was gone and this man, of darkness and brutality, had taken his place.

Still, you couldn’t deny this flow of the force inside of you called out to you more than it ever had before. Partly you knew it was because the will of the dark side was more enticing and stronger than the light and you knew that was what he was currently pushing inside of you.

But it was more than that. It felt like something you’d been searching for since you’d arrived at the academy- something you wondered if you found in Ben, but it hadn’t been quite right.

Yet here it was, presenting itself in the form of Kylo Ren. Your greatest enemy.

It occurred some time had passed and neither of you had said a word, just staring at each other. You cleared your throat and stepped away from him, his hand falling down between the two of you.

“I’ll work on it.” Was all you managed. He didn’t say a word.

Turning, you watched as he stiffened. As if he’d heard someone- but nobody was around nor had you heard his door go.

“Stand on the stairs.” He glanced at you. “Now.”

You rushed over to them, peeking out at him. He stood, arms dangling by his sides and faced the front of the ship fully.

One blink and then, there she was- the scavenger had materialised in front of you out of thin air. As some kind of force projection, it seemed given that you couldn’t see her surroundings or hear anything. Just her.

A force projection like this you knew only to be possible through force bonds, which had to be created by someone out-with the two. So who had linked the two of them together? And why? She was clearly more important than just being a Jedi.

The girl was breathing deeply. She looked scared- but angry, too. Like she had in Batuu.

“Palpatine wants you dead.”

Your blood froze. Palpatine…you’d learned about him at the academy, about how Luke had defeated him with the help of his friends. But he’d died all those years ago, so how could he want her dead now?

“Serving another master?” She just stared blankly at him.

“No. I have other plans.” He sighed. “I offered you my hand once. You wanted to take it. Why didn’t you?”

Something inside of you felt like it was being chewed from the inside. Anxious flutters spasmed in your stomach. This was more complex than you had ever realised, this capture of the girl- she was more than just a pesky Jedi he needed rid of.

“You could’ve killed me. Why didn’t you?”

“You can’t hide Rey.” He avoided her question. “Not from me.”

“I see through the cracks in your mask. You’re haunted. You can’t stop seeing what you did to your father.” Her voice reminded you of his. So soft, yet so dangerous.

“Do you still count the days since your parents left?” He shot back. “Such pain in you. Such anger. I don’t want to have to kill you, but I’m going to find you and I’m going to turn you to the dark side.”

He’d never tried to scare you like this. Because he couldn’t, or wouldn’t?

He took slow, steady steps towards her. She was watching him, frozen in place. “When I offer you my hand again, you’ll take it.”

“We’ll see.”

Without warning, he leapt forward and snatched the necklace off her neck, grasping it tightly in his hand. She disappeared within a split second, leaving just the two of you alone in the room.

You watched as he turned slowly, turning the beaded necklace over in his hands. What you had just witnessed..it was a lot to take in very quickly. A lot of information for you to sort through.

He glanced up at you.

“Let’s go find the Jedi- and this time, catch her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back,,,, lemme know ur thoughts as always. 
> 
> X


	12. BUCKLING

An hour later, you stood in the upper level of the Steadfast, a few healthy steps behind Ren as he watched his two generals reporting to him on the location of the Jedi. You’d pretty much hauled ass up here and swallowed an entire cantina of water on the way that he’d given you. You were beginning to feel like shit and you were sure you looked it too.

“Kandia.” Ren nodded to the man standing behind the red haired general. He scuttled forward slightly. “Report?”

“Necklace was made in the Middian system sir, specifically the forbidden valley.” He informed him and stepped back.

“Good. General Pryde.”

“Yes, sir?”

“Immediately deploy two divisions of troops to Pasaana and prepare my ship for departure. We will leave immediately.”

“I personally wish to offer my services to lead the squads to kill the scavenger, supreme leader.” The ginger one, Hux you presumed, stepped forward and inclined his head.

“Pryde.” Kylo seemed to ignore him entirely. The man’s face went more red than his hair, mouth twitching in anger as the supreme leader turned his attention to the general on his left.

“Yes, sir?” He didn’t seem particularly bothered about the clear power struggle between the two that was going on. It almost made you smile.

“Target ships in the same class as the Millennium Falcon. And Hux-“ He turned slightly. “The search for this girl is too important to risk any errors. The Knights will be leading this mission, instead.”

“Those brutes-“ He looked ready to burst.

“Are capable warriors. Are you questioning your supreme leaders decision?” He hissed. You felt like all the air had been swallowed from the room as you noticed Ren’s hand twitch by his side, ready to attack. Like a viper.

“No, sir. As you command.” Such distaste in his voice as he bowed his head and slinked off back to the control deck. Pryde followed.

“Let’s go.” Kylo turned and you fell into stride with him, trying to keep up with his impossibly long legs.

Such an odd thing to witness, the clear power struggle between them all. Maybe this order wasn’t as stable and secure as it claimed to be.

Kylo’s voice broke through the quiet of the empty hallways. “You’re wondering who he is. Hux.”

_Reading my mind like the morning paper again? Charming._

_Shields are down_. That was the first time he’d ever openly spoke inside your mind- it sent a wave of chills down your spine as you hauled your shields back up- but just a little, so he could still talk to you. _He’s a general. Commanded Starkiller base and the Finalizer, before it was blown up. He now answers to Pryde here on the Steadfast. You’ve never met him because he is very…difficult about prisoners._

_Difficult?_

_He’d ask a lot of questions about your abilities and probably try test them for himself. It’s one of the reasons I don’t leave you on the ship when I go anywhere, unless I don’t need the knights._

You smirked _. Is the other reason because without your knight stopping me, I may have actually escaped and you’re worried I’ll do it again?_

He huffed. _Left to Hux and he’d turn you into a Jedi lab rat, having you run all kinds of tricks before killing you to make sure you couldn’t cause him any trouble in the future._

Something about the tightness in his voice eased you, strangely. Good to know he didn’t want to leave you in anybody’s care but his own. Worrying, given he was still Kylo Ren, but probably for the best.

_He seems a very angry person._

Ren glanced down at you. _He’s very…uptight._

You couldn’t help it. Maybe it was the lack of sleep from all of the dreams haunting you, or just the hesitation in his voice to pick an adjective that wasn’t an outright insult but something about it made you actually let out a quiet laugh.

Kylo shifted upright beside you. He didn’t say too much as you rounded the next few corners.

_Will the engineer be angry Ushar stabbed her friends hand?_

Sighing, you shrugged. _He’s a Knight of Ren. She can’t be too angry if he loses his temper- it’s kind of their entire reputation._

 _Will she be angry with_ you?

You frowned up at him. Why did he care? _I don’t know. Maybe._

_Hm._

That seemed to be the end of it then. As you walked out into the bay, the Knights were gathered and waiting at their ship. Ren glanced towards the TIE-fighter at the other end of the hall.

“You’ll go with them and the stormtroopers. I’ll be flying in that.” He pushed you forward slightly towards them. “Don’t run off this time. Hot desert, no places to hide. I mean it, Ace.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You waved your hand dismissively at him and walked towards them. Honestly, you were just relieved a warning was all you were receiving- no punishment for breaking out the ship or for helping the spy escape. Maybe helping out the Knight somehow equalled it all out.

But Kylo Ren wasn’t known for caring to be fair. It would only be a matter of time before he pulled something out the bag to surprise you.

_Ace._

You glanced over your shoulder at him. He was still walking away, facing towards his ship but you heard him loud and clear.

_What?_

_About being seen. I...understand._

God if you had something in your hand you’d chuck it at his head. The lamest apology you’d ever received from anyone. What had done it, you wondered? The crack in your voice as you spoke of it or the fact that was probably the first time you had smiled around him since you were young? Either way, it seemed he was pitying you and that made you feel even more sick.

However, he was the supreme leader. Evil, criminal mastermind- it was the best apology you were ever going to get from him.

With a sigh you stepped into the Night Buzzard and began your journey to Pasaana.

Jealously was all you felt as you landed in the desert that afternoon. Jealously at the fact that instead of going near the city, where you heard stormtroopers gossip about the Festival of the Ancestors, you had landed on some rock far out from the city and were currently watching the Knights circle the area as they searched for rebels.

You didn’t bother to search with them. You had no interest in busting any rebels asses and in fact, hoped they’d make a quick getaway. Given the amount of Knights here however..it didn’t seem too possible.

Pasaana was hot, that was for sure. You were glad you weren’t armoured up or anything, because you were already beginning to sweat through your clothes. How the hell these guys wore all that armour, you didn’t know. It was so heavy too. Screw that- you always preferred the lighter robes of the Jedi.

A loud cry came from behind the Night Buzzard and you frowned. It didn’t sound entirely human. What the hell was in this desert? If you were going to die by getting eaten by some desert animal, that truly would be karma coming to bite you in the ass for your years of hiding.

More shouting. They’d obviously found something, or someone. A couple of stormtroopers appeared, jogging into the ship.

“What is it?” You asked, focusing on the distance. You swore that was Ren’s TIE-fighter looming far on the horizon.

“Prisoner. We don’t know where the rest of them are, but we got one. A wookie.” He spoke quickly and disappeared back up the ramp.

_A wookie…_

You felt your stomach drop slightly. Could it be-?

No. It couldn’t.

But Rey had mentioned Han was dead. That…Kylo had murdered him. It was something you had barely allowed yourself to consider since she’d said it given the amount of information that had been thrown at you at once.

Palpatine being seemingly alive. Han’s death. His enticement of her to the dark side.

Han being killed by him didn’t dash your hopes of any scrap of light within him as much as you thought it would. It was awful, terrible- but he’d always been closer to his mother. Han had visited the academy maybe twice in well over ten years. Leia had visited much more, but still not too often. Privacy and secrecy were important to Luke and Ben’s parents visiting when nobody else could was seen as unfair.

But Ben struggled where the others didn’t. You all felt that tug inside of him- at least towards the end, you had. Things only got worse when his parents separated and her lineage came out- Han didn’t even come see Ben then. Maybe if he had…

Ben hated him for it. He could pretend day and night he wasn’t feeling that hate for his parents, that abandonment. But it had seeped through your skin whenever you got close to him, rolling off him in waves.

Another cry as stormtroopers approached. You leaned off the outside wall of the ship, eyes wide as you took in the wookie making its way down the hill, stormtroopers desperately grasping him to avoid him escaping.

They took him inside and chained him to one of the steel tables there. When they were sure he was unable to escape, some of them returned back up the hill while a few stayed behind to guard the two of you.

He let out a few more desperate cries before they turned to something more angry as you quietly approached.

“Chewie?” You swallowed nervously. His head tilted as he took you in. “You won’t remember me but I’m.. I was at the academy. With Ben.”

The mention of his old name seemed to light some recognition in the wookies eyes as he looked you over, probably trying to place you in his memory.

You felt shy almost as you leaned down in front of him, still staying a careful distance away so not to alarm him. “We only met, three times maybe. It’s okay if you don’t remember but I’m not going to hurt-“

He let out another loud cry before those huge, hairy arms reached and yanked you into a deathly tight embrace. The stormtroopers behind you turned, panicked and raised their guns- but you shot out a hand in defence.

“He’s okay!” You shouted, slightly muffed underneath all the hair. “He knows me.”

That didn’t seem to put them at much ease. You weren’t surprised. They’d probably heard what you did to their colleague whilst weak and imprisoned. Now free and healthy, with the help of a wookie, they’d be toast if you so decided.

But like Ren said, this was the middle of the desert- where the hell could you take him, especially if his other friends had seemingly disappeared?

A part of you wanted to hope Ren wouldn’t hurt him. But then again, you’d never imagined him killing his father.

You’d never imagined any of this.

“It’s going to be fine Chewie. I’ll keep an eye on you.” You promised- and you’d keep that promise. Ren wasn’t going to lay a finger on him, no matter what.

Chewie nodded, rambling on about how he was sure his friends would come for him at some point. They always did, no matter what happened. You just nodded in agreement, patting his hand.

The screaming sounds of a TIE-fighter blared from outside and you stood, pushing past the guards and back outside into the blistering heat and rock.

There was Ren’s ship, screeching as it soared over the ground, just meters above it aiming straight for…the girl?

She was standing, back turned to him as he rampaged towards her. How in the hell was she going to escape this one?

You swallowed nervously as she began to run, that beaming lightsaber in her hand. It was almost painful to watch- you were terrified you were about to watch the last Jedi become impaled on Kylo Ren’s fighter jet.

But as graceful as the morning sun, she leapt up right as he reached her, flipping over the jet at such height even you were amazed. Her lightsaber came down and struck the ship in one very smooth movement.

She landed in the dirt, standing as you all witnessed Ren completely lose control of his ship. Something in your stomach lurched as you watched it wobble with engine loss before completely losing control, spinning and spinning as it smacked into the ground. It exploded loudly at the other end of the valley.

You stilled, watching smoke begin to pour into the sky. The two stormtroopers behind you shifted slightly, nervously almost as they watched it too.

If he was dead..you had to get out of here. Now.

 _It’s just curiosity,_ you told yourself as you concentrated on the force flowing around you, sending out anything to search for him. Forcing every fibre of your being to work with the force, _give in to it_ as Ren said.

You could feel the girls energy and brushed past it, searching for him. She responded slightly and you noticed out the corner of her eye, her position changing as she searched for whoever that was poking around.

Beginning to give up hope, you began to eye up the stormtroopers gun when you felt that thread between the two of you come alive, Ren yanking on it as if to say _I’m alive_.

Was it wrong to be simultaneously disappointed but impressed?

Rey stood, watching as he approached out of the smoke and flames, helmet-less.

“Rey!” Someone from well below you all screamed her name. A man, it sounded like. “They’ve got chewie!”

Her head flew in the direction of the other transport that was taking off across the valley. You frowned- that had been full of the stormtroopers that got here first and had clearly failed in their mission to find the rebels. The only person in there was the pilot.

Rey’s hand shot out and began to pull the transport down. She was using the force- a great deal of it too. You were certainly impressed.

But then, resistance. It stopped moving midair as you noticed Kylo also concentrating on it, stopping her from pulling it further. The two were locked in a force battle and you knew exactly where this would lead, especially if the rumours of her being as strong as him were true.

It wasn’t going to be good.

The ship shook violently in the air as the two of them fought with it. You expected an explosion any second now and braced yourself, arms folding around your middle as you watched.

But then, something worse happened. Something so much more awful,

Electrifying, blue light shot from Rey’s hands and upwards to the transport, blowing it to pieces. The explosion rang out across the valley, deafeningly loud.

You gasped, stumbling further out onto the ridge to get a better look. There, you could see all the knights watching too up to your left. Everyone completely frozen as the Jedi girl began to scream for chewie, who was moaning in protest behind you.

More voices shouted for her from below. She ran for them, hesitant for a moment before doing so. Good- they were far enough down that the Knights would never reach them.

Kylo didn’t seem too inclined to stop her, either. Just watched as she ran for her friends, desperately wiping her face as she went, lightsaber strapped back to her side.

They flew off quickly, in some old freighter vehicle and disappeared into the skies above. The troopers around you scrambled into action, preparing the ship to follow them, ready to go and collect Ren.

All you could do was stare at that burning ship in the distance, horror uncurling itself inside your stomach as you tried to process what the hell this could mean. That power..you knew where it came from. Who it came from. The fact she’d been so surprised, so terrified at herself after and Ren’s sureness on her coming to join him on the dark side..

The galaxy was in a lot more trouble than you realised.

He wasn’t in his office that evening, you realised as you went searching for him. Nor his quarters, which you’d also chapped the door to softly. Something like relief filled your chest when he didn’t answer the door to that particular room.

So you went hunting, tugging on that thread that eventually lead you down to the other end of the ship, closer to your quarters. He was standing just outside, leaning against the wall with such casualness it surprised you. How did he always look so composed?

He raised an eyebrow at you as you approached. “You were looking for me?”

“Is chewie okay?”

Blinking, he nodded. Not a flash of emotion on that beautiful face- there never was. “In a cell, of course.”

“Don’t touch him.” There was no give in your voice, no room for bargaining. But Ren was going to try and weasel for one anyway.

“He’s _my_ prisoner.” He pushed himself off the wall and came to tower above you. "What will you give me in exchange for his safety?”

“Tell me how she did that.” You avoided his question, his inquiring stare. It was difficult to look at him when he was looking at you like that and you were desperately trying to avoid looking like an idiot, your mind flashing to your dreams and threatening to turn your cheeks bright pink.

“The lightning?” He asked. “You heard me earlier say Palpatine is looking for her?” You nodded. “She’s a Palpatine. She’s his granddaughter and today was a mere test of her powers to show her how close she truly is to the dark side.”

It felt like the rug had been swept from under your feet.

_Oh no, no, no-_

“How is that possible?”

A palpatine after all this time? It just didn’t seem realistic. He’d never had any family on records, the senate had made sure of that apparently after Luke killed him. Never even a whisper of a family. How had this not been discovered sooner?

“I’m unsure on the details, but he wishes me to kill her.” He met your stare. “I don’t intend to do anything for him- I don’t serve him.”

Something about the strain in his voice told you this wasn’t entirely true. “I see.”

This wasn’t good. In fact, this was actually world ending disastrous because all of your protests and fighting and running meant shit now. It meant nothing- because your last hope, the resistances last hope, was a Jedi girl who was actually born to a Sith family. Who had infinite Sith powers she has just unlocked and with every meeting, it seemed she only turned further to the dark side.

With no guidance from someone like Luke, no support.. how was she to control herself? To know any better? It wouldn’t be her fault but if she were to fall to the dark side like Ben had…

You’d all be dead.

“Why do you need me if you think she’s going to turn?”

“You’re still more powerful than she is, Sith or not. Still more trained. I’d be stupid to kill you and not have you both on my side.”

You rolled your eyes. “I am _not_ on your side.”

“I felt it awaken in you in that club Ace. I feel that power grow every day, even as you try to desperately repress it- but you’re using it more and more. Relying on it. I feel you use it to find me, to track me- and don’t think I don’t know you had to tap into it to escape my shuttle.”

What was with him and proximity? He was practically on top of you as the two of you spoke, inching closer with every word. Your heart began to race.

This was it. Right here was the decision you never, ever wanted to make again as long as you lived. You had vowed once to cut off your own hand before touching a lightsaber again, before letting the force come back to you.

But now you didn’t have a choice, it seemed.

“I’ll train with you.”

He straightened. That had shocked him, and not much did.

You folded your arms. “What? Unexpected?”

“Why?” Suspicious. That was fair, given you had denied him at every turn to do this and had now suddenly changed your mind.

“I.. you’re right. I miss the force, I want to work with it again. The urge is too much for me to bear.”

“I hate when you’re dishonest Ace. It makes me have to consider punishing you for such callous lies.” He lowered his voice to a mutter. Goosebumps broke out on every inch of your skin

“I’m not-“ You paused slightly as he very gently traced a finger down your arm. _Bastard_. “I’m not lying. I assure you.”

There was no doubt in your mind he’d seen your dreams, from the way he was leaning over you, eyes never leaving yours. He knew exactly what he was doing and why, you weren’t sure. Given your hateful feelings for him and that you were a figure from his past, you thought he wouldn’t want to be within five feet of you but it didn’t seem to matter to him. If only he wasn’t such a brick wall and maybe you could get a reading how he he felt.

Unfortunately, the issue was how strongly he was intertwined with the force. You could lie to him, but you also couldn’t. He’d sense the slight deceit within you and right now, he’d also sense everything else you were feeling as he caressed your arm.

Hate. Frustration. Worry. Desire. Fear.

 _In your dreams,_ you shot at him before he could say a word about it.

 _Apparently also in yours,_ he shot back. Your cheeks turned scarlet red and you had to shuffle backwards and away from him slightly. This was getting too comfortable. He was edging over a line you weren’t prepared to cross. It did’t matter what you were dreaming of, or what had happened between you in the past.

He was a different person then. It wasn’t going to happen now.

“You would also never admit I’m right.” His eyes snapped to yours, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Think of it as turning a new leaf.” You replied.

“Such a smartass.” He trailed off, eyes utterly focused on the lower half of your face now. More specifically, your mouth. Thank god your shield was up because given that look in his eyes, you didn’t want to see what he was thinking about right now. It couldn’t be anything good.

You took another step back. “I’m offering myself up to train here. Take it or leave it.”

He sighed before offering you a curt nod. “Fine. Whatever the real reason is, I’ll find out eventually. You can start immediately tomorrow morning, 7:30 am at the knights training hall.”

He strode off before you could say another word without so much of a glance behind him. You finally felt like you could breath again, all that tension in the air sinking as he disappeared.

Training was a bad idea. Tapping into your powers under the presence of someone using the dark side was a bad idea. But you had to rely on your own years of experience and training and hope you were strong enough to resist it whilst improving and re-honing your skills.

If Rey was to fall to the dark side.. you’d be the only Jedi left capable of stopping her. Of killing her, should she fall to the dark side.

Of killing both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry xmas guys. love to you all- may the holidays bring you light and warmth.
> 
> J


	13. FIGHT

_Your eyes felt so heavy- as if someone had woven them together. You couldn’t see a thing and almost panicked, wondering if you had lost your sight. Was this retribution for what you had done? Were the Jedi above you watching, ready with punishment in hand?_

_Blinking very slowly, you realised it was just dark. A trickle of light filtered in from the corner of the cave, where the opening was and slowly began to wake you._

_You had fallen asleep- stupid. So stupid. The plan had been to return last night when everyone was asleep to avoid any suspicion about where you had been on this unsanctioned trip._

_Sitting up, you let out a groan at the sight of the boy next to you._

_An even stupider decision._

_“Ben.” You hissed to your left, where that warm body was still pressed against yours. Wearing no damn clothes, only covered by his shirt he’d draped over himself in the night._

_What had you done? What the hell had you been thinking?_

_Well, you hadn't been thinking, that was the problem. You had done anything but use your brain last night, instead turning to your heart for guidance- a fools error._

_Luke would be right to punish you both._

_“We have to go.” You scrambled upwards, yanking on clothes as quickly as you could. You didn’t dare glance in his direction or you’d fall right back into him again._

_It was just one time. One mistake. You could deal with one mistake._

_Could Luke even punish you? For running away for a night yes, but for this? It wasn’t exactly illegal anymore. Jedi weren’t encouraged to follow the same rules as before but everyone knew this wasn’t a good idea, including you._

_“Ace.” He grumbled._

_“I’m serious, we have to go. We’ve been gone overnight, they’ll be worried sick-“_

_“They won't give a shit.”_

_Sighing, you pulled one of your shoes on. “They will. Look- we were tired and.. it’s been a rough week. We can just go back and everything will be fine okay?”_

_Ben finally sat up, narrowing his eyes at you as he began to shuffle into his clothes. “What, go back and pretend this didn't happen?”_

_“Exactly.”_

_“Ace-“_

_“You leave soon.” You finally looked at him, scraping your hair back with your hands. His eyes burned into yours. “You are going to go and be a jedi- be what you’ve always supposed to have been. This is just.. it’s just better if we leave this in the past. Leave me in the past.”_

_He clipped his saber back into his belt. ”That's what you want?”_

_No. You wanted so many things from him, wanted to do so many things with him- but those words would never leave your mouth. How were you to tell him such things when you knew he couldn't choose you or wait for you?_

_He was Ben Solo. Son of legendary war heroes, nephew of the first new Jedi, destined to do things well beyond what you could ever imagine. He would find someone more suited to that- you weren’t that person. You never would be._

_This thing growing between you would only break both of your hearts._

_“That’s what I want.”_

The next morning, you were dressed and ready, standing inside the training hall at the exact time you were supposed to- given how much of a shitty mood Ren had been in the evening before, it seemed like a stupid idea to provoke him by turning up late, or not at all.

You’d tossed and turned over the decision all night. Was this insane? Was it handing a weapon to the most powerful man in the galaxy?

Perhaps. But you had to trust you could keep a level enough head to trick him into thinking you wanted this whilst simultaneously planning exactly how to kill him, and his Jedi girlfriend.

It certainly wasn’t going to be easy.

Glancing around you appreciated the simplicity of the hall- had Ren designed this? If he had, he’d certainly taken a cue from his uncle.

Luke liked things to be simple. No fancy training rooms with obstacle courses and ridiculous amounts of weapons.

This was much the same- soft, springing mats nailed into the centre of the room for catching bodies when they fell and racks of weapons lining the back walls.

The two doors at the end of the hall slammed open, revealing a pair of knights entering through them.

Well- what you presumed to be the knights. Neither were wearing helmets, but had come from the direction of the quarters and were dressed in training gear.

“Morning.” You nodded to them.

“Ren said you’d begin training today. I didn’t believe him.” The one on the right huffed. Usher, you were sure.

The one on the left you hadn’t seen before. Gorgeous, silver eyes met yours as you took him in- as tall as the others, deeply tan, brown haired.

“Ushar..” Your eyes slid up him again. “And?”

“Does it matter?” Nice voice too. Smooth where Kylo’s was rugged. You wondered if Ren had picked this squad for their looks as well as their skill.

Standing, you slowly began to make your way towards them. “Why do all of you have such an attitude? Are you all whiny boys who never bothered to grow up?”

“I wouldn’t start with us right before we’re supposed to be punching you.”

You rolled your eyes. “You aren’t supposed to hurt me, you’re supposed to teach me. Or is there no difference with the two in your eyes?”

“They go hand in hand. Pain forces you to learn quicker.”

“Not necessarily.” Nerves bundled in your stomach. Were they about to demonstrate that on you right now?

“Relax.” Silver eyes folded his arms. “We can sense that fear spiking. It affects us too.”

“I’m not scared.” You snapped. He just rolled his eyes.

“Let’s keep it basic. You’re a good fighter already- we know that from Kuruk’s face.” Usher huffed what could’ve been a laugh. He must’ve been the one who tried to take you in the loading bay.

“Let’s go into defensives. You’re good at attack.”

The other one circled you and before you knew where you were, a pair of arms tried to circle you and yanked downwards. You panicked, turning and yanking as hard as you could on the hair there, foot stomping downwards.

But it didn’t do very much and the air was knocked out of you as you hit the matts beneath your body.

“Ouch.” You let out a long sigh. “Thanks for that.”

“Hair pulling can be good- but don’t let your body flop like that or panic.” Neither of them offered you a hand, just circled you and waited for you to get back up.

You did so, dusting yourself off. “So?”

“Think. You have me by the head- what next?” He darted forward and grabbed you again, not giving you a moment to think. You grabbed his hair and twisted, mind spinning- but your body moved first, bringing a knee straight up into his face and dropped your body weight, causing him to stumble. As you hit the ground, you bounced back quickly and stepped back from him, awaiting his next move.

But it never came from him- instead, you were thrown to the ground by a blow from the right. Usher had moved in on and you and attacked.

“Better- but use the force. Keep an eye out for anyone looking to attack you, not just the one who got there first.”

You felt like you were back in Luke’s class, a kid again. Learning from the beginning.

But everyone had to start somewhere and if this was the way to stop the galaxy from crumbling to the ground, you’d take it.

Slamming into the ground, you swore.

“Up again.” Usher waited. The other knight had taken a break, to grab some water or something. Not that he needed it- the two of them barely looked like they had broken a sweat.

You got to your feet and wobbled. Usher strode forward and using his foot, kicked your ankles to shift yourself into a more defensive position.

“How often do you all train?” You were curious how someone in his position got to the skill level they did. How they had moulded Ren into the notorious warrior he now.

Usher quickly held up his hands for you to hit. After a few moments of doing so, he finally answered you. “Everyday for most of the day- unless the Supreme Leader has a task for us.”

“A task?”

“Hunting someone, or something. Reminding councils of who they answer to. Buying materials- anything he asks of us.” Usher sighed. “No, move your hip like that when you swing. It’ll give you more power.”

You did as he asked and kept your punches steady. Combat wasn’t a big thing in the Jedi academy but given the way these men fought, you wished it had been.

“Do you enjoy answering to him?”

“Why do you ask so many questions?” He met your eyes- but there wasn’t any cruelty there, like there had been with the other one. In fact, there was nothing in those eyes to give you any indication of his thoughts. It reminded you of Kylo. “Besides- I find it funny you pretend not to know of who we are and what we do when I imagine Luke told you all about us.”

“Luke told me very little- I’m just curious. If I’m to train with you all and to be on..this side, I just want to know who I’m working with.”

He snorted. “You aren’t working with us. Do not pretend you’re training for Kylo Ren, or the First Order. You don’t think we know you’re doing this for yourself?”

“Is there anything so wrong with that?”

“There will be if you decide to wield yourself against us.” Those eyes flashed at you and he returned his attention back to your stance, throwing more instructions your way as he ducked between hits.

These knights may be more trouble than you realised.

Four and a half hours later you were sweaty, broken and bruised. The two knights had worked you endlessly from defence to attack, position after position until you felt so exhausted you could barely stand upright.

Currently you were bent over, hands on knees as you swallowed more air, watching the two pairs of feet shuffle in front of you. Ready to go again.

“I said train her, not kill her.”

You almost jumped at the voice behind you. No modification- that meant no mask. Turning slowly, you realised Ren had entered at some point and had been watching you all.

“She’s fine.” Silver eyes grunted.

“You’re done for the day.” He gave a curt nod to them both and they immediately dropped their positions, heading for the back of the room. “Cardo, wait there.”

He did so, Usher giving you all a quick nod before disappearing back into the doors and into their quarters.

Your legs felt like jelly as you stood there beneath the supreme leader. “Am I doing this everyday?”

“Everyday.” Ren confirmed. “But for now, a shower- you look like shit.”

You snorted. “Charming as ever. Why did you drop by? Just to tell me that?”

“I’m impressed you didn’t bow out an hour ago. Cardo tells me you kept up with them- by the end in fact, you even got a punch in on Usher.”

“I hate that mind talking thing you all do.”

_This?_

You almost shoved him. _Get out._

_You let me in._

“Anyway.” He cleared this throat. “You’ll be with me at the end of the week- we’ll see how much you’ve learned then. So, I suggest you get to work.”

You blinked in surprise. “ _You’ll_ be training with me?”

“Weekly. To keep an eye on your process.” He shrugged.

As if it wasn’t a big deal. As if this wasn’t repeating history all over again.

Glancing downwards, your eyes lingered longingly on the saber attached to his side. How your hands had itched to touch one since the moment you’d seen his, glowing and vibrant in front of you.

“No. Not any time soon.” He shut down that dream as quickly as it arrived, reading your mind.

You pouted but didn’t bother to scold him for the intrusion- it was becoming a habit of his it seemed but at least your shields were working better that he couldn’t see _everything_. “Why? Scared?”

He just sighed, eyes roaming over you briefly before going to the man still standing behind the two of you. “Escort her back.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

No reply. He just tilted his head, signalling for you to leave.

You did so with a sigh and tripped as he gripped your arm in a steel grip. “Work on the shield this afternoon please. No more dreams.” He met your eyes with a stare that had your cheeks burning- had he seen last nights? It wasn’t exactly scandalous but..painful. For you at least.

“Fine.” Yanking your arm out his grip, you walked off, listening to the soft footsteps behind you as the knight trailed you.

Neither of you spoke the entire way back to your room, your mind elsewhere. All you were thinking about currently was a cold shower and seeking out Elihu. You hadn’t seen her since that night in the bar and you felt an apology was due- the knight probably scared the shit out of her and it wasn’t like her friend had _completely_ deserved a knife to his hand.

As you raised your key up to the door, the knight shuffled behind you. 

“You’re up to something.”

You turned, eyebrow raised. “Sorry?”

“The supreme leader may wish to believe you’ve given into him and your Jedi urges, but he’s blinded by the thread between the two of you. Nobody fights that much to give in so easily.”

“Careful.” You warned. He could be severely punished for suggesting such things about his master- you certainly wouldn’t put it past Ren.

But you were telling him to be quiet for your own sake. That was both him and Usher questioning you now.

“No, I suggest _you_ be careful- whatever it is, when he figures out what you’re up to he’ll kill you.”

“I’m not doing anything.” You carefully stepped inside, avoiding his stare. “His paranoia is rubbing off on you, it seems.”

“I’m not warning you to be kind. I’m warning you as I don’t wish to waste time and effort training you to have to kill you when you turn on him. Or try to leave.”

He turned and left. You watched him disappear around the bend before slipping inside, a nervous pit settling into your stomach deeper than before.

Were you so obvious? Or were these knight just observant enough to notice things that, as he’d said, Ren was being blind to?

Cardo, Ren had called him. He had taken a particular watch to your movements it seemed, as well as Usher.

Hoping you hadn’t somehow fallen into a plan of Ren’s instead of trying to follow your own, you stripped off your soaking clothes and got into the shower.

Worrying wouldn’t do anything to help. All you could do was train your way back to the strength and skill you had before.

Train and pray to god you weren’t making a huge mistake.

Elihu’s quarters were not an easy find. Keeping your head, and eyes, down you followed another staff members mumbled directions and kept an eye out for _8305_ , her room number.

You could’ve waited until the next day and caught her at lunch, but you wanted to talk to her now. It had been a long day and you didn’t want to put off apologising to the one person who was actually kind to you on this ship any longer. She deserved better.

 _8305_ was engraved on the door to your right and you stopped, chapping twice. You felt so damn nervous.

Door swinging open, it revealed Elihu in her casual clothes, frowning. “What are you- how did you-?”

“I’m sorry.”

The two of you stood in dead silence before, after a long painful moment, she began to laugh. The sound was so joyous you even cracked an anxious smile yourself.

“Come in!” She reached and yanked your wrist, pulling you inside.

A single room it seemed, not a bunk. One bed squeezed against the wall, a desk of drawers beside it and a few decorations lined on the top. To your left, a cubicle bathroom.

It made your own quarters on the ship feel far too large and very undeserving.

“Why are you sorry?” Her eyes searched your face before widening. “Oh my god, because of the knight?”

“Well, he did stab your friend.”

“No, listen they are barely my friends. Just guys I work with. Even then, everyone knows you don’t talk back to a Knight of Ren- it was his own damn fault.” She brushed off every single one of your worries with her quick chatter, a smile growing on her face. “Is this why I haven’t seen you since then?”

“No, I’ve been.. so busy.” You rubbed your arm, wincing.

She frowned. “What is with the bruises? I’m beginning to worry you’re just Ren’s punching bag rather than his guest.”

Emotional punch bag, maybe.

“I’m training. Trying to keep fit and I’m just..not eating enough I think. Makes the skin bruise.” You gave her the most bullshit answer in the world but she just nodded. She clearly didn’t buy a word of what you had said, but she wasn’t going to push and for that you were grateful.

You still weren’t sure where your boundaries in this place where and how much truth you could give people without hurting them, so for now she’d have to stay in the dark.

But it would be nice one day to tell her the truth. All of it.

That’s what friends did right?

“Come on, sit down. I have to tell you about my day!” She dragged you over to the bed and the two of you sat facing each other.

You couldn’t help but let your mind drift as she babbled about the girl she had a crush on and the interaction they had.

She was your friend, wasn’t she? So what would happen if the rebels did miraculously win the war and the first order was wiped out- would people like her be sentenced to death when perhaps they hadn’t had a choice in the first place?

Given your Jedi status, within the rebels you assumed you’d have some leverage and be able to spare her. But would she want such a thing? Or would she wish to fall with the rest of her colleagues, truly believing in the cause?

Such a hard thing to gauge on this ship, who was blindly trusting in the First Order and who was a true fan. A dangerous question to ask, given your answers could never truly be safe.

God, you hoped she didn’t know anything else was out there, anything better, and had chosen to stay anyway.

You’d had very few friends throughout your life and Ren had killed every single one of the ones you had within the Jedi camp.

Elihu laughed and gripped your arm, brining your attention back as she told you another part of the story, her eyes brighting. You smiled in return.

Whatever happened- you’d make sure he wouldn’t hurt this friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double release! -->
> 
> <3


	14. MAYBE

About a week later, you dug your foot into the training mats of the hall and waited on the supreme leader to arrive.

He wasn’t late, you were just early- early and guilt ridden from your morning dream you’d had. It had started so innocently, you felt as if you were falling into a memory- but quickly realised it was nothing of the sort.

_“What can I do?” You gripped his hands to stop the fumbling he was doing._

_He was losing it- losing it and you didn’t know what to do. Ben let out another annoyed grunt as he tried to pick up the pens he’d sent flying just a moment before in anger._

_Anger at what, you weren’t sure. Everyone. Everything._

_“Ben, what can I-“_

_“Be quiet. You can be quiet.” He hissed and you looked up, surprised. It wasn’t like him to talk like that, to be so sharp._

_A moment later, his hands had grasped you and pulled you forward as he kissed you. The two of you smashed against each other, like violent waves in a storm._

_It had never been like this. Ben was soft, kind- this was not Ben._

_“Ben, what is-“_

_“Enough.” He mumbled as his lips moved downward, hands already unwrapping your Jedi robes. You wanted to tell him to stop, to talk through whatever the hell was going on but you had no words left within you- only burning desire, threatening to rip you in two._

_Your own hands found his robes and began to unclip things, throwing his saber to one side. He yanked off your top and pushed you backwards onto the ground beneath you._

_There was barely a chance for you to do anything- he was there, mouth on your body, hands tearing off clothes as quickly as he could. Your own and his._

_You moaned as his hands pushed your thighs apart, cold against your heated skin. He chuckled, his only form of an apology, and pushed his pelvis against you._

_Tilting your head up to look at him, you smiled as he kissed you again and gasped into his mouth as you felt the length of him slip inside you so damn easily- he had soaked you just by touching you._

_“Fuck.” He grunted._

_Another kiss and this time, as you opened your eyes to let out another moan as he began to thrust deeper, you let out a surprised gasp instead._

_Ben wasn’t above you any more, pushing your thighs apart, but rather Kylo fucking Ren, equipped with scar and all._

_He grew so muscular before your eyes, hair spilling out of control as he thrusted deeper and deeper into you, slamming against your pelvis. Oh fuck-_

_The moans you were letting out should’ve been heard by everyone in the damn camp but you realised then as his nails dug into you that this was no memory. Nobody in the camp ever would’ve heard you, nor had any of this ever happened._

_This was a fucking fantasy._

_About Kylo Ren._

The thought had you up and clutching your sheets, his name a whisper into the darkness surrounding you.

Shame had followed you all morning, all the way to your walk down here. The only saving grace was that you had been practicing your shields all week and you were pretty happy with them. Given the lack of communication from him until last night when he simply reminded you over a message that he’d be training you tomorrow, you presumed this meant you hadn’t been interrupting his sleep- but if he had somehow managed to see last nights dream, you would die right then and there of embarrassment.

The doors slid open and there he was- looking pissed off as usual. Are all leaders of the galaxy so constantly miserable? you wondered. Maybe when the rebels were gone, he’d be happier.

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen him smile. Was it that night in the caves? Had there been any time between then?

“The Knights seem happy for you to progress onwards.” He threw his jacket off to the side, revealing a loose fitting t-shirt underneath. So odd, to see him dressed as such. “I’ll be testing that now, obviously, but they say you’ve done well this week.”

“I’m a quick study.”

“I remember.”

Your stomach fluttered and again, thoughts from the evening before rose to your mind. If you could’ve slapped yourself, you would’ve.

“No dreams this week.” Thank god- as you’d hoped. “Mental shields are improving very well it seems.”

“Years of repression will do that. Good discipline and all.”

“Silver linings?”

You could’ve thrown your shoe at him. “You want me to find silver linings in having to repress my powers for years since you blew up the only place I knew to be home? I can’t find many.”

He ignored you. “Any preference for where to begin?”

“I don’t give a shit.”

Ren came to stand in front of you, frowning. “What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing.”

“The energy surrounding you says otherwise. Did something happen?”

“No.” You had to get your emotions under control now you were using the force again or he was going to be able to read you like a book. “I’m fine.”

“Hm.”

With that, he stepped forward for you and began to fight, fist flying for you.

Your real training finally began.

Eight fights later, a breathless Ren seemed slightly in a better mood than before. This kind of thing seemed to ease his moods, you realised. Or at least, eased the pissed off look his face was permanently moulded into.

When he was Ben, it just make him look solemn. All those years of hatred as Kylo had just made him seem miserable. Or furious. Usually both.

He nodded. “Okay, I suppose.”

 _“Okay?”_ You had put three Knights on their asses this week. You were doing more than okay for such a short time.

“Okay.” He confirmed and began to walk to the rack.

But you weren’t in the mood for his dismissal today. “It’s more than okay. Are you just putting down my skill because you’re afraid I’ll become better than you again?”

He scoffed, grabbing two batons off the wall. “Ace. I suggest you put a pin in the attitude today.”

“Why? You’ll throw a tantrum otherwise?” You folded your arms. “I worked my ass off this week, I deserve more than an okay.”

“Mediocre.” He shrugged and you snarled. “Maybe I’ll out you back with the knights for a few days more.”

“Scared of a challenge?”

At that, something was lit in his eyes. Stupid. You were getting better but stupid when you knew how good he was- miles ahead of you. Yet, you hadn’t been able to stop the words from getting out and you certainly couldn’t cram them back in now.

“You’re going to be begging for mercy in about five minutes.” He handed you the baton and squared up to you.

You swallowed nervously. “You’ll be begging in two.”

No time to think- you struck first, your baton as quick as a whip as you brought it down. Ren caught it with ease and threw you off, his own baton whipping towards your arm.

You wrapped your fingers tightly around the baton in hand and struck again, dancing around him as he lunged for you. Ren’s staggering height didn’t add to any advantage over you and as he stumbled slightly on a step, you took advantage and swung downwards.

Struggling for a moment, Kylo brought his foot forward and hooked it behind your ankle, making you fall straight onto the ground below you.

Falling with a grunt, you hit the ground with a slap. But your hands stayed steady even as you did so, baton still raised in defence as Ren kept advancing, swiping at you. You crawled back, wincing as he managed to get a smack at your thigh before rolling to the side.

If he was going to play dirty, so could you.

Twisting around his back you smacked his torso with your baton as hard as you could and when he bent slightly, you brought your leg up and kicked him as hard as you could, sending him stumbling to the side.

That certainly pissed him off- as he recovered, his nostrils flared and he strode for you, hand twitching at his side.

“So desperate to use the force- have you become so reliant you can’t win without it?” You mocked.

Not the best idea, given how goddamn angry he already was, but you were enjoying this. It was the first time in weeks you’d felt something other than fury or sadness or worry. Adrenaline soared through your veins and made you feel alive again.

You felt like you again.

The two of you kept dancing around each other, footsteps stealthy and light as you blocked each of his ever more aggressive hits. He was getting frustrated. You loved _this_ part of combat and always had. The energy, the feeling of your feet gliding over the floor, the satisfaction as you successfully dodged the opponents hits. Kylo’s face revealed much of the same, concentration etched onto that perfect face of his.

As you broke apart and circled each other, his face twisted. You almost paused as that horrible, immense pressure broke around your brain and then-

_“Fu-u-ck.” You let out another moan as he slid inside you, Ren’s hands pinning yours above your head-_

“Get the fuck out of there!” You hissed and ran for him before he could see any more of that. Asshole had broken into your head- complete fucking asshole.

“Still need to work on those shields.” He mocked as he side stepped you. But now you were pissed and went for him even harder, catching the back of his knee with a swift kick. He buckled, but only for a second before regaining his balance and snarling at you.

He swung for you at the same time you swung for him and your hand reached out, grabbing the end of his baton as he did the same to you, clearly having the same idea. Instead of stopping however, Ren pushed backwards and your feet stumbled as he practically carried you across the mats.

With a slam, you hit the wall behind you, hands still grasping both the batons within them as you glared at him.

His hot breath crawled across your skin, littering it with goosebumps. That powerful body holding strong against your own, hands pushing those batons into your chest.

“Is that why you’re in a shitty mood? Disgusted with yourself?” He pushed harder. You bared your teeth at him. “You aren’t wrong. It is disgusting how badly you want to fuck the enemy.”

“That is not-“

“I didn’t see that dream last night but I sensed something was off from the second I walked in here. You couldn’t even look me in the eye.” You were certainly looking at him now, those brown eyes boring into yours. “Is that it? You want to fuck me so badly it makes you furious with yourself?”

You pushed back against him. “I think you’re projecting.”

“Maybe I am.”

With that, he dropped both the batons with a heavy clang against the ground. The two of you stood, staring at each other for a few moments. The tension around you was so thick you may as well have cut it with a knife.

“You’ll continue training with the knights- and in two days, we leave for Naboo.”

“Naboo?”

“I have business to attend there and you’ll be coming too.” He turned to leave and gave you another glance as he did so. “Good work today.”

He was gone before you could say anything else. Probably for the best, given your stomach felt like it was about to turn out right onto the floor in front of you.

What was the worst thing that had happened there? How easily he’d gotten under your skin, or the fact that he had a point?

You could tell yourself day and night how much you hated him, but your subconscious certainly didn’t seem to agree given the dreams it was sending your way. Especially considering those dreams were no longer of Ben, the boy you had known, but him, the monster that had taken said boys body.

His eyes had reflected the exact look you’d seen in the mirror every morning this week- disgust. Fear. Desire.

_Maybe I am._

This was not good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy NY guys! i hope you enjoyed. Naboo is coming and it's about 2 get spicy ......


	15. NABOO

The Night Buzzard slowed to a steady speed, coming out of light-speed above Naboo, right in the Naboo system.

You had never visited before and weren’t sure exactly what to expect- of course, you knew Naboo to be extremely beautiful from the legends as well as being ruled by a Monarchy, unlike many planets which even before the First Order’s heavy fist were ruled by councils or an elected leader.

But they had seemed to have struck some kind of deal with the First Order that kept them in power.

For now, anyway.

Glancing down at the planet approaching you, it reminded you of yet another time when you watched such a beautiful planet disappear.

_If this was death, you felt cheated._

_People had promised light, freedom, beauty- they had not promised this crushing feeling on your chest and the feeling like your body had been hit by a tie fighter._

_There was an almost thunderous crack from above you and you braced for it- braced for that last blow, the one that would surely send you to the great beyond if you weren’t already in some horrible limbo._

_The only reason you presumed limbo was the air tickling your free hand, which wasn’t under whatever you had been trapped by. It felt hot- fire. A lot of it too._

_Maybe you’d burn to death._

_That cracking only got louder and you gasped as blistering light broke through and smacked you right in the face, the horrible weight lifting off you immediately._

_It was Luke- hauling you out of a rock pile, huffing as he did so._

_Your cabin. It had collapsed and crushed you._

_Coughing, you glanced around, wondering if your friends would be standing there, worried- but there was nobody in sight except Luke. The morning sun had begun to rise on the horizon, so you’d been knocked out for some time given the last thing you had remembered was going into your cabin to sleep._

_The land around you was burning, covered in black sooty spots and rocks. Someone had completely obliterated the entire place._

_“I-I-“ Your hands clasped Luke’s robes as he gently walked you out of the rubble and away from your cabin. “What happened-?”_

_“Ben happened.” He said it so quietly, you almost thought you’d misheard him._

_“Ben?” You looked around and if Luke hadn’t been holding you steady, a hand across your waist, you may have collapsed onto your knees right there._

_Other Jedi’s, younglings..you could see their bodies strewn over the camps. The ones that hadn’t burned to death already or been flung miles from camp._

_A hand, just like yours had been, was sticking out of one of the piles of rubble but had turned an awful blue colour._

_“I don’t understand.”_

_Luke gently sat you down inside one of the temple openings, taking a seat beside you. The two of you watched as the only place you ever truly considered home burned right before your eyes. You had noticed that your bracelet, a gift from ben, had disappeared from your wrist- but it must’ve been torn off during the explosion._

_“I..I had a feeling Ben was turning to the dark side. You did too, didn’t you?” He glanced over at you. Almost guiltily, you nodded. You had felt a shift. “This is Snoke’s doing.”_

_“Snoke?”_

_“We had..an encounter once. He is the supreme leader of this order that’s rising within the galaxy, attempting to take the Empire’s place.” He sighed. “I feared he had taken Ben and..well, now I suppose I am right.”_

_“But Ben..” You felt so lost for words. “He has really turned?”_

_“I am afraid so. I’ve arranged for someone to pick you up, a secret transport- they’ll take you to whatever planet you choose and then you need to hide. Hide your powers, hide yourself. Do not let anybody know who you are. With Ben by his side, I fear Snoke will be far more powerful than before.”_

_You couldn’t stop looking at the bodies discarded around you. Everything was gone. Except-_

_“Wait, Tai- they all went off world for your assignment. Will they be coming back soon?”_

_Maybe you could all hide together, get a little stronger. Hide with Luke even and then you could train to try and stop Snoke-_

_Ben too, you supposed, although the thought made you want to stab a knife through your heart._

_Luke’s eyes grew unbearably sad. “They..went to stop Ben.”_

_“What?” You shot to your feet. In the distant horizon, you saw a flash of cream as your transport entered the atmosphere. “Without you?”_

_“They left before I could stop them.” He held his hands up. “I had no way to-“_

_“Ben is more powerful than any of them! They could be-“_

_“Ace-“_

_“What if he has done something awful, something-?”_

_“Ace!” Luke’s hands clamped down on your shoulders, rooting you to the spot. He shook his head. “It is done. They are..I felt..”_

_He didn’t need to say it- for as soon as he had looked at you, you had felt it too. That soft tug inside of you unbearably quiet. Dead._

_Just as they were._

_“He killed them.”_

_“I’m sorry kid.”_

_Ben had killed them._

_Sweet, quiet Ben whom had been your most trusted person in the entire galaxy had killed your other friends. Your family. The last of the Jedi._

_Just as his ancestors had done._

_“Do you think the news..his heritage..did this do this? Did it push him over the edge?”_

_“I think it was a long time coming. I did so much wrong, as did his parents..” Luke shook his head. “I’m just so sorry-“_

_You shook your head. Watching your transport land, you knew you had to get out of here- and quickly._

_Unclipping the belt at your side, you quickly slipped it into Luke’s hands, tears beginning to stream down your face and falling onto the robes wrapped around your neck. Luke’s eyes widened._

_“Are you-“_

_“I can’t.”_

_You had never felt pain like this. The last thing you needed was that stupid lightsaber to remind you of everything you had lost, given you may never touch it again. It was also a dangerous weapon to carry if you were to stay hidden._

_Nothing more to say, you stepped away from your master and towards the transport. One of the crew waved you over, as if to say hurry up._

_You paused and glanced over at Luke, wiping your face._

_“I loved him.”_

_“I know.”_

_You felt your mouth wobble. “But it wasn’t enough.”_

_“It never can be.”_

_With that, he turned, as if no longer able to look at you and you strode for the transport, scared if you stayed a moment longer you may get to your knees and beg for another option when you knew there wasn’t one._

_Luke was the most powerful force user in the galaxy. He must have some kind of plan in mind, especially if he was hiding you away and that wasn’t to be interfered with._

_Besides, your master knew what was best._

_Ten minutes later, you watched as that beautiful green planet disappeared below you as you gently sailed away from it, mind whirling with ideas on where to go._

_Home was out of the question- if Ben wanted to hunt all the Jedi, he’d go there first to look for you. You just had to hope if you stayed away he wouldn’t hurt them._

_The thought of him even hunting other Jedi had your stomach turning again. But he’d murdered everyone in that camp and then your closest friends- you couldn’t think of him as Ben anymore. Not after that._

_“Where to?” The crew member waved in front of your face. You sighed, foot digging into the metal beneath you._

_“Coruscant.” You decided, picking the first planet that came to your mind. “Take me to Coruscant.”_

“Ace.” Usher had appeared beside you, snapping his fingers. “We’re landing in Theed in a moment- be ready.”

Rolling your eyes, you straightened your clothes and watched as the atmosphere developed right before your eyes.

Theed was the human capital of Naboo, where the majority of the human population resided. It was breathtaking and almost appeared to have a floating appearance, surrounded by steep cliffs and waterfalls.

You had never seen such a beautiful place- and, as you stepped off the ship and fell in line behind the Supreme Leader, such beautiful people either.

It almost made your clothes feel dirty as they watched you approach. Such neat uniforms, slicked hair, shiny boots. No sign of the royals it seemed- just their guards, awaiting you at the bottom of the courtyard where you had landed. Kylo out front, you behind and the Knights behind you. All six of them- a way to make a statement for sure.

Kylo kept his strides even, nodding to the guards before following them into the palace in front of you. He was dressed in his full gear, of course, helmet and all. He’d taken his own ship here too and instructed you go with the Night Buzzard instead.

In fact, it almost seemed like he was _avoiding_ you.

You wondered if it was strange for him to be here, where his grandmother used to rule and where his grandparents had fallen in love. Had Naboo really struck a deal with the Empire, or had its leader had a soft spot for the planet?

Given Ren’s treatment of other planets, you doubted he shared that sentiment with his ancestors but still..

It was too beautiful to burn, sentiment or not. You doubted you’d be able to do such a thing even if you had the kind of hate in your heart Ren seemed to.

Now inside the castle, you almost smiled at the sight. In your mind, you had expected something different- draughty old halls, decorated in terrible paintings of portraits. But whilst there was paintings, they were beautiful and full of colour, catching your eye at every corner. Between them, surrounding the pillars all over the place, was sculptures of all kinds.

It was lavish but something about it all felt very homely. It spoke of wealth and power yet let you know this was still a family’s home.

The guards led you all through to the throne room, a vaulted chamber with tall windows towering above you all.

Now, from what you had gathered on the steadfast through research, there was a Queen, Queen Savannah, currently in charge on Naboo and she had two daughters, one of who was your age and the other a little younger. She had the two children with her husband, Prince Louis.

“Your majesty.”

No curtsey from Ren, you noticed, and none from the Knights either. Just a nod of respect.

“Supreme Leader.” Her eyes ran over you all, lingering on you for a moment. “How nice of you to pay us a visit. We do so enjoy you coming.”

She was beautiful. Grey eyes, outlined in deep kohl, with two red dots beneath them. Her top lip slashed in red, the bottom having just a single line down it- the classic dress code for monarchs of Naboo. On her head, a towering headpiece that looked like petals opening.

“I presume you know why I am here?” Ren stood facing her, hands clasped behind his back.

“For more plasma I assume. Word is there’s a new Jedi around.” Again, those sharp eyes of hers darted towards you. You tried not to shift uncomfortably.

“Hence why the First Order need it.”

“I’m sure we can come to some agreement on it.” She waved her hand dismissively, as if it wasn’t a big deal. As if she didn’t quite care that he was the Supreme Leader.

You liked her for it instantly.

“Who is this?” The man beside her spoke, nodding to you. Her husband, you presumed, given the royal robes he also seemed to be decorated in, a plain silver diadem on his head.

“This is my..apprentice.” Kylo decided, briefly glancing at you. The first time he had all day.

 _Seriously?_ You shot at him and offered the Queen a gracious smile. _Try prisoner, asshole._

“It is an honour to meet you, your majesty.”

“And it is my honour to meet Kylo Ren’s apprentice. I never thought he’d have one of those- you aren’t exactly the patient kind.” She said it so casually, yet your stomach tightened. Naboo was still under First Order rule, he was still in charge here despite her being Queen.

“I felt it was time.” Was all he replied. Perhaps trying to keep the mood light, for access to her plasma. You never knew he could be so diplomatic.

“We can discuss plasma arrangements tonight. For now, why don’t you all go and settle into your rooms. Take a walk. Dinner will be at 7pm sharp.” She nodded and guards slowly stepped towards you, to guide you out of the hall. That was to be your dismissal then.

Even as they led you all away from the hall and down towards the chambers, Ren still didn’t bother to look at you. He didn’t even attempt to scold you- just disappeared into the suite that was his and slammed the door behind him.

Another guard pointed to a room next door to his, saying it was to be yours. They mentioned there was clothes inside the dresser appropriate for dinner and other days, raking their eyes down your own. You blushed slightly and made a mental note to check it out.

You stepped inside, eyes widening at the large window in the corner.

“How trusting of him.” You muttered.

“We’re on a rotation to watch you. Don’t get any ideas.” Usher appeared behind you, pleasant as always and shot you a look you couldn’t quite distinguish from his mask before walking into his own room.

It was beautiful- a little more old fashioned that you had expected, with the ruffling bed spread and wallpaper but how could you complain? Compared to the steadfast this was a dream. As was the bed, which felt like heaven to your tired bones.

Still, as you lay there and debated taking a nap, you found you were used to the buzzing of the ship and almost slapped yourself for missing it. It filled the quiet spaces in your mind and now, all of your thoughts were there. Ready to be listened to.

Why Ren was ignoring you, what the hell he needed plasma for, your training, the way the Queen had looked at you as if she knew something.

Maybe she did.

Rolling onto your side, you sighed. You had been on the ship all morning and now you were here, in the glorious sun and grass. There was no way you’d be staying inside.

You were striding for the door and had flung it open without much of a thought, forgetting completely about the dark lord in the room next to you and shooting off down the hall before he could lock you in your room all day.

Given he’d disappeared into his without much of a word, you presumed he had nothing to say anyway so why would he mind you taking a walk?

Deciding to stay away from the city, for fear of getting lost and besides, you weren’t exactly prepared to run away, you followed the track out of the courtyard and down a small cliff face.

It wasn’t a long walk- but every breath of fresh air you took, you savoured and each breeze of wind that crawled across your skin was welcomed like an old friend.

How you had missed it, a planet of such weather. Coruscant underground was so deep it had it’s own damn weather system- darkness, cold and wind constantly.

The path was a little steep but eventually flattened, a small lake spreading out in front of you which had formed from one of the waterfalls off the side of the cliff, surrounded by various amounts of flora.

You sat down, pulling at the grass beneath your feet. A habit you’d had even in the academy, when you’d sit and listen to Luke teach you all.

Maybe you had been right earlier- maybe Ren had found it strange to be here, which is why he’d been so quiet. The thing with Kylo was that you imagined he tended to focus on the aspects of his grandparents that made sense to him, in his mind. His grandfather being Vadar, his grandmother being a Monarch.

He probably never thought about the love that had brought them together. The same love that had killed his grandmother and had turned his grandfather against Darth Sidious when it came to saving his Uncle.

You had discovered all of this from Luke the night after you had returned from the caves. He’d noticed you had left and lightly scolded you- but thanked you after Ben had gone to bed. Said perhaps he needed a day away with a friend to clear his head.

From the expression on his face, you wondered if he was lying. Now, you knew he still felt that darkness inside of him. So of course he’d been lying.

Had he known what the two of you had done? You’d never know now.

But when you had asked why he needed to clear his head and what had been so bad about his grandparents, Luke had explained it all.

You never had the chance to talk to Ben about it- the next evening he blew up the camp.

The lake rippled out in front of you and you frowned. It was barely ankle deep, so there couldn’t be any fish inside it-

Another ripple, now causing waves to splash up onto the rocky ground in front of you. You turned, frowning, and that frown grew deeper as you noticed a knight approaching behind you.

A soft hissing came as he took his mask off. Cardo.

Great.

“Don’t be so excited to see me.”

“Stalking me?” You raised an eyebrow at him before turning back to the ground in front of you.

He moved forward, towards you. “You don’t exactly have freedom privileges to just leave without saying a word. Didn’t Usher tell you no funny business?”

“Oh yes, I’m planning my escape as I sit here. I know this lake is a dead end but I’m thinking either to hide in it, or just throw myself off the cliff entirely.”

“I’d prefer the latter.” He came to stand beside you.

You glanced up at him, squinting in the sunlight. “Do you hate me because I’m a Jedi or do you just hate everyone, like a sullen little boy?”

He rolled his eyes. You could admit he was pretty handsome- there was something enticing in those silver eyes of his.

“You’re a pain in the ass and we have a more important to job to do hunting down this Jedi than training another one.”

“I’m not stopping you from doing the former.”

He shook his head. “She’s in his head. You’re in his head. It’s slowing him down more than you think.”

“How am _I_ his head?”

“I don’t know what kind of dreams you’ve been having, but they’ve been sending his energies all over the place. We feel it too you know- _all_ of the feelings he has.” He emphasised, staring at you and you felt a pink tinge on your cheeks. “He’s becoming distracted.”

“I’m not trying to do that.”

Cardo sighed. “He should’ve just killed you on Coruscant.”

You didn’t say much but you agreed. It would’ve made so much of this a lot simpler.

“I wanted to live to see my home again.” You leaned your head onto your arms. “Now I know my parents are gone- I wouldn’t care if he sliced that lightsaber right through my skull tonight. Not really.”

It was the truth. You wanted to train and help the Jedi girl but, you were exhausted. More than anything, you were so damn exhausted that you wouldn’t mind joining the netherworld and leaving the rest of these idiots to blow up the galaxy themselves.

He was silent for a few moments. Nothing more to say it seemed.

“Did Kylo send you?”

“Yes. Checking you weren’t doing a runner.”

You snorted. “I wouldn’t get very far.”

“You’re smarter than you realise.” Cardo said then frowned, as if he hadn’t meant to.

More silence between the two of you. He seemed content to stand there and you certainly weren’t going back just because he’d come down to find you.

But still- he was interrupting your silence. Better to make use of him whilst he was away from the palace and the rest of them.

“Why do you work for Ren so faithfully? What did he do to earn it?”

He raised his eyebrows at you. “Isn’t that a question for him?”

“Maybe the second part, but why do _you_ work for him?” You pouted. “Come on- what am I gonna do? Take down the First Order with the history of how he got you all to follow him?”

“I presume being a Jedi you knew of the Knights of Ren before.. Kylo Ren.”

You nodded. You knew they worked for Ren, which was the name of any of the leaders, hence Kylo Ren and that they were neither Jedi or Sith. But they wielded the force roughly, aggressively.

“Ren, or Ben at the time, contacted us using Ren’s helmet. He then met us on Varnak, where he’d been pursued by those other Jedi students.”

Your heart felt like it paused in agony.

“Ren required a sacrifice for Ben to join us. He didn’t believe he’d murdered Skywalker and well, at the time he hadn’t.” Cardo kept his eyes on the trees around you. “He had accidentally murdered one of his friends, but it was accident and Ren felt the conflict. However, he convinced us to let him join us and we left. When we got to Mimban, his friends had caught us up. They tried to talk him back but.. Ren murdered the boy. Snapped his neck and then taunted Ben.”

Tai. Kylo hadn’t murdered him, but Ren had.

“He lost it. Fell to the dark side and murdered Ren and the girl in the process.”

Voe.

“So that was it? Because he murdered them, he took control of you?”

“We are loyal to Ren, always.”

Depending on who Ren is, exactly, you supposed. Killing machines loyal to whoever dare wield them.

“Unless Ren is undeserving of it, of course. But Kylo Ren is the strongest force user in a millennia- nearly as strong as his uncle was.”

You snorted. “I wouldn’t let him hear you say the nearly.”

“He is more than deserving. So we serve.”

Glancing upwards at him, your eyes trailed over to the waterfall nearby. This was probably the most Cardo had ever spoken to you and truthfully, you were surprised he even had. Perhaps being away from the others softened him slightly.

You didn’t kid yourself however- you knew he’d still be beating you into a pulp at training as much as he could.

“If he was to go to the light side? Would he be undeserving then?” You looked at him.

“He won’t.” He seemed so sure in that, chest puffing outwards, but you pushed forward anyway.

“If he does?”

Another sigh. Then, heavy silver eyes met yours. You wondered if he’d asked himself the same question since the Jedi girl had appeared and influenced him.

“That’s a question I can’t answer.”

Wavering loyalty. So dangerous in war.

“Well.” You stood, dusting yourself off. “For your sake, may you hope the day never comes.”

The rocks were slippy beneath your feet as you began your slow ascent back to the palace, tired of him invading your space. You’d made it a few steps when he called your name. You turned.

“Do you still cling to the hope he turns back, as the other Jedi do?”

You thought about it for a moment. “No.”

“No?” He sounded surprised.

“Coming back is unheard of and besides, I don’t think I’d be able to stomach Kylo Ren turning the light side.”

“Why?”

_I would want him dead anyway. For everything he has done._

You settled for the less dangerous answer. “I just couldn’t.”

Cardo’s silver eyes burned a hole in your head all the way back to the palace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!! Double release coming next and I PROMISE y'all are gonna love it!! It's already written lol so imma edit 
> 
> For now... enjoy!


	16. HER..OR YOU

_Dress accordingly. Drinks at 6pm in main lounge._

That was all that was scrawled across the note slipped under your door that evening. Not Ren’s writing, which was far more neat you remembered from the note he’d once left you, so probably a servant instead.

Plenty of time to waste, given you’d come back from your walk much sooner than you had wanted to. Cardo had accompanied you all the way to your door and then one of the other knights had stationed themselves outside of it, just as they promised.

You took advantage of the large bathtub that sat right by an open, tall window looking down into the abyss below. Why they were so worried you’d escape out a window you weren’t sure- it was a straight drop down to ensured death below. You wouldn’t be that insane and frankly, it was a little insulting they thought you may be.

Playing with the golden taps at the other end of the bath with your feet, you wondered who would be at the meal- just the Queen and her husband, or children too? You would quite like to meet the princesses, given they were of similar age to you. And Ren, you supposed. He was only a little older than you, not lightyears.

Would the knights attend to? Would they need to dress accordingly, or stay in their usual gear? You supposed all questions would be answered when you arrived and given the clock sitting on the wall in front of you, you were going to have to get moving soon.

The bathroom was just as royal as you expected. Golden handles and stocked to the breaking point- so many soaps to choose from, an endless supply lined along the bathtub in front of you. You picked jasmine and honey, running some it through your hair too.

The servants in the palace had certainly stocked your room with everything you could possibly need- not only were there clothes in both the dresser and wardrobe, but the desk had a large mirror, decorated with pearls and jewels and underneath the desk was piles of makeup, jewellery, hair pieces. Anything a girl could need.

You had felt so drab for so long, there was no way in hell you weren’t going all out- especially given you were dining with royals.

Flinging open the wardrobe, you ran a hand over the dresses inside. Every colour under the sun sat inside and all different kinds- lace, silk, satin. Long, short, strapless, long sleeved.

Eventually, after much deliberation and looks in the mirror, you settled on a dress that was classy enough for a queen, but attention seeking enough to annoy the bastard next door, and got to work on your face.

Nothing too heavy- a light dusting of makeup, some accentuation of your eyelashes and a light gloss over your lips. Your hair appeared to even be doing what it supposed to do too, sitting in waves as you slipped two pearl slides into it, pinning a piece back.

The dress was a deep navy blue, dipping to your lower back with mesh sleeves that ran to your wrists and as you twisted to look at yourself from all angles in the mirror, you grinned. It fit you like a glove, accentuating everything you wanted accentuated.

You had forgotten how nice it was just to dress up, to look pretty- you had done it every night at the club to the point you almost forgot how you looked without all the makeup. Then for the past month or so on the steadfast, you hadn’t been able to get your hands on it at all and felt a little..rough at times.

A light knock at your door alerted you to the time. Time to go and drink..with the royal family. You shook your head- you couldn’t have even dreamed this up a month ago on Coruscant. It still didn’t feel real sometimes.

You just wished it wasn’t in such awful circumstances, with such an awful man who was holding this beautiful planet in his fist, ready to crush them at any given moment.

A man you couldn’t stop thinking of. Another awful thing.

Slipping in some silver earrings, you took another glance over yourself before heading towards the door.

Standing outside was Cardo, waiting for you.

In a _suit_.

You raised your eyebrows at him at the same time he raised his at you.

“No armour?”

“Usher and I are attending..dressed like idiots.” He huffed, eyes raking up and down you. “The rest of them will patrol nearby.”

“All work no play, hm?” You teased and shut the door, the two of you falling into step beside each other as you headed for the lounge. “No Kylo?”

“Already there. I was told to bring you myself.”

“Still avoiding me.” You muttered, something Cardo thankfully chose to ignore as the two of you walked in silence.

“Nice dress, by the way.” He said quietly as you arrived in the lounge. You blinked, mouth open to reply to him, but he was already moving away from you as if he was too afraid to hear what you might say. You weren't even aware such a brute was capable of something like a compliment.

The lounge was on the far right of the castle, tucked into a little corner. Not too big, three couches inside, surrounding a wooden round table. A fire burned brightly opposite from it all and the room was just as homely and colourful as the rest of the castle, heavy green drapes covering the view outside.

Cardo positioned himself by Ushar in the corner of the room and you smiled to everyone as you arrived, awkwardly nodding to the Queen and her family.

The whole family had come to dinner it seemed. The Queen was no longer in her official robes or makeup- she now wore a simple dress and no headdress, her husband in similar attire.

“Ah.. Ace, was it?” The Queen said your name as if it was ridiculous. It was, to be fair. A stupid nickname.

“Yes, your majesty.”

“I’d like you to meet my daughters.” She nodded to the two girls sat on the couch opposite from Kylo. “Amalié and Petra, princesses of Naboo.”

“A pleasure.” You nodded to them as they offered polite smiles in reply.

Both were the spitting image of their parents- brown eyes, like their father, and glossy brown-red hair like their mother. Both in neat, beautiful gowns and polite tiaras that didn’t draw too much attention.

Amalié was the older one- you could tell by the way she held herself and the lines around her eyes.

Finally, you glanced over to your Supreme Leader and expected the usual level of annoyance you’d received from him all day.

But he was staring at you, to your surprise.

Scrap staring- he was burning a hole in your dress it seemed, those eyes of his practically undressing you in front of the entire room. You felt that shift of energy within him- anger, desire and more.

Trying to pretend everything was fine, you took a tender seat beside him on the other end of the couch and took the glass of wine that was offered to you immediately.

How exactly does one chug wine politely, you wondered? Probably not possible. You settled for small sips and prayed another glass would come your way soon. You’d need it if he was going to be looking at you like that all evening.

The knights shifted in the corner of the room, the two of them also staring at you. You imagined they could feel, and hear, everything their master was thinking and given the gleam in his eye and what he’d said to you the other day, you imagined it was nothing decent.

Was it wrong you’d dreamed of him since the other day?

He wasn’t incorrect in what he had said- you hated yourself for it and felt sick to your stomach every time you awoke from another dream of his hands roaming all over you.

The Queen asked Kylo something and he answered, his deep voice buzzing over your skin. He was dressed in a suit, like his knights and you desperately tried not to look at him in it. He looked fucking good- like, beyond his usual level of good and it was making your brain feel itchy.

As he talked, your eyes wandered to the knights again. Ushar had focused his attention elsewhere, but Cardo was still looking at you, eyes narrowing as if to say _what the fuck?_

You just shrugged. What the hell were you supposed to do about his thoughts? You couldn’t control him. Nobody could.

“Shall we move to dinner? I do wish to discuss your stunning apprentice and wherever you managed to find her.” The Queen beamed at you and you smiled back, feeling your cheeks grow warm.

“Let’s.” Kylo stood and awaited the family to get up and go first. You stood, carefully following him out of the lounge and towards the dining room.

Neither of you quite made it, however.

The knights stepped ahead of you as he wrapped a heavy hand around your wrist and yanked you around a corner, shoving you into the wall there. You winced, hissing at him and gripped the glass in your hand a little tighter. Thankfully it didn’t smash.

“Tell them we just need a moment to catch up.” He nodded to Ushar, who glanced at the two of you, before heading off. “Nice walk this afternoon?”

“Very. Thanks for sending someone to look after me.”

“I saw the conversation the two of you had. Interesting, fishing for information. Like you care, Ace.” He was towering above you, body inches from yours as he looked down at you.

“I care what happened to our friends. Now I know.” You pressed yourself harder into the wall, wondering if you would just disappear through it should you wish hard enough.

Ren stepped closer. “Cardo practically had a panic attack and shut down his senses there when I watched you walk into the lounge. As if he couldn’t bear to hear what I was thinking about you.”

“What exactly were you thinking?” A dangerous line to tiptoe but you couldn’t help yourself, his mind ringing around your voice.

_Maybe I am._

Fuck, you couldn’t think clearly like this. With him, dressed like that. Every inch of you was screaming to get away from him whilst simultaneously screaming for him to touch you. An extremely confusing conundrum.

His eyes were intense as they burned into yours. “Remember you were a Jedi first Ace, no matter how much you train with us. If you’re attempting to win him over by fishing for information or spending time alone in the hopes he’ll give in and fuck you, he will resist. You’re _tainted_. None of them would touch you with a pole.”

Your hands found his chest and shoved, hard. “Fuck you.”

“I’m just warning you, before your feelings get hurt.”

“Like you give a shit about my feelings.” You jabbed a finger at him. “You’re _jealous_. That we were alone. That when I was with him I didn’t just outright hate him and actually _talked_ to him- you’re pissed, aren’t you?”

“Careful, Ace.” He warned.

But you were angry now. Angry he was trying to embarrass you, to make you seem so disgusting and untouchable.“You need to take a long, hard look at yourself.”

“Is that so?”

“You say none of you will fuck a Jedi. Then stop looking at me like that-“ Hand darting out, you laid a hand on his chest before you could think better of it, fuelled by anger. “Stop thinking about fucking me, bending me over until I’m screaming your name, on my knees in front of you, mouth wide open-“

“Enough.” He gritted out.

“Just stop looking at me like you want to fuck me.” You gripped his tie. “I’m _tainted_ , remember?”

With a gentle shove, you pushed him away from you and strode for the dining room, giving a gracious smile to everyone as you arrived in.

Pretending that your heart wasn’t almost falling out of your damn chest and your knees weren’t about to give way.

Kylo took the seat beside you, refusing to look at you as he did so.

_Asshole._

“Shall we eat?” The Queen smiled.

So you ate.

Surprisingly, you really enjoyed the company of the royal family. They were kind, funny and much more average people than you expected. Whilst they were impressive in their hobbies, you were pleased to find that they dropped in small snippets where you could pick up that they were doing a lot of work for the city and the rest of Naboo.

The Queen kept it very brief however. Not the best idea to be talking charity in front of the Supreme Leader. But still, you liked her and you liked the fact she wasn’t afraid to ask questions to anyone there, Kylo included.

The food was beautiful too- things you’d never tried before, all cut into beautiful shapes and presented like a piece of art. The flavours felt like heaven in your mouth and you had to resist the urge to babble on about how amazing it was. The fact that they got to eat like this every day gave you a painful lump in the throat thinking of the Steadfast’s gruel.

“So, you’re from Raysho you say?” The Queen’s mouth settled into a hard line as she watched you. “I was.. sorry to hear of your planet. Unlucky to be part of a demonstration but..” She glanced over at the knights in the corner. “Necessary I suppose.”

“It was unfortunate.” You nodded. No hint of emotion betrayed your face- you didn’t need anybody in this room knowing how devastating it was for you

“So, have you always trained underneath..the First Order or is this new?” She glanced at Kylo, choosing her words carefully. You noticed her pauses came quite often as she navigated the minefield that was conversation with the supreme leader.

She had probably wished to say _Siths_.

You waited for him to answer, but he did no such thing. Fine.

“No. I’m new.”

“I see.” Her fingers tapped against the table. “Well, are you any good?”

“I certainly used to be. I had.. a slight setback in my training but I’m hopefully back on track to becoming more at one with the force again.”

“I’m very glad to hear it.” She smiled. “You must have some promise if the Supreme Leader has taken you on.”

“She does.” He confirmed, but still kept his eyes away from yours. The few times his thigh had slid out and touched yours, you had jumped away.

You’d put him in his place, or so you hoped you had, but now you felt like a nervous wreck. Dinner was not settling in your stomach well at the thought of his room just next to yours.

“Well, that brings us round to our plasma deal I suppose.” The Queen signalled and the servants behind began to clear the plates away. You thanked them, nervously rubbing your arm- you had wondered what it was she wanted all day.

“What is it you need?” Kylo seemed bored, as if he’d expected this. “The same as before, more access to outer routes or-?”

“No.” She cleared her throat. “I want something of real worth this time, supreme leader.”

Kylo settled back into his chair. Waiting.

“As you’re aware from the reports here, there’s unrest in Naboo. People are not happy with us complying with the First Order. I am happy to- it keeps my title, my family and my people safe. However, unhappy numbers are growing and if they continue to spiral, we could be in real danger over here.”

“We feel we need something to solidify our relationship with the First Order- or, have something from them that makes us feel safer.” The prince interjected.

“Safer?” Kylo glanced around. “Your guards, the-“

The Queen shook her head. “We worry the resistance will strike, or guards may turn- they aren’t exactly the First Order’s biggest fans either. We need an extremely skilled warrior to look after us, to protect our daughters should something happen to us. Protect the bloodline..”

You shuffled anxiously in your chair and glanced over at Cardo. Was she hinting at being given a knight, or someone like them? It sounded like it.

“Either that, or we need to truly solidify our relationship with the First Order. Show that we have full allegiance to them and won’t be turning back. Scare the resistance off from trying to break into the cracks.”

Given how grounded she seemed, you were surprised the Queen was so scared of resistance taking her crown. Naboo wasn’t a planet typically known for bending to rulers either. Perhaps she was more worried about her title than the rest of the galaxy, in which case, you liked her a whole lot less suddenly.

“Spit it out, your majesty. I don’t have all evening.” Ren snapped.

“Fine.” She sighed. “I propose one idea is that you marry my daughter Amalié- and truly join us with the First Order.”

“What?” Amalié sat up slightly. This was clearly news to her.

“A marriage is a very strong bonding. Or even just the announcement of one for now, until you are ready- it can crush any kind of naysaying.” The prince said, ignoring their daughters desperate stares she was shooting their way. She looked over to you and Kylo, but you shrugged helplessly.

Kylo’s mouth drew into a hard line, his entire body going stiff as she spoke. He wasn’t happy with that idea.

Another awful thing to add to your awful list- the relief you felt that he didn’t instantly agree to it, though some part of you knew deep down that he wouldn’t. Kylo Ren didn’t exactly seem like the marrying kind.

“Or?”

The Queen’s eyes found yours and she nodded towards you. Ren’s own eyes widened slightly, body turning almost protectively as he shifted in front of you.

“Or you give me her. A warrior to protect us. So, her..or you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update... -->   
> thanks for all your continued support!


	17. DESTINY

“What?”

You were the first to speak into the silence lingering between the entire dinner party, everyone shooting helpless glances at each other.

Kylo had said nothing, his eyes still on the Queens as he unwound his fist and tapped his fingers against the table. Contemplating her offers.

The princesses looked just as worried as you, their eyes wild. You didn’t blame them- being promised off to the supreme leader with no prior warning would be terrifying. Especially a supreme leader like Kylo Ren.

“You must be more skilled than you care to admit if he’s willing to put time into your training. I had one of my own workers sense the power rolling off you, my dear.” She upturned her nose. “Is it so terrible to come live here, work for us? I’ll give you a very cozy life, a training ground to yourself..”

It wasn’t the worst idea, you had to admit. It would get you away from the supreme leader, give you time to train alone and then get out of here in your own time if you could manage or perhaps even bargain a deal with the Queen- she seemed reasonable enough to listen to you.

Or so you thought but wagering her daughter for marriage wasn’t exactly the act of a loving mother nor a reasonable one.

The only problem with moving here would be that you would have no idea what Ren was doing with Rey and what was happening with the resistance. Should they fall, he would only come back for you anyway and then you’d be trapped again underneath him but this time, with no plan to fall back on. No resistance to escape to.

Just the two of you, watching as he ruled the galaxy..forever. The thought of it was like some horrifying fever dream you’d had before.

“You could still report to each other, keep in contact and of course, visit whenever suits you supreme leader-“

“No.” Kylo’s voice reverberated around the room. It sent a chill down your spine.

That would be his decision then. But to which option?

“Fine.” She swallowed. Hard. “Perhaps…a marriage will have to do.”

Now the Queen hadn’t banked on that, nor had her husband. You could tell from the hesitation in her voice and the way they were now looking at their daughter, as if they had just lost their greatest prize horse- you had been the safer option, the one she’d bet Ren would give up.

But she didn’t know about the two of you and the history there.

Kylo Ren would probably kill you before ever handing you over to anyone who wasn’t himself.

Bastard.

“No.” He sighed. “I will deploy more troops, my highest ranking ones here, to keep a watch on you and your guards. They will answer to the First Order only, so no risk of them turning on you.” His fingers scrunched back up into a fist again. “I will also give you more access to the outer rim as well as a safe house for if you are attacked. I will offer all of these things in exchange for that plasma- but not myself and certainly not my apprentice.”

That was a lot, even for him. He must’ve wanted this plasma more than he was willing to admit- how scared was he of these jedi?

But the Queen wasn’t ready to immediately back down. “If she is as good as it seems, she’d be better being put to work than running errands with you around the galaxy supreme leader-“

“She is not. I simply wished to spare her feelings.” He ran a finger around the bottom of his wine glass. “She’s not fit for any kind of work. It will take years to mould her into anything of use and even then, all any buyer would need to do is take one look at her history and she’ll be discarded. You wouldn’t want her in this household- she used to strip, you know?”

“Kylo-“ You hissed, cheeks burning bright as everyone stared at the two of you.

His eyes met yours- hateful, burning. “She is a coward who ran when the rest of her friends died and sold her body in the mere hopes of continuing to be a coward and hiding for the rest of her life. She would not be a good addition here for your safety, or image.”

Dead silence rang across the room. You had never felt so humiliated in your life and what was worse, it seemed like he truly meant all he had said.

“I see.” The Queen said after some time.

All you could focus on was the wine glass inches from your hand, images flooding your brain of you smashing it right over his head, again and again until he bled out onto the table in front of you. Nothing would please you more right now than watch his cruel, hateful heart bleeding out, mouth choking on his own blood-

Before any of those plans could go to motion, Cardo appeared behind your chair and waited, quietly coughing. Guarding his master, it seemed- but also you, from doing anything stupid.

“Excuse me.” You threw your napkin down and got up, walking away from the table as quickly as you could.

His footsteps were quiet behind you, as always and you fought the urge to scream. Or run.

There would be nowhere to go and the punishment wouldn’t be worth it- besides, it seemed Ren had punished you right then and there for what you had said to him earlier.

But that had been jealously, teasing..you hadn’t thought he’d be so angry about it to call you a coward, to say you were worth nothing.

It had been your greatest regret since the day you left the camp. That you should’ve followed the others, that you could’ve stopped Ben- you were the only one powerful enough to do so, besides Luke. But instead, you had done as your master had asked and ran.

Cardo said nothing as you walked inside your room and slammed the door behind you. Just a quiet sigh as he stationed himself outside the door.

Collapsing onto the bed, you hugged the pillow at your side and fought off the tears stinging in your eyes.

It was the fear buried deep in your heart- that you had been a coward, above all else. A coward about how you felt for Ben, a coward for not standing up to Luke about him, a coward for not going after them all.

He’d thrown it right in your face. He’d felt it at one point or another, probably whilst your shields were in a worst state and used it against you.

You hated him.

You missed Ben.

The banging on your door grew louder.

It had been going on for about three minutes now- but you were in no mood to answer it, given you knew exactly who it was. You could sense him from the moment he left he left his room, his own energy seeking you out, testing you.

But you bit straight back at it, sending it recoiling to its master. There would be no playing today.

_3…2…1_

The door flung open with a heavy thud as the supreme leader booted his way into your room, glaring at you as you sat on your bed, upright and arms crossed. Waiting for his temper to rear its ugly head once again.

“Morning.” You greeted, eyebrow raised at him.

He wasn’t in his usual tunic but rather, training clothes. He clearly had a plan in mind today and it obviously didn’t include laying in bed or relaxing.

His nostrils flared. “Have you gone deaf?”

“Not at all.”

“Get dressed in training gear- five minutes.”

As he turned, you sighed. “No.”

His hand froze above the door handle, his entire body stiffening. Slowly, he turned back to look at you and you clamped down on the smile threatening to fight its way to your mouth at his twitching eye.

“No?”

“I don’t feel like it today- and I especially do not feel like training with you.” You narrowed your eyes at him. “Why don’t you go get Cardo, or Usher since you seem to think I like them so much?”

He glared at you. “I suggest-“

But you weren’t in the mood to listen to him or his ranting. “ _I_ suggest you get the fuck out of my room.”

He turned and quick as a whip, those hands had clasped your ankles as he yanked you down the bed and off of it, letting your ass hit the ground with a hard smack.

You glared at him from the ground. He opened his mouth a few times before- “You’re mad.”

“No shit.” You groaned, rubbing your ass. “Even more so, now.”

“Just get changed.”

He slammed your door behind you and you sighed.

That was that then.

On your third mile that hot and sunny afternoon, you were just about ready to pretty much kill the supreme leader.

You were hot, tired and drenched in what felt like buckets of your own sweat. Ren was keeping an even pace just ahead of you, taking another right down and into another lower cavern.

You felt your stomach twist as he did so, mind flashing back to that night back in the camp. Was he deliberately going down here? If he was trying to wind you up, today was not the day for it.

It was nothing compared to the caves at the camp. Those had been full of glittering jewels, glowing bugs.. this was dark, dingy and you were pretty sure a rat had just ran past your feet as you entered.

Slowing his steps, Ren gulped down a few breaths of air and you stopped too, relieved to find some coolness in the cavern- it was a scolding hot day outside and all you could think about was a huge glass of water and a shower.

Ren stretched, those muscles in his arms flexing as he reached an arm to his back and let out a quiet grunt.

A _cold_ shower.

“Are you going to drop the attitude now?” He sized you up, surprising you as he spoke. You blinked.

“You made me run three miles for an _attitude_?” You snapped and took two, angry steps towards him. “Are you serious?”

“Ace-“

“No, forget it. I don’t even wish to have this discussion with you. You aren’t capable of even having a discussion- let’s just go back.”

His hand wrapped around your upper arm like a viper, crushing it. “Don’t you dare walk away.” You tried to fight his hold, but his grip on you was iron solid. “I am your supreme leader, you do not talk to me-“

“You are _not_ my supreme leader.” You twisted in his hold, shoving your shoulder into his chest. He let go of you, stumbling just a foot. “You are _nothing_ to me and you certainly don’t tell me what to do. Not today, not again.”

“You’re angry about last night?” He tried and you rolled your eyes. “What did you want me to do yesterday? Just give you to them?”

“Why not?” You narrowed your eyes at him. “Seemed like a good idea I think.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I want you to train with me, to take down the jedi-“

You scoffed. “You think I want to help you take down the jedi? I am training for me and only me. I told you that, asshole.”

His hands had smushed your face in them before you could react. He gripped tight enough that your eyes welled, hands clawing at his own.

“Such a wicked tongue.”

He surveyed you for a moment before letting go. You coughed, clutching your chest. The way he moved from you was as if this argument was done.

But anger still fizzled through you. “You could’ve told the Queen no, plain and simple being the supreme leader and you know that. What the fuck was the need for everything you said? Were you that angry that I had teased you before?”

He was silent for a moment or so. Trying to come up with an answer, it seemed.

“Were you just trying to hurt me because I had gotten in your head? Or were you angry about your knights?” You strode for him. “Whatever the reason, you were plain hateful. You reminded me exactly why I wish you would just stick that lightsaber through my heart.”

“Enough Ace.”

“No. I mean it- what the fuck is wrong with-“

He gripped your shoulders, thumbs digging into the skin there. “Tell me. What did you want me to do?”

“I-“

“Give you to them like a pet?”

“ _No_. I am not a pet.” You wriggled in his hold. “I belong to nobody.”

“That isn’t true, is it?”

Those eyes were going to be the death of you. Molten brown shining so brightly in the cavern, the energy between you like lightning.

“You dream of him..and me. You dream of us both, all the time. You feel the way the force is connecting us, don’t you? In a way beyond what it connects to me Rey..not a dyad but something...”

“No-“

“Yes. Do not fight it, Ace. This was written into our destinies all those years ago, when Luke sent you away instead of allowing me to kill you. When I found your energy years later in that dirty little club. We have been making our way to meeting again and now we have..I think you know exactly who you belong to.”

“I belong to nobody but myself.”

You were still fighting his touch, even as he swooped down and in one movement, his lips touched yours, hands hooking themselves down and around your waist.You were so shocked, nothing happened for a moment- you were so acutely aware of your breathing, of Ren’s hands squeezing you, your mind completely blank as he did so.

Then, as if you had been taken over by someone else, your mouth shot into action.

You kissed him back.

He moved quicker than you, practically shoving you into the cavern wall behind you, hands tangling in your hair as his tongue skimmed your mouth, seeking permission. But Kylo Ren wasn’t exactly someone who asked permission.

He dove in, tongue sweeping along yours as your hands moved downwards and hooked into his pants, yanking him forward and into you.

Oh stars you were in trouble- so much damn trouble. Nobody had ever kissed you like this, not even Ben himself- and worse? It felt better too. It felt more electric than it ever had, as if it was going to rip you in two and if he didn’t stop making that low growl at the back of his throat you may just rip _him_ in two.

Bodies pressed together, he reached down and picked you up, setting you on his lap as your back was pressed harder into the rocks behind. You wrapped your arms around his neck, grinding your crotch into his and let out a quiet moan at the sensation of it.

Could a kiss be so painful, yet pleasurable? The man touching you was awful, so awful but weren’t you too? Was he right, when he called you a coward? You had tried to pretend you'd been doing the right thing all those years but he had seen right through the darkness inside of you, had known your own selfish desire not to return to the academy or the resistance and called you out on it. 

The two of you were a supernova, stars colliding together- too hot, too bright and bound to cause a hell of a lot of damage.

_Stop, you had to stop-_

Your feet found the ground very quickly as the thought clearly reverberated across both of your minds, shocking you away from each other. Your breaths mingled in the damp, chill air of the cave, neither of you able to make eye contact.

What the hell had you done?

“Keep telling yourself you don’t belong to anyone.” Ren had jogged out of the cave before you could reply.

This plan of yours was turning out to be far more complicated than you ever wanted it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii
> 
> This wasn't really going to be a double update BUT i felt like i tortured everyone enough with the slow burn lol so here's a kiss for u all lol
> 
> Its upwards and onwards from here w the smut.... 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts below & as always, thanks for your support!!


	18. POISON

The next morning was another glorious, shining day in Naboo. Due to the events of the previous day, you were tempted to throw the sheets back over your head and hide in bed until you were meant to go back to the Steadfast. But that was another day yet and the sun was calling out to you, warming your skin as it seeped through the curtains and into your room.

You took a deep breath and cautiously reached out with the force, testing the waters- but you couldn’t feel a thing coming from either of the rooms next to you.No Kylo and no knights either, it seemed.

You shot up, covers wrapping around your waist- had he left you here? He’d said yesterday he couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ but had the kiss changed his mind?

_Shit-_

Flying out of bed, your feet slapped against the wooden floors as you ran to the door and flung it open. To your relief, a pair of annoyed silver eyes met yours as you did so.

“Yes?”

You let out a sigh. “Just checking.”

“Yeah, I felt that.” Cardo muttered and you noticed his eyes quickly snap up to meet yours, away from your bare legs. “Looking for the supreme leader?”

“No.” You lied.

He turned and leaned against the wall beside your door, eyes surveying the corridor. “He’s not here. He took the rest of them and went to the plasma mines with the prince.”

“I see.” Thank the stars he hadn’t forced you to come along- mines weren’t really your thing. Deep, tight spaces made your chest get all tight and sweat would begin pouring out of you.

Shutting the door behind you, you decided it was time to get out of your room for a bit. Especially if Kylo wasn’t here to bother you- it would be nice to have some time to explore the area a little in peace.

Unfortunately, it seemed he’d left behind a knight to accompany you.

The drawers in your room contained so many beautiful clothes- your hands ran through the materials, searching for something to wear. These had to be more expensive than you could ever dream given you knew how much just a yard of some of these materials costed. It was something you had never had a lot of, credits.

You had saved a decent amount working at the club but all of it was shoved underneath a floorboard in your old apartment and even if you ever did manage to get back there again, the chances of it being stolen were extremely high.

Given the clothes for the steadfast were equipped to be warm and professional, you figured it couldn’t hurt to wear something more local for the day. They were too beautiful to pass on.

It was just a simple dress- wide straps and low in the chest, tighter in the waist, the skirt ballooning slightly to settle on your thighs. Pairing it with some sandals, you ran a brush through your hair and scrapped it back before stepping out into the hall and back under the watchful eyes of the knight.

“Where are you going?” He asked, falling into step as you began to make your way away from the room.

“Somewhere. Anywhere- I don’t know. I don’t want to sit in there all day.”

“No training?”

“Ren isn’t enforcing it so..no. I don’t feel like it.” You turned and noticed the stairs, leading down to the back of the castle. You followed them, hearing Cardo sigh behind you.

They led down into a wide, airy hallway full of arches. You spun on your heel, head tilted to the ceiling above which was covered in beautiful art. It seemed to be a painting of the sky from dusk to dawn and you marvelled that someone could’ve had the talent to do such a thing. If you ever managed to have somewhat of a normal life, its what you’d spend every penny under your name on- art, from whoever you could get it from, anyone with a shred of talent. Cover your house top to toe in it.

Music too. You missed music- you take the shitty stuff they’d play in the club over the deathly daily silence on the steadfast. You hadn’t even heard the hint of a radio there.

Cardo said nothing as you looked around, just silently watching you. He didn’t even appear to look around. So sad, to be so brutalised you couldn’t even enjoy the simple pleasures of the beauty around you. 

Heading outside, your eyes wandered over to the gardens beneath you. Fountains covered the landscape, surrounded by flowers, bushes, garden patches. Planets stemmed out of them, wrapped in wires and covered in signs asking guests to stay back. It seemed the royal family had quite the green thumb- given the constant sunny climate, you weren’t surprised.

“I had hoped your training session yesterday would’ve eased..whatever was going on between you. His energy was all over the place, as was your own.”

You had almost forgotten the knight was behind you as you lingered in front of one of the fountains, hand reaching down to the brush against the marble. Like everything else here, it was beautifully carved.

“Is that so?”

“It made it worse. He left this morning in a violent mood.”

“Isn’t he always in a violent mood?” You muttered in reply and perched yourself on the edge of the fountain.

“More than usual.” He huffed.

Peering up into the sunlight, you shielded your eyes and looked at him. “Are you even allowed to talk to me about him? Like this?”

Cardo paused. “You’re causing him to be like this and it’s effecting all of us. His fluctuations.. infect us.”

“I feel it too, you realise. You aren’t the only one.” You sighed. “I’m not trying to make anything worse..I’m just here to train.”

“Just be careful Ace.”

Feet digging into the grass beneath you, you smiled slightly. “That’s the first time you used my name, you know.” Usually it was _idiot_ or _that girl._

“It isn’t your name.”

You blinked, surprised. “No. It isn’t.”

“Why do they call you Ace?”

So, because he had been open about Kylo the other day, you told him of how you came to be called Ace and how it had stuck, even as you lived in Coruscant. He listened and he did so well, surprisingly. Given every conversation you had with Ren was an argument, or at least it always felt like an argument, this was a welcome relief from someone in his own circle.

“Do you prefer using your own name?” He asked.

Those silver eyes were truly one of a kind. You wondered how such a person came to have them, what kind of power lurked beneath that skin of his to light them like so.

“No. I haven’t been that girl since I left my parents and..I don’t know if I’ll ever be her again. I still don’t even feel like Ace.”

“So, why keep it?”

“Your boss seems to hold onto it for..whatever reasons.” You snorted. “I doubt it’s anything sentimental. He likes to torture me.”

“The girl, she frustrates him- he wishes her power to be his. Wishes to crush the Jedi once and for all. But he..” He shook his head. “I’ll just say this- I’ve never felt his energy fluctuate like it did when he saw you in the club. When he realised it was _you_. There’s more sentiment in him than he may ever admit.”

A dangerous line the two of you were walking here. A Knight of Ren was bordering on being far more human than he was ever allowed to be, had ever trained to be- you had no doubt Ren would snap his neck the moment he found out that he was speaking to you in such a way. In such careless words and tones.

You stood abruptly, brushing off your skirts. “I’m going back inside.”

You had no feelings about these killers- but you certainly didn’t wish to be responsible for another death just because the knight couldn’t seem to control his mouth around you.

He followed you in, footsteps deadly silent as he did so and you could hear his mind whirring. Likely thinking the same as you, hopefully deciding to be silent from now on.

The hallways echoed as you walked down them, your eyes roaming over every beautiful thing contained within them. How you’d miss all of this when you returned to your ship tomorrow- the clothes, the food, the life.

You missed _life_ , you realised. Even the shitty underground of Coruscant had made you feel more alive than you felt on that ship.

But, admittedly, you could appreciate that tingle of power that now lingered beneath your skin, ready to pounce- you’d repressed it for so long, it was nice to let it flow freely again without fear of the wrong person finding you.

You had already been found.

“Good afternoon.”

You jumped as a voice came from your right, yanking you out of your wandering daze.

The queen approached the two of you slowly, waving off her two handmaidens at her side, and smiled. She was in her more casual clothes, like the ones she wore to dinner, her hands and wrists covered in beautiful jewellery. She stepped into the centre of the hall slowly, as if she had all the time in the world. She probably did.

“Good afternoon, your majesty.” You bowed your head.

“I was just taking an afternoon walk. I presume you’re doing the same?” She asked, to which you nodded. “How lovely. How about you come join me in my study for some tea? I’d like to chat to you.. _alone_.”

Her eyes darted towards the knight behind you. You just nodded to him and with a hesitant step, he took off and back towards your rooms.

The queen led the way down to her study, down another set of turning and twisting corridors. You could never live somewhere so big or so quiet- it would scare you, the thought of who may be lurking around the next corner.

Her study, like everywhere else in the castle, was tasteful and beautiful. The two of you sat opposite from each other in cushy green armchairs, just in front of an unlit fireplace. A mahogany table stretched out in front of you and you watched as she dropped a sugar cube into your tea and handed you the saucer.

“Thank you.” You nodded gratefully and took a quick sip.

“I feel bad that we’ve barely seen you since the other night at dinner- last night you left early too.” She frowned. “You see, I am interested to know why you train with the master you do. He isn’t known to be patient or particularly forgiving- not the best qualities for a teacher.”

“He is the best to learn from. The most skilled.” It felt like acid burned your throat as you said it. You weren’t incorrect, but it still annoyed you to say it.

“The best perhaps but that Jedi girl is catching up with him, so I’ve heard.” The queen took a long sip of her tea. “I don’t usually partake in gossip, but I am interested in her story.”

“She’s certainly strong. It’s why he wishes to make better weapons.” You had to be careful here. The queen’s allegiance was confusing and you certainly didn’t need to make another enemy- especially not a royal one.

“Hm. Their battle will be an interesting one.” She glanced up, to the portrait above the fire place. It was of the royal family- the queen, sitting on a chair. Her husband and children gathered round. “I wished to speak to you alone as I feel you and I are quite similar..Ace.”

You paused, teacup pressed to your lip. “Is that so?”

Those grey eyes met yours, bright and curious. “Well, our politics are similar. Not quite aligned with First Order or resistance.”

Bait, or the truth? Trying to lure you into a trap by pretending to be your friend or genuinely trying to gauge if you were with the First Order? You weren’t sure.

“It seems to me as if you’re aligned to the First Order.” You replied. “Offering up your eldest daughter for marriage isn’t the act of an enemy but rather an ally.”

She snorted. “I never thought the supreme leader would go for that, it was just to show my seriousness. You think I’d ever offer my daughter to that monster?”

The word bounced around your mind. _Monster_. You’d called it him yourself, many times, but coming from someone else’s mouth it felt..harsh. But it was true.

Wasn’t it?

“I’m worried for our families safety with this rising rebellion so I’d hoped he’d offer a knight to us. But when you arrived.. well, it seemed like a better option- you didn’t appear to be the brutes they are and you just seemed..” Her eyes grew dim. “Lost. Sad. I wondered if offering you a place here would’ve been a welcome relief.”

You were both those things and so much more. If she could read it, plain as day, could everyone else?

“So, you don’t consider yourself an ally of the First Order?” You didn’t wish to talk about how you felt being kept captive by Kylo Ren. Especially not with the queen of Naboo.

She smiled. “We all must do what is necessary to survive. I think you understand that very well, given your position.”

“My position?”

“His apprentice?” The queen scoffed. “I am much older than the two of you and it means I am wiser too. I know you are not his apprentice.”

“I am-“ You sighed. “In a way.”

“Hm.” She placed her cup down and politely crossed her ankles. “I just mean to say that it’s not as if you are fighting to return to the rebels, are you? If you were you would’ve begged for the position here, I imagine. Or tried to make a run for it.”

“I’m not fighting to return to them no.” You glanced out to the horizon, the sky turning a milky purple colour as the sun began to set. “I..have other plans in motion.”

“I figured as much.” The queen shrugged. “I hope you don’t judge us too harshly for not uprising. The First Order has an iron fist around the galaxy and I want my planet to stay fed and happy- selfish, I know. But I care for my citizens first.”

You shook your head. “I don’t judge. I see faults in both the resistance and the First Order, more so with the latter of course but.. I understand what you mean. About survival.”

You felt it then- that steady thread between you and the supreme leader come to life as he tugged on it, urgently. He was looking for you. Probably concerned giving you’d disappeared off with the queen.

“Are you sure you don’t wish to stay with us? They haven’t mined the plasma yet, I could try to make another deal-?”

“No.” You placed your cup down. “I have bigger things to do and staying here won’t help me with any of them, nor will returning to the resistance.”

“Of course.” She smiled and turned as you both heard the thunderous footsteps down the hallway. “It seems our time is up but if you change your mind, let me know.”

“Thank you.” It was the first honest conversation you’d had in so long and it felt so good, to drop the facade. To feel some relief from all of the hate in your heart.

The door flung open, your supreme leader appearing there in his full gear, mask and all.

“Afternoon.” The queen chirped, wiping any of that previous kindness off her face- her mask was back up it seemed. “Tea, supreme leader?”

“I find it interesting you waited until I had left for the mines to seek out my apprentice for a discussion.” He snapped, ignoring her question. The mask hid his eyes but you felt that stare deep in your bones. “Something to hide, your majesty?”

“Of course not. I just wished to see how she was doing, given she’s left dinner a little abruptly two nights in a row.”

“And I informed her I’m just fine.” You hardened your stare, hands clenching. Your own mask of hatred was yanked back up and you tried to pretend as if you hadn’t just discussed what was probably treason with the queen. You stood, dusting off your dress.

“Thank you for the tea.” You bowed your head once more and skirted around the table, heading for the door.

You had perhaps made it three steps out the door before Kylo had wrapped one of those gloved hands around your upper arm and practically hauled you off your feet. A few corners later and he let go, roughly throwing you away from him.

“What did you talk about?” He hissed.

“Nothing.”

He stormed for you, but you were quicker, stepping back and out of his reach.

“Ace, I am in no mood-“

“Then don’t get into a mood. We talked about nothing.” You shrugged and went to duck from his touch again but felt your entire body freeze.

That asshole was using the force.

“You’re lying.” He strode for you until his face was inches from yours. You could count each individual eyelash from here if he had his mask off. “I have ways of finding out.”

“Do not touch my mind.” You wriggled, struggling to move. “I didn’t do anything wrong. Are you seriously going to punish me for having a conversation with someone that wasn’t you or one of your fucking demon knights? I’m not plotting a coup- you can relax.”

A moment later you felt your limbs fall to your side as he released his hold on you. You sighed, rubbing your arm.

Deciding to break the tradition, you walked off first instead of allowing him the pleasure. You felt his stare burning into you the entire way down the hallway.

Dinner that night was delicious, as usual. You were surprised with the amount of wine your waiter was serving, given they usually seemed a little tight with it- but you were certainly not complaining.

You had a slight buzz going on and it only made the dinner more entertaining- the one thing the supreme leader was not good at was small talk. In fact, he was terrible, so the conversation had fallen mainly to the royal family, who attempted to include you, but given he was already angry you had spoke to them earlier and your head was getting very light, it wasn’t a good idea to open your mouth.

_Still don’t want to tell me what she said?_

You glanced up as the queen began another story, something about one of her daughters, and met Ren’s dark eyes.

_She said nothing of importance. Why are you being so insistent?_

_You spoke with an enemy alone, you’re lying about it and you decided to get clever with me. You think I can leave that unpunished?_

Rolling your eyes, you took another long sip of your wine and watched as he did the exact same.

_The enemy?_

_Don’t play dumb. You and I both know the queen isn’t exactly on a side. She lives in fear of us, of our power, and thus choses to bow to us. She would switch sides the moment she felt she was on a losing team._

You frowned at him. _Blame yourself for today then- you left me in the enemy’s hands._

_I left you in Cardo’s, actually._

_What slippery hands he has then, for allowing me to go off with her. Shouldn’t you punish him instead of me?_

You didn’t want anybody to be punished by stars be damned if you weren’t going to throw him under the bus instead of yourself. Who ever said you had to be morally correct all the time? He was a knight. He could take it.

_It’s more fun to punish you Ace._

You had begun to ask what this would involve exactly, and horrifyingly, it almost came out flirtatious due to the alcohol coursing through you, when you felt that chill creeping slowly up your back. Pausing, you glared at him across the table as you realised exactly what he was doing.

He had shaped the force like two hands as they kneaded into your shoulders, sending goosebumps scattering down your arms.

_No. Not here._

You could’ve sworn he was smirking into his wine glass as he took another long sip. _So somewhere else?_

_Not at all. Do not touch me in front of these people-_

Those force hands snuck downwards and you inhaled sharply as they traced an invisible finger down the side of your exposed breasts. The wrong dress to wear tonight it seemed- two bits of material draped down your front, covering the front of your breasts, but completely exposed the sides of them and the gap between. An advantage Kylo was using to the full extent.

Nobody else could see what was going on- nobody would have a goddamn clue as you wriggled underneath his invisible touch, the queen still telling her story.

One of the hands snuck under the material and gently circled your nipple, the other one giving a gentle tug.

You tried to keep an air of dignity around you- but you could feel that shameful heat begin to grow beneath you as those hands worked their way around your breasts, rubbing and pulling in a way that would usually have you mewling in a guys ear.

Fuck fuck fuck-

 _Hands yanking off your clothes, Kylo’s lips meeting yours, trailing down your neck to your ches_ t- you shook your head. He was sending images into your mind and you had to get them out, now.

_Stop. I’m serious- this is the royal fucking family._

_Tell the truth and I’ll stop._

_I have._ You hissed and froze as those hands moved dangerously lower. You were so glad they weren’t real for they wouldn’t be able to tell him of the most shameful thing of all- that as he massaged you, touched you, sent those images to your mind, that heat had kept building down there and had made you wet. Ready for him.

The two hands stopped and you let out a sigh of relief, shooting a smile towards the prince who was looking in your direction.

“Anyway-!” The queen continued, thankfully and you straightened up.

A moment later, legs clenching, the hands resumed their work and pushed their way up your thighs and straight for your crotch.

_I swear to god I will put this butter knife through your head the moment you dare try to sleep tonight if you touch me there._

He continued to push his luck, hands never quite dipping inwards, but massaging the sensitive skin on the inside of your thighs anyway. You clenched your legs together and prayed he’d stop, biting down on the groan in the back of your throat. 

Beginning to panic that he'd go further and you'd completely humiliate yourself in front of everyone, you spoke into his mind as quickly as you could manage. _I’m not lying. She asked if I wished to stay, I said no._

His eyes met yours across the table. _You said no._

_I said no._

_Did she offer something new, or just the position again?_

_Just the position. It was a friendly gesture- please don’t punish her. Or say anything._

Another smile played on those lips of his, not quite breaking the surface. _I don’t think she’d enjoy my punishments so much as you clearly do._

 _I do not._ You glared at him.

_I can practically feel you from over here. And hear you. Your body is betraying you in more ways than one, it seems._

You hauled your shields up and tried to focus back in on the conversation. Asshole.

As he glanced over at you again to reply, a choking nose came from your right and you all jumped as Amalié slammed the table with her hands, face turning bright red.

“She’s choking!” You shouted, shooting out of your seat. Everyone else stood, rushing to her side as servants ran forward and picked her out of the chair, slapping her back but it didn’t seem to help as she clutched her throat.

“It’s not food.” Kylo’s voice rang above the rest of the shouts.

Horror seeped deep into your stomach as you glanced back at the eldest princess who had turned bright red, foam beginning to form in her mouth. 

“That’s poison.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii ! quick update, i have a lot of free time right now so chapters will be plentiful for a week or so. I hope you guys enjoyed!! we creep closer to the smut all the time lol


	19. DEATH

The clock struck eleven, chiming quietly in the study as you all sat, gathered around the crackling fire. Nobody even glanced towards it as it rang, everyones eyes still focused on the floor, or the wall or anywhere that wasn’t on each other.

Perhaps so they didn’t have to look in another pair of eyes and realise what had happened tonight was real, that this was no mistake and no amount of pinching their arm was going to pull them from such a horrendous nightmare.

The only other person who looked up was Kylo, his eyes meeting yours as you nervously looked around the room. What you were all waiting for, you weren’t sure.

The family were in shock but why they’d asked the two of you to also be in here with them, you weren’t sure. To keep you safe? Or to turn against you?

Perhaps it was because the supreme leader had identified exactly how their daughter had died.

_“Posion?” The queen shrieked and bent, hand desperately brushing her daughters hair out of her face._

_The poor girl was now convulsing on the floor, more and more foam pouring out her mouth by the minute, blood seeping out of her nose. It was a horrible sight to witness. You stepped back slightly, unable to look at her anymore- these kind of deaths should be saved for those of great evil, those who deserved them._

_Not young, bright girls who had done not a thing wrong._

_As you stepped back, you let out a grunt realising someone was behind you- Cardo, who met your stare and nodded to the marbled floor in front of his feet, signalling you to keep moving backwards. His hand wrapped around your arm once you got closer and pulled you back behind him. Sheltering you from the horror._

_Frankly, it was a little too close for your liking but you were barely keeping upright, your knees like jelly. You glanced over, realising Ren was watching the two of you with narrowed eyes before turning back to the scene before him._

_The hall was mostly silent except for the queens pleas for help and the other odd shouts from different family members or staff._

_The princess was dying. You weren’t naive to think she would survive this- given the blood now dribbling over the floor coming from every part of her face- eyes, nose, mouth- the amount of poison in that drink was concocted to kill, not injure, its victim._

_But had it been meant for her? Unlikely._

_Everyone was moving around her paralysed body, shouting for more towels, for a doctor, for anything to help- but none of it was going to work._

_“M’am-“ One of the servants reached her pale hand towards the Queen and grasped her wrist gently, trying to tell her exactly that._

_“No-“ The queen wrestled her way out of the grip of her family, of the servant, forehead pressed against her daughters as she began to sob. “No!”_

_The other princess was crying quietly, tucked under her father’s arm as she grieved for her older sister. You’d never had a sibling but.. when you had found out your friends from the camp had died, you imagined she probably felt much the same to how you did then. An endless black void of grief opening up a pit so deep, you felt you’d never climb out._

_Somebody's mistake had killed this girl- and spared whoever that poison was meant for. What a fucked up universe this was, to allowed people like you and Ren to live whilst this girl died in her mothers arms._

_“No!” The queen screamed so loudly it bounced off the walls as the girls body finally stopped shuddering, her chest letting out a final exhale, eyes wide open and staring up at the ceiling above you all. You were just glad her suffering had ended._

_What a waste. A terrible, terrible waste._

You’d all been cooped up in the study since the moment one of the servants had pronounced her dead. The queen’s scream was still ringing around your mind. You couldn’t get it out, no matter how hard you tried- you wondered how many nightmares would now follow you containing that scream within them.

Given your amount of nightmares only seemed to increase lately, perhaps punishment for allowing yourself so close to the supreme leader, it would likely feature in many.

Kylo glanced up, staring at his knights in silent conversation and they snuck out the door behind you, shutting it gently so not to disturb anyone.

_I’m waiting to see if they wish to inform us of how this happened- I’ve sent the knights to hunt for information. I don’t think this was meant for the princess at all, but one of us._

You frowned. _You I understand. You’re the supreme leader and the queen did mention the rebellion happening here. Why would I be a target?_

_That’s what I’d like to know. If it was for me, that’s simple as you said. If it was intended for you, it could be something much deeper than we realise- than the family realises._

_But I’m..I’m nobody- I’m just an apprentice._

Kylo folded his arms, eyes wandering around the room. _Someone here could be force sensitive- they could recognise your power, feel it on the light side of the force. They may not get the full picture but they could’ve put a few things together. I worry about what information they may pass on elsewhere._

 _If they feel I am on the light side, why try kill me? Doesn’t that indicate to them I’m not with you?_ Your eyebrows furrowed together.

Kylo shot you a look. _You_ are _with me- and you will find Ace that whilst many hate the First Order, there is no love left for the Jedi either amongst many. Especially not here._

“I’m going to get my apprentice some air. I’ll return shortly.” Kylo announced, getting off the desk he was leaning on. The queen nodded in reply, turning her attention back to the rug beneath her feet, and as you turned to leave, a thunderous bang came from outside the doors.

Shouts came from the hallway, the banging growing louder as whoever it was came closer to the study.

You could feel Kylo take a step for you, but he never got close enough- the study doors flew open as a servant stood there and seemed as if he was hyperventilating, chest rising and falling rapidly. His eyes searched the room.

“Amalié is _dead?_ ” He practically shouted, disbelief written all over his face.

“Jeriko-“ The queen shot to her feet, hand reached out towards him. Fear rippled in her eyes as she took him in.

“She _died?_ ” His voice sounded so hollow it sent an ache ripping through your chest. All you could see was yourself in those sad, sad eyes, surveying the camp as it burned before you.

“Jerkio, come sit, please-“ The queen moved from her chair, her tone desperate. The fact that she was so worried about him should’ve made you step backwards- but it seems you just weren’t quick enough.

Jerkio’s eyes finally settled on you and hardened. “You fucking _bitch_.”

Before you could react, he darted forward and had yanked you to your knees by your hair, slamming you into the wooden floor. Everyone had risen to their feet now as the man flipped you to face them all, hand still tangled in your locks, a knife pressed to your throat.

If you had been more prepared, you could’ve escaped- but the angle he was holding the knife at was too damn dangerous and blood had already began to seep from your skin as he dug it in. A wrong move and your throat would be getting slashed all over this floor.

You hadn’t expected him to attack- he was a servant and more importantly, he looked so heartbroken you thought he’d just come to grieve, not attack you.

 _Let me guess, you’re gonna kick my ass for this in training?_ You shot a glance up at Ren, whose expression was murderous. Oh, he was definitely going to kill him.

 _Try not to move_ was all he replied. Probably trying to figure out how the hell to get you out of his grip without slashing your throat.

This guy had training, you could tell- not only could you yourself not find a way out of his hold, but he was pining down the right areas to keep you there and hell, he was strong.

But you were beginning to panic upon realising all of this and Ren certainly was not being comforting. _No shit, genius. I’m not exactly doing a dance here. If I get killed by a pocket knife I swear to the stars I will-_

 _Nobody is going to kill you._ He snapped.  
“Jeriko, this woman is innocent-“

“The princess was innocent! You know we’d never, _ever_ touch her or any of you. We’re so sorry Savannah.” His hand shook and you winced as the knife dug in harder, a sob wrangling its way from his throat.

“I know. But she-“

“ _She_ was supposed to die.” He dragged you backwards slightly and footsteps sounded from behind him. Given Ren’s face, it wasn’t the knights but probably this guys backup. “I’ll make it right. I’m going to make it-“

“No. Amalié wouldn’t have wanted any more death and she wouldn’t have wanted this innocent woman to die for her-“

“She is not innocent!” He screamed. “If you are with the First Order, you are never innocent!”

Well, he wasn’t wrong there. Was this karma coming for you, for not running in Batuu? Or trying to get away from Ren here? But it’s not like you were staying for him, you were staying to try and save the damn universe from him and the jedi girl.

 _Move your hands slowly upward, towards his._ Ren was staring at you. _Push and roll- he’s going to push harder into your neck in a second but focus on moving away from him._

You gave him a silent nod and began moving. _Okay_.

“She hated the First Order. She hated you for being complacent!” The queen paled as he spoke. “So, I will avenge her by righting the wrong.” He dug the knife in deeper and you grunted as it latched in as he jumped, two slicing sounds coming from behind you. Something smacked into the ground, wet and heavy- a head you realised as it rolled on the floor just behind you.

The knights must’ve found their way back to the study then.

Hands shoving upwards, you pushed on the mans wrist and then rolled as quickly as you could manage before he could grab you again, scrambling for Ren. He yanked you to your feet, depositing you behind him and before you had even turned around, that crackling lightsaber had been lit and pierced straight through the mans heart.

He fell to his knees in front of Ren, choking on his own blood as he twisted the lightsaber in further, as if he was spiking him to the floor below. The man began to fall backwards and only worsened the wound, widening it even further. Blood bloomed all over his shirt, spilling onto the floor beneath him. You could barely look at it, instead turning your head away.

“Go. I want everyone lined up and answering questions about this in ten minutes.” Ren snapped and his knights took off to round up the servants.

There would be far more blood spilled tonight, it seemed. Jeriko was not the last of it.

Given the queens expression, she didn’t seem to quite care and as Ren looked to her, she nodded in confirmation. He could question her staff.

You wondered if this was her edge. Everyone who was on the line between resistance and first order had an edge that would shove them over into one- you were practically over the resistance’s line, only being yanked back slightly by Ren and his wandering hands.

Was this to be the queens edge you wondered? She had said just hours ago she agreed with neither part of the war but had wanted to protect her family from the first order’s steel fist hence why she hadn’t joined the rebels.

So, where would this edge lead her? Further into the First Order’s darkness to seek revenge for what they had lost?

Or towards the light, to turn against those who failed her- to the rebels?

The stars shot by in a flurry of light as you watched, arms folded, on Kylo’s ship a few hours later. He had insisted you wouldn’t spend another night in the palace, given they had tried to murder you, and had loaded everyone up on to their ships a few hours later.

He didn’t wish to stay for the funeral, didn’t see the use in it- said that both of your presences would only be a painful reminder that their daughter wasn’t supposed to die but you instead. You knew he was right, but still, you felt guilty as the prince waved you all off.

The queen hadn’t come to say goodbye. Given you had overheard Ren snapping at her for trying to give you a job again, she probably felt betrayed and you hardly blamed her.

Ten more servants had been executed. Not something that sat right within you, but they had all confessed to plotting to kill you so..they weren’t innocents, you supposed.

Turning away, you walked towards the cockpit door where Kylo was. He’d also made sure you’d come on his ship instead of the Night Buzzard with the knights. To keep an eye on you, it seemed- but you were fine. The wound was going to patch itself up in no time and you hadn’t even needed a stitch for it.

He was focused on the screen in front of him as you stood beside him, glancing in at the two pilots seated in front of you. Strange, he didn’t fly here himself- but perhaps he hadn’t wanted to, simple as. Even supreme leaders get lazy sometimes.

“Did they say why they did it?” You glanced upwards at him, watching as he clicked off the screen and turned to look at you.

“They were part of a small rebellion. Upon finding out I had an apprentice here, they felt angry you’d use your force to help me and train with me instead of the rebels. So, it was partly to punish you for making such a choice and partly to hurt my…well, to take away my apprentice, I suppose.” He shook his head. “A rather emotional plan, instead of a logical one.”

“Maybe we should’ve told the truth about how I hate your guts.” You muttered.

A huff came from him that you could’ve sworn may have actually been a laugh. He had looked worried, for a moment there today- when Jerkio had you by the hair, when his voice had began to shriek.

He looked like he _cared_.

“Does this hurt?” You flinched as his hand came upwards, gently resting around your neck, thumb brushing across the wound. Had you stood this close to him to begin with? Or had he moved closer in the few seconds you had gone elsewhere in your mind?

“No.” Your voice felt hoarse. You were barely able to take your eyes off his, every sense in your body zoned in to that hand gently touching your neck. “Can I ask you something?”

“Okay.”

“When you said the jedi were hated too- what do you mean?”

“Jedi disappeared- take you, for example. You ran to Coruscant. Luke hid on an island for all this time. They refused to aid the rebels, despite the desperate need for them to do so and now, a hate burns for them just as it burns for the First Order.” He explained.

You shook your head. “It seems no matter what side you’re on these days, death is around the corner. What happened to the days of simple good versus bad?”

“I told you nobody was going to kill you.” His own voice had sunk deeper, quieter, so the two pilots just meters away wouldn’t hear him. He was leaning against the side of the door, towering above you as he looked down. His thumb stopped moving and at the top of the cut. “Nobody will get the chance as long as you’re with me. Understand?”

“I can defend myself you know.” You rolled your eyes, swallowing the lump that had formed in the back of your throat. Not that he’d ever know it, but he sounded just like Ben there and it had struck a painful chord in your heart.

“I know.” Surprisingly, he didn’t come back with a snarky remark about how you hadn’t. “Back to training tomorrow- you got your ass kicked today.”

Never mind.

You huffed a laugh as he let go of your neck, hand dropping to his side. He turned to go into the cockpit but there was one more thing you had wanted to ask.

“If he had done it-“ He paused as you spoke. “Slit my throat, or taken me. What would you have done?”

Again, walking that dangerous line with him. Curiosity killed the cat didn’t it? But you couldn’t help yourself- the question had been building since the moment the man had grabbed you. You felt that spike of panic within Ren, the cool murderous rage that came straight after it. He had been scared, for a moment.

He had cared.

Those dark eyes found yours. Searching for an answer they wouldn’t find- you didn’t even know why you wanted to know so badly yourself. “I would’ve burned that city to the ground- I would’ve burned every city to the ground.”

He turned on his heel and headed inside, giving one of the pilots an instruction. You turned away, slumping against the wall behind you with a heavy sigh.

What was scarier? That your heart was beating wildly at his words, head still filled with thoughts of his hands roaming down your body despite all the killing he’d done tonight, _the killing he had done for you?_

Or that you didn’t doubt for one second, that he would burn the entire world for you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome baaaack. 
> 
> NOW!!! IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT !!!   
> `  
> THANK YOU for making it this far, if you have. I know some of you will be looking at those tags thinkin 'ms girl, there's 0 smut ur a lying rat' BUT i am about to make all ur wishes come true as.....
> 
> i've decided the smut begins in chapter 30.
> 
> JK- it comes in the NEXT CHAPTER (as does ren.....and you.....get it....GET IT??...) 
> 
> anyway, brace yourselves and i'll see you on the other side. It'll probably be posted mon/tue once i'm done editing it down a bit and i'm happy with it as it's a long ass chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for all your support & kind words as always!


	20. TELL ME I'M WRONG

Eyes skimming over the pages of the manual in front of you, you sighed.

This was the only book Elihu had managed to find for you and it was instructions of how exactly to fix one of the First Orders fighter planes. You were bored out of your mind, so you took it, but now you were regretting not trying to search for something else.

Elihu had offered to sneak you into the staff bar again but given last time you had a drink you had let the supreme leader feel you up in front of the royal family, it probably wasn’t the wisest idea to go down that path again. Not in such close proximity to him. Besides, would you even be let back in given the knights had stabbed one of the engineers hand because of you?

Perhaps if Ren had an on world mission again soon, you could try and bribe him into buying something to keep you entertained.

The only time you got a real break from your room was during your training- but that had just been with Ushar for four days now. Ren had completely avoided you since your talk on the ship, his oddly tender moment replaying in your mind like a broken record.

_I would’ve burned every city to the ground._

This had to stop before it grew any bigger, the thing between the two of you. It was going to spiral out of control and you were already struggling to get through ten minutes without thinking about him. Without thinking about those invisible hands, trailing down your thighs.

Groaning, you sunk down further into the sofa and slapped the book against your face. How the hell were you supposed to stop thinking about? It was like giving you a small taste of a drug and expecting you not to want more.

But you had to try. You were here to kill him, to kill that girl should she turn to the dark side with him.

No matter how much you had loved him as Ben, he wasn’t that man anymore and you couldn’t take these pieces from him. You couldn’t take parts of Ben and parts of the monster he had become- it was too painful a mixture that you weren’t sure if you were strong enough to handle.

Two loud bangs sounded on the front door and you glanced over, watching as it swung open.

“You don’t seem surprised to see me.” Cardo raised his eyebrows at the book still laying over half your face.

“Felt you coming.” You swung upwards, feet planting on the floor. “How can I help?”

“Training. Come on.”

“I have a day off.” You frowned.

“You do, but we’re inviting you. So are you coming or not?” He gestured to the door. Your eyebrows furrowed as you realised what he meant- this wasn’t enforced. They _wanted_ you to come with them.

“Really?” You stood, dusting yourself off. Given you figured you’d been just sitting around all day, you’d slipped on comfy training clothes to lounge in, so you were already ready to go.

Cardo shrugged. “You’re getting really good- its good to bring in new people. Keeps us on our toes.”

“Hm.” You surveyed him. “I get tomorrow off, if I come today.”

“Fine.” He nodded and stood to the side, allowing you to walk past him.

He didn’t say much on the way to the training centre, just explained they were all there except Trudgen because he was off doing something for Ren with the plasma they acquired on Naboo.

They were all there, chatting quietly in a circle as you arrived. No sign of Kylo, as expected. As the two of you walked in they all turned to look at you.

You felt a little awkward, taking a minuscule step behind Cardo as he greeted them. They were all so goddamn big and intense, it was kind of freaking you out. You had only ever dealt with them in small numbers.

“Come on. Me first.” Ushar called you over, to your relief. “We’re all putting credits on whose ass you’ll kick.”

You chuckled. “Who’s the winning bet?”

“Me.” Kuruk muttered. “But I bet on Cardo!”

“No chance.” He shoved into his shoulder, shooting you a glance before they all got to training. Ushar circled you, footsteps light on the mat.

“You didn’t exactly defend yourself well against that guy.” He narrowed his eyes at you, coming to stand in front of you. “Never be so unprepared. Expect it at any-“

He lunged, hand reaching for your hair but you were more prepared this time and ducked underneath his arms, twisting to come out behind him. He stumbled slightly and turned with a vicious smile.

“Better. Now let’s see if you can really keep up with the knights of ren.”

Unfortunately for Kuruk, the knights had bet right. You had blocked or avoided most of his hits and eventually had managed to land your own, right in his jaw. Your own hand throbbed, but as he went stumbling you felt a slight sense of pride knowing you had pretty much won that one.

“Unlucky.” Ushar clapped his shoulder. He turned to you. “Good job today. Hopefully the supreme leader will be pleased with your improvement.”

“It’s miraculous.” Vicrul muttered and shot you a small smile.

“She hasn’t fought him yet! I have money on him!” Kuruk exclaimed, throwing a hand in Cardo’s direction.

He was leaning against one of the steel poles in the room and huffed a laugh. “She doesn’t want do that.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh?”

He strode for you, a smile dancing on his lips. “Sweetheart, you just avoided several blows from Vic, one of which did land and busted your lip open.” His thumb pressed against your lip, swiping against it and you winced.

“It’s sweetheart now, is it?” You shoved his chest, pushing him away form you. “I think you’re just scared to lose.”

“Like hell I am.” He snarled, that lethal anger turning on within seconds. They certainly didn’t have good leashes on their tempers, these men.

You smiled. “Prove it.”

The other knights chuckled, pushing into each other as they moved out of the way and off the mat. Something inside of you tingled, distracting you almost- but you shoved it down and away, focusing on the man in front of you.

“Prepare for I told you so, in about two minutes.”

You shrugged. Before he could even move, you snapped forward and punched him in the throat. He choked, stepping backwards, clutching at his throat. You waited, legs bent ready to spring as he recovered and threw his first out, aiming straight for your head. You blocked the blow, huffing and twisted out of the way of his other hand, trying to grip you.

As he moved to the side, you brought your elbow down and into his back, slamming into his spine. Foot swinging upwards, you tried to knock him off his feet but his hand came back quicker and grabbed it, throwing you onto the floor.

You hit the ground with a crack and groaned, trying to roll onto your side. Cardo was there, bending beside you with a smile.

“Done?”

“Pissed off.” You slammed a fist into his jaw, knocking him backwards and used the time to get back to your feet. He sneered at you, cracking his nose before making another run for you.

You were tired- and it was beginning to catch up with you. Your steps were becoming sloppy and after the second dodge, he managed to get a hold of you and slam you down into the ground again, harder than before.

You groaned, palms braced against the floor as you tried to push yourself up. Fuck, that hurt more than you had expected.

“Come on Ace. You’ve proved you’re good- call it a day.” Cardo leant down, extending a hand out. “Do not punch me again or I’ll smack you back.”

“Fine.” You huffed. Gripping his wrist, you smiled at him again and watched as his face dropped. Swinging a leg around, you knocked him straight off balance and onto his back, using your remaining strength to pull yourself up and pin his other arm down, straddling him.

Ushar laughed, clapping his hands together. “Kuruk I cannot believe I have to give you some of the damn credits back.”

“Only half. I still won, for the most part.” Cardo muttered- but after a moment, even he gave you a smile as you stayed in place.

Then, for the first time in what felt like, and perhaps was, months you actually laughed. Properly laughed. The other knights chuckled too, dealing out the credits between them as Vicrul informed you that you could bet too next time.

“Are you done?”

The atmosphere of the room immediately dropped as you all looked over to the doors, where Kylo stood, arms crossed and waiting. He walked out of the shadows towards you all, face thunderous. He was mad, clearly.

Cardo moved, lifting you off him and dragging the both of you to your feet immediately. He took a healthy step away from you before bowing his head in respect to his master. You didn’t bother to do the same, just crossing your arms.

“Just finishing up.” You answered. The other knights shot you a look, as if to say _you weren’t supposed to answer that_ but you didn’t give a shit. He’d avoided you for days- you were pissed, bored and now he was mad at you again for no reason which made you even more pissed.

“I see.” He narrowed his eyes. “This is what you call training?” The way he said it was lethal- and you had no doubt they all felt the threats emitting from those words.

Probably the most terrifying thing about him. He didn’t exactly threaten people very often- they knew exactly what he was implying in very few words.

“We just felt she’d benefit from being around more of us-“ Ushar spoke up but Kylo glared at him, cutting him off.

“Let’s go.” He was staring straight at you. “Now.”

“Of course, supreme leader.” You drawled and followed him out of the training hall, shooting a nervous glance to Cardo as you went. Was he seriously mad at you training with them?

Outside the hall, Ren gripped your wrist and dragged you behind him. You could hardly keep up with his long strides as the two of you got to the end of the hallway, where the corridor split into four.

“You’re here to train, am I wrong?” He snapped, letting you go. You winced, rubbing your wrist.

“Isn’t that what I was doing?”

“Laughing, flirting and climbing all over my knights is not training. Are you so desperate to fuck Cardo you resort to disrupting their work?”

“Oh fuck off.”

Ren gripped your chin, forcing you to look at him. “Answer my question Ace.”

You almost laughed. “What is your issue with him? You leave him to look after me, you make him responsible for my safety, you ignore me for days on end- are you seriously jealous we spend time together when you pretty much force us to?”

He turned on his heel and took off down one of the hallways. You almost let him go- but the anger coursing through you was only growing stronger and stronger, to the point that you couldn’t just watch him walk off.

You followed after him and without thinking, threw your hand out towards him. That anger shot through your veins and you clenched your teeth, focusing all that energy onto him. He let out a grunt as his leg stopped mid-air.

You had used the force to stop him moving. You had used the force on fucking Kylo Ren. Bad, _bad_ idea.

A second later he’d broken through your hold and turned, nostrils flaring. You strode for him and with both hands, shoved his chest so he moved backwards away from you before he could grab you first.

“You brought me here. You harassed me to train, to join you. I sit on this fucking ship day after day doing nothing of worth. I don’t try to run or escape. I do my fucking part- so, what is your _problem?_ ” Too far. He was going to snap your neck any moment, but you couldn’t stop the words tumbling out of your mouth.

His eye twitched. “Enough.”

“ _No_. You run from me because we kissed, you touch me like you can’t help yourself and you punish me for what? Pining down one of your knights in a _fight?_ ” You scoffed. “Are you just that jealous?”

“Do not speak to me like that.” He hissed. “What have I to be jealous of? You whoring yourself outfor my knight?”

Your hand flew through the air, aiming for his cheek but he caught it, your hand shaking as he grasped it, fire burning in his eyes.

“Do not call me that.”

“Why? Does it upset you because it’s true?” He leaned down, your lips inches from his. “I see that conflict inside of you. The frustration because you want me so desperately, but it scares you.”

“I see the same conflict in you.” You spat.

He shrugged. “The difference is I can accept you for what you are Ace and I can accept that I want you. You struggle to do the same.”

“So you admit it, you’re jealous?” You tried to take attention away from the fact he just admitted he wanted you.

He ignored you. “See, you want to believe you want me because of who I _used_ to be, but we both know it isn’t true.”

You tried to wrestle out of his grip. “It is _not_ -“

“It is. You loved him but you _want_ me, despite who I am now. Despite all you’ve seen me do.” His tongue darted out, wetting his lips. “Doesn’t that make you a disgusting Jedi slut, trying to fuck the leader of the First Order? Tell me I’m wrong.”

You forced yourself to look up, to meet his eyes. “You’re wrong.”

“Oh, am I?”

Two, massive hands wrapped themselves around your face and pulled you upwards, your lips pressing against each other.

God, you wanted to stop. You wanted to scream how goddam wrong he was, that you hated him and the only reason you even allowed the first kiss was because of how badly you missed Ben, how desperately you wanted to feel him again.

Your hands gripped at his tunic to balance yourself, his mouth devouring you, your stomach twisting in a hundred knots. An unexpected, soft moan escaped you as his hands moved downwards and gripped your waist, tongue snaking into your mouth and running over the cut Vicrul had given you.

But you couldn’t. And Kylo knew it.

He knew that deep inside you, there was a kernel of darkness so similar to his own. As there is in all Jedi. This connection between the two of you had wrapped its way around you and spun your head in circles.

He broke the kiss, but lingered just in front of you, his lips brushing against yours as he spoke. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

You hated him. Hated that your life was in his hands, that your chance to become a Jedi again and take him down was also in them. Hated that despite everything he had done, to your family, to your friends that you wanted him anyway. That the cruel universe had connected the two of you in a way that clearly meant _something_ \- but what, you still didn’t know.

Most of all, you hated he was right.

“I can’t.”

His eyes lit up slightly and with a solid push, he pushed open the steel doors in front of him and glanced towards them, then back at you.

_I would’ve burned every city to the ground._

_Nobody will hurt you when you’re with me._

With a sigh, you glanced once more to the hallway behind you- last chance to make what you knew was probably the sensible decision.

_I don’t like how he looks at you._

_Maybe I am._

You walked inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE RELEASE lmaooo i didn't lie i swear hahahah. Enjoy you guys.


	21. TOUCH

Turning, Ren was immediately behind you. You frowned up at him.

“I’m still mad.”

“I figured.” He bent down slightly, lips brushing against your ear. “I can feel it, you know. The anger there, mixing with the desire.. it’s intoxicating.”

With that, he backed off and his heavy hands pushed you downwards onto your knees. You glared up at him, huffing as they smacked off the floor,

“Doesn’t mean what you did goes unpunished, Ace.”

“What I did?” You seethed. “I did nothing, _you_ are the jealous one-“

His fingers gripped your cheeks as he dipped down onto one knee in front of you. He surveyed you, then ran his finger along your lip before digging his nail into the cut there. You hissed, backing away from him but he held you steady.

“Do you really wish to continue to be so bratty?” He asked. You shook your head, feeling that tang of blood on your lips as he ripped open the cut again. “I’ve felt your desire growing since Naboo and now, here you are on your knees in front of me. Let me ease the ache- give into me. Give into this version of me, and all he can offer you.”

You silently nodded. There was no running from this- from him, or how much you wanted him.

One time. To get it out your system, to stop thinking about him, and then that would be it. You would stay away after that.

 _One time_ , your brain echoed. He chuckled, having heard you, and stood back up, watching you sit beneath him.

Within a moment, you felt a solid force wrap itself around your wrists that were in front of you, locking them together so you couldn’t use your hands.

“Seriously? You’re trapping my hands together?” You shook your wrists at him. “ _Prick_ -“

He grabbed your hands and yanked you upwards. “This is to ensure you behave. Do as you’re told, Ace. Or the punishment will only get worse.”

“That’s what this is? Punishment?”

“You’ll find constantly disrespecting your commander will result in _some_ punishment.” He growled and your blood heated, legs trembling as he reached forward and yanked your top over your head.

His eyes surveyed your body appreciatively before his other hand came down and in one swift tug, he snapped the wire at the back of your bra and had torn it off. You watched as he threw it to the side, leaving your top half completely exposed in front of him.

You could feel your cheeks burn with warmth in embarrassment as he stared at you, plainly, openly.

“Is this what you wanted Cardo to do to you?” He hummed, tracing a hand down your breast. You almost whimpered as he grazed over one of your nipples.

“I-“ You let out a heavy sigh at his touch. “I don’t think of him that way.”

“I suppose I should believe you. I see who you dream of.” His fingers pinched your nipples, tugging them forward slightly and you mewled, shifting towards him. His hand travelled up and gripped your neck. “Like I said the other day, you know who you belong to.”

“And I told you, that’s nobody but myself.” You hissed at him.

He just smirked. “We'll see if you’re saying that by the end of this.”

Standing, he unzipped his pants and you watched him anxiously, chewing on your lip. Waiting. With his hand, he yanked the pants down slightly and pulled out his cock, letting it dangle down in front of you.

Your eyes grew wide. It had been..good when you were younger, seven years ago. Given it was both your first times, it had been _very_ good but..

Holy shit. Was he taking dick steroids or something?

The thought along almost shook you from your aroused state and even might have made you laugh if he hadn’t moved forward and placed a hand on your head, pushing the hair there out of the way and smirked at you.

Such a dangerous smile, one reserved only for you. Stars, he was such a cruel, beautiful bastard when he wanted to be.

“Is that what you want?” With a tug, he gripped the top of your hair and pulled you closer. “Isn’t this what you’ve been craving all month?”

A tidal wave of shame washed over you but you weren’t even going to argue with him for saying such a thing. All you could think of was satisfying the need inside of you.

“Yes.” You watched as he, even naked in front of you, paused slightly. Waited for your confirmation before moving closer.

“Yes..?”

“Yes, _sir_.” You lent forward, hands leaning against one of his legs to steady yourself.

Reaching out, he put his hand in front of you and nodded to it. You spit in it and he coated his cock in it before moving towards you. With a grunt, he pushed his pelvis forward and pushed, hands tangling in hair, cock beginning to slide in and out of your mouth in steady strokes.

He groaned, your eyes watering as he gripped your hair, his strokes even but deep, hitting right at the back of your throat so you were on the verge of being unable to breath.

“Shit.” He hissed. “You little _slut_.”

In this moment you were. You were nothing better than the commanders whore- in this moment, you were betraying everything you had held onto for years, everything you had fought against as ayoung woman.

He pushed deeper inwards and held you there for a moment, drool dripping from your mouth as he cut off your air supply and then pulled outwards, allowing you a moment to breath before slipping back in, pushing right to your tonsils with two steady fingers pinching your nose again.

Your tongue swirled over the head of his cock, lips circling around it, licking up the pre cum leaking out of it as if your life depended on it. Perhaps it did.

“Look at me.” He growled.

His groans were like fuel to a fire, only encouraging your movements as you glanced upwards, meeting his intense stare. The only noises coming from the two of you were sloppy, wet, disgusting- and you couldn’t get enough of it, of him. You let out a quiet whimper of your own at the taste of him, the feel of him.

He moaned upon hearing you and pulled out, backing away from you slightly. “Not yet. Come on.”

Yanking you upwards by your invisible chained hands, he led you out of the entrance of his quarters and through to the bedroom. Your eyes searched every inch of the room whilst you could- but there was nothing here. A bed, a cabinet and another door leading to what you guessed was a bathroom. Nothing personal. `

He threw you down on the bed face first, allowing your legs to dangle off the side. This bed was huge- bigger than any you had ever slept in before. Did he enjoy having this much space, being so alone?

His hands ran down your back, a finger drawing a line down your spine, before they gripped your pants and pulled them down. Your thighs quivered as he ran his hands down them, squeezing as he did so, running a finger along the hem of your underwear.

Taking two hands, he grabbed your panties- and completely tore them in half. You turned your head to gape at him.

“I’ll make a note to get you some decent underwear on our next trip.” He muttered, fingers trailing down your ass.

You shivered underneath his touch, wriggling closer to him. You were so desperate for him to touch you, fuck you, fill you- it had been haunting your dreams from the moment you’d kissed and reminded yourself just how much you wanted him.

“So pretty.” He muttered and you clenched as you felt his thumb run from the top of your slit and downwards to your clit. “And so wet. For me. Aren’t you just so ashamed?”

You nodded. Of course you were- this was humiliating and the throbbing of your cunt was only making it worse. You were _aching_ for him.

“What do you want?” His voice growled as he spoke, dipping a single finger inside of your soaking cunt before pulling it straight back out.

“Touch me.”

“I can’t hear you.” He hummed, hands braced on your legs as he waited.

Dignity be damned. “Touch me, _please_ Kylo. _Please_.”

He huffed a laugh and within a few seconds, he’d inserted two fingers inside of you, slowly at first, and kept his thumb rubbing circles on your clit.

Kylo Ren was a vast, endless pit that you couldn’t help but fall even deeper into, no matter how often you glanced back up to the sun. You forged forward anyway, hoping to find a source of light deep within the tunnels, though you knew it was pointless.

He had ceased to become anything you could love, or even like, long ago.

But this was not love nor like- this was lust, plain and simple. Lust was simple and could be cured with exactly what you were doing now, with the feeling that was building deep within you.

His two fingers began to speed up, arching so they could touch your upper walls, exactly where your g-spot was. You arched into his hand, moaning into the pillow underneath your face and flexed your bound hands.

Fuck you were close already- you hadn’t been touched in so goddamn long and never so good and the way he was moving his hands was like magic.

Just as you thought you may die from the pleasure, he pulled his hands away and with a heavy grip, dragged you backwards towards him and then flipped you over so you were facing him.

“Give a girl a little warning.” You closed your legs, a little shyly. He moved your hips back and knelt in front of you, pushing your thighs apart. As you began to relax slightly, he slapped your cunt with his palm. You swore.

Another slap. Hissing at him, you bared your teeth slightly in frustration and pain.

He smiled. It was almost so jarring, so beautiful that you forgot entirely what the two of you were doing and just watched him for those few seconds before his expression fell to something far more serious.

“Play nice, Ace.”

He bent his head down, fingers prying open your entrance in teasing as his mouth circled around your clit, tongue flicking over it.

“Shit.” You swore, your hands wriggling in their hold. He slipped a finger inside of you, then another and began to move again, placing wet sloppy kisses over your cunt before sucking on your clit.

Stars were beginning to form beneath your eyelids as you pushed your cunt further into his face, moaning, hands grasping at his hair as they desperately searched for something to anchor you to the ground, to this bed before you floated into the air above you.

“You needy bitch.” He muttered, thumb circling your cunt as he came up to look at you, your body writhing beneath him. “I shouldn’t be giving you this at all, given your disrespect since the moment you arrived.”

“No-“ You groaned, hips shuffling down onto his fingers as he moved them out, slowing his pace. “Please, sir.”

“Hm.” Was his only reply as he resumed his work, chuckling as you let out another moan, swearing loudly. Thank god nobody else was stationed nearby to him or they’d hear exactly what the supreme leaders mouth could do.

As your hips rocked onto his hand, his tongue stroking you, you felt yourself clench in anticipation. You hadn’t cum in so long and just as you felt those fireworks, felt your blood sear he stopped, stepping away from you completely. You almost screamed in frustration, leaning upwards to look at him with a heavy glare.

“I did say this was a punishment.” He remained you and you watched as he began to discard the clothes covering him, his eyes solely focused on yours as he did so. “Don’t be so angry Ace. The knights will be able to feel that from their rooms if you keep shooting that energy out of you.”

Despite the fact your eyes were roaming over the scar littered pale chest in front of you, nothing could stop the angry energy spilling out of you at the two ruined orgasms. It was leaking like a burst fountain, your frustration beginning to infect him as he twitched, glaring at you.

“Stop it.” His hands scooped you up, practically throwing you up the bed and making room for him.

“Make me.” You hissed.

“My pleasure.”

He positioned himself between your legs and with a grunt, slipped straight into your wet cunt with an easy, long stroke. You let out a moan that seemed to go on and on the longer it took for him to settle fully inside of you.

The length and thickness of him stretched you open, making you wince as he shifted slightly, getting himself comfy. Your hands wriggled in their hold, arms awkwardly at your side.

“Behave.” He warned and a moment later, your hands were free from their hold- you winced and twisted your wrists around.

You hissed as he began to move, that velvet cock gradually gaining speed as he got more comfortable inside of you. Tried to concentrate on anything but his face- you were all too aware of how close he was to you, his chest above yours, pelvis pressed inside of you, hands pushing your thighs apart to give him more room.

It was wrong. It was wrong to fuck him, wrong to feel so good at his hands and wrong to look him in the eyes as he did all of that.

But those dark eyes captivated you anyway, the two of you unable to look away from each other as he kept moving. Your eyes darted between him and the way he was sliding in and out of you, thighs placed behind yours to keep him steady.

“Fu-u-ck.” You stuttered, hips slamming into his own as he grew wilder at your breathlessness, your moaning. Your hands moved to grab his arms, gripping the taunt skin there, nails digging in slightly. This only spurred him to move even faster, your mewling growing louder by the second, his own grunts turning into more of a cry.

“Good girl.” His hair was clinging to his head from sweating, your own likely doing the same, his skin hot to touch. “Look at how well you take me.”

You glanced downwards to where the two of you joined perfectly, the length of him slipping in and out of you. It was better than you ever imagined it would be, felt better than any high you’d ever experienced.

He shifted your legs further up onto his forearms, letting you grip his wrists as he stuffed himself deep inside you.

“Who do you belong to?” He asked, face inches from yours, lips brushing against your jaw.

“I-“ You could barely speak, never mind think. He was completely ruining you.

“Tell me.” He growled and slowed his pace slightly. You whined at what could potentially be a third ruined orgasm. “Tell me, Ace.”

“Y-“ You struggled to get the words, any words, out. He was driving you insane with the pace changing, leading you to an orgasm then snatching out at the last minute. You felt you were going to go insane if he didn’t let you cum soon.

“Ace.” He grunted and slammed into you, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as he did so. You felt that all too familiar presence of the force flicker to life around you and it circled straight in on your clit.

“ _Fuck, fuck-_ “ You cried out. “You. I belong to you!”

“Don’t fucking forget it. Now cum.”

His mouth devoured yours, tongue slipping inside as he swallowed each of your cries and moans, the orgasm bundling down your spine and completely shattering you. Every inch of your skin tingled, waves rolling over your body as he continued to stroke you through your orgasm, making it ripple through you harder with each passing wave.

As you found your release, the feeling of you twitching around his cock helped Ren find his own and he slammed himself deep inside of you with a groan into your mouth, seed leaking out as he filled you up.

Leaning back from you, he let out a heavy sigh, your hands releasing his wrists, trembling as you took a moment to really look at him- to see all those scars that hadn’t been there before, to those muscular arms bigger than your head.

Beautiful. More beautiful than any other man you had ever seen, had ever been with. How could it be that someone with a face like that could contain so much hate in that heart? How could someone so strong have such a weak mind when it came to those he loved? He was like Lucifer- the seal of perfection until the wickedness inside of him was discovered.

Ren pulled out as he became soft and fell onto the bed beside you, shooting you a quick look before glancing back up towards the ceiling, hands laying on his chest.

You could barely see straight, or think straight.

Something overwhelming started to build in your chest as you lay there beside the supreme leader and felt as it was smothering you, taking over your senses. It almost felt like a panic attack and all you knew was that you had to get out of here- now.

“Ace.” Kylo was on one of his elbows, peering at you before you even moved. He could obviously sense that rising panic within you.

You scrambled to your feet before he could hold you and began to tug on clothes as quickly as you could, swearing as you realised he’d quite literally torn up most of your underwear. Prick.

“I have to- I gotta-“ You stumbled over your words, unable to pick a decent excuse for why you were hauling ass out the door literal seconds after the two of you had just slept together. You were barely standing- your legs ached to the point you felt they may actually just fold in on you if you stood still for a moment longer. He’d ruined your body.

“Ace-“ He moved upwards, sheets moving with him as he reached out for you. For a moment, you may have even considered it comforting.

But he was Kylo Ren. There was nothing comforting about him, or what you had just done. You had to get out of here before you threw up everywhere.

“I’m-“ You shook your head and took off out into the hallway, grabbing your shirt that had been strewn there and ran out of his quarters.

In your room, you hugged the pillow beside you into your chest, sobbing quietly into it. Your body was aching, even after the long shower you took and it certainly wasn’t adding to your mood.

You were sad because you missed Ben- you missed the boy you had loved so much, the person you had trusted with everything about yourself and in return, had known all of his secrets too.

But mostly you were sad because he was right. When you had kissed him, when you had let him touch you, you wanted to pretend that those things happened because you wished to be close to Ben, to feel him again.

But it wasn't true. You wanted to be close to him, as Kylo Ren. You wanted _him_ to touch you. Not any other version of him.

Ben had never made you feel like Kylo Ren did. Nobody had even come close.

And that completely terrified you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh...........i feel sick posting this lmaooo there's too much buildup!!!!! i should've made this a lowkey porno or smfn i swear, then you guys would be like 'eh, another smut chap' 
> 
> Anyway, i really hope you guys enjoyed & i'm so so sorry if this disappointed anyone. It only gets better from here....right?
> 
> RIGHT?????
> 
> Much love, as always.


	22. ARDOUOS

_The passenger ship landed with a heavy thud, wings tucking themselves inwards as it decompressed, the platform opening._

_You stood, lined up with the other jedi beside you, watching as the general walked off the platform and with a beaming smile, took her brother in her arms._

_General Leia Organa was to be here for the entire day to visit her brother and son. Only a day, given the others had complained it was unfair for her to be able to visit but nobody elses family could do the same. They had a point, you supposed, but she was_ the _Leia Organa. She was on the senate for christ sake and leader of the alliance to restore the republic._

_“Ben looks scared of her.” Tai muttered._

_The two of you were standing closer together, away from the rest of them as you watched her approach her son. Tai had moaned that he couldn’t listen to Voe’s snarky comments about the general for another moment and had strode off up the hill. You had followed, also wishing for some peace._

_“I think..it’s complicated.” You sighed, hand resting on the lightsaber strapped to your side. You knew it was complicated but it wasn’t your business to tell Tai so. Exactly why their relationship was so bad you weren’t sure- Ben had never divulged that information._

_“Do you think she can sense that conflict within him? Like we can?”_

_“She’s force sensitive, isn’t she?”_

_“Hm.” He surveyed them all, chatting in their circle. “I imagine she’s here to check on him given the bomb dropped in the senate.”_

_You shuffled on your feet. “I’m surprised she came all this way. He finishes training soon and he’d be free to begin his missions anyway.”_

_Tai glanced over at you. “You see how the others have been treating him, how that conflict is growing inside of him. This is a crucial time- he doesn’t have weeks, Ace.”_

_“What is that supposed to mean?”_

_“You know what I mean.” Of course you did. You all felt that wrestling inside of him, but you couldn’t admit it. Couldn’t admit the fear growing inside of you that he was going to disappear right before your eyes._

_Ben turned and with those long, dangly arms of his, waved you over. You straightened, surprised and froze for a good few moments before Tai nudged you into action._

_You jogged over, bowing your head in greeting to them all. “Senator Organa. Master Skywalker.”_

_“You must be..Ace?” Organa checked, eyes darting towards her son who nodded. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”_

_You smiled. “It’s an honour.”_

_“No, no- my honour. Anyone who can hold their own with both my son and my brother is a true jedi in my eyes.” She smiled at you. “How long until you complete your training?”_

_“I arrived a little later than everyone else, so I have about six months or so to go yet.”_

_“Arrived later and still finishing at the same time as most of the others.” Luke clapped your shoulder. “Don’t be so modest.”_

_“Isn’t that the way of the jedi?” You raised an eyebrow. Leia laughed._

_“Oh it certainly used to be. My brother runs a slightly different ship now.” She stepped down off the steps in front of you. “I’m staved. Join us for lunch, Ace?”_

_“Oh I-“_

_“You’re welcome to.” Luke nodded._

_“Well-“_

_You felt a warm hand slip into yours behind your back out of view of the twins in front of you, squeezing once. Twice._

_Ben._

_You glanced up at him, at that pleading face. Then back to the general. “I’m sure I can take an hour away from training.”_

_“Great.” She stepped into stride with her brother. “Now, tell me about the course runs you have them doing, are they like what you did with me or are they like..”_

You blinked into the darkness of the room, sweat rolling down your forehead. These dreams seemed to exhaust you.

The datapad beside your bed beeped twice. Rolling over, you tapped on the screen and rolled your eyes at the messages there.

Two unread from Cardo, asking why you hadn’t come to training and another annoyed that you had barricaded your door. You had done so to ensure none of them could march in here and drag your ass to training, especially not Ren.

He hadn’t bothered to drop by, or send any messages. You weren’t surprised, nor bothered- you needed space away from him and it had probably freaked him out a little watching you practically sprint from his room.

As if what the two of you hadn’t done was humiliating enough, he had to watch you tear up. Fantastic.

The new message at the top of the screen was from Elihu, wondering why she hadn’t seen you at dinner, informing you she’d be at your room in five minutes and something else about a date going horribly awkward.

You threw the datapad to the side and sighed.

Then sat straight back up. _Five minutes?_ And it was sent four minutes ago? Frantically your fingers began to type a reply, to tell her you weren’t in or some other lame excuse when there was a solid rapping at the door.

“I KNOW YOU’RE THERE!” Her voice rattled through your quarters and forced you up and out of bed. There was no getting out of this now.

Removing the blocks on the door, you swung it open with a heavy sigh and tried your best attempt at a weak smile.

Elihu raised her eyebrows at you. “Barricading yourself in?”

“Needed some peace and quiet.”

She pushed past you and practically threw herself down onto the sofa in your living area, flopping down. “Well, peace time is over! I needed to talk to you!”

You shrugged sheepishly and took a seat next to her, watching as she placed all of the things in her arms down onto the table. A hell of a lot of snacks, her own datapad and some other bits and pieces too. You laughed.

“What is this?”

“Girls night!” She exclaimed and set up her datapad in front of you. “I needed a decent talk with you and I figured we could watch my favourite show, paint our nails, wear a facemask- though hell, you’re glowing. What’s your secret?”

You opened one of the bags in front of you and hesitated for a moment before deciding to just be truthful. “Sex.”

Elihu paused, fingers flexed over the buttons on the screen in front of her and turned very slowly to look at you. “Did you just say-?”

“Yes.”

She clicked onto something and it began to play. Sitting back into the sofa, you dared a peek over at her face, reaching out to feel her energy- annoyance, surprise.

“Who? Someone I know?”

“I guess.”

“A crew member, an engineer-“ She froze. “Oh my god. _A knight?_ ”

You snorted. “No, though you aren’t the only one who seems to think that, strangely enough. I just train with them.”  
“I came by yesterday but one of them was hanging outside your door and I got too freaked out to come up. They scare me.” She laughed. You thought you’d felt someone lingering outside, but you weren’t sure who- given his messages, probably Cardo. “But I’m glad it isn’t them. They’re terrifying! I could never go near somebody so scary. So, who is it?”

She surveyed you as the two of you stared at each other, the show ringing on in the background. If she thought a knight was bad she was about to completely freak out about someone much worse.

“Uhh..” You panicked, shoving a handful of food into your mouth. “Nio Wen.”

“Huh?”

“N-lo Ren-“

“I don’t-“

“Kylo Ren!”

Elihu’s eyes widened larger than you’d ever seen them before, mouth dropping open. “Are you serious?”

“I wish I wasn’t.”

She laid a hand on your arm, lost for words. “I-“

Her eyes were so kind, her mind scrambling to come up with anything that wasn’t mean- you could hear her thoughts running over each other as she tried to come up with something.

She was your friend and the weight of telling someone finally lifted off your chest- and with it, brought you to tears.

“Oh, hey, I’m not judging-“ She scooted closer, winding an arm around your back. “I’m sorry I’m just shocked!”

“No, I-“ You cried into your hands, covering your face. “I’m sorry.”

“Whatever for?”

So many things. So, so many things. How you wished you could confess them all to her, to rid yourself of all this sin you were carrying on your shoulders.

But would this woman, your only friend here, would she look at you the same? Would she take a look at the building darkness inside you, the need and lust for someone like Kylo Ren, and still manage to see the person you were underneath of all those things? You didn’t think so.

Who could ever look at that darkness and love it?

“When did this happen? A couple of nights ago.. or has it been going on for a while now?”

“Just a few nights ago.“

“Did he force this, is this why you’re so upset-?”

“No!” You shot up, your bleary eyes meeting hers. “No, stars no. I wanted it, I wanted him and.. it’s complicated and I can’t tell you much because I wouldn’t want to tell you anything that could get you in trouble.”

“The less I know, the safer I am.” She mumbled, as if repeating something she’d heard a hundred times before. “I understand.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I really do get it.” She frowned. “Wait, you said you train with the knights?”

“I.. let’s just say I’m here to be his apprentice and leave it at that.” Anymore and she could be killed for knowing about you, should things go south. If you ever decided to give up on this plan and make a break for the resistance, they may go after her as is just for being your friend.

But you would try- you would try to tell her to get out if that was your plan. Or at least, make sure she would be safe.

Elihu sighed, ripping open one of the facemask packets, her mind scrambling with something to change the conversation with. “Hell, I’m going to have to get laid if it does that to my skin. This isn’t go do shit.”

You giggled. “So, what about this date?”

“Oh don’t. I blame you for how badly it went!”

“Me?”

“You weren’t there to give me advice!” She exclaimed and you laughed even more as she lay the faskmask onto her face, pulling a face at you. “Anyway..”

Seven episodes of Elihu’s favourite show, Flames Will Burn (a very dramatic show about two long lost lovers who have forgotten each other), two painted sets of toes and a facemask later, she finally decided to retire for her room for the night.

She hugged you goodbye and made you promise to come to dinner tomorrow to work on strategy for winning over the girl she had gone out with. You promised and watched her disappear down the hallway.

As you went to close the door, something caught the corner of your eye. You turned, noticing a brown package tied with brown string tucked just to the left of the doorway.

Someone had obviously dropped it of whilst the two of you had been inside- but you hadn’t felt anyone. There had been a flicker of something through the fourth episode, but not enough to make you realise someone had been outside the door.

Inside, you sat down on the sofa and carefully opened it, wincing at whatever was inside- who would’ve sent you something? Surely not one of the knights and Elihu would’ve given it to you herself.

The wrapping paper opened and your hands brushed over the covers. Books. Someone had given you..books.

Was this Cardo, after seeing you reading the manual the other day?

Three books. One on Jedi lore- a very rare book that you knew had been apart of Luke’s secret collection. You had snuck it out of his library twice and the night the camp had blown apart it had been in your cabin- you presumed it gone with everything else there. But clearly, you had been wrong. Someone had saved it, somehow. Or found another copy.

Underneath it were two, carefully wrapped notebooks. You frowned- these were old and there was something so familiar about the brown leather, cracked and scratched. Opening it, you turned to the first page and balked.

You knew that handwriting. Had snuck glances of it whilst he’d written, the two of you leaning against the rocks in the field, letting the sun beat down on you after a long day of training.

This was Ben’s logs that he kept. Every bit of information he collected on the jedi, every training move, everything-

Holy shit.

You sat upwards. Kylo had given you these- there could be nobody else. How the hell did he still have these? How hadn’t they blown up the moment he obliterated the camp?

But why give these to you? They were so personal, such a reminder of who he used to be and what he stood for.. you couldn’t believe he hadn’t destroyed them in anger the moment he turned to the dark side. More importantly, you couldn’t believe he’d even give them to you.

Without thinking, you shoved on a pair of shoes, left the notebook on the table and practically ran out of the door.s

You needed to talk to the supreme leader.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double release! enjoy!


	23. HONESTY

Following that tug deep inside of you, you headed upwards, to the ships upper engine rooms. You had been here before, many moons ago when Ren had dragged you to one of the vast windows in this corridor and forced you to realise your entire planet was gone.

Eyes lingering on the stars outside, you quickened your pace as you felt a pulse of something at the other end of your connection. He had realised you were looking for him and was now beckoning you, as such.

At the end of one of the hallways, there was an empty control room surrounded by wide, open windows. Littered with empty desks and chairs, the room was clearly discarded when they chose to use a better location for their operations.

Kylo was there, standing right at the very edge of the room. Hands behind his back, head tilted out and upwards to the stars glowing before him.

The room was pretty dark as you walked inside- only a dim light came from the corner. The rest of the room was only being illuminated by the stars and moons outside.

He turned, eyes sweeping over you. Shadows plunged over his face, slashing it and you swallowed. No turning around now.

“Ace.” He greeted, but made no move towards you.

“This place is..nice.”

“I come here to get some quiet.” He was upright, hands tucked behind his back. “I don’t get much these days.”

“From chasing the girl?”

He shook his head. “From you- you’re just..there. Like a feeling, all the time.”

“Ah.” You cradled your arm.“I-“ You swallowed again. Took a step into the room and let the door swing shut behind you with a thud. “I came to thank you. For the books.”

“One of the knights mentioned you had been reading an instruction manual.” The corner of his mouth twitched upwards, bemused. “I figured..you could use something to fill your time with.”

You got the courage to take a few more steps towards him, cautiously. “Interesting choices.”

“I figured the the more shocking, the more likely you would be to come and seek me out to ask about them.”

So he wanted to talk to you then. You raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m surprised you left me alone as long as you did.”

His body stiffened slightly and he turned his attention back to the stars outside. You wandered a little closer to him, leaning against the beam at the other side of the window. Even in the dark, that burning gaze was setting a fire deep inside you.

“Have you always believed I was completely at fault? For everything that happened?”

You blinked. “Yes. I suppose.”

It wasn’t something you had wished to believe in- but it wasn’t as if you had many differing opinions from what Luke had told you that day at the camp and what you had seen him do to the galaxy since.

“I know you knew about Snoke, that Luke had told you a small bit of information about him that day at the camp.”

“How-?” You sighed. “You read my mind.”

“I read everything when you arrived. You had no shields- it wasn’t my fault you decided not to upkeep those, at least.”

You could’ve shoved him. “Oh and you just couldn’t maybe _not_ rummage around in my mind?”

He ignored you, continuing on. “I chose the dark side, do not get my wrong. But since I was a child, there was this voice in my mind..Snoke. He manipulated the force to speak to me, to guide me through my entire life until I took control of the knights and sought him out myself. I never told anyone about the voice- not you, not Luke or Han Solo. Not..”

 _My mother._ You heard the words lingering there.

“It gave me warnings of dangerous things, whispered ancient secrets to me but it also told me that I would be weak without it. It used each thing I feared against me and when I fell to the dark side, it told me of how my family hated me. How they’d never take me back.”

That day at the camp when you received your lightsabers- Ben had asked you if you thought you didn’t deserve to be a jedi, if you ever felt that way. He’d mentioned the voice and brushed it off but..is that who he had been talking about?

You sighed. “Did you want to go back?”

“Briefly.” His eyes latched onto yours. “I..thought you had died that night. But if I had known you were alive, I would’ve wanted to find you.”

You couldn’t tell if you were relieved or saddened he hadn’t. Would you have also fallen to the dark side, blinded by your feelings for him? Or would he have killed you when you refused his hand?

“Palpatine revealed to me when I met him that he controlled Snoke. He has been every voice, every decision leading up until now.”

Ren had told you about Palpatine being alive, about how he didn’t serve him but he hadn’t said that he’d done this to him. If you were correct, Palpatine had been who had controlled his grandfather too, had pulled him to the dark side.

It was like a sick cosmic joke that he had done it twice, to two generations of Skywalkers. “But I’m following my true path now. My destiny.” The vulnerability in his eyes dried right up as he turned away from you again. “I told you that I don’t wish the jedi girl dead, I wish her to join me. Just as I wish you by my side when we kill Palpatine and take the galaxy as one.”

Shaking your head, you were reminded then of exactly why you had been so upset the other night. Was he so truly gone to the dark side he couldn’t see what Palpatine had done to his grandfather and again to him?

It was as if he was seeing half the picture. He was only looking at this situation it through the eyes of someone wishing to rule the empire, not someone realising they should end the terror of the siths forever, stop this madness in its tracks.

Perhaps that’s where you came in- and hopefully the Jedi girl, if she could be kept from turning.

“Are we going to talk about why you ran the other night?”

Your foot dug into the metal ground beneath you, cheeks burning. “Do you really care?”

“I felt that overwhelming panic. You were gone before I could ask you what it was- call me insane for wondering why you’d run like that immediately after we have sex.” He raised his eyebrows at you.

“It’s complicated. _We’re_ complicated.” You folded your arms, shuffling uncomfortably. It was all you could come up with.

He rolled his eyes and made a step towards you. It clearly wasn’t a good enough answer for him. “It doesn’t have to be Ace. I told you-”

“It always will be. You may be able to put aside whatever feelings you contain within that locked heart of yours, but I can’t as much as I wish I could.” You sighed, eyes tracing over each small freckle dotted on his nose. “And it doesn’t make me weak or any of the things you may call me- cowardly, stupid, emotional..”

He straightened. “I don’t think you are a coward.”

“You said you did.”

“I lied.” His eyes narrowed. “I was angry, Ace. You say plenty of wicked things with that mouth of yours when you are angry.”

“I assure you that you are much crueler than I am.”

“I never debated that.” His hand twisted up between your bodies, thumb pulling your bottom lip down and open slightly. You winced as he ran it along the cut. “Such a pretty, wicked mouth that you won’t let me touch.”

“Who said you can’t touch?” Damn you, damn him and damn that burning between your legs. It was going to throw you straight into the gates of hell when you eventually reached them.

He huffed. “You did, the moment you ran from my room in such an upset state. I felt you wanting me, I saw those dreams- its why I pursued you. But I won’t go after you like this.”

You sighed as he took a step away from you, removing those hands that were almost roaming over your body and walked towards the desks behind the two of you. His finger ran along the edge, catching the dust there.

As he turned to face you again, you were already watching him, his long dark hair falling back from his face. You were glad he had grown it out- it suited him much more than the chopped, slick version it was when he was in the academy. He sat down onto the desk behind him with a loud sigh.

He had been honest with you, about Snoke chasing him through his childhood, about Palpatine being the true puppet master. You knew there was no making him Ben again- he made that clearer with every conversation the two of you had.

You took a few cautious steps in his direction. He had always been honest with you- about his feelings, about what he had done. He didn’t hide who he was now.

So, maybe it was time to show a little honesty yourself.

“You were right.” You sighed. “That’s why I was upset the other night, why I hid- because you were right about me. About all of it.”

To your surprise, he didn’t exactly look happy about it like you had expected him to.

“I do miss Ben.” He flinched slightly as you said the name. “I miss him all the time. It makes me so angry sometimes to see you because you just remind me of the potential he had and what he became.” Your lip trembled as he watched you- but he didn’t say anything. “But I..when we were young, I felt connected to you but this is.. all the time. I feel you all the time, everywhere I go, anything I do. You’re there and I.. mostly I’m just angry that you’re right.”

“I see.” Those big brown eyes of his were watching you.

No judgement there, no anger for once. Just..watching. Waiting for your next move.

And because hell be damned since you were going there anyway and your feelings be damned because the ache inside of you was louder than any feeling you had about who he was, you stepped between his legs and kissed him.

His hands wrapped around you immediately, pulling you right against him. Sliding your arms around his shoulders, mouth opening, he caressed your tongue with his own, hands sliding down to brush against your thighs.

Any kind of gentleness was banished immediately the moment he bit down on your lip, a small groan escaping from you.

Switching places, Ren practically slammed you down onto the table behind you, your legs wound around him as he did so. You could feel him harden against you already as he deepened the kiss, hands trailing from your jaw further south.

Your shirt came off in one, easy motion as Ren cupped your breasts, mouth working down from your jaw to your collarbones, kissing them. You breathed his name, hands wrestling with his own jacket which he quickly tore off.

Those strong, possessive hands rang along your calves, pulling your pants off with ease. His crotch rubbed against your own as he leaned back down. He let out a quiet laugh at your breathlessness as he moved downwards, finger circling on your stomach and hooking on your panties.

“Move up for me.” He muttered and you did so, allowing him to grab your panties and pull them off. “Good girl.”

That hardness pressing against you, grinding mercilessly, was teasing and teasing. Your hands pulled at him more, begging, pleading for him. He heard your silent ask and broke away from you, shirt thrown over his head and onto the floor beside you.

Warm hands pushed you further back into the desk as he circled the top of your clit, a whine breaking from your throat as he did.

“You want me to touch you?” You nodded, but he only tutted at you. “Ace..”

“Yes. Please.” You wriggled further into his hand and he chuckled darkly. “ _Please_.”

“What a needy little cunt you have.” He sneered and as he did, his thumb began to rub circles on your clit, gently. You whined again, desperate for him to move faster. “I don’t think there’s been a woman in the galaxy who has gotten so wet for me, Ace. But no other woman has been such a jedi whore.”

“Prick.” You ground out as he picked up the pace slightly, another finger testing and teasing your entrance.

“Watch your mouth.” He warned and let out a quiet mutter as his fingers slipped inside of you. “Shit- you’re incorrigible. You’re so fucking wet and yet, you say you hate me? This is how wet you get the for the _enemy?_ ”

There were no smart words left within you as you rode his hand, his other one grinding against your hard nub. You just let out a moan, hand grasping the desk behind you. He growled his approval at your shuddering breaths, eyes rolling back into your head and moved faster, harder.

As his mouth replaced where his thumb had been, sucking, fingers pumping inside of you, you cried out as your climax built.

“Ky-“ You gasped, a third finger massaging your entrance as the other two pumped inside of you. “Kylo- I’m-“

“Cum. Cum for me, Ace.” He muttered against you. Moments later, darkness took over your eyes as you had to slam them shut, body shuddering almost off the table as he worked you into your orgasm, his tongue licking up each of the juices spilling out of you.

“Kylo.” You rasped as he continued to eat you out. He was going to send you over the edge a second time if he didn’t stop and you just wanted to feel him inside of you.

You were breathless, still gripping the edge of the table when he stood and you heard the quiet unzip of his pants. Head spinning, you looked up and met his stare. He kept his eyes on yours the entire time as he shifted forward and slipped inside of you.

Inch after inch, it was almost too much to bear as he kept going in, grunting as he braced his hands either side of you on the table.

“Fuck.” He hissed. “You’re so fucking tight.”

The words had you clenching around him even tighter and he swore again, moving his hips in rhythm with your own, allowing your pussy to make his cock slick with juices.

“You feel so-“ He began to pick up his speed. “Fucking good.”

A moan rattled out of your chest as he used a hand to steady himself, pushing down on your lower stomach. With each pounding stroke, you only felt yourself move further and further from your body as if it didn’t even belong to you anymore, as if was his and only his.

“Shit, _shit_.” You swore as you twitched around him.

“Are you gonna come again?” He asked, slamming into you with two heavy strokes. You tried to nod, mouth open as he pulled your legs up and over his arms. “Beg for it.”

“Please.”

He laughed. “Beg for it, whore. Or you won’t get it at all.”

The force swirled around your clit and began to rub against it mercilessly, Ren’s own pace picking up to a pounding speed as his balls slapped against your pussy, his hands digging into your legs as he held them above his shoulders.

After a moment, the force weakened slightly and you thrashed beneath him.

“Please, please, please-“ You moaned. “I’ll do anything. Please, please supreme leader, _please_ -“

“Dangerous promise to make.” He grunted, but the force surrounded you again and began to touch you everywhere- you felt it twist around your nipples, your clit and even push against your ass as Ren stroked inside of you.

Release slammed through you at light-speed, your moans echoing off every wall, probably right down the hallway too. It rattled your bones, your soul, even more than the other night had and you rode your climax out as Ren found his, hissing, nails pricking your skin.

The heavy breaths coming out of the two of you were the only sounds coming from either of you in the silence of the room. Ren put down your legs and slipped out, cleaning himself up. 

You sat up on the table, almost shyly and pressed your legs together. Unlike last time, the overwhelming feeling hadn’t arrived yet- perhaps it would, but for now it seemed to be at bay. Perhaps accepting Kylo Ren was, well, _Kylo Ren_ was the key to stop the panicking feeling inside of you.

You knew who he was and what he did. But like you had said- this was lust. You were attracted to the power, to the bond between you, but ultimately you knew it would end badly if you let any more feelings get in the way of this.

So, you were just going to have to block them out as best you could. Focus on the pleasure aspect.

It wasn’t going to be easy, given what he had told you earlier- it had only added to the small pit of pity you felt for him deep inside of you, for the boy who must’ve been terrified, who didn’t know any better. The only good part you supposed was that he wasn’t bowing to Palpatine- he did wish him dead. Maybe you could work on him from that angle.

Ren passed you your underwear and pants and you put them on, tucking your wild hair behind your ears.

“I have to go.” He muttered, gave you another sweeping gaze and once satisfied that you didn’t seem as you were about to cry, or scream, he gave you a slight nod and left.

You watched him go, stomach sinking slightly.

But, still no terrifying feelings threatening to encompass you even after he disappeared. You still knew your mission, your place here. You could separate him and Ben and when the time came, you could separate him and what was right for the galaxy.

Couldn’t you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome baaaack....
> 
> i did say the smut was going to pick up didn't I?
> 
> I genuinely have about 6/7 chapters ahead of this already written and edited but i do want to keep to some kind of release schedule of 3/4+ days between because it means if my motivation dips in the future i've given myself a bit of time instead of getting you guys used to like, a chapter a day lol. 
> 
> Anywaaay, i hope you enjoyed!! So much more exciting stuff to come. Thank you for all your kind comments, it truly makes this such a pleasure to write.
> 
> X


	24. COQUET

_Smoke filled Ben’s lung, his mouth as he coughed, pushing his way out of the rubble he had been trapped underneath._

_Glancing around, he couldn’t see his uncle anywhere in the chaos- he must have killed him by collapsing the temple._

_Letting out a cry, he grabbed the saber attached to his side and ignited it. Pointing it straight a the temple, a raging storm of feelings began to brew within him- why had Luke attacked him? What had he seen that was so terrible?_

_Above the temple, red clouds began to swirl. Ben stepped back, collapsing his saber and before he could make a step towards any of his friends cabins, before he could warn anybody, a massive thunderbolt shot out of the clouds and struck the ground beneath it._

_More fire joined the small one Ben had started earlier, growing and growing until it was almost swallowing the entire camp._

_Debris and bodies were littered around him. Ben’s eyes scanned each one of their hands, looking for her, looking to see if he had done the one thing he had swore never to do if he fell to the dark side-_

_There it was. A silver, small link chained bracelet. Attached to a wrist that was stuck under a huge pile of rubble._

_Ben fell to his knees, hands scrambling to pull the rocks away- but they were too heavy. She was trapped and most likely dead, like everybody else here. He couldn’t even feel her life force, which only seemed to confirm his thoughts._

_A few tears dripped onto his soot covered skin, staining his uniform as he quickly unclasped the bracelet from her wrist and shoved it into his pocket._

_Standing, he took a step back from her- from the one person who had never judged him on his heritage, who had stood by him through all, from the one he had loved most- and tried to control the rising bile in his stomach._

_The fire raged around him and he couldn’t help but wince at the sight of it. He had never wanted this- so much death or destruction._

_The fault does not lay with you. But the Jedi- with Skywalker and his treatment of you. The voice in his mind rang out._

_He swallowed. Looking down at that hand beneath him again, Ben wondered what she would say about this- would she soothe the burning within him? Would she have told him to run, or to go home?_

_It didn’t matter, he supposed. She was dead._

_He had killed her._

Kylo awoke, hands balled into tight fists as he took a few deep breaths- he was fine.

_You’re here. Not there. You haven’t been there for years. You’re here. Not there._

Another sleepless night plagued by nightmares was nothing new for him- but lately, many of them had seemed to feature Ace and memories of the two of them together.

Sometimes they were her dreams that he tuned in to through their connections. But hers were usually happier or sentimental- the two of them training together, running around the camp, laughing in his cabin, talking to their friends.

His seemed to feature her death, like some kind of prophecy of what was to come- her dying at Palpatines hands, Rey’s hands. The night he had thought she died.

She was strong, he knew that. When it came to the likes of most, she could handle herself and given her power was growing every day, it would only be a matter of time before she could handle Rey too- perhaps even be more powerful than her.

_More powerful than him._

She was certainly on course to be whilst they attended the academy- Luke had said it himself, to his mother when he thought Kylo hadn’t been listening.

Brushing past the thought, he rose from bed and headed over to the cabinet. As if someone else was possessing him, he opened the top left drawer and his hands wandered to the back, underneath the other junk in there.

He pulled out the small navy box kept in the corner and opened it, fingers brushing over the bracelet there.

Ace’s bracelet.

What had possessed him to keep it he wasn’t sure- hell, the first few nights after the explosion on the camp he had held it in his hand and debated throwing it as far as he could until it was gone. He had never been able to let it go, chastising himself for being so naive given she was dead and buried in the ground and that if she was alive she’d even look at him after all he had done.

But she was alive. She was here, sleeping in a room he provided for her, in clothes he gave her. Training with him. Looking at him with those beautiful eyes, somehow simultaneously making him feel truly like a monster and not like one at all.

His datapad beeped twice- Hux was calling a meeting immediately about the whereabouts of rebels. Apparently a location had been found.

Kylo rolled his eyes and began to shrug his clothes on. The sooner he could get rid of that measly, ginger bastard he would. He had suspected for some time Hux was no good and given these new leaks to the resistance from a spy in the First Order, he heavily suspected he knew exactly who they were coming from.

Another messaged popped up, near the top. Cardo.

_C, 8:34am: “Is Ace to train with us today?”_

He let out a long huff of air. Kylo trusted the knights with his life, just as they trusted him- the six of them were completely in tune with each other. But something about Cardo, about the way he looked at Ace, made his blood burn with something beyond anger.

His knights were human, just as he was. They could appreciate beauty, as they all did with her- he saw the prolonged looks as she trained with them, those tight pants clinging to every inch of her legs. Felt that heat within them on Naboo, when she arrived to dinner all those nights in those dresses, each as eye-catching as the last.

But Cardo was different- the knights felt pure lust for her, something deep and cardinal, just as he did. But whilst Cardo felt that, there was some kind of worry for her there too- a fear of Kylo, of what could happen between them, of what he wanted to do with her himself and wether or not he’d be able to control that urge much longer.

Kylo didn’t like it. He knew Ace didn’t look at him that way- hell, she barely looked at him in any way that wasn’t outright hate, pity or lust. But it angered him nonetheless.

Perhaps he’d need to make it clear to them all who exactly she belonged to. Thoughts of her tied to his bed, legs stretched wide as he made each of the knights watch him ruin her flooded his mind.

He smirked. Maybe another time.

For now, he had a meeting to get to- and rebels to catch.

“As we said, we received information they may be hiding here.” Hux hit a button in front of him, lighting up a hologram of a planet. “Vendaxa.”

Pryde flexed his fingers, leather gloves squeaking quietly as he did so. He gave Hux an unimpressed look- or perhaps that was just his face. “From a trusted source?”

“As trusted as they can be.” Hux straightened. “That’s why I propose-“

The door to the meeting room opened, hissing as it did so. Ace appeared, tucking a fly strand of hair behind her ear and peering around until she meet Kylo’s gaze.

“Sorry to interrupt.” She bowed her head and walked over to the chair beside him.

He’d sent her a message to come just as he’d arrived there- and she’d come at the perfect time, thankfully.

Given what he planned to do today, he’d much rather she stay on the ship with the knights and train. But the uncomfortableness about Cardo was building inside of him and he wouldn’t be able to think about anything else if he left her here.

Besides, given her little speech the other day about being bored, he felt he should take her off the ship for a while.

Ace sat beside him, shooting him another glance. It was definitely time to visit a nicer area in the galaxy, to buy her some things- he was sick of seeing her in First Order basics. Something about it felt wrong and it certainly wasn’t flattering in any way.

 _Am I late?_ She asked, speaking into his mind. She was becoming much more comfortable with doing so than she had been before- in fact, she tended to prefer it when they were around other people. Kylo did too.

_No._

“As I was saying, supreme leader.” Hux drew his attention back, his gaze still fixated on the girl beside him. “I suggest we deploy a squad of stormtroopers to accompany me to check it out. If we find rebels, we contact the Steadfast immediately and-“

“No.”

Everyone paused, bracing themselves. Ace kept her eyes down on the table, fingers drumming against the glass.

“No?” Hux seethed.

“No. I will be going to Vendetta- my apprentice will be accompanying me.”

 _Not your apprentice,_ she hissed.

_What would you prefer I use? Jedi warrior? Woman who came on my hand last night?_

He hadn’t been able to get her out his mind, not from the day on Naboo when she’d wrapped her arms around him and let him kiss her, let him run his hands down her body. He hadn’t realised how desperately he had wanted her until then, how badly he needed it.

He was struggling to focus. Kylo had figured getting the sex out of his system would help- perhaps it was the connection to his past or this new thing between them that had made it so much more intense.

But it hadn’t helped- if anything, it made it wholly worse. She was like a drug that he wanted to take over and over until it killed him.

The fact she had chosen to come to him last night, had chosen to step into his arms.. it certainly didn’t help him with trying to stop from falling into something he couldn’t come back from.

She glared at him. _Prick._

_Careful, Ace._

Images flashed in his mind- her body arching off the table as she came, her lips barely able to pronounce his name as she watched him slide inside of her. Kylo almost hardened at the thought and clamped down on them- not the time, or place.

“Your apprentice?” Hux narrowed his eyes at the two of them. “Pray tell, how is her training going supreme leader?”

Kylo meet that scathing stare. “Why do you ask?”

“It is just strange you chose an apprentice from such.. an unusual background. I just wish to know the appeal, is all.”

Kylo glanced over at her. Even with his mask on, he knew she could tell exactly where his eyes were- she was looking right into them. “Her appeal?”

Ace huffed. _I’ll show him my appeal in about two seconds if he doesn’t shut it._

Kylo almost smiled. _Easy._

“You refuse hundreds of those who wish to train within your ranks and yet you choose a stripper to become an apprentice, its ludicrous-!“

He didn’t get to finish his sentence, his hand clutching his throat as Ren reached out with the force and began to choke him. If Hux knew who she truly was, he’d try have her killed the moment she stepped out without Kylo’s protection which is why he never told him, or any of them, the truth. But, it didn’t mean he’d listen to such disrespect.

“Supreme leader, may I ask why you wish to go alone?” Pryde ignored the choking general in front of him, just shooting him a disgusted look.

“I wish to test her training.” He answered and once Hux began to turn a rather odd shade of purple, and a sense of unease began to rise within Ace as she watched the scene unfold, he let him go.

Hux slammed into the cold metal floor beneath him, coughing, grasping for something to hold on to. Everyone shifted in their chairs, afraid to be next to face his wrath.

“If anyone else has anything to say about my apprentice, please say it now.” Kylo’s voice cast a silence over the room. Nobody even dared a glance in their direction. “Good. That’s what I thought.”

“As you wish.” Pryde nodded. “I’ll have troops ready on standby if you find any rebels, sir.”

Kylo stood and waited until Ace had stood too before the two of them headed out of the meeting room. As he reached the doors, Hux called out his title.

“I will be accompanying too.” He winced, as if preparing to be hurt again, though tried to keep his head held high.

 _Don’t do it again. He’s still purple._ Ace warned, wincing as she noticed him flex his gloved hand.

_Are you telling me what to do?_

_Oh never, supreme leader._ She shrugged and turned away from him- but not before he caught the small smile on her lips. She certainly seemed to be in a better mood than she had been for the past few days.

It was pathetic that he hoped in may in part have to do with last night, in what seemed to be her taking a step towards acceptance of how she felt about Kylo Ren instead of Ben Solo.

Kylo thought she would never look at him with anything but hate again- not after she found out about her parents, not after Luke.

But she was still here and she wasn’t fighting to get away. He’d even seen a flash of pity in her eyes last night which had angered him but, it had to be better than the fury that was usually there.

“Fine.” Kylo didn’t wish him to, but he certainly wasn’t going to stop him. Hux would only cause a fuss that wasn’t worth his energy today- he had other things that he wished to focus on instead.

“Fine.” Hux nodded.

An hour later, the three of them boarded Hux’s transport to Vendetta. His ship was more built for comfort, unlike Kylo’s- given he was hardly off the Steadfast, it was a strange design to have.

Ace however, seemed to appreciate it. She sat down on the plush corner chair and tucked her legs underneath her, eyes roaming around the room.

Kylo took a seat nearby her, glancing over at her. If it was just the two of them, he knew exactly what he’d be doing to her on the two hour journey there. His blood heated at the thought and she detected the change in his energy, sitting up slightly.

Ace frowned. _What?_

_I didn’t say anything._

_Stop it- I know what you’re thinking. Well, feeling._

Kylo clamped down on a smile as she continued to ramble on.

_No, no, no. Never in a million years, especially not within earshot of Hux for christ sake._

_Don’t like to perform for others?_ He arched a brow at her.

She shook her head _. I save my performances for supreme leaders, not generals._

_I see. When we get back to the Steadfast you’ll need to show me more of this said performance- I feel I have yet to see the extent of your..talent._

_Maybe._ She shifted, trying to shut down the intense energy building between them. _You should decorate your ship like this. I like this much better._

_If you ever get enough money for your own ship, you can design it like..this._

Ace chuckled quietly. _Try not to sound so disgusted._

 _It’s a ship. Not his home. Is there a need for the quilted cushions?_ Kylo picked one up and threw it to the side.

Hux tutted, appearing from the cockpit. “Don’t touch anything.”

“Yes sir.” Ace saluted, dropping one of the other cushions from her hands onto the seat beside her. “Where did you buy this stuff?”

“It was a gift.” Hux stiffened.

“From your mother?” She muttered. “Or grandmother? It’s rather..an acquired taste.”

He glared at her. “From a friend.”

With wide eyes, Ace glanced over to Kylo. “He has a _friend_ and you don’t? Seriously?”

“Your apprentice is-“ Hux huffed. “Teach her some manners, supreme leader. Before I do.”

He stalked back into the cockpit, sniffing the entire way. Ace let out a quiet giggle, picking at a loose thread on her training gear.

Was it cruel he made he train so often because he preferred her wearing that compared to anything else? Especially on this mission. The tight pants clung to every inch of her body and the holsters on her legs, where knives would typically go if he had bothered to give her one, were turning him on even more.

“Teach you some manners, hm?”

With a slight tug, Ren sent the force crawling over to her, dragging it up her thighs. She shivered, clenching them together.

“Ren.”

“Hm.”

“I’m serious.” She breathed, even as it pushed its way past her shirt, circling the tops of her breasts. Then, right as he went to dip down further, he felt a solid wall of force blocking his own with a swift shift. Ace had obviously figured out how to manipulate the force to her own liking.

_Clever girl._

“As I recall.” Kylo got up, stalking over to where she was sat and leaned down in front of her so their faces were inches apart. “You promised me you’d do anything.”

“You were withholding an orgasm. I can’t be held accountable.” She was trying to be smart, but it wasn’t too successful given the crack in her voice.

Ren held her chin. “I’ll remember that promise. For later.”

“Later.” She relaxed into her chair.

He watched her sharp inhale as he nudged closer, warmth blooming in his chest as he saw her eyes run the length of his mouth, eyelashes fluttering downwards. When he got this close to her it was easy to forget who she was, who he was, all that had happened between them.

“Later.” Kylo repeated and straightened, heading in the direction of the cockpit.

He sighed, almost slamming his fist into the door as soon as she was out of sight. He needed to get a grip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lil filler chapter lol, next one out in a couple of days! Enjoy!


	25. VENDAXA

Vendaxa was not as you expected.

It was far more lush compared to the other planets you had recently visited- covered in towering trees and vines looping all around the three of you as you walked deeper into the forest, swamps at either sides of you.

Why the rebels would choose to set up a secret base here, you didn’t know. It would be good for hiding, but getting fighter crafts in and out of here would be hell. As far as you knew, there was nothing special about the planet- no sought after minerals or animals that they could want for themselves.

So far, there was no sign of them and none of the sensors on Hux’s ship had detected any presence of life.

Stopping to take another glance at his data pad, Hux let out a long sigh. You just kept your eyes on the forest around you- it was so dense, you’d never be able to see if someone was coming to attack the three of you. Better to keep your eyes sharp.

Above you, birds squawked as they took off from the trees and into the blue sky. You wished you were free like them- free to roam wherever you desired, answering to nobody but yourself.

That had never been your life, nor your destiny it seemed. But you had hope for the day you lived simply for the pleasure of living- not living to work, or kill or fight. Just lived.

“They could be underground..” Hux muttered, mostly to himself, breaking the silence between you all. You could sense the rising irritation in Ren- you had done so since the moment the scanners picked up nobody on their radars.

Ren turned to glare at him. “But it’s unlikely.”

“Well we may have to fly to the other side of the water over here.”

“Your ship detected nobody, General Hux. Whoever your informant was is clearly a liar or a gossip-“

“My informant is just fine-!"

You tuned them out, taking a couple of steps away. Beautiful, purple flowers had begun to bloom to your left, their petals turned upwards to the blazing sun above. Crouching, you almost smiled at the sight of them.

Moon Sights.

The last time you had seen these..

_“Aren’t they beautiful?” Your father held up the bulb in front of your face. You frowned, glancing around the pile of dirt in his hands to look at him._

_“It’s..dirt.”_

_“No, no, it’s a flower! Well- it will be.” He turned and popped it into the soil beneath his hands, covering it. “I spent a little extra on this one. Your mother won’t be pleased but it’ll be worth it once you see this under a full moon.”_

_“What is it?”_

_“A moon sight. Strange name, but when a full moon appears if it is fully bloomed it’ll glow and emit this light that’s said to be extremely beautiful.” Your father sighed. “I just wanted to have something nice in the garden that wasn’t going to make your mother so sad.”_

_The dry season had ruined many of your crops, sending your mother and father into financial ruin. You knew for a fact that paying for you to attend the local school wasn’t helping them, but they refused to allow you to drop out. Even your powers couldn’t help the crops._

_“I think it’s a wonderful idea.” You squeezed his shoulder and he reached up to touch your hand, giving you a warm smile._

_“Thanks sweetheart.”_

You smiled fondly at the memory. The dry season had ended forty-two days later and when the full moon glowed that evening, the flower had bloomed bright and beautiful as your father had promised and your mother had cried.

In the distance, a faint growl prickled in your ears. You shot upwards, surveying the grass in front of you- but you couldn’t see a thing.

“You shoot down every idea of mine, everything to do with that Jedi girl or the rebels- its as if you don’t wish to find them at all!”

Still nothing, but the hairs on your arm stood up. Something was watching you all- you could feel its eyes on you. The two leaders were so caught up in their argument they couldn’t hear the low growl reverberating off the ground beneath your feet.

“Watch your tone General Hux. Everything is reliant on me finding the rebels and that girl- I am not the one who is disloyal to the First Order.”

You glanced back at them, eyes darting between them and in the forest in front of you. “Uh, Kylo I think-“

“I have been loyal to the First Order my entire life!” Hux was turning a rather spectacular shade of red as he stomped his foot down.

Even Ren was getting irate now, hand pressing against his chest. “And I have sacrificed _everything_ for them-!”

In the darkness of the trees you spotted it finally- a pair of glowing yellow eyes slipping out of the shadows, followed by razor sharp teeth. Goosebumps scattered up your skin. That thing was _not_ going to be a friendly visitor.

“GUYS!” You bellowed, interrupting them. They paused their argument, hands raised at each other and paled as they noted the creature now approaching you all. As you all acknowledged it, it broke into a gallop towards you.

“Move!” Ren shouted and drew his lightsaber, pushing past you. Hux, unlike him, ran for the nearest cover by a tree and hid from the beast. “Go with him!”

“No!” You gaped. He couldn’t take on this thing alone.

His nostrils flared. “Ace-“

“Give me a weapon!”

“No!” He turned back to the beast and brought down his lightsaber as it arrived upon him, claws raised and ready to fight. You grimaced at the sight of it- massive, green with six razor sharp claws that matched its razor sharp teeth.

Ren raised his hand, using the force to throw it to the side. You took a few step backwards as it hissed at him and then turned its attention in your direction.

Shit.

“Ace-!” He shouted but you were already running for the tree line, in the same direction Hux had headed.

Going to the ship would be a bad idea- if it damaged it you could be stuck here for god knows how long and who knew how many other beasts were out here, hiding in wait.

There was a commotion behind you as Kylo attempted to reel the beast back in again- but it fought against his hold, snapping those claws down in an attempt to pierce his body.

Hux was shivering behind a tree, gaping out as the two battled.

“You’re a coward.” You flung your hand towards him. “Give me your gun.”

“And let you shoot me?” He hissed. “I know you can’t be his apprentice, I know he picked you up in Coruscant and since then he’s been-“

Kylo raised his lightsaber towards the beast again, shouting- and you watched in horror as the thing also raised itself onto its hind legs and slashed a claw across his chest. Kylo fell to his knees.

“Kylo!” His name tore out of your throat, ringing with desperation as he stayed there- and didn’t get back up. A horrible, panicked sensation began to claw its way through your chest, crushing you.

The beast turned in your direction, attention caught by your screaming. It began to charge for you, claws pounding into the ground. 

“Hux.” You gritted your teeth, glaring at him. “That thing is going to kill us and if you insist on hiding here, then give me your gun!”

He shook his head in refusal. You swore, throwing both hands forward and pushing back the beast using the force as much as you could. Not an easy task, given its massive size- it roared in frustration at the invisible binds around its legs, now dragging its claws through the dirt to reach you faster.

“You are not who you say you are-!“ He hissed, watching you.

The beast continued to push forward as your forehead broke out into a sweat. You were about to be in real trouble- this thing couldn’t die from using the force alone, you weren’t good enough yet and it was getting closer every passing second.

“We are about to die! Do you care that much about being right?”

He seethed and for a moment, you wondered if he was gong to be so spiteful as to let this beast skewer the two of you on its claw just to prove his point.

Then, with a shaking hand he handed you the blaster pistol at his side. You glared at him and jumped out from behind the tree, raising the gun immediately.

You fired, eyes desperately searching the grass for the supreme leader. There was no solid tug at the other end of your connection- just darkness.

The beast roared as it kept charging, slowing only slightly. You fired another three shots, letting out a series of swears as you did so, panicking- one to the head, to its neck and stomach.

It fell onto its knees, hitting the ground- but kept sliding towards you, aided by the mud. Hux shouted as it’s mouth opened, his screaming ringing in your ears as you blasted the final shot at it again, closing your eyes as you did so. If you were about to be eaten, you didn’t wish to see.

Silence.

A heavy sigh came from beside you as you opened your eyes.

It was dead and laying just a meter in front of you, mouth still open and ready to devour. You let out a long sigh of relief and then ran around it, ignoring its beady eyes following you as you did so. Hux called out your name, but you ignored him and continued to sprint through the grass as you searched for Ren.

He was slumped over and you swore as you noticed the blood seeping out of his tunic onto the ground below. You ripped off his cape and put a hand around his neck, forcing him to lay backwards instead of crunched up.

He groaned, hissing. “It’s not that bad.”

“You can’t even get up.” You bundled his cape up and pressed it against the wound. “I think it went right through, did it?”

“Feels like it.” He gritted his teeth.

Hux appeared to your left, paler than before. He lingered awkwardly beside the two of you as if he wasn’t sure what to say, or do.

“Go and get the pilots!” You shouted at him and turned your attention back to Ren. He scattered immediately into the woods, towards the ship.

They’d need to help you lift him onto the ship. Perhaps you could even use the force. It would ease the load of him on the pilots slightly.

“Ace-“

“It’s dead, I shot it.”

“I know.”

“Don’t you wish you gave me a gun sooner?” You raised your eyebrow at him and he huffed, groaning with pain as he did so. “Hux knows I’m not just your apprentice.”

“I figured as such. But I suspect..” Ren arched his back in pain. “There’s things about him I suspect which means he’ll keep his mouth shut for now.”

“I see.” You swore as blood ran out onto your hand. Ren glanced up at you. “You’re fine.” You reassured him, pushing against his wound harder as you watched as Hux appeared back in the distance with the two men.

“Ace-“ Kylo’s voice began to get drowsy. He was going to lose consciousness- not good.

“You’re okay.” Shamefully, you tugged on that connection between the two of you, scared it was going to slip out of your hands like a loose thread.

“I know, Ace I-“ His eyelids fluttered close and you watched as his head tipped backwards, hitting the grass with a soft thud.

The pilots scooped him up around their arms, grunting. You walked behind them and focused every ounce of energy you could onto his body, using the force to relieve them of his weight slightly so they could hold him better.

Using the connection between you, you tried to feed him as much energy as you could at the same time, desperately trying to hold him up. Your knees began to tremble as you did so- how the hell did he do this for so long? You were exhausted already from holding the beast.

The ship doors hissed open and they dragged him inside. Hux stationed himself outside and blocked you from entering, hand outstretched.

For his gun.

Rolling your eyes, you unbuckled it from your side. “If you hadn’t been such a coward, he wouldn’t be hurt right now.”

“Why wouldn’t he trust his own apprentice with a weapon and instead force her to run?”

He had a point and he certainly wasn’t an idiot. But you were in no mood to play games with the general today. You slammed the weapon into his stomach, watching as he bent over with a huff.

“You could’ve just said thank you.” You snapped and stalked off inside.

The ship powered up as you went to Ren’s side. Thankfully, Hux had instructed a medic to come on board with you all and he was now working on the supreme leader, dressing his wound with something sticky looking.

You sat across from them, forcing that energy within you to flow into Kylo, trying to keep his end of the connection alive. The act of doing so was exhausting you and though you wanted to watch him sleep, to check his chest was still moving up and down, you found within moments your head had dipped onto your shoulder and you too had passed out.

A few hours later, you rolled onto your side, blinking into the low lighting. Someone had moved you onto one of the mats brought by the medic so you weren’t sleeping on the hard floor and thrown a blanket over your middle too.

Hux was nowhere to be seen- just you and Ren in the back of the ship. You sat upwards and crawled towards him, eyes desperately scanning for any sign movement. The wound on his side had been completely wrapped up in swaths of cloth and bandages and so far, no sign of any redness or infection. A tube was stuck into his arm, probably an IV bag to give him some fluids. He would heal quickly, especially given he was a force user.

He inhaled and it felt like a tidal wave of relief burst through you, soaring through your skin. Thank god.

Who had ever thought there’d be a day you were relieved the supreme leader had survived an attack? You could’ve punched yourself for it.

Hux clearly wanted him gone and you imagined with some bargaining, you could’ve agreed to leave him there and let him rot in the grass. Say it had all been a horrible accident, try and get dropped off in some nearby planet.

Not that Hux would’ve ever agreed. He would’ve tortured you the moment Kylo was gone.

Besides, you couldn’t have left him anyway- the fear that had wrapped itself around you the moment he fell to his knees was so strong there was no amount of hate inside you that could’ve forced you to leave him there.

At least he looked at peace whilst he slept- the jagged scar down his face seemed less harsh in the dark, his lips straight instead of downturned.

Hesitantly, you reached out and placed a hand on his chest, feeling it move beneath your hand. Another wave of relief poured through you at the movement, almost making you gasp with the sheer force of it.

“Stop staring at me.” He muttered.

You jumped, moving your hand back and felt your cheeks burn. “How do you feel?”

“I’m fine. It was nothing.” His eyes were open now, taking you in. You felt his force probe around you- probably checking you weren’t injured.

You weren’t, as far as you noticed- a few cuts across your ankles from running in the sharp grass and twigs but nothing serious.

“An acklay’s claw went through your chest- its not nothing.” You shook your head. “You don’t feel hot, or nauseous or-“

“Ace.” He sighed. “Stop.”

“Sorry.” The two of you sat in silence, watching the other.

“I’m surprised you didn’t leave me there to die.” He mirrored your earlier thoughts. “Perfect alibi. Hux would’ve agreed, had you given him something good enough in return.”

Your voice wobbled. “I had nothing to give.”

He didn’t seem convinced. “I think you didn’t want to leave me.”

“I think the drugs are talking.” Not that he was even on very much, but you were in no mood to discuss with him exactly why you hadn’t left him behind nor the crippling fear you felt as you watched him fall into the grass. “What is it, that you suspect about Hux? You said something about him, but you passed out.”

Ren hesitated for a moment. “I think he’s a spy. For the resistance.”

“Really?” You frowned. You’d heard his speech before the acklay had attacked, about how loyal to the first order he was- him being a spy seemed so.. out of character. He had to have been pushed to this somehow.

“I made a lot of rash decisions regarding the resistance and Luke. I am unsure about Hux- so I’m abiding my time, to catch him rather than just kill him.” Kylo didn’t exactly sound so enthused about his own plan.

You snorted. “That’s unlike you.”

“I blame your energy influencing me.” He muttered- but was there a kernel of truth in there? Bar this morning in the meeting, his temper seemed to have cooled slightly. He was throwing stormtroopers around a hell of a lot less. Was that really you?

But did that mean he was influencing you too? Where your calm energy was mixing into his, was his chaotic energy infiltrating yours? You had felt your emotions were more over the place than before and the feeling of wanting to shove a lightsaber through someones chest whenever they annoyed you was also growing.

You watched as the IV dripped down into the tube, tried to put the thought out of your mind. “Can I ask you something?”

“Do I have a choice?” He motioned to his position.

“Is this, all of this, really what you wanted?” You moved slightly closer to him, knee touching his stomach. “Chasing the rebels on endless, useless quests, becoming supreme leader, having to kill mentor after mentor..”

Not that you’d ever tell him, but the other night his dream had broken through your own- it was only for the briefest of moments, but you saw him standing there, looking out over the camp with tears in his eyes. It was gone in a flash but you hadn’t been able to stop thinking of it since.

He eyed you suspiciously. “Why do you ask?”

“I’m curious, we have time to kill.” You shrugged.

He was silent for a few minutes. Stupid, to assume he would tell you anything- but just as you had been terrified when he fell, you felt that sharp fear within him when the beast charged for you. The same fear he’d clamped down on the day the servant held the knife to your throat.

Still. Stupid to assume any of that meant anything.

But to your surprise, a few minutes later, after some endless debate with himself, he spoke up quietly.

“I.. I never wanted to kill everyone in the temple that day. That was never the intention.” He met your stare. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know.” Because you did. Of course you did- if he had, he would’ve made sure the job was finished the night he found you in the club.

“But Darth Sidious.. well, you know.”

Your reached down, touching his arm. “I don’t just blame you- I blame them too. When you asked me the other day if I felt everything was your fault.. no. I blame Luke, too.”

His eyes grew dark, snapping. “Your cherished mentor?”

“He made many mistakes. We all did, when it came to you and that includes me. I’m..” You sighed. “I’m sorry. About never fighting against Luke, his decisions, and what he did. About not fighting against our friends when they talked like they did to you- I’m sorry.”

You couldn’t read a single thing on that blank face of his, his eyes searching yours- but you meant it. This wasn’t some bullshit ploy to make him trust you.

Luke had been wrong, so much. For hiding him from the others, for isolating him, blaming him, hiding himself on an island from everyone else instead of fighting with the resistance. Your own friends, except Tai, had been cruel when his parentage had been revealed, had mocked and mistreated him. Who could’ve stopped Ben from turning to the voice inside of him when he was being treated like so by his own family? By people he considered to be his closest friends?

“I’m sorry about your parents.” He spoke very quietly. You blinked and after a second, bowed your head. “Was your anger with Luke why you never sought out the resistance?”

“Partly. I always thought he had a plan and as the years got on and I learned he had in fact just ran away I.. I was so angry I couldn’t go near the resistance. I would’ve torn them in two.” You sighed. “I was just crushed. I couldn’t go back to my family for fear I’d be found there and get them killed..and all of my friends were dead, or gone.”

“They didn’t all die.”

For a moment, you almost considered agreeing with him. You saw the tenderness in his eyes, the rare moment of vulnerability he had only shown you once just a few nights before.

But it just wasn’t true. If you were supposed to let Ben die and accept how you felt about Kylo, accept you’d have to kill him if he couldn’t turn back and even if he did turn, he’d never be the boy you had loved again.. he had to accept what he had done to you too.

“Yes. They did.”

With that, you turned your back to him and crawled back over to your mat. His stare was burning a hole in your back as you lay back down and faced away from him, hand tucked under your head.

You didn’t get a wink of sleep the entire journey home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Couple of really exciting chapters coming up, ones i've been enjoying so much to write and i'm really excited for you guys to read them too.
> 
> At the moment my plan is about 40 chapters, I think. So we're well over halfway there!
> 
> Anyway, i hope you enjoyed this and as always leave me your thoughts !!!
> 
> X


	26. MEDITATE

You hated the prisons on the steadfast.

Climbing down another set of staircases, you glanced around at the hissing vents around you and swallowed. Hard.

All you could think of was your body laying on the metal floor, barely able to open your eyes after Ren cracked your rib. Trudgen, beating the shit out of you in the loading bay.

That had been a while ago, you knew that. So much had changed but.. it still haunted you sometimes- especially when you had to revisit where it happened.

Trudgen had skipped all the training sessions with you and the knights- but you were just crossing your fingers he’d eventually quit being such a coward and join in so you could kick his ass for breaking your nose.

At the end of the hallway, two stormtroopers were positioned outside the door. You approached, pushing your shoulders back to look more as if you were supposed to be here.

“No visitors allowed.” The one on the right stepped forward to greet you, palm outstretched.

Taking a deep breath, you glanced between both of them and then waved your hand in front of their faces. “You’ll allow me to enter.”

Silence- then, they both shuffled back slightly. “We’ll allow you to enter.”

“You won’t tell anyone I was here.”

“We won’t tell anyone you were here.” They confirmed and allowed you to pass by into the cell behind them.

At the back of the room, chained to the wall, was Chewbacca. This one seemed even more horrible than yours- darker, smaller and the chains attached to him were much shorter too. He roared loudly as you entered, storming for the door immediately.

“Chewie- chewie!” You waved your hands about wildly trying to get his attention. “It’s me!”

Once he realised it was just you and not some stormtrooper or other official, he calmed slightly and took a step back, huffing.

“Are you okay?”

He mumbled at you.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.” You sighed and walked over to his side, touching the iron cuffs. They were tight enough to cut off his circulation- bastards. There was a link around the side that you unlatched slightly, giving him some wriggling room. “I hope your friends know you’re here.”

He muttered something, but you shook your head.

“I’m watched like a hawk, by everyone. It’s a miracle I got down here.” You glanced over your shoulder.

Ushar had been approaching your room this morning as you had begun to sneak out to go and see your prisoner. You hid round the corner and once he made it down to your door, made a run for it as quickly as you could.

He talked about the girl for a bit, explaining they had been looking for a tool to help them get to Exogal and kill Palpatine. He talked of her training, of Leia, of Han. You listened, holding his arm in a way you hoped was comforting.

He was clearly still distraught over the loss of Han especially from the moans he let out whilst telling you how Ben had killed him. Even your own stomach twisted listening to the story. Kylo had told you what he had done but.. you hadn’t thought about it for too long.

You didn’t know much about Han Solo. He had never visited the academy, unlike Leia, and Ben never spoke of him. The few times he did, he had mentioned how his father had always lived a separate life to them, how he was an ass. You got the impression he hadn’t been around much, especially given how Chewie spoke of him- he barely knew Ren.

You sighed as you felt that thread inside of you come alive- Ren was tugging on it. He’d be here soon if you didn’t get a move on.

“I have to go, I hope this helped.” Wrapping an arm around him, you give him an apologetic squeeze. “I’m sorry I can’t do more- truly.”

Pacing it out of the cell, he called after you- but you had to get moving to another level, and quickly. Ren wouldn’t be too happy if he caught you in here and you were supposed to be at training as it was.

Today however, luck did seem to be on your side- you ran up the stairs and out into the hallway, joining the strolling stormtroopers and were already walking down towards the training arena when he finally found you, in his full uniform.

“Going somewhere?” He stopped in front of you.

You gave him your best totally innocent look that you could muster. “Taking a walk.”

“When you’re supposed to be at training. With me.” Even with the mask on, you could see the face he was making at you.

“Well, I don’t see you down there either.” You gestured in that direction.

“Feeling smart today, are we?” A chill licked your spine as he spoke. “Come on. You’re not fighting today.”

The two of you walked to the arena at a brisk pace. “Not up for it?”

“I’m fine.”

But he wasn’t. You knew it, the knights knew it- that wound had hurt him far more than he’d ever admit and given he wasn’t even giving himself a day to slow down, or rest, it was going to take much longer to heal than it should’ve.

Neither of you had mentioned the conversation you’d had on the ship a few days previously. But there was nothing to talk about.

“So what are we doing?”

He pushed open the door, gesturing inside. You frowned, noting the pile of rocks laid out in the middle of the mat.

“I’m..playing with rocks?”

“We’re going back to the basics, to ensure you have full capacity of using the force.” He pushed you forward, following behind. With a quiet hiss, he began to remove his gear- helmet, cape, gloves. He must’ve had a meeting he had to wear them for this morning. “You did an okay job with it on Vendexa but you passed out. That can’t happen every time.”

You groaned. “Oh no.”

“Oh yes.”

“I hate doing this.”

His eyes glittered. “I know.”

“Prick.”

“Bitch.”

The two of you glared at each other for a moment before you caved first, heading over to the mat. There would be no getting out of this and you weren’t exactly in the mood to fight with him.

You placed the rocks in a circle around where you would sit, as Luke had showed you to do, and once seated, closed your eyes.

And began to meditate.

Deep breath.

And another.

Not that you wished to brag too much, but you were pretty impressed with yourself- not only had you managed to levitate yourself high off the ground, but you had also managed to circle the rocks around you in a steady continuous flow, pushing the force through them and yourself.

Ren had stayed pretty quiet throughout the entire thing, offering a few tips here and there but had just sat, silent, sullen in the corner.

Why he hadn’t just let you to do it alone, you weren’t sure. Perhaps he wanted to see for himself you could actually do it.

But you could’ve done it from the moment you let that force back into your body, your life. You had just..withheld it. Scared to show that power to the man sitting in front of you, scared of what he may do with it.

Given you had expected the worse from him, you were pleasantly surprised he hadn’t been forcing you to do well..more. He’d taught you, let the knights taught you and had done it well. There was no cruel tests, as he’d done to Rey. No torture, no beatings. He wasn’t going easy on you but he wasn’t hammering you either.

You were relieved and slightly insulted- was it that he knew you could hold your own against him or that he didn’t think you were strong enough?

Something crackled in the back of your mind- like an old radio. You opened one eye to peek at Ren- but he didn’t seem to be doing anything.

You flinched, wincing. What the hell was that noise?

“Ace.” You could hear Kylo stand as he noticed your expression.

“We’ve received intel-“

You pressed a hand to your head, gasping.

Then, you weren’t in the training room anymore- you were standing amongst a crowd, watching a group of people talk. They were in a forest of some kind, surrounded by ships. Dressed in bright oranges and greens, watching as a hologram projected itself in the centre.

“It confirms the worst.” One of the men spoke, arms folded. “Palpatine is alive.”

Shocked gasps spread through the crowd. It was good to know you weren’t the only one who feltso horrified by this news.

“Wait, do we believe this?”

“It cannot be, the emperor is dead-!”

“He might not be..there was cloning..secrets of which only the Sith knew.” One of the men to your right spoke.

The man in the centre of the group shook his head. “He’s been planning his revenge- his followers have been building something for years. The largest fleet the galaxy’s ever know- he calls it the Final Order.”

More scared mutters spread through the crowd. You glanced around and almost stumbled backwards as you noticed the jedi girl, right at the front of the crowd, a hardened expression etched onto her face.

To the left of her…General Leia Organa.

Kylo’s mother.

She looked exactly the same as she had seven years ago. A little older, a few more lines wrinkled by her eyes but there was still that ever knowing look there within them, that same plaited hairstyle wrapped around her head.

Some things just never changed. 

You swallowed, but their eyes simply passed over you. As if you weren’t there at all- maybe you weren’t. But how the hell were you seeing this? Was it happening now, or was it a memory from someone here that you were watching as they replayed it in their mind?  
“Soon, attacks on all free worlds begin. They’ve been hiding in Exagol.” The man hit one of the holograms, projecting an image of a planet.

“It appears on no star charts, but legend describes it as a hidden world of the sith.” A golden robot spoke up.

The crowd seemed alarmed and you watched as the jedi girl ran off.

A few seconds later, the dream was warped from your vision. You gasped, opening your eyes- you were back in the training room.

And falling-

You braced yourself to hit the ground with a thud, but instead, a pair of arms had caught you instead and lifted you upwards.

Ren’s eyes roamed over you, looking for any injuries. “I’ve got you.”

“What happened to me?”

“You just..went somewhere.” He put you down, watching as you dusted yourself off. “What did you see?”

“The girl.”

His eyes lit up, surprised. “Rey?” You nodded. “Where?”

“I don’t know. But the rebels know about palpatine- your spy revealed it to them. I didn’t see anything important.” Even if you had, you weren’t sure if you would divulge such information to him. 

He seemed to accept you were telling the truth. “She’s my..dyad.”

“Dyad?” You had heard of them, but they were rare.

There were a few force connections between users over the course of time that were known. If both users were of the force, they were even rarer- dyads were one.

“Essentially, an ancient prophecy foretold the coming of a Force dyad. The subject of the prophecy was featured prominently in the lore of the Sith Eternal, a cult of Sith loyalists.”

“So you’ve filled this prophecy?”

“It seems we have.” He sighed. “What it means beyond that.. I don’t know.”

“So, how could I see her? Or her memory?”

The reveal about Palatine had been a few weeks ago now- that couldn’t have been happening now.

“Given the connection between you and I..perhaps you can also tune into our connection too. But in a weaker way, since you aren’t directly connected to Rey as I am.”

“But what is ours? You can’t have two dyads, can you?”

"I don’t know.” His eyes focused on the door over to your left. “But maybe it’s time we found out.”

“How are we going to do that?”

“Somebody has to know what this is, if it isn’t a force dyad. I can’t see you whenever I choose but.. I feel you. I feel when you’re in pain. I have no idea what she feels or thinks but with you it’s different. Even in the camp..I knew when you were near. When something was wrong." He frowned, considering this. 

“The question is, do we look into sith lore or jedi about our bond? And where the hell would we even find jedi given it all disappeared?”

“We don’t.” His voice hardened immediately. “I’ll have my knights look into it- we have more important things to do.”

You rolled your eyes. “Like what? Meditating?”

“Exactly.” He gestured to the stones. “Again.”

“Don’t you think this is beneath me?”

“Keeping your mind in focus is never beneath you.” He said. “Do you wish to have your ass handed to you by the jedi? Or do you want to be the best?”

“Better than you?” You bumped his shoulder with your own.

“Nobody is better than me.”

“We’ll see about that one..” You sat down again, rearranging the fallen rocks around you more neatly.

As you glanced up, for a moment you could’ve sworn he even smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double release! Enjoy.


	27. JEALOUSY

That morning, a parcel had appeared outside of your door around nine with a note simply informing you to wear this and head up to the main bridge in an hours time. This had to be from Ren- he had mentioned you’d be going off ship soon for a mission.

You laid the parcel on the bed and after taking a quick shower, opened it.

It was wrapped in piles of tissue, whatever it was- he must’ve had someone do this for him. You almost snickered at the thought of the supreme leader stuffing this box carefully, wrapping the bow around the top.

Inside was a dress- a beautiful shade of yellow, sleeveless with a jewel neckline. At the bottom, where it met your claves, two slits ran up to your knees. Packed underneath it was a pair of nude heels. A rather modest, but beautiful outfit from the supreme leader. He clearly wasn’t dressing you for comfort or for his own eyes- this outfit was.. strategic. So, what did he have planned for you today?

At the bottom of the box was a small bag filled with makeup and..lingerie. Tiny, barely there lingerie that you didn’t even want to know where it had come from. You rolled your eyes. Pig.

Given however all your other underwear was First Order mandatory and ugly, you decided to put it on. You had a feeling he would only rage about it later on if you didn't and besides, it _was_ beautiful- so why not?

You got dressed, leaving your hair loose, and did your makeup before surveying yourself in the mirror. All in all, you looked good.

A fact that was confirmed given the numerous looks stormtroopers were turning to shoot in your direction as you walked up to the main bridge, your heels clicking as you went.

Ren was already there, hands behind his back, when you arrived. He turned as he heard you approach and ran a pair of eyes up you- then turned back to where the knights were standing. You almost threw your shoe at his head- the prick could’ve at least nodded or something.

All of the knights stood behind him, dressed in their usual gear. Except for Cardo, strangely, who was dressed in a smart suit that was a similar tone to the outfit you were wearing.

“What’s going on?” You came to stand behind him.

Ren turned. “I have something for you to do today. Over the next few days, actually- but I’ll explain on the ship.”

“Uh, okay-” You jolted into step beside him as he took off. His energy was weird as hell- you could detect anger there, but he was forcing it down as hard as he could. Annoyance. Desire. Fear. A few things jumbled together, just making you more confused as to why he was being so blunt this morning.

The knights took their own ship whilst you got on Ren’s, as per his instructions. They took off first, jumping into hyperspeed off in front of you. Shortly after you did the same.

You stood near the cockpit, watching as Ren made sure everything was running on autopilot before he turned in his chair to look at you.

“Come sit down.” He gestured.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Am I allowed to? I don’t wish to enter your little man-cave here if you’re going to continue being in such a shitty mood.”

“I’m not in a-“ He huffed. “Sit down.”

You did so, crossing your ankles to the side as you did. This dress was making you nervous as hell- it was gorgeous and probably ridiculously expensive. You’d never owned such a thing in yourlife.

“I have two buyers I need you to meet with this weekend. Both are entirely different people, who need to meet entirely different versions of you.” He explained. “I am buying weapons off them.”

“I see.”

“The first is a woman- Cordelia Antilles. She’s a unique character.” He rubbed his forehead. “I need you to pose as a..married couple. With Cardo.”

“You aren’t going to be a part of it?”

“I will play a part in the second deal- but Cordelia isn’t my biggest fan, so its better for me to stay out of this one. I need access to her mines and I want Cardo to pretend to be an investor, wishing to sample some of the material. Given her desperation for new investors, I think it shall be an easy task.”

“Why do we have to be married?”

“You’ll see. Cordelia has a thing about love.” He rolled his eyes, as if he couldn’t imagine something so ridiculous. You wanted to stomp on his foot for it. “If I send Cardo alone, she’ll just hit on him and she thinks single woman are..not equipped to be investors.”

“So, I just need to sit there and look like a good, happy wife?” You frowned.

“For this one yes. I need you for the second meeting more, but I’ll explain that tomorrow night.”

As he turned to hit some other button, you twisted round to look at the ship coordinates. It looked as if you were heading to..

“Coruscant?” You breathed.

“Problem?”

“No.” You stood, out of the chair and walked over to the window beside you, watching as the stars flew by at light-speed. “So, will you tell me now why you’re so being so weird today?”

“I’m not.”

“Do you forget we’re connected, or do you chose to ignore it in the feeble hopes I won’t mention it?”

A moment of silence- then a heavy grunt came from him as he got to his feet and walked over until he was behind you. You sharply inhaled as he pressed himself against you, hands braced on either side of the desk.

“You look..really fucking good.” He muttered. “Cardo thought the same.”

“So you’re annoyed at him?” No surprise there. He’d admitted he didn’t enjoy the way the knight thought about you and it was hardly a secret given the things he’d said that day you’d slept together.

“I’m not annoyed.” His voice was very low, hands trailing up your sides before moving to your back. “I know what would make me feel better..”

You bit down on your smile as you heard the zipper of your dress unzip. “We’ll be in Coruscant in forty minutes, if my timing is correct.”

“Plenty of time.” He brushed your hair out of the way and pressed a kiss to the bare skin there. It lingered, blooming like warmth through your body.

You turned, looking up into those soulless eyes. Except now, you could see a depth to them you hadn’t before- so dark, so vast. Full of death and hate. But something about the brown reminded you of the earth, of its ability to make things anew and rebirth constantly. There was something like change in those eyes of his.

Hand snaking up between you two, you gripped his tunic and began to walk him backwards, eyes locked onto his.

“Admit it.” You said and with a gentle push, forced him back into the pilots chair behind him. He watched you, throat bobbing.

“Admit what?”

As he watched you, you pulled the dress over your head in one easy sweep, leaving you just in the lingerie he had given to you earlier and the heels. You slipped them off too, leaving them beside the dress.

His hands twitched, every emotion he had felt previously now clouding with desire for you as he stared.

“Admit you’re jealous. Of Cardo.” You leaned down, arms braced on the chair. Dipping your head down, you brushed your lips against his and pulled back before he could grab your face. “Admit you’re jealous of the fact he’ll get to sit there and touch me, and pretend I’m his..”

Ren let out a shuddering breath. “If I don’t?”

“Do you really want to find out?” You breathed and as you felt that force creeping up your thighs, you smiled- and then sent a wave of your own back towards it, forcing it away. “That won’t work on me anymore, unless I allow it. All thanks to your training, _supreme leader._ ”

He grunted in frustration and you sent that force forward, trailing up his own body as you continued to lean over him.

“So?” You shot an image down the bond between you- your mouth around his cock, gagging on it as he slammed into you and then took it away just as quickly.

“Wicked, wicked girl.” He muttered.

“I learned from my master.”

That certainly sent his heart rate soaring- you could practically feel it from here. A small smile danced on his lips.

“Fine.”

“Fine?” You cocked your head slightly.

“I’m jealous.”

With that, he wasted no more time- those huge hands gripped you and pulled you onto his lap, lips capturing your own. Tongue slipping inside your mouth, he caressed your ass with a gentle tug on the skin there before slapping it hard with his palm.

You jolted upwards slightly and went straight for the zipper on his pants, his mouth now travelling to your breasts, messy, wet kisses being traced over them as his tongue followed where his lips had been.

Pulling the length of him out of his pants, you spat into your hand and began to stroke him a few times. His hands were circling down near your cunt, but there was hardly a need- the way he had kissed you had already got you soaking for him.

All you wanted was to feel him inside of you. You inched forward, pulling your panties to the side and positioned yourself above him.

Kylo grabbed your chin, forcing you to look down at him before you did so.“I don’t share. Not with Cardo, not with anyone.”

“As I told you-“ You gasped quietly as you slid down onto him, hands braced on his chest as he let out a quiet groan of his own. “There’s nobody to share with.”

At that, you pushed your hips upwards and began to ride him, hands bunching up the material on his chest as you did so. His hands rested on your hips there, gently guiding you up and down as you got used to the size of him, of the way he fit inside of you.

Once you were more comfortable, you moved faster, the head of his cock pushing against your entrance, stretching it.

“Just so you know.” You breathed, lips brushing against his. “I don’t share either.”

He kissed you harder than before, you moaned into his mouth, tits bouncing right in his face as he raised his own hips and began to slam into your pussy with his own thrusts.

Stars shot past you into the sky, just the two of you completely alone in the middle of space as you rode him, pleasure overtaking every sense in your body. You had never known anything to feel this good, to want it so badly.

“Fuck-“ His eyes trailed up the length of your body. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

You felt the force wind its way around you, circling in on your clit and you tilted your head back, hands braced on his knees as you cried out. His hands trailed up your stomach, fingers pinching your nipples, thumbs brushing against the sensitive skin of your breasts.

Your arms struggled to hold you up as he increased the pressure, cock stretching you open, the force stroking those spots in your thighs that made your knees tremble, one of his hands coming down to stroke your clit himself, a focused, bemused look etched on his face as he listened to you moan. 

_Two can play at that game._

Using whatever concentration you could possibly muster, you sent your own wave of energy down towards his cock, allowing it to play with his balls. Kylo let out a surprised yelp and thrusted into you harder unwilling to be outdone, his hands bound to make an imprint as they let go of your cunt and dug into your hips. 

But you didn’t care anymore, not right now. Let him mark you, let everyone know exactly who you allowed to ruin you like this- because in this moment, you were his and he was yours and there was nobody in any of these galaxies who could bring you such simple pleasures that Kylo could.

There was a part of you that hated him for it- but not as much as you desired him for it.

His hands came up to support your back as you reached your climax, your eyes meeting his and waiting until he nodded. He did so, nails digging into the skin there, eyes marvelling. Leaning back into the support of his hands, your body shuddered as you came on top of him, your pussy spilling juices all down his cock. You let out a quiet mutter as he pulled you back upwards towards him and surprisingly tender, leaned up to kiss you.

Your arms wounded around his neck, moving yourself up and down as fast as you could manage, legs shaking with the effort of it, until he groaned into your mouth and as you continued to clench around him, your body shaking with the force of it all, Ren came inside you.

The two of you sat still for a few moments, foreheads pressed together as the galaxy continued to shoot by outside.

“So today, when Cardo acts like a.. _husband_ -“ You shifted slightly, feeling him twitch inside of you. “You can think of this- and not kill him. Please.”

“That’s the second time it seems like you’re giving me instructions about my staff.” He muttered, but there was a lightness to his voice that had been missing earlier. "I think it's time for another lesson on manners." 

You smiled and with that, he kissed you again and began to move inside of you once more.

The Azerbee hotel was everything you expected.

Chandeliers, vast windows, marbled everything. It was exactly as beautiful as you’d hoped such a place would be.

You’d heard about it often in the underground- clients who had taken such a liking to the girls dancing for them, they’d invited them up to the upper levels of Coruscant for the night. Paid for their transports there and back. Fed them, gave them expensive drinks- all of which of course, ended in sex in the hotel room.

More often than not, the client would be a sleaze who would pay for transport there but not back and kick the girl out in the middle of the night.

Given you refused to sleep with them, you’d never been invited- but standing in the lobby, your arm wrapped around Cardo’s you felt a sense of relief you hadn’t. Before, in your fake diamond lingerie and shitty high heels you would’ve felt like exactly what you were- a cheap dancer.

But now, in this dress nearly everyone was eyeing up, with a man on your arm that the woman were certainly eyeing up, you felt a sense of belonging.

The hotel Ren had chosen for you to stay in was certainly no less grander than this, of course. It was about ten minutes across the city, all of you stuffed into rooms on the highest floor. You’d been given your own room, across the hall from Ren who had put one of your bags in his room, in case ‘you wished to fetch it later’.

You had rolled your eyes and felt yourself blush slightly as he wished the two of you luck, his eyes still containing this mischievous look that had been in them earlier letting you know _exactly_ what he was thinking about.

Things had been good since the talk you had on the bridge. Calm- but dangerous too. You felt yourself growing more comfortable around him and worse, happier too. It was a mistake to feel like this and you knew that, but it was uncontrollable.

Every step you took away from Ren, something happened that drew you ten steps closer. He was inescapable.

“Ready?” Cardo muttered, craning his neck. He hated that suit- you could tell how uncomfortable he was.

“Let’s do it.”

The two of you entered the restaurant, ushered in by the host over to the far right corner where Cordelia was already waiting for you. Cardo slipped his hand into yours, fingers grasping tightly as he tugged you behind him.

She was younger than you expected- vibrant pink hair sat atop her head, stopping right beneath her ears and it matched the pink eyeshadow she had smeared across her eyelid. Her lips sparkled underneath the crystal chandeliers and her outfit, a dress that seemed to change colour from purple to apricot, clung to every inch of her tiny body.

“Darlings!” She kissed both your cheeks and you noted how good she smelled- like a soft cloud, if that was even possible. “Oh I’m so glad to finally meet you both.”

She flashed you a winning smile. Ren had mentioned she was desperate for investors and it seemed this famed charm of hers was already shining through.

“The pleasure is entirely ours.” You smiled in reply.

“I’ve been waiting to meet you the most, dear.” She tilted her head downwards. “I am so disappointed to hear about your ring!”

“My ring-?”

“I know. Completely my fault.” Cardo smiled, hand covering yours as he squeezed it. “I was telling Miss Antilles-“

“Oh Cordelia please!” She interrupted, giggling.

“I mentioned to Cordelia in our exchanges about our recent engagement. She was desperate to see the ring of course, but I measured your finger size incorrectly.”

You nodded in understanding, shooting her a look across the table. “Ah yes. Far too big- I’m a little insulted frankly.”

She laughed, pouring more wine into the glasses that had suddenly appeared in front of you. Cardo settled a hand on your knee, looking slightly uncomfortable as he did so and took a long sip of his drink. You did the same.

Even the tables here were beautiful- white linen neatly placed across them, decorated in fine china and golden utensils.

Something about it all made your stomach turn, thinking of your apartment just miles downwards of this. So much wealth wrapped up into small groups of people up here whilst your friends worked nights upon nights at that club and still almost starved to death.

Yet here you were, sipping wine with a woman the supreme leader was exploiting by lying to her and you were helping her. Given, she was extremely rich and powerful so its hardly like you were deceiving some poor woman.

But there were people down there dying from choosing between feeding themselves, or their children and it was partly to do with the First Orders rule only making the rich richer and you were here, with them. Playing their games.

The wine turned sour in your stomach as you felt Cardo nudge you, eyes widening.

“Cordelia was asking you, about us..” His lips pressed together.

“I’m sorry- I fell into a trance.” You tapped against your forehead, as if to say _silly me._ “I do apologise. What did you say?”

“I was just asking how you two met!” Cordelia leaned onto her palm. “You see, I just _love_ love."

You gave her a toothy, false smile. "Are you married?"

"I wish." She smiled, as if remembering something amusing. "Not yet- but when Cardo informed me how he wanted to use my materials to make things that could pay to give you the most beautiful wedding, I just couldn’t help but say yes.”

“Ah yes.” You smiled and caressed his cheek, stomach knotting itself as you did so. “My selfless fiancé.”

“So, tell me. I've got all the time in the world.” She giggled.

If only you did too. You cleared your throat, watching as Cardo nodded for you to go ahead, his hand coming to rest back on top of yours. 

“Well, it all started in this upscale dance club..”

An hour later, the mirkanite was secure. Cordelia had been like putty in your hands from the moment you’d sat down, so you had no doubts it would be.

Still, even as you watched the city zoom by beneath you, standing with Cardo in the outside lobby as you waited for your transport to arrive, something in your stomach had twisted itself uncomfortably into a knot.

“She hates Ren and refuses to deal with him because he freed hundreds of slaves from one of her mines. Child slaves.”

You looked up at Cardo, who was leaning on the railing beside you. “What? That doesn’t sound like him.”

“It was about four years ago. He never said why, hasn’t done to this day- but he freed all of them. Got them home too.” Cardo met your stare. “I can feel you..wrestling with whatever it is inside of you about tricking her but she’s not a nice person.”

“Is anybody anymore?” You sighed. “I wanted to be. For some time I thought, maybe I was..”

“But not since you fell into bed with Ren?”

You straightened, cheeks warm. “Who told you-“

“Nobody had to tell us Ace. We’re all connected, we know these things.” He almost sounded disappointed with you.

You decided to ignore it, continuing on to how you felt earlier. “I just look at the wealth here and I think of all the people I knew, including myself, who could barely afford a scrap to eat- and I think about the fact I’m helping the group who is causing these kind of situations..”

“The wealth gap has always been enormous in Coruscant, long before the First Order. Ren has done many things, but this isn’t one of them. The resistance, even when they had periods of being in charge, did very little for places like the underground. They tended to focus so much on diplomacy or Jedi’s, they forgot to help those who needed them most.”

“They didn’t kill those who got in their way and who didn’t bow to their opinions.” You snapped.

“No, they didn’t.” He shrugged, as if such a thing was normal. “But they certainly aren’t the angels they’re glorified to be.”

“I know.” You rubbed your face, exhausted. All you wanted was a long, hot bath and some sleep- there was too many thoughts and feelings coursing through you right now.

The two of you were silent for a few minutes, but it seemed like he had more to say. He’d had an irritated look in his eye since this morning whenever he glanced over at you, his finger tapping steadily against the railing.

“It’s a good performance Ace.” Finally, he spoke.

Your eyebrows drew together, confused. “Today? Thanks, I guess-“

“No, I mean..” He scoffed and stood as your transport arrived by the lobby. “I expected you to forge a friendship, maybe make him think you forgave him but this is..a lot. Just to escape him eventually, or kill him.”

“You mean Ren?”

“Who else?” He rolled his eyes. “You mean to tell me you forgive him for all he did to you, to your friends? That you aren't planning to stab him in the back somewhere along the line?”

“You think this entire thing is an act of some kind?”  
“I think Kylo cared for you more than he would be capable of admitting. I think he’d jump on any chance that meant you looked at him with anything but hate. I think given the conflict inside of him he’d also jump on the first person that soothed him, that made him think he could follow another path in life.”

Your firsts curled so tightly they hurt. “Who says he can’t?”

“He has come so far to be supreme leader. One jedi girl and you aren’t going to tear it down in a mere matter of months.” Cardo shook his head, glancing over at you as he began to walk down the steps. “All I’m saying is, be careful. You take this too far and there’s no saying how badly he’ll hurt you when you decide to make a run for it.”  
“I don’t want to run anywhere- I have things to do, training to-”

“I don’t believe you.” Cardo snarled, cutting you off. “I don’t think you believe yourself either.”

He turned on his heel and got into the transport, door open and waiting for you.

If there was ever a time to disappear into a crowd this was it. This was your chance, whilst he was pissed and distracted to slip into the crowd and then the city long before Ren could try and seek you out.

But you couldn’t. You couldn’t let go of that light you felt inside of him in Naboo, the way his faith in the dark side, in _himself_ shook every time he encountered the jedi girl nor could you let go the way his smile was imprinted in your mind, the way his hands felt as they explored your body each time like they never had before.

Maybe you were a terrible person for caring for him, despite all he’d done and maybe it was wrong to let yourself fall into his arms despite everything. Despite his refusal to change, to do what was right.

But this was a force bigger than either of you drawing you to him- something whispered to you to go to him anyway. It wasn’t the dark side of the force either- it was something more enticing, more ancient than you could describe.

Forgiving him was a different matter- you weren’t there yet and who was to say you would be for some time yet? But for now, you could try and accept what he was and try and find a way to hope he would turn back.

Not to the boy you knew, but a man you would be happy tom know.

All you had was hope- hope the jedi girl wouldn’t turn, hope that somehow you could use her to help him, hope that you yourself could help him. Hope that if it truly came to it, you could beat him.

Hope was nothing. It was naive and pathetic, to brutalised men like Cardo.

But to you it was everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this double release. I'm trapped in by the snow currently so i've done plenty of writing. I'm so excited for some of the coming chapters, especially chap 29 & 33... hehe
> 
> Chapter count has updated to 44, as i think I've planned it out enough that i shouldn't need to add anymore- obviously this may change with chapter lengths and if i decide to go down plotline rabbit holes but that's my current plan given we're kind of coming into the last stretch of the story.
> 
> Anyway, let me know your thoughts! Much love.


	28. INCAPABLE

It was official. You hated Coruscant.

The upper levels just reeked of money and class, to the extent you felt a little shy strolling through the sunny streets that afternoon with the supreme leader.

He’d appeared at your door an hour or so before telling you to get dressed as you needed to discuss the plan for tonight. The two of you had left the hotel without any knights, or any other kind of security. Ren was dressed down too- no mask, no uniform. You were surprised to be walking through the streets with him in such a meandering fashion, as if the two of you were just citizens here.

Every shop was more delicate, more beautiful than the last- and the entire thing just made you want to scream. So much wealth contained in such a corrupt capital, whilst its citizens murdered and starved beneath their feet.

“If you keep staring at them like you want to kill them, they might believe you.” Ren muttered, leaning his head down towards you.

You glanced up at him, blinking, then back towards the milling crowds around you. It hadn’t even occurred to you that you had been in such a trance.

“What if I do?”

“That isn’t the Jedi way.”

Your eyes met and you smiled, turning your face away. He was joking now? Who had robbed his body in the night and replaced him with whoever this was?

“Come on.” He placed a hand on your arm, tugging you down a narrow pathway.

The bell on the door jingled as you entered, the two ladies at the desk giggling. You glanced around, eyes growing wide.

“You can’t be serious.”

He’d taken you to a lingerie store.

“You’re a prick.” You glared at him.

“I can’t stand the things you’ve been wearing from the First Order. They’re..” Kylo huffed and you heard exactly what he meant. _Unattractive._ “Besides, nobody will overhear us discussing our plans here.”

You glared at him as the ladies approached. “Or you’re a pervert who wants me to try on underwear in front of him.”

“It can’t be both?” He shot you what was almost a smile.

“Welcome!” The lady chirped, interrupting you before you could shout more violent words at him. She nervously glanced between the two of you. You wondered if she recognised him. “Shopping for yourself, m’am? Or a gift?”

But Kylo wasn’t in the mood for customer service today. “Lock the door, no other customers. We’ll take the back floor to ourselves.”

“Oh, I-“

“We’ll make it worth your while.” As if out of thin air, he produced a wad of cash and slipped it into her hand, shooting her a heavy look. Her mouth dropped slightly before nodding to the other girl. Kylo walked through the silk curtains, leaving you standing there, shaking your head.

The lock clicked into place behind you and the two woman disappeared into the back, giggling to themselves again, one of them fanning the cash in her hands.

“Seriously?” You followed him into the back, fingers running over the material that you passed, each item more beautiful than the last.

“I don’t want anybody seeing us in here- and I’m serious. We need to discuss the plan for this evening.”

“Is the supreme leader afraid for someone to see him in a woman’s lingerie store?” You muttered, chuckling as you picked up a lacy black thong and stretched it in your fingers.

You felt his fingers wrap around the material on your pants and yank you backwards into him, his lips brushing against your ear.

“The _supreme leader_ just doesn’t want anybody to be staring at you. Got it?”

The words sent goosebumps up your arms, but you straightened, pretending to be unbothered and instead annoyed. _Possessive asshole._

 _Just try something on and quit complaining_. At that, he slapped your ass with a slight shove towards more of the clothes. You huffed at him, and began to search.

“You have to come out of there sometime.” Kylo muttered, his feet tapping against the wooden floor outside the changing room.

You smiled to yourself, twirling in the mirror. This was a beautiful set- sapphire blue, laced but not overdone, pushing your cleavage up just slightly.

The supreme leader’s patience was being tested. You had kept the curtains closed using the force, forcing him to stay out there as you tried on outfit after outfit.

“I think I like this one best.” You announced. Peeping just your head out through the curtain, he glared at you. “I’ve picked like ten. Can we go now?”

“If you’re hiding these because you wish to surprise me-“

You rolled your eyes. “I’m hiding them because you took me to a pantie store to discuss tonights plan and what? Expected me to dance around half naked in front of you whilst you told me?”

“Considering I ripped up all of your underwear, I figured this may be something you wanted- you complained to me you didn’t have anything.”

He wasn’t wrong, you did desperately need them considering he had done exactly that and the First Order stuff was ugly as hell.

Standing, Kylo strode for you and with a grunt, yanked the curtains open using his own force to break down yours.

“You’re a brat.” He hissed, eyes raking up and down your body, devouring each inch of it. The stare alone had you wishing to shut the curtains again and sit him down on the bench beneath you.

You pushed past the feeling. “Would you take a knight here? I just want you to respect me.”

“I do respect you. I took you here as we don’t have much time, I knew you needed to go shopping and nobody will see us in here- perhaps you should just listen to me for once.” He continued to stare at you, at the slope of your breasts.

“Pervert.”

“Oh, I’m the pervert?” He dipped down and his hand began to circle your waist, squeezing the skin there before moving towards your breast. Your breathing hitched slightly as those soft lips placed gentle kisses against your jaw, his thumb dragging across your rib. Quicker than expected, his hand moved downwards, past your panties and straight for your clit which was beginning to become slick from his touch. “I think not, princess.”

Using both hands, you shoved him away and back from you. “Not here.”

“I wasn’t planning to.” He rolled his eyes and straightened, passing you the silk robe that hung on the door behind him. “Come on. I do want to discuss tonights plan.”

He began to walk back to the plush sofa outside. You slipped the robe on, beginning to tie the straps around your waist when he turned and glanced at you.

“That’s my favourite too.”

You almost smiled.

That evening, you strolled into the Outlander, trying to hold yourself as tall as you possibly could. It certainly wasn’t going to be an easy job- the men in the crowds had already begun staring at you, confused to why a woman would be in such an establishment. Usually the only woman in here were the dancers.

Their eyes practically undressed you and once again, you felt your stomach flip with anger as they did so. All they saw you for was another piece of ass, another thing to fuck to fill their endless void of feeling nothing. You hated them for it. Hated their leering stares.

Glancing over them, you locked eyes with exactly who you were looking for- Ren.

He’d come in the back with Ushar, hidden from the crowds, and seated himself across the room where he could keep an eye on you whilst also staying far away enough that the dealer wouldn’t spot him.

Speaking of the dealer, he was currently seated at the bar, waiting for you. His eyes were focused downwards on the drink in his hand, finger circling the top of the glass.

You took a few deep breaths. This would be easy- Ren had even said himself it would be and given how you looked tonight, it would be even easier.

He had definitely not dressed you for comfort tonight, or for someone like Cordelia.

You wore a long, black dress. Two long slits ran up to the top of your thighs, material draped down the middle to protect your modesty. The top plunged downwards and a silver diamond pendant had been strung around your neck, drawing attention to your cleavage. The back of the dress also draped low, the cool breeze from the door brushing against the naked skin there.

Striding over to the bar, you took another deep breath before sliding into the seat next to the man.

“Mr Cavanaugh.”

He turned with a smirk, eyes trailing up your legs. “Well. It is certainly nice to meet you sweetheart.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too.”

“No, no- it’s all mine.” He extended his hand out and as you took it, he placed a kiss against the top of it. “So, you’re here for the supreme leader I’m to believe?”

“He sends his regards he couldn’t attend this evening.”

“Ah I’m sure he does. I imagine he knew that sending you would only sweeten this deal and encourage me into giving him more access to my trading route.” Cavanaugh leaned closer, his hand braced against the bar. “He understands my weakness for beautiful woman.”

“Is that so?”

Your eyes wandered over to him, where one of the girls was now trying to offer the two of them a dance. Kylo declined, even as her hand ran over his chest, inching down to his belt buckle. You fidgeted, feeling a flare of jealousy spike within you- but clamped down on it immediately.

“I own two girls in here.” Your attention was brought back by the dealer’s drawling words, that bony finger of his pointing at the stage. “The little blonde one is my favourite. Bought her just under two months ago.”

You followed his finger, stomach dropping as you noticed who he was pointing to.

Harley.

He must’ve bought her off Leclarc right after you had left here with Ren. Having a private buyer was so much worse than being owned by Leclarc, in so many ways.

“She’s..pretty.” You faked a smile, scrambling your expression to something more natural than the horror you were sure was painted all over it.

“That she is. As are you.” Cavanaugh grinned at you, hand snaking down to your exposed thigh and gripping tightly. “I understand why Ren sent you. It certainly sweetens any deal he wishes to make with me.” He lowered his voice, leaning inwards. “How much sweetening are you offering exactly?”

“Ah, I’m afraid that won’t be on the cards. I’m here as the negotiator only.” You wriggled and felt an angry energy pulsate through you.

Ren was glaring in your direction, at Cavanaugh’s hand on your thigh.

_It’s fine._

_Just get whatever he wants and get out of here._ He snapped.

“The negotiator huh?” He tilted his head. “It’s a shame. As beautiful as you are, I would’ve liked to meet Ren himself. I may have been willing to offer more had he showed..but I suppose the weapons themselves will have to do.”

Your stomach twisted.

“More?” You pressed.

“Trading routes. He’s the supreme leader so any time he passes through, decent sellers hide themselves and their goods- but I could get him in disguised. Get him some decent things.” He explained and cast his eyes back to the stage. “If he was to pay me even more.. I may even throw in a girl for his troubles. He looks like the kind of man that could use a little relaxation from a lady.”

You froze, following his stare over to the stage. _Throw in a girl._

“If Ren met you himself, even briefly, would you consider selling that girl to us?” It was out of your mouth before you had even thought about it, even considered if Ren would even say yes.

If you could convince him to do so, you could pay off her debts yourself and make it up to Ren, work for him, do whatever he wished- anything to get Harley out of this hellhole and get her home, where she so desperately was saving to go.

“The blonde one?” He winced, clearly unhappy with the idea. “Well..if Ren showed face I may consider the girl and the trading routes. But he’d have to pay more.”

“I see. Well, I’d have to talk to him but it’s a possibility-“ You began to slide out your seat. You had to talk to Ren and fast. “If you stay here, I’ll call him-“

But Cavanaugh seemed to have lost interest, his hand gripping your thigh tighter. “Yeah, yeah, that’s great. Here’s the thing- I thought about it and if he wants Harley, I want to buy you. A trade.”

You certainly weren’t going to act for him anymore. Your smile dropped immediately. “I’m not for sale.”

“What, you belong to him?” He frowned and his hand slid further up your thigh. You shuffled away from him, pushing his hand back down. “A woman like you, dressed like that, can’t belong to nobody. Come on sweetheart- I could pay your bills just as well as he could.”

You rolled your eyes. There was no use in getting defensive “I’m afraid master Ren doesn’t share, or sell.”

“You must be fucking delicious in bed- or insane, if the supreme leader is keeping you for himself.” He leaned inwards, lips pursing slightly. “Come on, give an old man a taste. I won’t tell him.”

“Nope.” You pushed his face backwards. “Not interested.”

Trying to skirt off the seat and away from him, you only got a step before he reached out and grasped your wrist.

You slammed your own first into his hand, making him howl in pain and freeing yourself. A few, curious eyes began to dart in your direction as you felt that thundering anger grow inside of you.

He growled. “Fucking do as I say or this entire deal is off whore!”

Your section of the bar grew uncomfortably quiet as everyone began to stare to your right. You knew exactly who was there and you could take a good guess that he was probably very angry given the paled faces around you.

Cavanaugh turned, turning as white as a sheet. “Supreme leader! This is a- a uh, glorious surprise!”

“Cavanaugh, have I ever been notorious for sharing? Or negotiating?”

He shook his head desperately. “No, my apologies I just- got ahead of myself, the liquor and-“

“Wasn’t it just a kindness enough I sent a negotiator instead of demanding you give me your items?”

You shivered as he spoke, watching terror fill the man’s eyes.

“Yes, it was so kind- I was-“

An awful crack sounded around the room as Ren struck him across the face, blood splattering onto the tiled floors beneath your feet. He’d probably broken his nose with the force of it.

“Kylo-“ You flinched as you watched Cavanaugh clutch his face. Kylo’s his chest was puffing as if he’d just ran a mile, his anger flowing out of him like water- he was losing control and quickly.

“Apologise.” He hissed.

Cavanaugh met your stare, hand clenching his nose and nodded.

“No.” Ren raised his hand again. _“Say it.”_  
“I’m sorry!” He blubbered, his shirt beginning to stain with blood as he looked at the two of you. “I- I didn’t mean to call you-“

“The deal is off. We’ll find someone else.” With that, Ren gripped your wrist and spun on his heel, striding for the door.

You glanced backwards, desperately towards Harley who was still dancing on the stage, completely unaware of your presence or the commotion.

“No- Ren-“

“Enough.” He shouted.

The anger coursing through the bond between the two of you was enough to silence you immediately. Unusual for you, but he was losing it- and you didn’t wish to be on the receiving end of whatever explosion was coming.

You stayed mostly silent until the two of you had reached the hotel, both of you standing in complete silence as the elevator made its way up to the room.

It was made of glass, facing out onto the city- it would’ve been so beautiful if you weren’t so angry with the man standing beside you.

A low growl escaped his throat and he reached forward, slamming on the emergency button. The lift jolted to a stop, your hands bracing against the walls as it did so.

You turned to him, frowning. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Why are you so angry?” He snapped. “I can feel it, it’s driving me insane.”

“I could ask you the same thing. I had it under control!”

“He was going to hit you, I could see the thought forming in his mind-“

You groaned. _“And?_ I would’ve handled him! I know how to handle a drunk who tries to throw a punch.”

“It doesn’t matter-“

“No, it does. It matters to me. You lost your shit, you lost that deal- I was going to get him to release Harley, I was going to get her home-!“

His nostrils flared. “Why would you bargain for such a thing? She was never a part of our deal.”

“I made her a part of it! She deserves to go home, to a planet where her parents are waiting for her. A planet that hasn’t been blown to pieces by some maniac!”

He flinched. You wished you could shove the words back into your mouth the moment you said them- but that hurt still lingered there, inside of you. No matter how many strides forward you made with him, it would haunt you forever.

“What makes you think I would even pay off her debt?”

“I don’t know. Some tiny part of me that hopes there’s something human inside of you.” You sighed. “I would work for you, if that’s what it came to- I would stay here forever to pay off her debt if it meant someone from that shithole could go home.”

The two of you stood in silence, staring at each other. Ren leant downwards and pushed the button, the lift jolting back to life.

“You would only stay if I had a debt over your head.” He muttered.

You glanced up at him. He’d hit Cavanaugh because he’d called you a whore. You knew it, he knew it- but he wasn’t supposed to give a shit. He was supposed to stand by and let you handle these things because he wasn’t supposed to care this much.

He wasn’t supposed to care wether you wanted to stay or not. You weren’t supposed to care either.

“Don’t you see what it does to me? His hands, the name calling?” Those desperate dark eyes met yours. His hand reached out, fingertips gently brushing against yours. Waiting.

But this was too close. Too much. Kylo Ren was not someone capable of loving you the way you wished he could and the darkness growing inside of you for him was becoming to ugly to love anyway. How could this man even look at you, given all the things you had put aside to touch him, to feel his lips on yours? How was he not disgusted with you?

“Maybe you should learn not to care so much. You’re the supreme leader.” The elevator doors binged open and you stepped out, glancing at him.

“Ace-“

“You’re.. Kylo Ren. You and I both know neither of us can be who the other needs- and you proved that tonight."

You turned before he could say anymore, could use that tantalising mouth of his to convince you to stay and headed for your hotel room.

This was spiralling into something dangerous. Something that neither of you would walk away from. You had the strength to walk away from Ben Solo.

But would you have the same strength to walk away from Kylo Ren?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double release!


	29. I WISH I COULD HATE YOU

Surveying the ledge outside one more time, you swallowed, hard, and turned on your heel again. Your room was near the top of the building but it wasn’t exactly a sky rise. It wouldn’t take long to scale down, especially if you used the force to assist you.

You were debating wether or not to sneak out. A few hours away from Ren, from being locked in your hotel room were just what you needed- and it meant you may be able to get down to your old apartment and pick up some of your things.

All you had to worry about was someone seeing you- but Kylo wasn’t even here, so if someone did report it to reception, it would be a few hours before he even heard about it.

He’d left you here whilst off all day to deal with other business. What, he hadn’t said- he’d simply passed the message through the two knights posted outside your door that you were to stay here and he’d see you tonight

Nothing about the argument last night. He hadn’t even come knocking on your door later that evening though you half expected him to.

It had just been too close, too fast- his emotions clouding into yours, frightening you. You wondered if that was how he often felt about you- letting himself so close and then realising how terrifying it truly was, pulling back before one could hurt the other.

Sighing, you glanced out the window again. Ten minutes, if that, and you’d be on the streets of Coruscant and free to do whatever you wished for a few hours. You could disappear if you truly wished- not that you did. This bond between the two of you would have you found in mere minutes, no matter how many galaxies you skipped over and besides, you didn’t want to leave.

Not yet.

Kuruk and Trudgen were outside your door, silent as always, their soft flow of energy mingling with yours. You tried to keep as calm as possible, making sure your shields were perfectly intact. If you panicked, or your emotions swung around too violently, you’d alert them to your plan before it even got into motion.

Swinging a leg out the window, paling slightly at the pavement miles below, you gripped the wooden window frame. Were you really doing this?

_Don’t you see what it does to me?_

You winced, shutting his face, his desperate words, out of your mind. Just a few hours of peace, to stop thinking about him was all you wanted.

Other leg swinging out, you took a deep breath- and let go of the window.

Nobody gave you any particular glances as you climbed on board the carriage with them all, hands stuffed into your pockets. You’d tried to dress down as much as possible- an old jacket you’d fished out the back of the closet, the pants you’d stuffed into your bag before coming here and sneakers. You just wanted to blend in.

You carried nothing on you, not even the mini datapad Kylo had given you a few weeks ago whilst on the ship for missions. God forbid it fall out your pocket or get stolen and then someone had direct access to chatting with the supreme leader.

Would he even know you were gone? You weren’t sure. If you were only a few hours you were sure you could sneak back in without the knights knowing. The thought of climbing up that building felt nauseating but given you were leaving tomorrow and he wouldn’t be able to barricade you in the room as punishment, you debated just walking back up the stairs and blatantly showing them you’d escaped.

You smiled to yourself, hand gripping the railing as you thought about their faces underneath the masks when they’d spot you coming out the elevator. God, they’d kick your ass in training for embarrassing them but it’d be worth it.

Strangely, you felt an odd sense of worry about it- about embarrassing them, about what it would mean with Kylo. The knights were..well, the knights just as Kylo was Kylo. But training with them had opened an entirely new human side to them all, one you had actually enjoyed getting to know.

Your earlier conversation with Cardo played like a loop in your head, about what they would do if Kylo returned to the light side. Would they turn, with him? You doubted it. Whilst they were men, like him..they were different too. There was something more primal, more evil to their bloodlust compared to his.

Kylo’s was clouded by the dark side. Influenced. He wasn’t ashamed of it, not for the most part except for perhaps a few acts like murdering his father, which he’d never admit.

But the knights longed for blood like beings longed for air. It kept them alive, kept them moving- without it, they grew tiresome and reckless. It made them who they are.

The only one you ever felt a real difference with was Cardo. Again, not something you’d ever tell any of them, especially not Kylo given his growing anger with him, but Cardo felt different. Not as close to the light side as Kylo but certainly not as deep as the other knights. He was different, somehow.

The carriage slammed to a stop, waking you from your trance, and you followed some of the crowd out and onto the platform, glancing around.

The undergrounds of Coruscant. It was as if you never left- everything looked the exact same as it had last time you were here.

You knew exactly where to go first.

“What do you mean gone?” You glanced up at the girls on stage, flipping their hair back with feigned sighs.

“She packed up her shit and got gone twenty minutes ago.” Diana, another dancer you had known for years, informed you.

You had come to the Outlander in search of Harley, to talk to her, to see how she was but apparently she had come in, quit and left. To quit however meant that either she’d been bought by someone else who was moving her or..she was free.

You could hardly bare to allow yourself to believe in the second thought. God you wanted it to be true but if it wasn’t, it would break your heart that she’d been sold again.

“Only twenty minutes?” Maybe you could catch her, if you ran. But where the hell would she go? Her apartment? Or straight for the train up to the upper levels?

“We thought she’d be given the same fate as you, sold to some high toft.” Diana raised her eyebrow. “I thought you’d look better for someone living in luxury.”

They hadn’t been told the truth then, about where you’d gone. You sighed. “I’m trying not to get mugged. You want me walking around the streets in heels and expensive clothes?”

“Why are you even here alone anyway? I didn’t realise bought girls got so much freedom..” She chewed on her nail thoughtfully.

“I don’t. I snuck out- so do _not_ even consider it. It fucking sucks.” You bumped her elbow with yours. Di, like you, didn’t belong to Leclarc or any of the men here. She was entirely her own, working her at her own choice.

Allowing yourself to be bought did come with some perks, if the man was particularly high class and rich. It saved you from starving, from having to make ends meet. But it had so many more worse things about it than good and if you could avoid it, it should always be the last resort.

“ _Fine_.” She sighed, then pointed over at the office. “Leclarc is in tonight, so you better get going. If someone tells him you were here he’ll lose his shit.”

 _I was already here and he didn’t know._ You thought, but kept your mouth shut- Di was kind, but she’d use that information the first time she needed to get him into trouble and it would only bounce back badly onto her.

“He’s that mad I stabbed him?”

“You stabbed him?” She giggled, clutching your wrist. “Oh my god, he told us the supreme leaders knights did it when he tried to protect you!”

“What a pig.”

“That he is.” Diana wrapped an arm around your shoulder, giving you a quick squeeze. “Be careful, okay?”

You smiled at her. “You too.”

She sauntered off into the crowd, hair flipping over her shoulder as she smiled at another customer.

You sighed, giving the club another glance. Last time you had been too mad to appreciate what you had managed to leave behind.

Being with Ren hadn’t been easy. Training, accepting your past and future hadn’t been easy but..anything was better than this. It had been worth it, in some ways.

As if sensing your thoughts, your energy picked up, skin tingling.You spun on your heel, heading for the exit.

It had been worth it in many ways.

Your apartment had been broken into. No surprise there.

You pushed the door open, wincing at the broken hinges and glanced around. It wasn’t as terrible as you imagined- a few broken things scattered over the floor, bathroom floor flooded slightly from a broken window and some dead plants but otherwise not as damaged as you imagined.

Crouching, you ran your fingertips over the wooden floorboards, fingers dusting away the glass covering it and peeling back the weak part of the floor, you held your breath as you peered inside.

There it was- all the money you saved from dancing.

You could’ve wept at the sight of it, all lined up neatly and tied together with rubber bands. You’d been so careful, so terrified for years someone would find it and months after you had left it behind it was still here.

Glancing upwards, you swore. It was later than you thought- you’d wasted so much time after the club, jogging to a few bus stops to see if you could see Harley and buzzing on her apartment. But she’d never answered and by the time you’d walked here, more time had passed than you had hoped.

Fishing the credits out of the floor, you grabbed the bag to your left and stuffed some inside. Ren would ask what it was- but you’d wasted so much time he would know you were gone by now anyway.

He’d be furious. You could already see his eye doing his stupid twitching thing, fists curling tightly into the ball as he tried to get a grip on his temper.

Was it even worth going back to the hotel? Probably not. He’d only rage at you for escaping and you weren’t in the mood for a lecture. You weren’t in the mood to be near him at all.

You huffed. Not entirely true- how could one hate someone so much and yet, long to be near them at all costs? It was as if he’d been injected into your bloodstream and if you didn’t get your dose of him you felt lost.

How pathetic.

You threw the bag onto the bed and walked over to the other side of the room, foot crunching on something hard. Looking down, you swallowed.

It was a picture. Of your parents.

They were smiling, arms wrapped around you as you laughed. It was in front of the farm, after one of the best sales days you’d had in months and your father had paid for someone to take it. It was the only thing you’d managed to salvage from the burning camp, the edges of it singed slightly. One of the glass shards had torn into it, stabbing a hole right in the middle of it.

You pulled it out, sniffing as one of your tears fell from your eyes straight onto the paper beneath your hand. This had been the only thing you had wanted to take from the apartment the night you were taken from Coruscant- you didn’t even give a shit about the cash. But Ren hadn’t exactly cared about what you had wanted. Not then.

A creek came from behind you.

Whirling, shard of glass in hand, you pointed it towards the noise, a few stray tears still dropping onto your cheeks.

Kylo.

Looking furious, as you expected- but there was a hint of relief in his eyes. As if he was just relieved to have found you here, and not on a ship trying to escape the planet.

Lowering the glass, you chucked it onto the ground beneath your feet and listened to the clink ring into the silence between you.

“Did you follow the bond?”

“As quietly as I could. I didn’t want to..alert you I was on the way.”

It had worked- you hadn’t even felt a slight tug or whisper of him when usually it thrummed through your blood. It was probably why it had taken him so long to get here.

“Did you think I was running away?” You scoffed. Surely the moment he realised you went down instead of up he must’ve realised this wasn’t an escape plan.

“Hard not to.” His eyes roamed over your tiny room, eyebrows raised. You almost felt defensive- it wasn’t exactly like it normally looked like this. He’d surely noticed the busted up lock and window too.

“The knights never would’ve let me come down here, especially not since you locked me in my room all day.”

“I didn’t lock you in but I was gone doing other things. It was safer-”

“I can look after myself.” You sneered.

He shook his head, feet crunching against the glass as he walked over towards the window. “You’ve made that perfectly clear many times.”

More silence.

“Harley’s..gone. I just wanted to see if she was okay.” Truthfully, you’d also worried the dealer had punished her for your actions last night. He would’ve been embarrassed and possibly taken it out on the wrong person instead of just going home. It would’ve been your fault- and Kylo’s.

“I expect she would be, given I paid her owner off.”

Your head shot up.

“You what?”

“I paid her debt-“

“No, I heard you I..” Shuffling, you hugged the frame in your hands to your chest. “Why would you do that?”

Not it was his turn to shuffle a little awkwardly. You noticed the lack of uniform- he must’ve gotten back to the hotel, come to find you and rushed out when he realised you were missing. The thought tightened your chest slightly.

“I heard you, I-“ He grunted. “I felt it, the desperation for your friend and I remember what that felt like. That desperation, to ensure someones safety, to find another way for them.” His eyes burned into yours. You saw every image swirling in his mind- your hand, buried beneath that pile of rocks on the camp, Ben’s tears.

“I’ll pay you back, I’ll-“

“You’re not in debt to me.” He snapped.

_The only way you’ll stay is if you’re in debt to me._

The pain in his voice had been your driving force for getting out of that elevator. You couldn’t bare it.

“Okay. I-”

“I heard what you were thinking.” He interrupted. In your anger last night, your shields must’ve dropped. Your cheeks burned. “You don’t disgust me. I would understand if it was the other way around but..you don’t disgust me.” His voice grew soft. “You never could.”

The tears still lingering in your eyes from earlier burned harder in your eyes, but you kept them in, tilting your head away from him slightly.

“I wish I did.” Your voice broke slightly, cracking. “I wish I could hate you- or you could hate me.”

“I know.”

“I can’t. I try and I-“ You wiped your cheeks. “This is just going to be painful and I can’t, I can’t-“

Kylo was in front of you in a few swift steps, fingers already tracing your eyes, brushing away the tears there with a soft stroke.

Such tenderness from such a brutal man. How many people had he murdered with these hands? How many innocent lives had he taken? Yet here he was, holding you like water in his hands.

“Stop.” His voice was quiet. Firm. “Don’t upset yourself.”

“I can’t.”

“You can.” He bent slightly, lips brushing against yours.

“Kylo-“

His own voice was strained as he spoke. “I don’t know how to help just.. let me ease it. Let me try.”

Ease the pain. The pain in your voice, your heart, the pain that was currently causing the tears to stream down your cheeks. He could feel it, just as you could now feel his own- he was letting you further into himself, further into his energy than he ever had before.

You glanced upwards at him, his hands moving downwards to grasp your arms. Sighing, you placed a hand on his chest to steady yourself.

Just like on Naboo you felt it- that crack of light amongst all the darkness. The constant wrestle he felt within himself, the one he had tried to squash with blood and revenge but had never quite managed to.

It grew slightly under your touch, flaring brightly as if it recognised you. As if it had finally found its way home. Ren was watching you but said nothing about it, his face giving you not a single clue to wether or not he could feel what you felt.

You moved at the same time he did, arms winding around his neck as your lips met, Kylo letting out a quiet grunt as he caught you. His mouth devoured yours, hands immediately rounding downwards to your ass and gripping it.

Your hands made quick work of pulling his tunic over his head, hands brushing over his chest. He did the same, throwing your shirt to the side, thumbs stroking your ribcage as he glanced over your body.

“Nice choice.” He muttered to the lingerie there and then tugged that off too without so much as a second glance.

Pulling you closer to him, he pressed his chest against yours and kissed you again whilst he shuffled his pants off. Your hand travelled downwards, tongue slipping inside of his mouth, and dipped inside his briefs.

He bit your lip, tugging you upwards as you gripped his cock and began to steadily stroke, feeling it grow in your hand.

You stiffened under his touch, his fingers travelling in light circles around your breasts, tugging your nipples, mouth still on yours. Such a possessive, greedy touch- as if you belonged entirely to him, as if no part of you didn’t. He let out a groan, the rumbling of his chest travelling deep down into your body.

Luckily, your bed hadn’t been affected much by the break in- Ren yanked the covers off, taking any dirt or glass with it and laid you down, those massive hands stroking your calves and pulling your pants off.

You pressed your face into the mattress, feeling his hands spread over your ass, feeling the skin there. Your cheeks burned as he kicked your feet further apart, giving him more access to your cunt.

“I thought you had left today.” He muttered as his fingers teased your entrance. He let out a quiet snicker at the wetness there and you glared at him over your shoulder. He moved forward, pressing your head down again, leaning right beside your ear with a quiet whisper. “Don’t be a brat.”

You clenched he slowly slipped a finger inside of you, sighing. His other hand moved to your neck, forcing your head down. “But I knew you couldn’t be far. You’d never leave me- your little needy cunt would never allow you to.”

With that, he slipped another finger inside of you and began to stroke you, right against your walls, causing your knees to shake and body to press further into the mattress. You groaned, feeling his fingers dig into your skin.

“Isn’t that right?”

You felt him right beside your thigh, ready to go inside of you and your brain went blank, only able to focus on his fingers slipping inside of you.

Ren’s fingers knotted in your hair and yanked your head up. “Isn’t that right?”

“Yes, yes.” You breathed, ass shifting backwards to meet his hand, so desperate to feel more of him, to have him fill you completely.

“Say it.” He growled, pulling your head back far enough to see him out the corner of your eye. “Say you won’t leave.”

There it was- the desperation from last night. The same desperation that had scared you enough to leg it out of there and away from him, away from this man who terrified you so.

But he didn’t scare you right now- all you could think about was his body on yours, his mouth on your neck.

“I won’t leave.” You let out a rattling moan as he slammed in, knuckle deep before pulling back out again.

He moved and quickly slid inside of you, hissing as he did so. Your own hands gripped the sheets, desperately trying to find the slightest bit of sanity as he began to move, your head already spinning from the sheer pleasure.

Your body was buckling with ecstasy, Kylo’s hands imprinting on your ass he gripped it, slamming into you. His pace was merciless, the wooden slacks of the bed beneath you cracking with every stroke in. It was like an untamed beast, all that worry and frustration from earlier finally finding their release.

“Again.” He commanded, breathless.

“I- won’t leave.” You gasped out.

_“Again.”_

You repeated yourself until he was satisfied, one of his hands wrapping around your hair again and yanking it backwards.

It terrified you, how this man could make you say such things whilst he touched you- how you could mean them.

_I don’t share either._

_I belong to you._

_I won’t leave._

You meant each one and nothing, no amount of sense could be knocked into you when he looked at you like he did, when he touched you like this. All that mattered was him, as it always had- your entire life, he’d always been there, he’d been in every decision you made, every memory.

Worse, it didn’t even horrify you. That growing understanding you felt of him only grew and threatened to corrupt your soul entirely.

You arched into his pelvis, bouncing off him as you moved in time to meet his strokes. The force danced around the two of you, goosebumps scattering up your legs as he rubbed your clit with it.

Your shouts were of pure bliss, hot agony, pleasure. His name tumbled out of your mouth over and over, like a prayer.

Whatever happened when you died, you certainly going to any good place, nor was the man inside of you. But you had accepted it- because what could the afterlife have that you couldn’t find within him? The afterlife was about finding peace, pleasure. You found each of those things within the man right here.

“Do it.” He could feel you clenching around him, your moans bouncing off the walls louder than before. “Cum.”

You shut your eyes, bright, booming colours blooming beneath them as you came, body convulsing on the bed. Your legs dropped like dead weights, fingers numb as they loosened their grips on the bed sheets.

Ren slammed deep inside of you and groaned, his own hands placed on the bed beside you. You could feel his seed spill inside of you, the bed underneath you creaking in pain as he finally stopped his violent movements.

You let out a quiet groan as he shifted deeper inside of you, leaning over your ass to place a soft kiss to your spine before removing himself entirely.

Turning, you expected him to be getting dressed- but he was still lingering behind you, waiting. His eyes scanned your face, as if trying to memorise every inch of it.

Kylo bent down so he was eye level with you, fingers lightly grasping your chin. Such terrible feelings bloomed in your heart as he stared at you- a yearning for his touch, though he had only stopped just moments before.

“Don’t run like that again.”

Not the voice of your supreme leader commanding you not to do so, nor a master threatening a punishment if you disobeyed.

Just him. Pleading.

You nodded once and allowed him to pull you to your feet, brushing one last kiss against your lips before he began to get dressed.  
“Let’s get out of here.”

Rolling over, you placed a hand underneath your head and glanced over at a sleeping Ren.

He hadn’t said much on the ride back to the hotel nor much when you’d finally trudged up the stairs to your rooms- no sign of any of the knights, thankfully.Hand on the door to your room, you fully expected to head inside alone when you felt a tug and turned- Ren was right behind you, that intense gaze locked onto yours as he waited.

You stepped inside the room and then paused- waiting. Granting permission. He followed you in and here you were an hour later, watching his chest rise and fall slowly as the moon shone brightly through the curtains.

You rarely saw him like this. Only on the ship, when he had been passed out and you had wondered if he might die.He looked so calm. Whatever demons usually chased him in his waking hours, the ones you saw lingering in his eyes, seemed to dissipate.

Gently, you reached out, tracing a finger down his scar. The girl had given him that- you saw it, in one of his nightmares he had accidentally projected across to you a few weeks ago. In this one, he fell straight through off the cliff and died, joining his father in the Otherworld. His father then sent him into another abyss, forcing him to be alone forever.

You never mentioned the dreams you saw. They felt too private, too painful- even more so than your own.

Such a sense of abandonment lingered in his dreams. It didn’t seem to matter who featured in the dream- his parents, his uncle, _you_ \- everyone in turn tended to abandon him in some way by killing him, or dying.

You wondered if that was the block on his light. On feeling abandoned by his family, feeling like he couldn’t return to them.

Whatever it was, you had to figure it out and quickly.

Ren twitched, his balling into fists. Probably having yet another nightmare.

Moving closer, you rested your hand across his chest, head pressed against his shoulder. He let out a long sigh and feeling you next to him, moved his arm so it cradled you against him.

A moment later, he was fast asleep again, your eyes trained right to where his heart was, right where you felt that crack of light earlier.

“You could never disgust me either.” You whispered into the darkness and closed your eyes, letting exhaustion, and Kylo’s arms, carry you far into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines! 
> 
> I wasn't able to see my bf due to the pandemic so i've been cooped up writing. I figured i could do a nice lil double release just in time for those of you who, like me lol, will be spending our day reading AO3 fics and eating food.
> 
> Love you guys! Thanks for all your kind words as always.


	30. REMEMBER YOUR PLACE

Tilting your head backwards, you let out a long sigh as the water hit your skin, warming you up.

The steadfast could be cold as hell most of the time, no surprises there. Your room wasn’t the worst temperature but Ren’s was like Hoth- freezing and dark. It was as if he enjoyed the pain of the temperature, his sheets feeling wet when you slept in them they were so cold.

Strange, given this was the boy who had never slept without a small fire lit within his hut even until his twenties. The same boy who had laid out underneath the sun with you for hours, soaking in each ray of it as much as he could before it gave way to the moon again.

Naturally, you had complained and noticed a slight degree of temperature change the next night, but not much.

You had been at his room the past few nights now. It had never really become a discussion or a decision- you just found yourself there each evening with questions about training, your bond, anything really and ended up staying there.

Shamefully, you were lonely cooped up in your own room. You saw Elihu for dinner but that was all and the knights weren’t exactly friends, they never really could be. It was just comforting to be around someone, even if it was someone like Ren.

Not that he had exactly been his stoic self- you’d turned up two nights after returning from Coruscant with a question about using the force for something and he’d been more helpful than expected, even giving you a demonstration.

Strong hands kneaded into your shoulders and you jumped slightly, turning.

“Morning.” Ren muttered.

“Hi.” You pushed your hair out of your face and glanced up at him. You’d snuck in here before he’d even woken up. He still looked half asleep, hair tucked behind his ears.

“Training?” He eyed the length of you, letting out a small yawn. You nodded. “Ushar?”

“Cardo.”

He swallowed, picking up the bottle to his left and squirting some of the soap into his hands and began to wash himself. His energy from a few moments ago turned more stormy as he did so, his eyes elsewhere.

You rolled your eyes. “You have to move past this.”

“Past what?”

“Cardo. You don’t think I feel that thundercloud of a mood inside of you the moment I mentioned his name?”

“There’s nothing to be past.” He grabbed your hips, moving you around him so he could step into the flow of water and rinse himself off.

You sighed. “Liar.”

Squinting out at you, he ran his hands through his hair and gave you a devious look. “Careful, Ace.”

You ignored him, reaching for the bottle and went to pour some into your hands. Kylo shoved his hand over yours, nodding to it. You squeezed more in and watched as it rubbed it in his palms before moving for you, rubbing it over your arms, your breasts.

You let out a quiet sigh at his movements, legs trembling. Your sleepovers thus far had been pretty PG, given what the two of you usually got up to- but usually by the time you’d stopped talking, or quizzing him, you were too exhausted from training to do anything else and had fallen asleep before he could suggest otherwise.

But he didn’t seem to mind. He always sent you a message on the datapad saying when he left or sought you out later to find out what you had done that day, his body tucked around yours the entire night as if this was the most natural thing in the world. It seemed the two of you were becoming..reliant on each other.

But you didn’t mind. Like you said, you had been lonely and perhaps he had too though neither of you would admit that out loud.

Ren’s thumb traced a gentle circle over your nipple. You let out another long breath, hands coming up to grip his forearms. “How long is your training today?”

“Three hours.”  
“Just Cardo?”

“Perhaps.” Glancing up at him, you raised an eyebrow. “Who am I naked in front of right now? Certainly not him, so _let it go.”_

“It isn’t you I don’t trust, but him.” He moved his hands upwards to rest by your neck, thumb stroking the skin there. “You sense he is different, don’t you?”

Good to know you weren’t the only one, you supposed. But was it dangerous Ren knew this? Or was it a good thing, given he too wasn’t like the other knights?

You settled on not a lie, but not a full commitment. “In some ways.”

He nodded and then leaned down, kissing you. You steadied yourself, chest pressing against his as he caressed your tongue with his own before moving back again.

“Tonight?”

As close as you would get with him asking you to come back and stay. But it was enough for you- for now, anyway.

“Tonight.” You nodded.

The two of you were ready to head out of his quarters to your separate functions about twenty minutes later when an officer rushed in, furiously banging on the door in warning of his arrival.

“Rebels spotted in Kijimi. The girl!” He announced, eyes darting desperately between the two of you as he panted.

“We leave immediately, inform General Pryde.” Ren was back into supreme leader mode, his voice booming across the room as he grabbed his helmet from the desk beside him. “Stay on the ship.”

He spared you another glance before marching out after the officer, up to the control deck. No chance left for you to argue why you should get to go down with him. Given the past few times you’d chased the girl down however, she’d escaped pretty quickly. So you weren’t exactly too concerned for his wellbeing, nor hers.

You headed off down the hall towards the training hall, cranking your neck.

Interesting she was on Kijimi- as far as you knew there was nothing of particular interest there. Frigid, mountainous and under First Order siege. But you knew they were looking for a way to stop Palpatine and to do that they’d have to get to Exegol. Ren had found his wayfarer on Mustafar but there was one more- perhaps the girl had found it? Or at least, found a clue.

You weren't sure how to feel about it. You wished to meet the rebels, to find out what information they had, what their plan was but how the hell were you to do that when you were within radius of Ren or his knights constantly?

Maybe you could have a chance, if you could get onto a normal planet- not some high end, secure area like Naboo or Coruscants upper levels. Over the years in the clubs, you’d been occasionally slipped a card from the resistance, looking for members to join their ranks. Of course you’d always ignored them, slipping the card into your purse- but you’d memorised some of them over and over. Just in case.

You’d also met the occasional rebel over the years in the club. So if you could somehow get down onto one of these planets and get away from Ren long enough, perhaps you could find out their plan and work out how it could work into yours.

What even was your plan anymore? You groaned, rubbing your eyes.

The girl was a Palpatine- you felt that dark side inside of her through Ren. But did it mean she was to turn? Don’t all Jedi have that tug? You certainly did, though yours was in the shape of a certain supreme leader.

If she was to slay Palpatine, would that bring destruction or chaos? You weren’t sure, especially given you weren’t sure what state he was even in given he was supposed to have died nearly thirty years earlier, if not more.

Ren wanted her to slay him, but he wanted that so they could take the dark throne together. Rule the galaxy- you couldn’t imagine given the conversations you’d witnessed that she wanted that too much.

If she joined Palpatine, would Kylo side with her? Or kill them both, as you were currently considering?

Would he do anything at all, given that growing lightness inside of him? The girl had definitely triggered it off long before you arrived. It had already begun and since Naboo, it had gained just inches. Something would crack him, but what.. you weren’t sure. 

So much to think about. Too much- your brain felt it might explode. The sooner you could talk to someone who wasn’t First Order affiliated, the better.

You paused and groaned- you’d left your training shoes in Ren’s quarters and had come in these instead. These were useless.

“Where you going?”

You turned, noticing Cardo jog up from behind you. The usual disdain etched onto his face was gone, replaced by something more concerned, tense.

“I forgot my shoes, I just gotta go-“ You turned, pointing down the hallway and he frowned.

“At..Ren’s?”

You nodded and stepped away, but he lurched forward and grasped your arm, pulling you back towards him. “What are you doing?”

“I just told you-“

“No, not the shoes. Ren- what are you doing Ace?”

You frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“Are you so weak? I remember before Naboo you could barely stomach to look at him without a million thoughts of killing him going through your mind. Now it’s.. what the hell did he do?”

“Do not call me weak.” You hissed, pulling your arm from his hold. “And I assure you, I think about stabbing a knife through his heart daily.”

“Is he using the force, or-“ His eyes were wild, as if there had to be any kind of explanation for this relationship.

“He didn’t do anything.” You glanced around, nervous. You knew Kylo was off searching for the girl and would be gone, but it still worried you having such a conversation out in the open like this. “And it’s none of your business anyway-“

“I feel that bond between you. We all do.” Cardo sniffed, clearly not caring as to who might hear him. “But he will _murder you_ when this doesn’t go his way, don’t you understand? You’re spiralling him out of control, you’re-“

You scoffed. “How am I causing him to spiral?”

“He almost put his saber through Kuruk’s chest last week for losing you in Coruscant- and we all know it was simply because he was so terrified you had left him. Not because you might cause him trouble, or you might help the rebels- because it _pained him._ ”

You had seen his eyes when he walked into the apartment- relief, pain. “This is none of your business Cardo.“

He gripped your shoulders, eyes distraught as he focused on you. “Kylo Ren will kill you the moment the girl doesn’t do as he expects. He will kill you when he realises you will never fall to the dark side as he did.”

You swallowed hard, unable to look away from him. You knew there was a kernel of truth there somewhere but as evil as he was, you’d never been able to see Ren murdering you. Not anymore, not after everything.

“What do you expect me to do?” You narrowed your eyes at him. Was he truly scared for you, or was he scared his master was slipping to the light side by being with you and was now trying to scare you off before you could make it worse?

Cardo let you go, sighing. “Get out- whilst you can.”

At that, he turned on his heel and headed down the hallway towards the hall. He could be murdered for telling you that. The fact he risked it, risked Ren seeing this conversation later in either of your minds… was he right?

You hurried to get your shoes, stomach twisting the entire way.

The shoes were tucked just underneath the bed, left where you had slipped them off last night. You grabbed them, turning to leave again when a soft thump came from the other side of the quarters.

It was probably nothing- but given nobody but you was given access to his quarters, you decided to take a peek anyway.

Shoes clutched to your chest, you stepped into the room off to the side. White enough to give you a migraine, with very little inside except an old, bashed up helmet of Vadars.

Your footsteps were barely audible- and it was probably how the scavenger didn’t notice you pause as you spotted her inside.

How the hell had she gotten in here? You’d heard no lockdown alarms, nothing of warning to say she was on the ship and yet..here she was.

Did this mean they had come for Chewie too? But perhaps they thought him dead. Ren would kill you for even talking to her instead of trying to keep her captive for him but you weren’t exactly too bothered about him this particular second.

She was holding a dagger, staring at it, chest inhaling and exhaling rapidly as if sensing something within it.

“No..” She muttered.

You felt her energy flare, right as yours did to greet hers- she turned, eyes narrowed and flung out her hand.

Before you could warn her you were friendly, she had you in a bind, forcing you to your knees on the stairs.

“I’m-“ You struggled to talk.

“Rey.”

She turned again, lightsaber already drawn and your heart fumbled as Ren appeared behind her- but you knew it was through the connection.

There would be no way for him to see you. He couldn’t see her surroundings, only her, is what he had told you.

But couldn’t she feel the bond that linked the two of them also within you? Couldn’t she sense you weren’t here to hurt her?

Perhaps it was why you weren’t currently choking.

“Wherever you are, you’re hide to find.”

“You’re hard to get rid of.” She was seething, that lightsaber at her side still lit as she turned away from him. Its humming was the only sound in the room.

Your fight with Cardo meant he wasn’t going to look for you anytime soon- it was a good thing, given you didn’t want her to have to fight him.

“I pushed you in the desert because I needed to see it. I needed you to see it- who you are. I know the rest of your story.”

She whirled, raising her saber. “You’re lying.”

“I never lied to you. Your parents were no-one.” The two of them began to circle each other as he spoke. “They chose to be. To keep you safe.”

“Don’t.” Rey hissed.

“You remember more than you say- I’ve been in your head.”

“I don’t want this!” Her voice grew more desperate, more pained. You swallowed, watching her hand grip the lightsaber tighter.

“Search your memory-“

“No!” She screamed and brought her lightsaber down on him, swinging for his stomach. Kylo jumped back, retaliating with his own saber. The two clashed, pushing against each other.

“Remember them. See them.”

She was inhaling sharply, still locked in a hold with Ren, her eyes swirling around as if viewing a memory.

With a shout, she threw him off her and the two began to circle each other again.

“They sold you, to protect you.”

“Stop talking.”

“Rey, I know what happened to them.”

She swung for him again, angrier than before, grunting as she did so. Ren deflected her, the two of them dancing around each other.

Red berries splashed out onto the floor out of thin air, obviously coming from wherever Ren was currently standing.

He pushed her back. “Tell me where you are. You don’t know the whole story.” She struck him again, but he carried on. “It was Palpatine, who had your parents taken. He was looking for you, but they wouldn’t say where you were. So he gave the order.”

“No!”

The two moved for each other again, sabers clashing in loud hums, footsteps light as they moved. You watched in agony, wishing you could get out of this damn hold- but to do what exactly? You had no weapons, only the force and she was still stronger in that area.

Their sabers slashed downwards- and into the pillar holding Vadars helmet, causing it to spin onto the floor beneath you all and land with a thump.

“So that’s where you are.”

Fear eclipsed her eyes as she realised he knew where she was hiding. She was going to have to escape- and quickly. In the distance, you could hear alarms beginning to be raised. For her, or had her friends come onboard too?

“You know why the emperors always wanted you dead. I’ll come tell you.” Ren stepped back, to end the connection and she yanked on you, making you fall down the steps.

He couldn’t see you, you were too far away, but he knew someone was there. You yanked on that connection between the two of you, trying to tell him you were okay and he took a step back, realising.

“I’d be careful.” She warned. The connection cut instantly.

Rey ran for you immediately, hauling you upwards. “Let’s go.”

“I wasn’t trying to attack you or anything-“

“Are you a prisoner?” She scanned your clothing, her hand gripping your wrist as she pulled you along after her at a hurried pace. Just minutes before Ren would be back at the ship, waiting for her.

“No.”

“No?” Disbelief was written across her face. You didn’t blame her. “Who the hell are you then? I felt it. Whatever you did to tell him you were there I-“

“I’m connected to him too.”

She paused, hand still gripping you. “Another dyad?”

“No. We don’t know what it is.”

Swallowing hard, she got moving again. You were heading for the main bay it seemed- why, you weren’t sure. Whatever ship she’d come on had definitely been commandeered by now and there was nothing there from what you could see.

“Do you wish to leave?”

“I-“ So much to explain to her, in so little time. “I can’t.”

“I can help-“

“No, I have..other plans.” The easiest answer, instead of _I’m still debating wether or not to kill you and Ren or just one of you, or neither._

Rey didn’t reply. The two of you rushed down the stairs and as you came out into the loading bay, Ren’s ship already landing in front of you.

She took short, calculated steps towards him. His footsteps echoed off the walls as he marched towards the two of you, the room now filling with stormtroopers, their guns raised in defence.

 _Hurt?_ Ren’s voice rushed into your mind.

_No._

The two circled each other as you stood off to her side slightly. “Why did the emperor come for me? Why did he want to kill a child? _Tell me_.”

“Because he saw what you would become. You don’t just have power- you have his power. You’re his granddaughter. You are a Palpatine.”

Horror filled her eyes immediately as she digested the information, her hold on you going entirely loose. You felt as her emotions swelled inside of her- fear, relief, anger. Rey slowly stepped back from him, tears filling her eyes.

“My mother was the daughter of Vadar. Your father, the son of the emperor. What Palpatine doesn’t know, is that we are a dyad in the force- two in one.” Ren followed her, forcing her close to the edge of the platform. “We’ll kill him together and take the throne. You know what you need to do.” He paused- as if nervous. “You know.”

Ren took off his helmet, offering his gloved hand forward. You swallowed, eyes darting between the two of them.

What the fuck were you going to do if she took it? You supposed it would answer about three of your earlier questions on what to do next but the galaxy would be royally screwed and you’d have to make a plan quicker than expected.

Her fear began projecting onto you and you stepped backwards, hand clutching your head as you saw it, the vision the two of them were currently seeing- two, engulfing dark thrones and on them, Ren..with Rey beside him.

She met your eyes, tears spilling onto her cheeks.

Such hesitation there within her- such a lingering to go to the man in front of you, to give in to the dark side. You understood it well, felt the same feeling everyday of your life.

But like you, she wouldn’t give in.

“I do.”

Stormtroopers raced forwards, guns firing as the Falcon appeared behind her, swinging around violently. Ren didn’t make a step towards her, not even as she turned for it.

It turned, blasting the engines and causing everyone to fall backwards onto their feet. You ducked, covering your face and watched as Ren held his ground.

“Rey!” Someone screamed- the boy from the desert.

She gave another desperate look towards him, as if she might change her mind, then sprinted for the platform.

The ship was gone in a matter of seconds, speeding off into space before you could even take another look at it.

You half expected the entire place to go into a lockdown, or a chase- but Kylo only moved towards you as the stormtroopers picked themselves up, shuffling and groaning. He hauled you to your feet, eyes checking you over- but you were fine.

“She’s strong.” You muttered. It was complete bullshit- she was strong, but you had been trained to be just as strong and if you had actually tried to escape, you would’ve been. Truthfully, you were more than happy for her to use you as leverage to ensure an escape.

“Where the hell was Cardo?” He snapped.

“I forgot something- it was my fault.” Rubbing your forehead, you sighed. Stars, you had a headache from trying to get her to release you. “She took a knife thing.”

“I know.” His nostrils flared as he looked down at you. “You didn’t stop her.”

“How exactly do you propose I should’ve done that?”

“You’ve been training-“

“I have. I’m good at combat and I’m pretty fucking good with a weapon too- but god forbid you give me one of those to defend myself against someone with a lightsaber.” You rolled your eyes.

“You could’ve raised the alarm- ran for the knights. Used the force, as we both know you’re more than capable. Anything, instead of allowing yourself to become captive.” He hissed. “I think you didn’t want to.”

“Oh?”

His eyes narrowed at you, finger jabbing into your chest. “I think you wanted to talk to her, or help her. But you certainly didn’t wish to escape.”

You smacked his hand away. “Maybe I did.”

He took a few steps back, snarling at you. You could see that temper within him rise and fall, reaching its edge. “Remember your place here.”

“I do- and it isn’t, and will never be, on the side of the Sith. Remember _that_ , supreme leader.”

Your eyes flew to his, just as furious as he was, unrelenting.

He backed down first, storming off out of the loading bay before his temper could spiral any further and the two of you got into a fight in front of everyone.

Watching him go, you sighed. At least the girl hadn’t taken his hand- she’d turned him down, as she’d down multiple times before. So perhaps you didn’t have to worry about her as a threat, but rather an ally.

But what did it mean for Ren? Was he now the one you needed to kill, or was he the one you needed to save?

You were in the prime position to do it, curled underneath his arm each night as he slept. A quick stab to the heart, or throat and he’d bleed out quicker than he could raise an alarm. But the thought now made you feel like emptying the contents of your stomach everywhere.

You needed to talk to the resistance- and soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! 
> 
> Just another brief plot chapter lol. I'm SO excited for the next few chapters!! I think they may be my favourites of the entire fic and i'm so ready to share them with you all.
> 
> So it will actually be a TRIPLE release next! i'm just editing them all up so i'm hoping to have them up either Sunday/Monday as i have a lot of work to do next week and i don't know how much time i'll have to write/upload.
> 
> However, i do always say that and then upload anyway cause writing helps me de-stress lmao 
> 
> Enjoy! With luck, I'll be back on Sunday!
> 
> X


	31. YOU DON'T BELONG HERE

_“You dance pretty well.” A glass of clear liquid was set in front of you, a hand dotted in rings covering it. “For someone who doesn’t belong here.”_

_“Oh?” You felt your chest tighten as you glanced over at the gentleman who had taken the seat beside you. Nothing felt immediately suspicious about him- the usual, sleazy gleam in his eyes that was plastered on all of the mens faces and the same smarmy smile._

_“You’re different. I have a feeling about it.” He leaned closer, hand landing on top of yours as he squeezed. Your heart began to beat loudly in your chest and you wondered if he could hear it._

_“I see.” Giving him your best customer smile, you glanced around, desperately seeking an escape- but there was nobody around and Leclarc was nearby. He wouldn’t be too happy if you blew someone off in front of him._

_Harley appeared by the side of the stage, waving her hand to you._

_“You belong in a much higher scale establishment than this.” The man smiled._

_You huffed a sigh of relief- you had half expected him to out you right here and now. “Well, thats very kind of you.”_

_As you slid off the chair he reached out and gripped your wrist. “What, I’m so kind and you can’t even stay a moment?”_

_“It’s my turn to dance. I’m sorry.”_

_But he held you in an iron tight fist. “Hey, I’m talking to you here bitch-“_

_“She has to dance.” Someones voice erupted from behind you. You raised an eyebrow, glancing over your shoulder._

_An illegally attractive man was standing behind you, hands tucked into his pockets as he watched the two of you. Definitely not rich, or at least he was trying to hide his wealth- you could tell by the beaten up jacket he was wearing and those scruffy pants that looked like they’d been in far too many a fight._

_“I paid for her. Sorry man.” He reached out and clamped a hand on your shoulder- something you usually hated, but if it was going to get you away from the creep, you’d deal momentarily._

_“Oh. Maybe later then.”_

_Fuck no. “Maybe!”_

_The man led you off to the side of the room, Harley mouthing at you as you walked past. You shrugged and followed him. Unusual, for a man to be so helpful in here- he probably did want a dance._

_“You alright?” His eyes met yours and didn’t leave them, not even to glance down at your barely there outfit now the two of you were alone._

_Respectful guy. “I deal with guys like him all the time. Thank you, though.”_

_“That sucks. A girl like you-“_

_“Shouldn’t be here? Heard it. You guys have to come up with some better lines.” You rolled your eyes and he snorted._

_“I suppose.”_

_“So, what? You want a dance or?” You gestured to the stage, hand flopping unenthusiastically._

_“Not really my thing sweetheart- I’m here for business.” He smiled. “Though if you ever manage to get off the clock, I wouldn’t half mind seeing you out of here.”_

_“Dream on.”_

_His smile only grew wider. “I appreciate the offer- but I did only want to help. No repayment required.”_

_You blinked, surprised. “Oh.”_

_He seemed to debate something for a moment before pulling a card out of his pocket and handing it to you, glancing around. “You ever decide you want more, or you want to do more.. you come find me. Show this card.”_

**_FS, Dune Street, Mos Eisley._ **

_In the top left corner, your heart sunk slightly as you noted the rebel symbol stamped there. He was with the resistance._

_“FS?”_

_“Flynn Skipper.” He pushed your hand down, glancing around._

_“How do you know I won’t turn you in?”_

_“Ah, I don’t think you belong here.” His eyes twinkled as he began to walk away. “I have a feeling about it, you see.”_

You blinked, fingers frozen in the air as if you were actually holding the card.

But you weren’t- it had been ripped up the same night and thrown into an outside bin for fear someone would find it on you and report you to Leclarc, who was certainly no rebel sympathiser.

You’d figured it was useless anyway- you’d never visit Mos Eisley, let alone Tatooine. Yet here you were, currently travelling to the planet with Ren and his knights.

Why, you weren’t sure- given he hadn’t spoken to you for two days and refused to allow you to train, it meant you weren’t exactly being given a lot of information. Ushar had turned up this morning, said you were to leave in an hour and here you were.

Since you had boarded the ship all you’d been able to think about was Flynn. Was he still here? Doubtful. But was it worth trying? You weren’t sure. If you were able to get away from Ren long enough, you could seek out the information you needed but how you would do that, you weren’t sure.

It would be helpful to know what the plan for today was- but he’d been sulking in the cockpit since you’d gotten onto the ship and no way in hell were you about to apologise for something you didn’t believe deserved an apology. The girl had gotten away, thankfully with Chewbacca as you had hoped, and refused him again, so you knew he was nursing his ego- but he could lick his wounds himself. You had no interest in doing so.

“Hi.”

You jumped, standing up as Cardo appeared beside you. “Hi.”

He glanced around- but Ren was safely tucked up at the other end of the ship, far enough away from the two of you not to hear a peep.

“About the other day-“

“Let’s forget about it.” You certainly didn’t need anybody else to become privy to this conversation. It was a miracle Ren didn’t already know about it.

“I meant it.”

You could’ve screamed- more complications to add to your ever growing web. “No. You can’t repeat this, not here and you can’t mean it- you are a knight of Ren, you are-“

“I know what I am.” He hissed and yanked his helmet off, just to the top of his head so you could see his face. You had forgotten how intense those eyes were as they stared into your own, unrelenting.

Why did he care so much what you thought of ren, of him, unlike the others? Why care so much about your safety? Due to his own attachment to Ren, you could understand if he felt an attachment to you from the bond. But none of the others had behaved like this.

“I said, forget about it- your advice has been taken onboard.” You gave him a stern look. There was no way you were going to tell him of your plan and include him in the treachery against Ren- this discussion and the other one were enough to get him killed never mind telling him you were planning to temporarily run away.

 _Temporarily_ was the key word. If the rebels were to inform you that Rey was going to turn evil or some other awful news, you’d need to return and do what was right. But was there a way to return without facing some punishment from Ren?

“Take this.” He shoved something into your hand, forcing it down by your side immediately. You grasped it, frowning.

A blade?

“To keep you safe, that’s all.” He muttered.

You looked back up at him, wide eyed. He’d obviously picked up at some level what you were doing- but how much he’d guessed you weren’t sure.

“Thank you.” You whispered, tucking it into the back of your pants. You'd put it somewhere better later.

Cardo sighed, straightening slightly. His hand twitched at his side and for a moment, you thought he may reach out to touch your own hand, fingers flexing-

“Am I interrupting?” Kylo’s voice boomed off the walls, around the cabin.

The two of you took a healthy, subtle step away from each other. You glared at him, arms folded- prick. “No.”

“Go do something else.” He waved Cardo off, who gave him a curt nod before doing so. You watched him go- maybe when you got back, your next mission was to find out where the hell he came from that made him so different to the knights.

And find out why he cared so damn much.

“What are we doing?” You asked Kylo as he approached. He stopped a foot away as if he couldn’t bare to be any closer to you.

“We’re going to Tatooine.” He wasn’t in the helpful mood it seemed. No surprise there- still, you found your heart stumbling slightly as he snapped. He hadn’t been so angry with you in.. a while, you realised. Things had been good, for the most part, between you for so long that now it felt foreign for him to be so cold.

“I’m aware of that. What are we going to do there exactly?”

“It’s none of your business.”

You scoffed. “Fine.”

“Why don’t you tell me what you just discussed with Cardo?” His voice was taunting- but you could hear the hurt there. Cardo was always going to be a touchy point with him and frankly, he deserved a little torture.

“Oh as you said- _it’s none of your business_.” You shot him a small, mocking smile just for good measure.

“I don’t wish to deal with you today.” He gave you a disgusted look. “Kuruk can take you..about for a while.”

“Why take me off the Steadfast at all?” You were grateful, of course, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Hux.” Was his only reply, before he turned away again. But you could feel his burning anger from here- his window was open and he was deciding to let you feel it, like some sort of punishment. You slammed down on the connection, shutting it down as much as you could and walked to the other side of the ship.

Thankfully, he was so wound up things had worked exactly how you had hoped- Hux posed enough of a threat he had to remove you from the ship, but he didn’t wish to be anywhere near you so he was sending you off with his weakest knight.

It was all going exactly how you needed it to- you just had to pray it stayed that way.

Fortunately for you, the ship landed in the New Quarter of Mos Eisely. The New Quarter was more ‘tourist friendly’ with merchants, markets, bars. Dune street was located near the marketplaces of the Old Quarter- far away from Ren, so when you did make a run for it, you’d have enough time to do some damage before he could find you again.

Kuruk kept a steady pace behind you as you walked there, dodging around the crowd. If only you could lose him here- but it would be impossible and he wasn’t distracted enough yet- besides, losing him meant he’d immediately contact Ren.

Injuring him.. it would buy you slightly more time.

Ren had said nothing more to you, just walked away, flanked by his knights. Cardo had spared you another glance before leaving, staring just long enough that if anyone had been watching they would know something was wrong.

The marketplace was nothing special- dusty, beige and pretty boring. But you pretend to take interest in the stalls, milling slowly from each one to the next, hands running over the trinkets as you did so.

You weren’t sure how long you had- but you couldn’t waste too much time. Dune Street wasn’t far from here.

Twenty minutes later, you said you were taking a shortcut to the next place and cut down an alleyway round the back of one of the sleazier taverns. The knife felt as heavy as a brick in the back of your pants. Kuruk didn’t seem to notice a thing was wrong as he followed you from vendor to vendor, his energy completely neutral- he was probably bored.

God you were sweating. Pathetic to be this worried. But he was a knight of Ren and you were about to make a break for it for the first time in months- perhaps a little sweating was allowed.

You turned, facing him.

“What? Going back that way?” He stood to the side slightly and shamefully, you felt a pang of guilt for what you were about to do.

“Sorry Kuruk.”

Before he could react, you ran for him, arms twisting around his shoulders and yanking him to the ground below. He tripped, hitting the dust- but quickly recovered and shot upwards, swinging for you with a growl.

But you were even better trained than before. Before had been Luke’s training, the weightlessness of a Jedi and you’d taken him down then. Now you had the knights brutal combat combined with that- they’d turned you unstoppable.

They’d turned you into Kylo himself.

His energy immediately turned furious, betrayed. It didn’t exactly help but add to that guilty feeling within you.

You swung a fist into his face as he stepped upwards, knocking his helmet off with the sheer force of the blow. It slammed into the dirt with a clang, followed by his body as you kicked him in the stomach, watching as he coughed, his clothes coated in filth.

The amount of armour he was wearing combined with the heat couldn’t have been easy to deal with, even for a knight. You were sweating and hardly wearing anything compared to him- no protective gear.

His gun hadn’t come out once. Arrogance that he could take you without it, or orders from Ren not to hurt you even if you tried to run? Whatever the reason, you were glad he hadn’t pulled it out yet.

Determined not to be outdone, or to let you escape, he charged for you, hauling himself off the ground with a roar- but you darted underneath him as he reached you, your hands grabbing his arm and pulling back as you ran, turning.

He choked a grunt of pain as you yanked, twisting his shoulder back and throwing him down onto the dirt. A distinct pop sounded as you pulled his shoulder out of place.

He shouted even louder, every swear you could possibly image as he clutched it, hissing with pain, bent towards the ground.

This was your chance to go- but he was a knight of ren. A dislocated shoulder wouldn’t quite stop him- you needed to do more. Not that you even wanted to.

His eyes met yours. You had forgotten how much younger Kuruk seemed in comparison to the others- closer to your age than Ren’s. Strange how two people so wound with the force had found themselves on such different paths- yet were here now, fighting each other.

“Why?” He breathed, letting out another groan of pain.

“I have to do something important and you can’t come. I’m-“ You couldn’t quite get the apology out loud.

Kuruk had begun to waddle to his feet despite the agony in his eyes, your body bracing as you prepared to throw him down again, when the back door to the tavern burst open, a seven foot quarren staring at the two of you with wide eyes.

You opened your mouth for an explanation and turned, ready to make a run for it before he could grab you when it spoke first.

“This man trying to attack you miss?” He surveyed the two of you, Kuruk snarling at you from the trash as he lay amongst it, arm dangling from his side. Your stomach turned at the sight of it and just nodded, giving the quarren big, terrified eyes.

Staying silent was the better option- he’d probably just assume you were shell shocked.

“I’ll make sure he stays here while you get away.” He shooed you off, stepping out of the tavern and towards the knight. That wasn’t going to end well for him- but you didn’t have the time or energy to warn him. Not if you wanted to get away.

Shooting another silent apology to both of them, you darted off before Kuruk could recover enough to chase you down and sprinted for Dune Street praying he wouldn’t work out where you were going.

This was your only hope now- and you had to pray it worked, or you had just caused yourself a world of pain for no reason.


	32. DUNE STREET

Dune Street was not an easy one to navigate. Not because it was busy, or overflowing- but rather because it looked so damn plain, every building like the last, that you weren’t sure where the hell to start.

You cautiously wandered down it, eyes sharp as you read each of the signs around you. Nothing that seemed to scream ‘rebellion’ jumped out.

It had only been five minutes since you’d made a break- but Kuruk would’ve managed to get himself up by now. Possibly explained the truth to the Quarren, who had helped him put that shoulder back in. Or killed the poor thing and was now trying to contact Ren.

He’d possibly have to get slightly more within in range, hence the reason you’d walked him so far away and given his shoulder, it may take slightly more time. But still- you had to hurry.

Near the end of the street there was very few buildings left. What seemed to be some kind of tailors, a food store of some kind and a tavern, quiet music trickling out the door as you leaned against the wall.

It was starting to get dark. Someone inside may be able to tell you where to find Flynn, if you asked the right person- and it was better than waiting to be caught out here by the knights, unsure where to go.

You strode inside, dusting yourself off. It seemed perfectly normal- low lit, vaguely quiet and full of completely unrespectable men who didn’t bother shooting you a second look as you walked in.

Perfect.

Standing over at the end of the bar, your eyes circled the room looking for the perfect candidate to squeeze some information out of when they snagged on the sign in the corner, lit up in blue.

_Skippers._

Your heart skipped a beat.

_“Fs?”_

_“Flynn Skipper.”_

This probably wasn’t right at all- but there had been no other clues and this one seemed rather blatant, flashing at you from the other side of the room. Hiding in plain sight, you supposed.

“Hey-“ You signalled the bartender, a bothan, who strode over with a bored look on his face. “Who owns this place?”

“Private information I’m afraid.” He shrugged. “You want a drink or something?”

You pressed on. “Is his name Skipper?”

“It may be. It may not.”

“I’m looking for Flynn Skipper.” You lowered your voice. “Do you, or anyone else in here, have an idea where I could find him? Quickly?”

“That depends.” He eyed your pockets, but you just scoffed.

“I can’t pay you.” He started to walk away but you followed, stammering. “Look, no, listen- he gave me his card like, five years ago. I lost it but he told me to seek him out here.”

“I bet he did. Flynn can’t resist flirting.” The bartender rolled his eyes, clearly uninterested.

“He wasn’t flirting!” You snapped. Some of the others began to stare at you and you turned, lowering your voice again. “Listen. There are a bunch of First Order people trying to find me and he told me to find him when I needed help- so I suggest you tell me where to find that help now before they arrive here and find me. If you still don’t want to-“ You yanked the blade from your pocket and held it in your hand, fingertip running over the top.“I’ve had a shitty day and honestly, shoving this into your neck and forcing you to take me there isn’t an issue.”

The two of you stared at each other for a few moments, his hands paused as he stopped wiping the glass in them. You wondered if he may just throw you outside onto the street now and ruin your chances of finding the resistance entirely.

“Please.” You added- just for good measure.

He sighed, muttering. “You couldn’t have added the please before the stabbing?”

At that, he tilted his head and lifted the bar door for you to slip underneath. You did so, watching as he walked around the other side of the bar and yanked one of the bottles down, a hatch underneath opening to a small, stone staircase.

“If this is a trap, I’m very skilled.” You muttered.

The bothan huffed a laugh. “Just go down and follow it to the left. You won’t be able to come back up here- there’s another exit.”

“Thank you.”

God it was freezing- and dark. Something he forgot to mention as he slid the door back into place behind you, sealing you in the tombed staircase.

Your fingers gripped the sides of the walls, cautiously stepping down as you squinted. There seemed to be a small light at the bottom, so you aimed for that, keeping your breathing steady.

So far no tugs from Ren- but was he suppressing it, like he did in Coruscant in order to find you quietly?

You tried to do the same, but you weren’t sure how. You thought of every shitty memory he’d given you since you arrived at the steadfast- the fighting, the grabbing. Broken rib. Dead parents. Trudgen beating the shit out of you. The princess on Naboo dying. Ren leaving the bed each morning, leaving you alone. Angry words. Refusal to be vulnerable. You forced each of those negative feelings, thoughts and memories down onto the bond, surpassing it as hard as you could.

You’d done it for years with the force- there was no reason you couldn’t try it with this bond now, though it was taking a lot out of you already. There was almost like an emptiness inside of you, like there had been before he had found you.

At the bottom, a small torch showed the hallway led to the right and you kept walking down, listening as a few voices got louder and louder as you approached.

You took a deep breath and chapped on the wooden door once before pushing it open, peering inside.

Two sullen faces met your eyes as you stepped into the room a little awkwardly, shutting the door behind you. They were both dressed in dark clothes, useful for blending in. You noticed the resistance patches sowed into their shirts, probably hidden by the jackets hanging on the back of their chairs.

“Ah, Bo just called and said someone was coming down, claiming they had some old card of Skips.” So this was his place- thank the stars. The man on the left raised his eyebrows at you. “Do you have information for us or something?”

“I was hoping you did, actually.” You cleared your throat. “I’m-“

“Ace. The girl from the Outlander.”

You turned as the third man appeared in the other doorway, smiling. Just as you remembered him- in the five years since he’d been at the club, Flynn Skipper hadn’t managed to age a single day.

“How do you-“ You frowned. “I don’t remember telling you my name.”

“Ah, we’ll get that to that in a moment. I just can’t believe you’re here.” He shook his head in disbelief before walking forward, pulling the chair in front of you out. “Sit! Sorry about these two-“ He paused, smacking their heads as he walked around them. “No manners between them whatsoever.”

The one on the left looked between the two of you. “I’m sorry, who is she?”

You took the seat, shuffling awkwardly. “Uh, I’m Ace.”

“Ace?” He scoffed.

Skipper nudged him. “Your name is Gerald and you made everyone call you Star King for ten months. Are we really going to get shitty about names here?”

“No.” He grumbled.

“I’m Jak.” The other one gave you a half wave and you tilted your head down in response.

“Ace is the girl Leia mentioned. She told us about you, about your connection to her son.”

They all turned to look at you, wide eyed. Your stomach dropped- she had mentioned you? How the hell did she know about you, or that you were alive?

“We’re in quite close contact with the resistance. Carry a lot of ships here, a lot of pilots ready to go at their signal.” Skipper said. “She was informing us about a possible battle on Exogal, said the jedi girl was trying to figure out how to get there- and said that when they invaded Ren’s ship, they discovered another force sensitive user. A girl that was apparently training with Ren.”

“That’s me.” You attempted a half smile.

Jak frowned. “So you’re..force sensitive? Did he kidnap you or something?”

“Rey said you didn’t want to leave- so my guess is she joined the First Order willingly.” Gerald glared at you, arms folded. “And how convenient you appear now, right as the rebellion comes to the brink of war again with the First Order. She’s going to get us caught Skip-“

“Hold on.” He held his hand up, looking over at you. “As much as i’d like to trust you-“

“You can’t. I understand- but I’m not here for information on anything except Kylo.” You interrupted.

You began to explain as much as you could. About Kylo, about training with him and your thoughts on Rey. No mention about the bond or anything else- you didn’t want to give them too much information. As you’d said before, you wanted to hear the rebellion’s side of things and their take but, it didn’t mean you trusted them.

They were better and fairer than the First Order. But perfect? Far from it and it’s how they lost power over and over the past forty years and before that.

“Well, Leia still believes her son could turn- she entrusted Rey to do that.” Gerald spoke first, a pondering look on his face.

“Rey? Every time they see each other they just..fight.” You thought of their last few meetings. She didn’t exactly seem to be trying her hardest to talk to him- but you didn’t know the full story, what had happened before you arrived.

“I think she tried but..it didn’t work. She just wants to kill him and Palpatine now- no more games. But Leia has told everyone she still believes he could turn with the right sequence of events but what those are, she didn’t say.” Skipper explained.

You listened to them talk, biting on your fingernail. Leia still thought he could turn- even after murdering Han and Luke. After all of the terrible things he had done. She either had blind faith in him or she could feel exactly what you could- that ever growing light amongst his darkness.

“Our mole leaked he was training a force sensitive girl. Rey confirmed this when she spoke to Leia just a day ago-“ Skipper shook his head. “I can’t believe I found a lost Jedi five years ago and didn’t realise.”

“I was repressing my powers.” You shrugged. “Your mole..do you know who it is?”

“We don’t personally, no. Apparently Rey and Finn do but they didn’t pass the information on in time as the signal cut.” Skipper leaned back against his chair. “So what now, you ran from Ren to join us? Fight against him?”

“I..”

You weren’t sure. From what they had told you, it seemed their faith in Rey was unwavering despite the images in her mind you had seen of her on the throne with Kylo. So like you hoped, she wasn’t a threat for now.

But was Kylo still? You were still in the prime position to murder the supreme leader, to end this for good.

Though that would only be cutting the head off the First Order’s snake. A Snoke’s death showed, the snake grows a new head in no time, replaced by someone just as corrupt and as evil as before.

Perhaps it was more valuable to take what Leia was saying into account. To continue to work on finding that light inside of him, stopping him from killing Rey. But could you even manage to do that? You hadn’t been able to stop him tumbling over whilst in the academy.

But you had been younger, more naive. You had no idea what was going on and more importantly, you had no idea how badly Luke was isolating him. Things were different now, weren’t they?

“If you think there’s a chance he’ll turn against the First Order, Leia would advise you to take it. Try your best.” Skipper brought your attention back, his eyes on yours. “She’d prefer any situation where Ren and Rey could both survive, with Palpatine dead.”

“And what do you think?” You asked. He didn’t sound exactly convinced by what he was saying.

“I think you should run far from anything to do with Kylo Ren. He’ll murder anything that disobeys him, or strays from him- I don’t see that boy coming back, in any way. Even if his mother accepts him back- how will he ever find inner peace?”

Maybe he was right. He’d murdered his father, his mentors. He’d lost everything and gained so little back, fighting a war against his own feelings.

But you felt that light, just as Leia and Rey did. You saw glimpses of Ben within him often- when he slept, finally at peace from his demons. In that stupid, minuscule smile when he was annoying you about something, knowing you were about to lose your shit with him.

There was more than that. He would never be Ben again but this form of him.. you felt more connected to him than you ever had before. His energy inside of you had become a welcome presence, a feeling of home, and you hadn’t realised until you had pushed it out of you to hide how much you missed it.

If there was any chance to save him from himself, any chance to stop this madness, you realised you would take it too. You would take any chance that meant you could stop him from being killed by the jedi girl.

“I have to go.” You stood. “I don’t want to bring any trouble here- they’re definitely looking for me and I’ve stayed long enough-”

“Are you sure? We could have you out of here in ten minutes, off to the rebel base.“

A tempting offer- but you had made your mind up. You were going to do what Leia had asked Rey to do. You may fail, just as she did, but at least you knew then in your heart that you had tried.

“No, I should go. But thank you, for all your help. Truly.” You reached out, hand stretched and Skipper took it, shaking it gently.

“You know, when the mole mentioned you, Leia said she was sure it was you. I’m glad I can tell her she was right.” Skipper smiled.

“Me too.” You nodded to them all.

“I’ll walk you up.” Gerald offered and hauled the door open, leading the way out of it.

You followed him up another set of stairs, which opened into a small hallway with a ladder. Gerald climbed it first, shoving open the trapdoor at the top and then reached down, hauling you out as you got there too.

“Thank you.” I You glanced around. It was dark, very few people around. You were going to have to wake up that connection and start yanking on it.

“I just wanted to say be careful- we trust Leia and her judgement but..there is an unsettlement there. Between some of us.”

“An unsettlement?”

“We hear rumours, that Rey was close to the supreme leader. Some of us just think she may turn to his side very quickly and if she does, we’re all dead.”

“Unless he turns..” You muttered.

Gerald shook his head. “She wasn’t exact but the only thing she Leia vaguely mentioned that could help him turn is-“

A bang erupted in your ears.

You stared at Gerald, the two of you wide eyed in shock. You glanced downwards, stomach threatening to overturn, as you noticed the gaping hole in his stomach. His blood had splattered all over your clothes, your hands, as if he had exploded all over you. You supposed he had.

A moment later, before either of you could even move, or speak, another shot rang through the air- more blood coated you as a bullet went straight through his brain.You could feel it dripping down onto your eyebrows, your cheeks as you watched his body thump onto the ground below, lifeless.

A crackling filled the air as that menacing red lightsaber glowed in the darkness, its cross coming directly for you. Ren’s cape flew around his shoulders as he marched towards you, fists balled.

Now you felt him- like a tidal wave that had just been released, his energy washed over you as you let go of the hold you’d had on it, letting out a breath of pain. You almost slumped to your knees with the feeling of it.

You lifted your head, mouth open to explain, or scold him for murdering Gerald- but something hard thumped you in the back of the head before you could and you fell, your entire world turning dark.


	33. I WANT TO STAY

There was a sharp, scratching pain in your back.

You groaned, arching slightly as you woke up, blinking. Your eyes fluttered open, swirling around the room.

Your own room- not a prison cell. Thankfully and surprisingly.

Sitting up, you swore as something yanked you back slightly and you turned to look at your hand, which had been chained to the post behind you.

“Oh, you have to be kidding me.”

“Nope.”

The voice echoed through the room. You sat up further, squinting over at the knight who had now appeared in the doorway, arms folded.

He slid off his helmet, the quiet hiss the only sound as the two of you watched each other. Those silver eyes burned into yours- he didn’t seem angry, just..disappointed.

“I should’ve known..” He muttered, shaking his head and placed the helmet down onto the shelf beside him.

You wriggled, wincing at that point in your back. Your other hand wriggled underneath the duvet and pretend to scatch your back, flinching as you felt the blade there. How the hell did you still have it?

“You did know.”

“That you were going to run? I guessed. That you would get yourself caught by being so stupid? I hoped for better.”

“I wasn’t trying to run. I needed..information.”

“On what?”

“The resistance. Ren sure as hell wasn’t ever going to give it to me- not an unbiased set of information anyway.” You winced. “How mad is he?”

“He destroyed his TIE fighter.”

“What?”

“He slashed it to pieces when we landed here last night.”

You could feel it- feel his burning anger, even from here as it raged on down the bond between the two of you. He couldn’t be far away. Swallowing, you picked at the thread on the duvet.

“Did.. he say anything?”

“No, of course he didn’t.” Cardo picked up his helmet with a sigh. “I have to go.”

You were in no mood to argue with him to let you out. Truthfully, if you focused enough on this chain you could break it yourself with the force but you wanted to wait and hear what Ren had to say to you before pissing him off even more.

You did still have the knife on you though. At least a little defence from him and his temper if he was going to lose it- which you suspected he might given the fact you could feel him from here and he was at the other end of the ship.

“Ace-” He paused as he reached the doorway, turning to glance back at you.

“Hm?” You looked up.

“Do whatever you need. Apologise, beg..just..” His eyes pleaded with yours. “Whatever. Don’t die, okay?”

Again- compassion, help, pleading. All from someone who was supposed to be even more ruthless, more inhumane than Ren.

You nodded. “Okay.”

You felt him coming well before he had even arrived. Even if you hadn’t, his footsteps thundered down the hallway as he made his way towards your room, his temper rising and falling like a wave hitting the shore.

Whoever was guarding the door was dismissed immediately with a harsh word, the front door slamming behind him before your bedroom door swung open with a quiet creak.

Your gazes met, flying to each other as he entered.

Oh, he was mad alright.

His eyes were rimmed red, furious. Nostrils flaring, that terrible vein in his forehead already sticking out, hands balled at his sides as he slowly entered the room and folded his arms, looking down at you.

His power trickled out of him and began to pour on top of yours, suffocating it, threatening it- it felt like death, like everything wrong with world.

“Was it to punish me?” The coldness of his voice sent goosebumps skittering up your arms. You had forgotten how terrifying he could be. You noted the bruise blooming quietly on his cheek. An injury from dismantling his ship by hand?

“What was?”

“Don’t play games today Ace. Was it to punish me?” His voice sounded raw.

You rolled your eyes. “Does everything have to be about you?”

He strode forward, that massive hand clasping your throat and yanking you forward as far as your chained hand would let you. You gasped, your other hand coming up to clutch his wrist as he gripped tighter.

“I’m not messing around. What the fuck were you thinking?”

“You’re just mad-“ Another gasp for air. “I tricked you.”

“I assure you, you didn’t trick me.” He scoffed.

“Really? You were so angry with me you let me go with your weakest knight right into the city. You were mad enough not to check in with us and let us go that far-

“Enough.”

“Your own anger made you _careless_ and you’re angry at yourself-“

He growled, nails digging into your skin, like a viper constricting your airway. “ _Enough!_ ”

Finally he let you go, shoving you back into the bed behind you and taking a step back. He ran a hand through his hair, huffing.

“You went to the resistance.”

“Yes.” No point lying- he would’ve seen Gerald’s clothes, the insignia that was threaded into his shirt.

Your stomach dropped. Hopefully the gunshots were enough to warn Skipper and Jak to run, if they had even heard them. Had Ren or the knights killed them?

“Why?”

“I wanted information.”

“You couldn’t have taken the knight with you?”

“Taken a knight of ren to ask information about secret rebel business..let me think..” You glared at him, wriggling your hand in the cuff. “No.”

“What could you want to know so badly?”

“I wanted to know what they though about Rey. About her..past.” It was partly the truth. You weren’t going to blurt out you had been there for him- you weren’t exactly in the mood to watch him stick his lightsaber through your heart for it.

“You wanted to know if they think she will turn.” He stiffened. “Why?”

“I just..did.”

“You can’t think me so clueless. You’d risk punishment, risk Kuruk beating you just to run there and ask their _opinion_ of Rey?” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“Well, he didn’t exactly beat me, did he?” You muttered.

Not the best idea. Ren turned again and gripped you, pulling you upwards towards him. “Why, Ace? What the hell-“

“Because I needed to know if they really thought she would turn- because it would be _terrible_ if she did.” Your voice broke as you spoke, desperation leeching into your words. “Is this truly what you want? A world where you rule with Palpatine’s granddaughter, destroying every trace of life, everyone who doesn’t bow to you?”

“Ace-“

“I remember a boy who loved the force, who loved the balance who brought it to the universe- he was tricked by the Sith and abandoned by his family. He was _murdered_ \- but it doesn’t mean you can’t learn from what happened and follow this path again-“

“Do not-“ He hissed.

But you pushed on, despite his building fury. “I feel that light inside of you, as others have. I have felt it since Naboo and your mother-“

He let go of you with a shout. “Do not talk of my mother!”

“Why not?” You weren’t backing down- you shifted onto your knees, shouting just as loudly as he did.

“You say my family abandoned me, you feel that pity for me- but do not talk of my mother when you abandoned me just as she did!” His words echoed around the room. The two of you sat, staring at each other. “Now tell me what else you asked them.”

“That was all.”

“Bullshit-“ He pressed a hand to your mind but you slapped it away.

He fought back, trying to push down on your head, his other hand pressing down on your body as he forced his way into your mind. You wriggled underneath his hold, hand slapping his chest.

You focused on his energy working its way past your shields- and attacked it.

He hissed quietly as you threw forward every memory you could. Not just of Ben, but him too. Kissing in Naboo, his invisible hands touching you, Ben laughing at something you said over dinner, the two of you training, catching you as you fell from the air.

_Remember. Remember. Remember._

“Enough!“ He roared and pulled back, breathless. You opened your eyes, his body pressed against yours as he clutched your arm.

But you’d had enough.

With a shout, you forced all of that energy tumbling down your arm, towards the cuff and it snapped open with a jolt. You pushed Ren up, grasping his shirt- then back down, pinning him where you had been just moments ago, arm over his chest, the blade now out of your shirt and into your hand.

“Where did you get that?” He muttered, looking down at it. You pressed it into his throat, cheeks burning as you felt a few tears drop onto them.

“I’m _scared.”_

He said nothing as you let out a quiet sob. A small trickle of blood began to ran down his neck- the only sign these days he was even human anymore.

“I wouldn’t let her hurt you.” His anger dissipated quickly. You knew if he really wanted to, he would’ve thrown you down and gotten the knife out of his neck by now.

“I don’t care if she hurts me.” You sniffed. “Don’t you understand? I don’t want protection, or coddling. I want you to realise what you’re doing is wrong. I want you to realise you’re repeating your grandfathers mistakes and are doomed for the same fate he is if you don’t stop this madness. No amount of killing or violence is going to solve that hole inside of you that you know I can feel too- nothing is, except returning to where you truly belong.”

“I do not belong there.” He reached upwards, fingers curling around your own on the knife hilt. His fingers were as scarred as yours, dotted with new cuts from his earlier rampage. “They abandoned me. They left me to the wolves and then ran from their mistakes- _all_ of you did.”

“I ran then, you’re right. But I was coming back-“

“I don’t trust that.” He scoffed. “I am trying to fix the mistakes of those who came before me, why can’t you comprehend that?“

“Mistakes? Vadar made no mistake in choosing to save his son. The only mistake he made was turning to the dark side, killing everyone he loved by doing so. You know this- are you so far gone you can’t see how you’re being led down the same path by the same man?”

“I am not-!”  
“You are!”

“You’re just saying these things to hurt me.”

You laughed. “Hurt you?”

He dig into his skin tighter, pulling your hand forward and deepening the cut. “Hurt me. You could kill me right now if you so wished- and I don’t trust you anymore. I believe you would.”

You paused for a moment- then pulled the knife out and threw it to the side, hands gripping his shirt and forcing him to look at you. It clanged against the wooden shelf to your right, the sound ringing across the room.

 _“Hurt you?”_ You repeated, incredulous. “I wish I could sit here and tell you I tried to run because I hate you. I wish I couldn’t feel that light inside of you and could walk away, just like Rey could- but I can’t. I can’t hate you, I can’t walk away.”

He said nothing, just breathing slowly as you spoke.

“I had a chance to join the rebels, off on a ship before you could find me. Given a true weapon, sided with the girl I reckon you’d be done- but I couldn’t do it. You say I want to hurt you and yet I couldn’t leave you. You say I abandoned you but I’m still here now- does it mean nothing? Am I nothing but something you wish you could control and once you do, you’ll be done with me?”

The two of you were frozen in position as you said the most terrifying thing of all, the fear that lurked deep in your heart- that Ren simply wished to have control over you, like he wished to have with all things, and the moment he has it, he’ll toss you to the side.

As Luke did, when he forced you to run. As Ben did, when he chose not to share his secrets with you.

He reached his hand up, hesitant for a moment before wiping the tear sliding down your cheek away.

“I don’t think I could ever control you.” He muttered. If you weren’t so upset, it may have made you laugh. “It’s..partly why I feel so drawn to you. The connection of course but- you’ll never submit.”

“So, what? It’s the chase of knowing I’ll never submit?”

“Oh but you _do_ -“ He smirked at you, your cheeks burning bright. “But even when you do, it isn’t submission like the others it’s.. you’re my equal. In all ways.”

The breath was snatched straight out of your chest.

“And it means..everything you didn’t run. _Everything_.”

His hands grasped your shirt and pulled you downwards, your lips meeting his. He kissed you slightly tenderly, as if waiting for you to pull back. But you didn’t- and you weren’t going to.

You shuffled into a more comfortable position on top of him, hands cradling his face as you kissed him back. Those strong arms wound around you, pulling you onto the bed and beneath him, hands exploring every inch of you.

A fire erupted from deep inside of you, igniting you into action, your hands tearing off his uniform, his own hands making quick work of your clothes.

There was none of the usual teasing and play- all you wanted was to feel his skin on yours, to feel him inside of you, connected as one.

That was until he ripped his pants off, cock springing free of his boxers- your mouth watered at the sight, stomach twisting in anticipation. He watched you edge closer to him, hands wrapping in your hair and pulling it out of the way.

“Why don’t we make this your apology for running away?” He moved his pelvis forward and you felt the force wrap itself around you, pinning your arms to your side.

Wordlessly, you took him in your mouth and began to move, tongue twisting around the head of his cock. He groaned, moving your head in time with his strokes, shoving himself right to the back of your throat.

He certainly wasn’t playing fair, one of his hands leaving your head to pinch your nose, stopping you from breathing as he slammed his cock deep into your throat, slick, wet noises erupting from your mouth as he did so.

You gasped for breath as he pulled out, taking it in in his hand and pumping it a few times before slapping your mouth with it. And again. Then quickly slipping it back in, your name a breath on his lips as he came close to his edge.

You wanted him to finish, coating your mouth with his seed- you wanted him to know you were sorry for scaring him, for making him think he had been abandoned.

But he had other plans in mind, pulling out again and pushing you back down onto the bed beneath you both.

“Open your legs.” He commanded, his hand running up and down the length of him as he watched you spread yourself for him. He pushed his cock against the outside of you, rubbing it up and down as you whined, desperate for him.

He bent his head slightly and spit, right into your cunt, before slipping inside of you with a push, his groan echoing off the walls. Your own moan rattled across your body, your hands grasping the skin on his back as he began to move inside of you.

“Every time.” He moaned. “Every time you feel so fucking _good_.”

He slammed against your entrance, unrelenting. If this was to be your punishment for running away, you’d take it. You clenched against him, cunt throbbing with delight as his lips caressed your neck, teeth biting into the skin hard enough to make you bleed.

Back arching, your breasts pressed against his chest, his fingers gripping the skin around your hips as he railed into you. Sharp, slicing pain echoed through your body as his tongue followed where his mouth had been and when he leaned up to kiss you, you noticed the faint trace of your blood on his mouth.

His mouth devoured yours, the taste of your blood sweet on his lips, your own teeth clenching his lip as Ren himself let out a breathless moan.

How could you leave this, leave him? Even without all the other factors, nobody was ever going to make you feel this way again. Anyone to come after Ren was always going to feel second best.

They had when you’d dated a few years in the club- nothing stopped you from thinking about Ben. About his smile, his touch, the way his body moved with a lightsaber in his hand.

He had ingrained himself so deeply in your mind, both as Ben and Kylo, you were never going to get him out. He’d be there forever, no matter what the future held for the two of you.

It’s why you were so relieved to know Leia truly believed could still turn- because despite it being a fools hope, you believed it too.

You had to- because to lose him now would be to lose a piece of yourself that you had already let go of once. You wouldn’t be able to do it again.

Ren settled deep inside you and paused for a moment, your eyes meeting. He shifted, twisting his hips and eliciting a moan out of you. It seemed as if he was drinking you in, as if he was never going to see you again and wanted to memorise every inch of your face.

You reached upwards, pulling him back down to kiss you, unable to look at that beautiful face any longer- so full of pain, of desperation. You imagined you looked much the same at times. 

He moaned into your mouth as your hands moved downwards, fingers gripping his ass and pushing him further into you.

He’d kissed you plenty- but something about this felt so starved, so scared. Touching you as if you were going to disappear like sand through his fingers again and he had to savour it whilst he could.

“I-I’m-“ You struggled to speak from the pleasure rippling through your body, your bodies connecting with a loud slap. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Again.” He muttered against your mouth, teeth biting into them, tugging your face upwards, closer to him.

“I’m not- leaving.” You huffed, arms wound around his neck as you clung to your sanity.

“Again.”

“I don’t want to- _fuck_.” You shuddered as the force slipped down between your connecting bodies, rubbing against your clit, your breasts. “I _want_ to stay. With y-you.”

You tried to focus, bringing your hands down and forcing his face down, his eyes locking onto you. His energy wobbled- uncertainty lingered there as he watched you. Pain. Longing for you, fear you were lying.

“I want you to stay.” He groaned, hands gripping the sheets, the ecstasy of your cunt clenching around him forcing him to spill the truth. “I want you to _want_ to stay.”

“I do.” You gasped as the force grew stronger, your control over that edge beginning to come loose. “I’m going to- _ah, fuck_ Kylo _._ ”

“You’re mine.” He growled. “Jedi- or not. You belong to me. Say it.”

“I’m yours- I-“ You leaned upwards and kissed him, unable to speak for it was only coming in gibberish as you teetered on the edge of orgasm. Your body shuddered underneath his touch, sparks igniting all over.

He kissed you back his teeth gripping your lip as he came first, his seed spilling inside of you, body shuddering. The force continued to work on your clit, even as he moved slowly and you came soon after, crying out his name as you clenched, his tongue caressing yours.

“Fuck-“ He hissed, feeling you twitch around him, more seed spilling out of him, his hands gripping the sheets as his knuckles turned pale.

He slipped out of you, both of you spilling out onto the sheets below and lay on the bed next to you, chest inhaling as much air as he could. You did the same, feeling lightheaded.

A settling feeling sparked in your chest, his energy winding around yours, as if it had finally returned to where it belonged.

You sighed and turned onto your side, head tucked under your head as you glanced up at the man beside you. He gave you a quick look before tucking his arm around your back, nudging you closer.

“I felt you slip away.” He said after a few moments.

You reached up, wiping a bit of sweat from his brow. “When?”

“Yesterday- I felt you suppressing the bond. I saw.. everything you used to do it.”

Well, that was unexpected. You hadn’t wanted him to see all of that- though, none of it was exaggerated. He had put you through a great amount of pain.

But he’d been through so much pain himself- the dark side of the force took no survivors and anybody it inhabited struggled greatly.

“It’s in the past.”

“Not for me.” He met your stare. “I’m sorry. For the things I did to you. For allowing the knights to do it too, I’m..”

An image flashed down the bond, your body curled into the floor, sweat dripping off your face as you struggled to look up at him.

_I think about it often. Don’t think I forget what I’ve done._

You reached upwards, hand tucked behind his ear as you stroked a thumb over his cheek.

_Thank you._

You weren’t sorry about Rey and Chewie escaping nor getting information that was desperately needed and you wouldn’t lie about that to him. He knew that- but you _were_ sorry for causing him to feel how he’d felt his entire life about his family again with you.

He turned onto his side too, wrapping his arms around you and closed his eyes. Within a few minutes, he’d drifted off into a light sleep, his snores buzzing against your head. You tucked your head into his shoulder, sighing.

Luke had told you once that you could never be enough alone to save him. You knew he was probably still right.

What to do next.. you had no idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triple release!!! I hope you guys enjoyed this chap, it's my fav apart from like maybe two others lol 
> 
> Thanks as always for tuning on. We're nearly into the final 10 chapters!! Much love, as always. X


	34. SUPPOSED TO BE

Leaning against the door to the command shuttle, mask quietly filtering his breathing as he surveyed the landing dock in front of them, Kylo Ren was waiting.

For Ace- as usual. She was supposed to arrive in ten minutes, to accompany him to Batuu as his knights had finally dug up some information to help them understand their bond- and there was something else he needed to pick up for her there.

A gift that he may regret giving her but..it was time. Her constant snipes about being unarmed weren’t going amiss and he felt that maybe, he could trust her.

Emphasis on the _maybe_ \- he was no fool. He certainly wouldn’t be handing her the keys to the Steadfast anytime soon.

He’d probed her shields the other night whilst she slept, desperate for any sign she’d meant what she said about wanting to stay- unfortunately due to his own training, they were well intact. But it had felt like she meant it.

There were still a few things he didn’t know the answers to- why she was still here, but still so desperate not to fall to the dark side. Why she didn’t run in Tatooine. Conversations with Cardo the two were clearly hiding from them.

In time, he would get them.

Speaking of, his first appointment arrived into the loading bay, taking long strides towards him. Kylo straightened, arms behind his back.

“Sir.” Cardo inclined his head.

“Ace is arriving soon, so I’ll make this quick.” Kylo outstretched his palm- and there was the knife he’d taken off her floor the next morning, recognising it immediately as one of his knights. Given she’d only spoken to one on the ship that day, it hadn’t taken much to work it out.

“I-“ Cardo’s hand lingered, uncertain. His energy fluctuated quickly- panic, worry.

“There isn’t time for you to spout some excuse. Just take it.” He did so, hesitantly. “If you’re trying to turn her against me, it isn’t working very well.”

“That wasn’t my intention.” He sighed, glancing down. Even with the mask on, Kylo knew he couldn’t meet his eyes. “She doesn’t belong here, with us- and we both know what you’re capable of doing to her when she realises the same thing and tries to leave.”

“I have faith she won’t leave.”

“But if she wishes to, one day. Or if she won’t fall to the dark side-“

“What is it you expect me to do, Cardo?” Ren hissed, his temper beginning to flare. “Kill her for walking away?”

“Wouldn’t you?” He challenged.

 _No_ , was the first resounding thought ringing around his mind. But he couldn’t say that- couldn’t appear so weak over her.

“Even if she doesn’t wish to turn, I’ll destroy the jedi and the resistance. There will be nowhere left except here for her to turn to.”

“Don’t you think that’s wrong? To trap her like so?”

“You know, every day you sound less and less like a knight of ren and more like the child of the rebels who abandoned you.” Kylo’s fingers curled around his uniform, yanking him forward. “Do not forget your place on this ship, in this squad.”

He let go of him, huffing as he did so. Another glance at the clock revealed Ace would be here in just a moment- and he didn’t feel like answering a hundred questions about why Cardo was here if she arrived before he left.

“I’m aware she doesn’t belong here. I think about it everyday.” He met his stare, mask staring into mask. “I’m not going to hurt her- but assist her in trying to escape again and I’ll make sure that dagger goes through your heart. Now leave.”

Cardo paused, as if to say something- but chose wisely instead to incline his head and scatter off towards the left exit, hand clenching the weapon at his side.

Kylo’s own hand itched to pull out the lightsaber at his side and slash it across something, break it apart until it was nothing but dust and ash, until the anger inside him subsided.

It was all he felt, all the time- constant, gut tearing rage that nothing ever seemed to get rid of, no matter how hard he tried. Nothing except-

A hand landed on his shoulder, squeezing the fabric and he glanced down. Ace smiled, leaning onto the balls of her feet, hair tied back from her face.

It was like a cooling blanket being thrown over a hot pit of lava- it wasn’t going to do much good long term but just for a brief moment, he felt like he could breath again. Her own energy rushed over his, soothing it.

“Afternoon.” He greeted and turned, leading her towards the ship.

“Are we training, or something else?” She asked, following him, her hands gripping the handles as she climbed into the ship.

“Something else.” He confirmed, taking a seat in the pilots seat, turning the ship on. Ace watched him do so, clipping herself into the seat beside him. “We’re going to Batuu. There’s someone there who may be able to tell us more about our bond.”

“I’m surprised you’re letting me out so soon.”

“You really think you’d be able to take me like you took Kuruk?” He shot her a look and watched as she fought the smile off her face. “He’s just beginning to move his shoulder like normal today..”

“What a shame.” She muttered, but there was nothing apologetic in her tone at all.

Maybe it was a little stupid to let her go out with him just days after she tried to run. Learning to trust her was difficult, given he’d never been able to trust anyone. His family, his friends.. they’d all turned the moment he’d shown weakness.

But he had to try- or Kylo would have nobody left when the time came to face the Jedi and whoever else who would go against him.

From the outside, the building wasn’t anything particularly special, or eye-catching.

But on the inside of Dok-Ondar’s Den of Antiquities was a haven for all things beautiful and special, able to become yours for just the right price. Don-Ondar was widely known across the galaxy, a very mysterious Ithorian who somehow managed to get his hands on just about anything you needed.

“Wow.” Ace’s hands brushed against the oak doors, fingers landing on the golden handle there, but not opening it. “Don-Ondar is a legend.”

Kylo tilted his head down in agreement, watching as she glanced over the intricate carvings on the stones beside them before turning back.

Her eyes narrowed at him, suspicious. “What the hell are you looking for?”

“Nothing for you to worry about.”

With a huff, she tugged on the handle, the doors swinging open to the shop. Nobody else was browsing inside thankfully and Don was seated, as usual, behind his desk, looking at something in one of the dusty old books he constantly kept around him.

“Supreme leader.” He greeted as they strode in.

Inside, the place was hardly too fancy either. Trinkets lined the walls, covered with protective seals to keep them safe from criminals, Don himself surrounded by a cage to keep him safe. A lit up table in the middle of the room showed off an impressive collection of weapons and beside that, a jar with some kind of lifeform growing inside.

“Don-Ondar.” Kylo walked over, stopping just before the desk, glancing over the wall behind him. The stairs there led to even more antiques, another room at the top probably filled with them.

“What can I assist you with today?”

Kylo glanced over his shoulder- but Ace was already distracted by the daggers there, her eyes wide as she looked at them all through the glass.

“I’m looking for a kyber crystal.”

“Interesting. For yourself?”

“No.”

“The girl?”

“Perhaps.”

“Hm.” He gave what could’ve been a smile- Kylo wasn’t entirely sure- and leaned back into his chair. “I want something of hers.”

“That’s all?”

“You think if you’re giving her a kyber crystal, I don’t know what it is for? I have long wanted to own something that belonged to a Jedi.”

“How do you know she isn’t a Sith?”

Don snorted. “You are barely a Sith. She is certainly not.”

Kylo’s temper flared, but he shut a lid down on it. Don was not someone who bargained, and he was the only one with a good supply of kyber crystals. Especially the kind he wanted.

“She has nothing of importance on her.” In fact, everything she was wearing, right down to the holsters on her legs, had been bought and given to her by him.

“How about the bracelet?”

Something in his dead heart froze at that.

“The..bracelet?” He had kept it on him a lot recently but it was hidden in the depths of his underclothes, in a pocket that wasn’t visible to anyone so how the hell-

“The one wrapped around her wrist.”

He glanced over, realising she was wearing one of the golden chained bracelets she’d been given in Naboo. A sigh of relief escaped his lungs and immediately he wanted to smack himself for being so concerned over a bracelet from their younger years.

But that thing was useless, as far as he was concerned. He strode over, glove wrapping around her wrist and pulling it up to him.

“Hey-“ She jerked, trying to wriggle out his hold. “I was given that in Naboo.”

“You have another one- and he won’t accept any other payment.” Kylo wasn’t in the mood for her to get sentimental over it. He’d had enough sentiment just pouring out of himself seconds ago, his stomach turning sour at the thought.

Ace sighed and allowed him to unclip it from her wrist, hand falling limply to the side after he did so and followed him back to the desk, offering a polite nod to Don-Ondar.

Kylo rolled his eyes, placing it back on the desk and sliding it into the tray. “Given this was a gift from the royal family of Naboo, you can throw in one of those daggers as a fair trade.”

Ace perked up slightly as Don nodded, holding it up in his long fingers, the gold glinting under the poor lighting of the shop.

“You have a deal.”

The crowds of Batuu didn’t seem to care much for the supreme leader, nor the fact he was in their presence as he walked through the market with Ace that afternoon.

They were making their way to meet the trader, to listen to what he had to say about their bond. Ace was distracted, fingers grasping her new dagger attached to her holster as she glanced over each of the stalls. Spices, shoes, salmonberries- anything you could want.

“Can I ask you something, without you going into a rant about balance?” She asked, glancing up at him. Kylo nodded. “Is this really something that you want? To crush life into submission? All of this to be.. gone?”

“It wouldn’t be gone.”

“Don’t be clever. It wouldn’t be the same and you know that- people would live in terror. Those who exploit that terror would be out in full force.” She kept pace with him, her legs struggling to keep up. “Is it _really_ something you want?”

She made it sound as if he wasn’t one with the First Order, as if he was simply leading something he didn’t believe in.

_But was he?_

“It was..something Snoke had imprinted in my brain from a very young age. Something I was taught was right.” He managed, his heart beating erratically. “Sometimes I do question it.”

Her eyes lit up slightly, though she just nodded and looked away. As if too afraid to get her hopes up, too afraid to be let down by him.

He hated her for expecting him to be different, to be like Ben. Hated that she, like his mother, had so much faith in him becoming something they could bare to stomach again.

So he brushed it off, crumpling her hope with a swift kick. “I want to bring balance. The Jedi must go.”

She sighed, disappointed. Just like everybody else.

Marco O’Halloran was sat in the very corner of the speakeasy, hunched over a table as his fingers drew circles into the wood. Kylo spotted him immediately, Ace on his heels as they arrived in front of the table.

“Supreme leader. Please, sit down.” He gestured, his hood still blocking his face from their view. Old, given his wrinkled hands.

“O’Halloran.” Kylo took a seat in front of him, Ace swallowing nervously as she took the seat beside him.

“One of your knights contacted me asking me to help read your bond.” He glanced up “Apparently it’s quite..unusual.”

As was he, it seemed. Glowing white eyes that seemed to swirl under the light, as monotone as the city walls outside. Devoid of anything that felt remotely human. His hair and stubble were a similar colour.

“So you’re force sensitive?”

“Only slightly. I’ve never had enough power, nor will I ever, to become something like a Jedi or a Sith.” He eyed the saber attached to Kylo’s side, as if worried it was about to spark up for admitting so.

But he had no interest in killing him. From Ushar’s report, it seemed he was just a salesperson with a good knowledge on the force- nothing too unusual or strange about him.

He took a deep breath and tilted his head back slightly. A moment later, Kylo could feel a slight probing inside of him, searching for something. Ace shuffled in her seat, uncomfortable, as she felt it too.

 _Are you sure he’s legitimate?_ Her voice echoed into his mind.

_Ushar had him checked out. It’s our best bet given nobody else knows very much about this._

She raised her eyebrows at him. _Bet you’re wishing you hadn’t possibly burnt all the books to a crisp now. Hey, ow-!_

He pinched her side as the probing stopped, Marco returning his lifeless stare back towards them.

“You’re talking.”

“What?”

“In your minds, you’re talking, correct?” He asked and they nodded. “Most interesting. This is a very ancient bond and given I’ve never personally met two people with one, I’m going to take the guess its extremely rare. Likely a once in a millennia event. What it is _exactly_ , I’m unsure- but it’s has linked the two of you from birth.” Marco paused, smiling crookedly. “Destiny linked you. It was always supposed to be.”

Kylo’s mind went blank.

“Birth?” Ace frowned. “But we knew each other..a while ago. We couldn’t feel it then- not to this extent.”

“When you met each other in your true forms, the bond was snapped into place. There’s still a link, a crack within it- as if.. one of you yet has another change to go through before the bond is permanent. It can still be broken, in a sense.”

“Change?”

“With Jedi it typically means the light side..or the dark.” Marco kept his voice light, even as Ace paled slightly. “The bond has been strengthened as this is very close to..perfection, let’s say. Close to ideal conditions for the bond to flourish- but there is something missing.”

His heart felt like it was about to stumble out of his chest and onto the table in front of them all. He knew exactly what the bond was, had read about it in one of Luke’s lore books. But the fact it could still be broken..

Ace glanced up at him and back down, her hands grasping the table beneath her. “How is it broken?”

Kylo swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I just mean, is it physical or-“ She clarified.

“In most cases, death is the only answer to breaking it. However, if there has been a betrayal amongst the two users, so deep it cannot be repaired, it will also break sometimes.” Marco leaned back into his seat. “That is all I know.”

“It’s enough.”

Ace frowned. “But, we-“

“Thank you.” Kylo handed him the payment that was required and curbed his hand around Ace’s back, gesturing for her to move.

She glanced between the two, unsure. “Well, thank you..I guess.”

He was practically throwing her out the building and back towards the ship but he couldn’t listen to anymore, or let her fall any further down the rabbit hole. He’d expected someone to have linked them, or even something to do with their powers but not..not this. As soon as he’d mentioned it had been present from birth Kylo knew exactly what it meant.

Ace would leave him if she knew the truth. She’d be terrified and run- and she wasn’t something he was willing to give up.

Not now. Not ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ello friends,
> 
> Any guesses on the bond? i think it's going to be a rather boring reveal, but i'm a sucker for tropes LMAO. Take from that what you will...
> 
> I'm so excited for my cardo chapter which is coming up pretty soon. The next two chapters up this sunday! i'm just editing them down and i've actually been so nose deep into all my books recently i've barely been able to write my own- ACOSF anyone???
> 
> Much love as always, have a lovely weekend!!


	35. NIGHTMARES

_They want me to change-_

_She wants him-_

_Why would she want you, why would she even care for you-_

_Weak. Weak._

_Ben!_

_I know what I have to do._

You gasped, eyes opening into the darkness of your room as you glanced around. There was nobody here except you- but that hadn’t been your dream, your thoughts.

They were Kylo’s.

Han Solo’s voice was still ringing around your mind as you threw on the robe hanging on the drawer and threw it on, practically running out the door and down the corridors of the steadfast.

Kylo rarely, so rarely, broke into your dreams that when he did they either scared the shit out of you or made you unbearably sad.

This one.. you hadn’t felt him in such pain for so long and you couldn’t bare waiting until the dream had stopped to fall back asleep and pretend it hadn’t happened.

He’d been strange since getting back from Batuu a day ago, as if whatever Marco had told him had _frightened_ him- and given you had come to feel that maybe nothing could frighten him, it scared you. He had always been this impenetrable wall of arrogance, of blazing bravery and you often wondered if part of the reason you felt so attached to him was that he could look at you cowardliness, your fear with both eyes wide open and still look at you. Touch you. As if it meant nothing to him.

As if he except you for exactly what you were.

Jogging down another set of steps, you weren’t entirely sure what it all meant. Ren had forced you out of the booth before you could ask more questions on the bond- but you were relieved to know it had always been there between you, even if it was stronger now. You hadn’t been so crazy in the camp when you swore you could feel him, differently to how the others could. There was a reason, at last.

Nobody was around as you approached his quarters, not even a single stormtrooper. Given your outfit, you were thankful- your bare legs were covered in goosebumps, the cold silk of the robe brushing against your thighs as you pushed open the silver handled door and walked inside.

There wasn’t exactly time to knock, or be formal. Whatever dream he was having was loud and too awful for you to ignore.

You were past that point with him. Maybe you had been for a long time.

Kylo was wriggling slightly in his bed as you entered, footsteps padding softly against the floor. It was warmer in here than usual, probably heated up for you. The thought sent another wave of shivers across your legs.

“No!” He cried out, knuckles turning white as they grasped the sheets beneath him, sweat trailing down his forehead. The energy surrounding him was intense- you could practically feel it as you moved for him.

You clambered into the bed, fingers grasping his shoulders. “Kylo.”

“No-“ He fought against your touch, body shivering. “I’m _sorry_ -“

“Kylo.”

The force around you twisted into something more violent, more terrifying than before and you swore you could almost see it in the darkness surrounding you, plaguing the man beneath your hands. It began to infect you too, clouding your mind with visions-

Han Solo free falling into a dark abyss, his stomach clouded with blood. Your face at the market, so disappointed, so distrustful. Luke, lightsaber raised towards him.

You groaned, one of your hands letting go of him to press against your forehead. Your mind was aching with his visions, fleeting beneath your eyes. So much pain-

Taking a deep breath and another, you dug your fingers into his shoulders and shook him again. You could slap him, but truthfully you didn’t want to hurt him- so you concentrated on shoving yourself into him, as if you were a living force against his pain, his force. That light struck him, hard and fast-

And there you were again, flashing in your own mind. Your smile as he handed you the dagger inside Don’s shop, your body pressed underneath him in the caves, the raging jealously watching you laugh with the knights-

You pushed on further, trying to ignore the thoughts sniping your mind, trying to ignore its pleas for you to stop. A crack appeared- and your light dove in, expelling the darkness.

He shot upwards, hands already moving and gripping your own shoulders, shoving you into the bed beneath him. All of that pain shot into you through his hands and you shouted, arching in agony. Is this what he felt all the time? Is this what roamed through his body day and night? It was _unbearable_.

“It’s me-“ You fought against his hold, staring desperately into those glazed eyes. Desperate to find the man you knew was somewhere underneath that cloud of hatred. “It’s just me, it’s okay-“

He took a deep breath. Then another. His eyes began to clear slightly, looking up and down as if realising he was here. Here and not wherever the hell he’d been dreaming of.

Your hand snaked up, curving around his face, fingers grasping his chin. “Look at me. We’re on the steadfast. We’re here- not there.”

His grip on you loosened, just so slightly, as if it was his only tie to this reality. He glanced around, eyes darting around the room as if to check this wasn’t another cruel dream.

Kylo let out a shuddering breath, lip dipping down so your thumb dragged along it, into his mouth, and pulled back up. He said your name.

Your real name.

You froze, nodding in confirmation and watched as he sat up slightly and once sure that he wasn’t still sleeping, climbed back onto the mattress beside you and sat there, head pressing into his hands. After giving him a moment to breath, you climbed around, sitting beside him. But your hands still lingered by your sides.

“Just a dream.” You said quietly, hesitant to touch him, or even move too much. You couldn’t get a good reading on how he was feeling.

“You saw?”

“Parts of it.”

“I killed him. Han Solo.” His voice sounded so raw, as if he’d been screaming for hours. Maybe he had.

“I know.”

“I killed him to be less weak. To let go.” His mouth trembled, hands shaking as he spoke. “It didn’t work.”

“To be less weak?”

“The more connections I seem to have, the more attachment-“ He sat up, gesturing. “Snoke said, he said this was the way and yet-“

As if something inside of him had just broken, he let out a quiet sob and leant back down into his hands.

“I’m too weak, I’m too weak-“

All you could see was that boy, too afraid to tell anyone about the voices in his mind. Too afraid what his peers, his family may think of him if he was to tell the truth. So keen to make his absent father and ignorant mother proud that he pushed aside every feeling he had about the Jedi and Snoke, training anyway to please them.

The boy who had murdered his father, not because he hated him but because the one person who had tricked him his entire life had told him it was the only way for him to move forward. Had told him he would never be respected, or enough if he didn’t do so- and yet here he was, months later, haunted by the act.

Someone heartless, someone like Snoke, wouldn’t feel this kind of agony or guilt over such a thing. But he did- and in doing so, it proved to you only further he was still in there. The real him.

You turned to face in him, reaching upwards and pushing his hands out of the way as you pulled his face round to look at you.

Your fingers brushed against his cheeks, wiping away the tears there, the shame in his eyes as he beheld you.

“You are not weak.”

He had been tortured so much, for so long.

“I can’t go home- you see why, you see what I’ve done-“

“You are not weak- and you can go home. Don’t you understand? Your mother will love you no matter what-“

“You’re lying.” He shook his head. “You saw some of those memories- your face, when I disappoint you over and over when I can’t be _him_ -“

“I’m not lying. You think I want you to change, to be Ben but I don’t. I want _you_.” You emphasised, eyes focused on his. “Your mother only wants you, she only wants her son. No matter what he has done.”

“No.” He shook his head- but the words of out his voice were no longer violent, or angry. The venom and fight that usually resided within them had disappeared entirely. “I am a monster Ace, I-”

“You are many things. But you are not a monster- not to me.”

You leant forward, hands still gripping his face and kissed his forehead very gently. His own hands were now clasping your wrists, as he let out another shuddering breath. You waited, counting each of the heartbeats thrumming through your ears and waited until his own hands curved around your face and pulled you forward.

He kissed you, painfully gently, exhaling as he did so. As if he was finally relaxing out of his dream. Your blood heated, core aching as he did so, ready for him-

But it wasn’t the time. It was late and he was vulnerable and despite what you felt, what he needed right now was to rest.

“You need to get some sleep.” You breathed, breaking the kiss first.

He sighed, but nodded, only brushing another kiss against your lips before he let you go. You shifted around him, sliding off the sheets. A hand wrapped around your arm, and you turned, Kylo's looking more desperate than he had before. “Don’t go.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” You were just moving to slip under the sheets beside him. Throwing the robe off to the side, you watched as he carefully got back into bed beside you, eyes trained on you the entire time as if you may disappear into thin air.

Once he’d settled, his arms wrapped themselves around you before you even had the chance to move, pulling you against him. His head settled right above yours, legs intertwined. He let out another soft sigh.

_Destiny linked you._

“Don’t go.” He muttered again into your hair and a moment later, his chest let out a long exhale as he tumbled back into sleep, exhausted.

You moved your thumb gently against his arm, staring into the darkness of the room. Marco’s voice echoed in your mind, keeping you from sleep.

_It was always supposed to be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double :)


	36. THE GIFT

Sheets tangling around your chest, you rolled onto your side the next morning and blinked into the low light of the supreme leaders bedroom. He was gone, as per usual- his side of the bed neatly tucked underneath the pillow, already cold.

Your datapad pinged twice, alerting you of an old message. You groaned, pulling the sheets up as you sat up.

It had been a heavy night for both of you. Kylo had eventually managed to drift back off into sleep, his arms wrapped around you but you hardly got a wink and instead watched his chest rise and fall steadily, listening to the thrumming of his heart. The rhythm of it had eventually rocked you into a sleep.

You reached for the pad and squinted at it. Kylo had sent something an hour ago, telling you to get ready for training and wait in his room. He’d apparently be back soon.

He was nothing if not punctual and given he’d already been out for an hour you figured you better haul ass to the bathroom before he got back here and forced you to train in his old shirt.

You shivered at the thought and practically ran to the bathroom, grabbing some clothes you kept in his room, changing into them.

How strange to think just mere months ago you hated this man so much and now here you were, waking in his bed, comforting him over his nightmares, keeping clothes in his quarters.

Trying not to think too far into it, for fear you’d sent yourself into a flurry, you scraped your hair back from your head, glancing around the room.

Unconsciously, you found yourself wandering towards the right side, to those white steps where you had sat and watched him duel Rey. Where you’d seen their force connection the first time. He’d had it all placed back to normal since then, everything back in its rightful place- including his grandfathers helmet, melted and compressed, half the material wasted away with time.

You’d never looked at it properly until now, never grasped how powerful it was.. how he’d gotten his hands on this, you weren’t sure.

Reaching down, you brushed a hand against it and froze, inhaling sharply as you felt something shoot up your arm, an image projecting into your mind.

_“I’m not sure I understand-“_

You glanced around the chamber in which the helmet had transported you to. You didn’t know either of these men- though the older man to the left reminded you of what Palpatine was described to look like, his voice similar to the one you had heard in Ren’s dreams. Perhaps it was him which if this was a memory, made the man to his right.. Anakin Skywalker. They were sitting in a box, watching something down beneath them, their conversation quiet.

_“You must sense what I have come to suspect. The Jedi council want control of the Republic- they’re planning to betray me.”_

_“I don’t think-“ Anakin tried to defend them but the chancellor was already making a face at him, sighing._

_“Anakin.” He interrupted, shaking his head. “Search your feelings. You know, don’t you?”_

_“I know they don’t trust you.”_

_Palpatine hummed in agreement. “Or the senate. Or the Republic. Or democracy, for that matter.”_

_“I have to admit, my..trust in them has been shaken.”_

_“Why?” Palpatine glanced over at him, eyes searching for the answer. “They asked you to do something that made you feel dishonest, didn’t they?” He waited a moment before continuing. “They asked you to spy on me, didn’t they?”_

_“I don’t uh- I don’t know what to say-”_

_“Remember back to your early teachings. Those who gain power are afraid to lose it. Even the Jedi.”_

You felt yourself slipping, falling, your eyes still closed and when you opened them, you were presented with an entirely new scene.

_A room made entirely of red, with red knights lining the back walls. Ren was knelt nearby, hand braced on his knee as he watched the supreme leader approach him._

_“The mighty Kylo Ren.” Snoke hauled himself off his chair, taking slow and calculating steps to the bowed man in front of him. “When I found you, ohh, I saw what all masters live to see- raw, untamed power and beyond that, something truly special. The potential of your bloodline. A new Vadar.”_

_His words echoed around the chamber, scattering across your skin._

_“Now, I fear..I was mistaken.”_

_There was a crack in Ren’s voice as he spoke. “I’ve given everything I have to you. To the dark side.”_

_“Take that ridiculous thing off.” Snoke snarled. A crushing blow, for someone who used their mask to connect themselves to their grandfather, to the dark side. You watched as he hesitantly pulled it off, hair falling around his face._

_“Yes..there it is.” He sized up the scar, still covered in healing tape and began to turn back to his chair. “You have too much of your fathers heart in you, young Solo-“_

_“I killed Han Solo.” Ren snapped. “When the moment came I didn’t hesitate-”_

_“And look at you!” Snoke hissed, turning back to face him. “The deed split your spirit to the bone. You are unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber, you failed!_ ”

Gasping, the mask threw you out of the memory, your hand burning as if it had just singed it. You backed away from it slowly. Ren’s energy tugged on your own, alerting you he was nearby.

Two men of the same family, manipulated so cruelly by the same man, across so many years. How Kylo couldn’t see this or understand it, you weren’t sure. Was he so far gone that he couldn’t even look at logic? At common sense? You hoped not.

Clutching your wrist, you hurried up the stairs and innocently lingered near the bed as he entered the room, brows furrowed.

“What were you doing?”  
“Waiting for you.” You approached him, wide eyed. “Why?”

“I don’t know. You had a weird energy there for a minute- as if you weren’t really here.” He shook his head, as if clearing the thought away and then took his mask off, placing it on the chest. “Give me a moment.”

You watched as he quickly de-robed his official gear, changing into his training stuff, eyes lingering on the taunt lines of his back. Sometimes you were so caught up in all of the dramatics between the two of you that it didn’t really occur to you how attractive he was.

There was something so beautiful about the way his muscles rippled across his back as he moved, the way the scars on them would dance when he moved. His arms, that one vein near his forearm poking out of his skin as he grasped his lightsaber.

“Ready?” He turned, glancing over you.

You nodded and followed him out of the room. There was almost something nervous about his energy today- as if he was anticipating something.

When you arrived at the training room, no knights or anybody else in sight, you realised why upon spotting the wrapped, long box to the side of the room. Tied neatly with a black ribbon.

“You have got to stop torturing whoever it is that you make wrap these things for me.” You smiled as he lifted it, bringing it towards you.

He rolled his eyes and then, very quietly, muttered. “I wrap them.”

“Are you kidding?” Your smile grew wider. “Oh my god-“

“Enough.”

“Oh come on you have to give me a minute to take in what you just told me!” You grasped the gift, trying not to rip the paper. “It’s so _sweet_ -“ He was frowning and from the looks of it, about to snatch it right back out of your hands. “Oh all right. I’ll stop. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

Inside the paper was a long, black box. You snapped the tie on it, opening it.

Your mouth dropped.

“Is that what I think-?”

“Yes.”

“Is it for-?”

“Yes.”

Your hands shook as Ren gently took the box off you, allowing you to pull out the gift inside. There was no words to describe how you felt as your hand wrapped around the metal handle, fingers brushing against the intricate detailing on it.

This had to be an extremely rare item- there was a carving of what seemed to be ancient jedi symbols surrounding the button in the middle.

“If this is a trick I’m going to take your lightsaber and shove it though your stomach.” You met his eyes, glaring.

Your thumb brushed over the button and with a gentle push, and a healthy step back from Ren, you lit up the lightsaber he had given you, it’s humming filling the shocked silence between the two of you.

Double sabered, golden handle and of course, purple. You felt your stomach tie itself into endless knots as you held it, gently twisting it around in your hand, feeling its energy flow through you.

Then, as if you were just a teenager again, you began to move, slashing it down, twirling yourself in time with your swings, feet light as you moved.

You laughed, the sound of it echoing across the hall and swung again, stopping yourself right before you smacked the pillar beside you with it. How you’d missed the precision of a lightsaber, of how it felt in your hand.

“I don’t understand.” You looked back over at him, finally calming down a little. “Why?”

Kylo was looking at you as if he’d never seen you before- wide eyed, blinking. You wondered if you’d done something wrong, or if there was something on your face.

Glancing down, you checked you weren’t currently on fire or something- but all seemed to be well and when you looked back up, he was moving closer to you.

“It’s okay?” Was all he seemed to manage.

You nodded. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.. I just- I don’t understand.”

“Given you’d already trained as a jedi for five years, you were pretty up to scratch when it came to your retraining. You’ve mastered your combat, you’re good with a weapon.. when you actually have one.” The corner of his mouth raised slightly. “And I figured..it was time.”

A jedi with a lightsaber was for the most part, unstoppable. He knew that. A jedi with the training of the knights of ren, influenced by the dark side..if you wanted to leave, now you could. Nobody would be able to stop you.

For him to trust you with this despite all of that, despite knowing you could kill him if you wished it so..

There was a moment of panic in your heart- did he think you so weak, that you couldn’t kill him? Was this a test, to prove your loyalty?

But then he reached down, his hand resting against your neck, thumb stroking your jaw- and you could see it there. See all of that goodness that you treasured so much when he offered it in the small bouts that he did, all of the shame and fear that kept him locked in this prison.

There was no test- and maybe he did know you couldn’t kill him but not because you were weak, but rather because above all else, no matter how he felt about you or you him, he had become your friend again.

Your friend who was desperately trying to show you he trusted you.

There was still things you needed from him, things that if he couldn’t give you.. maybe the time would come that you had to walk away.

But right now, all that mattered was he was trying.

You leaned in, arms around his waist. He let out a surprised grunt and then, a moment later, his hand wrapped around you, the other one resting on your hair. He smelled like a warm winters night, pine, lemon..

He smelled like home, you realised.

“Come on. You need to try it out.” He let you go and walked to the side, where his own lightsaber was resting, awaiting him.

You twisted it around in your hand, trying to loosen your wrists. Ren was already sizing you up, footsteps light as he circled around on the mat. You watched him prowl, waiting for him to strike and lit up your saber.

“Can I ask you something?” His own saber lit up its glorious colour.

“Sure.”

He moved for you, that blinding red coming down at you quicker than a blink- but you raised your own weapon, defending the blow, taking a bracing step back. He’d trained with you for a few months now, as had his knights- you knew their moves, the way they stepped with their lightsabers.

“Lower your centre.” He reminded you and then aimed for you again, turning with a graceful blow to your shoulder. You blocked it with one end, throwing him off and brought up the other end of the saber, bringing it down hard on him, his wrist flinching slightly as you did so.

“What will you do-“ He began to continue his question, throwing you off him. “With this saber when I eventually finish the jedi?”

You froze slightly in place, but kept your eyes on him, on his movements. Was he trying to throw you off, or was this genuine? There didn’t seem to be any teasing in his eyes.

“What do you mean?”

Luckily, you were quick enough to avoid his next few blows- but when his leg came out and smacked you in the stomach, you hit the ground with a hard, resounding crack. Your legs quivered slightly as you raised yourself off the floor, glaring at him.

“When I win.” He said it so naturally, as if it wasn’t some absurd plan concocted in his head, but the truth. The future. “When the jedi, and the rebels are gone- are you going to use that thing to kill me, or stand by my side?”

He swung low for your feet which you narrowly avoided by shifting, lifting your leg up and with a grunt of effort, you pushed your saber right into his face.

“You won’t want to know.”

It was the only answer you could give- because truthfully, you knew what would have to happen but.. making that decision was going to be the hardest of your life. And whilst making it sooner rather than later would be easier, you weren’t ready to face that pain yet. To lose your friend for a second time.

“Why? Because you’ll kill me?”

His next few blows became harder, faster and by the forth you stumbled, your feet catching on the floor wrong, lightsaber forward in defence as you fell to the ground again.

“I don’t think you will.” He knelt in front of you, smirking. “And you would’ve died there, had this been a battle you know.”

“Why? Because you think I’m weak?” You snapped.

“No. You are anything but.” With that, he turned his saber off. You did the same, eyes narrowed as he leant closer. His hand outstretched, offering you a lift up. “I think you do what you’ve always done. You underestimate your greatest weakness.”

“What’s that?”

“Me.”

You clasped his hand, and with a slight smile, yanked him downwards, twisting your legs around him so you were on top, as you’d once done to Cardo. Completely impractical in a battle, something you’d never do- but fun to watch his smile fall as he realised you had his arms in a hold, your body weight on his lap.

Of course, unlike Cardo, he could throw you off him in a second if he wished to. But he stilled, watching you.

“Then I think you underestimate yours.” You leant closer to him, nails digging into the skin around his wrists as you held him there. “Me.”

He didn’t seem inclined to argue, nor did you. It was hardly a secret between you that there were feelings there, far more than lust, growing between you. Whatever this connection was only highlighted them, brought them to the surface more.

But that wasn’t a discussion for now- not when the galaxy was in such turmoil, when you still didn’t know if he would turn to the light side again. Admitting how you felt would only bring more heartache should things not go how you desperately hoped they would. Better to stay silent, for now.

The two of you were huffing, still slightly out of breath and you let go of his hands- which he immediately used to throw you onto the mat beside him.

You half expected him to get up and walk out- but a second later, he followed you, his body lingering above yours as he looked down at you, eyes softening. His thighs were digging into your ribs, holding you still, hands clasping your wrists. You were outweighed and outmatched, for the first time in a while.

Kylo didn’t bother to say anything else- no more taunting, or teasing. For the first time today he looked entirely serious.

“How do you do it?”

You frowned. “Do what?”

“Live with the weakness, live with..” He took a shuddering breath. “I see it within you- that you don’t believe what I’m saying, not truly. Don’t see it as a real weakness. How do you.. not see it that way? Not see people that way?”

“Sometimes I do.” You confessed. “But people aren’t weakness. People you care about don’t have to be weaknesses- you can find strength in those you surround yourself with.”

He let out a bitter laugh. “I’ve hardly done that.”

“I think you could find strength in those around you if you chose to. If you allowed yourself to let down that steel wall around you for a moment.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why?”

“I’ll lose everything. I.. this is all I have left, Ace. This place, this Order. I’m not like you, I’m not able to leave and go back-“ He loosened his grip on you.

“I never said you had to go back anywhere. If going back to.. your mother-” He tensed as you spoke. “Is what you fear the most then, don’t. If it is the only thing stopping you from doing what you believe in your heart is right, don’t. Find your own life- you don’t have to go back to being who you were. Nobody said you did.”

“Don’t?” He whispered it, as if it was something he’d never considered.

“You say you’ll lose everything but think of what you could gain if you chose to go, chose to leave Palpatine behind. I feel that rift inside of you, I feel what it’s doing to your heart- don’t you want to heal that? Don’t you want the chance to finish this before you do something you regret, or you’re killed?”

His voice sounded so hollow as he spoke, his eyes still zoned in on yours. “I’d have nobody.”

“But you’d be at peace.” You sighed. “And that isn’t true- you’d have me. I left once and I’m not leaving again.”

His breath hitched in his chest. For a moment, you wondered if you’d truly made a breakthrough- his eyes shone as if he was someone else entirely, as if he was.. Ben. Even the slight tremble of his body as it sat upon yours made you wonder if you’d done it.

“The only thing that will heal that rift is the end to the Jedi. If you won’t be there to do it with me.. fine.” He choked the word out, getting off you with a heavy sigh.

You watched him get up and walk away, fingers clutching the lightsaber at his side so hard you wondered if he might make an imprint on the metal.

Reality was a bitch- and she was coming with a heavy smack in the face for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy weekend! I hope everyone had a good weekend!
> 
> I've upped the chapter count by one lol but i'm so pleased to announce i am DONE writing this! It's all editing and cuts from here. I've been writing this since like November and by the time its all out, it'll be mid March and i'm just so pleased. My longest project ever I think!
> 
> Anyway, i hope you guys enjoyed. it only gets more exciting from here!!!
> 
> Much love as always. x


	37. CARDO

An array of weapons were spread out on the table in the ship in front of Cardo that afternoon as he surveyed them all, deciding which one he’d use for this mission.

It was to be his first alone with Ace. The supreme leaders decision, surprisingly, given he never really seemed to want her anywhere that wasn’t by his side never mind going into a situation like this.

His surprise didn’t last long when she entered the ship a few minutes later, hair tied back and fully dressed in mission gear. He let himself appreciate it for a moment, the black cloth sheen under the lights, tight, flexible. Around her legs, hidden pockets and holsters to store knives or whatever else she may want to carry.

A fitting outfit for someone in the First Order- and so strange to see a girl with the heart of a Jedi wearing it.

Her energy soared with a mixture of disappointment and anger he noted as she sighed. They’d had a fight then- and just like typical Ren, he’d sent her off somewhere else so as not to have to deal with her, or think about her.

Not that it would work. He had been with Ren in Tatooine and again in Naboo- he’d been angry but there’d been a sense of just _her_ around him the entire time. As if he was thinking about her constantly, unable to get her out of his mind. Then when he realised she was missing, that anger immediately dissipated and was replaced by crippling fear, so heavy it almost brought even Cardo to his knees.

He noticed it- noticed that bond grow stronger between them as Kylo found himself drawn further towards the light side. Rey had been the spark that lit the match and now Ace was a blazing fire, burning away all of the darkness inside of him.

But it was more than that. He had always been so cold, from the moment he’d infused himself with the kyber crystal, Kylo Ren had been someone incapable of something like love, or even like.

Yet, his face would just soften when she was around. There was a quirk to his mouth, as if he was endlessly bemused by whatever secret conversation the two of them were having, rather than the permanent downturn so often placed there.

This facade he had built for years, one of cruelty and brutality, crumbled under her touch. She was filling each of the lonely, plaguing gaps inside his heart and they were powerless to stop it. Powerless to stop her from turning him.

The others had begun to hate her for it and Cardo couldn’t blame them. Losing Ren to the light side would only mean in turn, having to kill him. None of them wished to do that- but they served the Sith. It was the deal.

Yet, he wasn’t sure if he was in the same position. The idea of killing Ren, of killing Ace, felt so wrong.

“Where are we heading?” She interrupted his train of thoughts as she appeared beside him, her own hands dancing over the weapons there.

She wouldn’t need of them however- it seemed the supreme leader had gifted her a hell of a present indeed. A lightsaber.

Her eyes followed his and they met as he glanced back up. “I’m not going to use it on you, relax.”

“I saw what you did to Kuruk. I’m not so sure.” Cardo muttered and she huffed a laugh, shoving his arm. “I’m surprised he gave you that.”

“As am I.” She admitted. It relieved him to hear- it meant she hadn’t made some kind of deal to swap over to his side.

To _their_ side- wasn’t Cardo here too, doing his bidding? Why the hell he was rooting for her to leave, he wasn’t sure. It was wrong but he couldn’t help himself.

As he said to the supreme leader, she didn’t belong here. She was too good. 

“We’re going to see another source about information on where Rey is. It should only be a couple of hours.” Cardo clipped the gun to his holster, slinging another over his shoulder. “Hux suggested them to us.”

“Really?” She frowned.

“I thought it was strange too. As soon as Ren mentioned he’d be sending you with me, he piped up with another source-“

“Good afternoon.”

Speaking of the devil, their conversation was interrupted by the appearance of the ginger prick himself, standing in the entrance to the ship.

His own eyes were immediately drawn to the weapon on Ace’s side, just as Cardo’s had been. He narrowed them, stiffing slightly.

“What is that.” He gritted out, a slight squeak coming from his hands as he balled them into fists, the leather rubbing against itself.

“You have eyes. Use them.” It seemed she was in no mood to entertain him.

Cardo frowned, watching him- the swagger in his step from a moment ago had gone amiss, replaced with a nervous energy that made him even more suspicious about this entire ‘source’ he had apparently found out of thin air.

“I’ll be accompanying you.” Hux glanced around, sniffing. He looked disgusted. “On your mission.”

“Why?”

“I don’t answer to you.” He hissed in her direction and as Cardo opened his mouth to repeat her question, he looked over at him. “Or you. Now let’s go.”

“Yes sir.” He muttered, Ace smirking at him slightly, and clicked his helmet on and into place as he walked into the cockpit to inform them it was time to leave.

He didn’t particularly care that Hux had seem him but.. he preferred to keep the helmet on unless in the company of the other knights. Or Ace, given she’d seen him many times without it anyway whilst training.

Leaning against the doorframe, Cardo watched as the ship lurched into motion and flew out of the loading bay, jumping into light speed.

Hux’s annoying voice was leaking into the cockpit, just loud enough to hear. “I’m surprised you’ve been given that.”

“Oh?”

“Well, we both know you aren’t his apprentice and giving you that kind of weapon only spells trouble for us all, including Ren.”

“Doesn’t this sort of prove that I am?”

“No. It proves what I thought all along- that you were powerful well before he found you in that dirty club, grinding on men to make a living.” He kept his voice low, as if doing so would mean Cardo wouldn’t be able hear him insulting her. “Nobody gains a lightsaber that quickly without previous training.”

“Didn’t the Jedi girl best Kylo with.. no training? Whatsoever?” Ace shot back.

“I know your secret. I will-“

There was a shuffling noise as she moved from wherever she’d been standing. “I think we all have secrets, general Hux. Perhaps you should be quiet, unless you wish your own to somehow leak to the other generals.”

He was silent after that, surprised at her outburst and after a huff, he stormed off to another area of the ship. Ace appeared in his eyesight, flopping onto a seat nearby and rolling her eyes as if to say _what an asshole, huh?_

The secret, he assumed, was that Hux was currently under Ren’s suspicion for being a spy. He’d mentioned it to them about a month ago and they’d kept a careful eye on him- but there had been nothing too suspicious, or strange about his behaviour. No more than usual anyway.

Cardo watched her relace her boots, her hair gleaming under the ships florescent lights. Something about this mission was making him uneasy and he just hoped that in his anger, the supreme leader hadn’t sent Ace into more danger than ever before.

“This isn’t what I expected.” Ace muttered as she came to stand beside him, the ships engines powering down behind them as the two of them surveyed the area.

A tiny, dusty village stood before them with a shining building plonked right in the middle, so foreign compared to its surroundings. How anyone of importance could be here, Cardo wasn’t sure- he knew you had to search for information in some strange places but this was just getting more troublesome by the moment.

“Hux brought no stormtroopers. Not even in a separate ship- did you notice that?” He replied, keeping his voice low as the general typed something into the data pad in his hands, standing just a few feet from them.

“He did that on Vendexa too.. as if..” She trailed off, eyes widening slightly. “He knows everything, about every planet he visits- he had to know there would’ve been those beasts. And he seemed surprised when Ren demanded I go with him.”

“What are you saying?” Cardo knew, but he wanted her to make the conclusion herself.

“I think what Kylo suspects is true. He could’ve died on Vendexa if I hadn’t gotten him back to the ship- you can’t tell me Hux wouldn’t have just left him there.” She chewed on her lip, mind racing with a million thoughts as her eyes stayed glued to his back. “This is trap, isn’t it?”

“I suspect it may be- but I want confirmation.” Cardo glanced back to the ship behind them, still hissing as it powered down. “You are welcome to wait there- and before you even say I don’t think you can handle it, I do. I’m just offering you the option as this is not going to be pleasant.”

“I’m not going to let you go in there by yourself.” She bumped her arm against his, her breath shuddering slightly. She was nervous. “We can take Hux. We’ll be fine- right?”

He had a feeling it wouldn’t be Hux trying to fight them, but he would let her figure that one out for herself. “Right.”

“This way!” Hux announced, storming off in the direction of the building, it’s gleaming glass windows winking at them as they approached it. It was probably a communications base but again, all information from communication bases could be passed directly to the Steadfast- there was no real reason to come here personally.

Cardo rolled his eyes. Hux was so damn transparent and if Ren were here, he would’ve put a bullet through his skull by now.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have the same authority to do that until he actually threatened or attacked either of them and even then, he was supposed to escape rather than kill- but if he was to lay a hand on Ace, those rules were about to go out the window.

For her safety of course, but also because Kylo would stick his lightsaber straight through his heart if he didn’t protect her to the best of his abilities.

Her hand gripped the dagger also clipped to her side as they followed him inside the hut. That had appeared after their trip to Batuu and hadn’t left her side since.

Inside was nothing particularly special either but to make it worse no crowd roaming around, no sign of anybody actually working here- the place was coated in dust, sand spread over the floors as if nobody had bothered to clean for years.

The sensible and normal thing to do was to refuse to go any further and call Hux out on this bizarre and ridiculous plan- but honestly, Cardo just wanted any chance he could to rid them of the parasite and frankly, from her expression, Ace felt the same.

The corridors grew dark and they lined up in single file, Cardo going last as he watched the two of them shimmy down the hallway and into the door at the end of it, the paint chipping.

Inside, there was just one man, sitting on an old wooden chair, checking his watch. He stumbled to his feet as they all walked in the room, a scared look plastered on his face.

“Hello-“

“We’ve come here because you have information for us, regarding the resistance and the fugitives.” Hux interrupted his greeting and Cardo watched as he took a few steps away from them, walking onto the patterned carpet in front of him.

Ace’s eyes were on the floor, her hand tight on her weapon. She was looking for something, but what exactly, he wasn’t sure.

“Yes, uh-“ He was playing with the hat in his hands. He was old- and had probably just been offered a handful of credits to stand in whilst Hux enacted his plan. “The uh- I-“

“Let me guess.” Cardo drawled. “The script wasn’t supposed to be this long and Hux improvising there just threw you off a little?”

Hux didn’t even bother to pretend to look shocked, or hide his smile as he turned to face the two of them. “Oh, you caught me. I’m disappointed.”

“This was a terrible plan.” Ace muttered, still distracted. She was looking towards the two men now, at their feet.

“You think that..” Hux strode for the two of them, Ace raising her eyebrows in surprise as he got close to her, leaning in. Cardo shuffled towards her slightly. “But I happen to think it’s a rather clever plan.”

“We knew you were planning something.”

“You force users always think you know so much, always think you’re five steps ahead. But you’re not- so tell me, was it really a terrible plan?”

His smile grew wide and before either of them could grab him, he snatched the lightsaber from her side as quick as a whippet, diving for the carpeted floor at the other side of the room.

Ace realised then, whatever it was she’d been staring at. She turned, hand grasping his arm. “Cardo-“

The floor completely disappeared beneath them, throwing them into the darkness below. Ace shouted, arms flailing as they fell and fell.

Their bodies smacked against the concrete as they hit the ground, both of them spluttering, struggling to their feet. He’d thrown them into some kind of dungeon looking room, a gate on the other side of the room.

Ace squinted upwards, to where Hux was now watching the two of them.

“I thought it felt hollow beneath us and it was weird, the exact steps he took.” She muttered, shaking her head.

It was too high to jump up, Hux had ensured that, and the walls around them contained nothing that would assist in climbing up them to escape.

“So what? You’re planning to trap us here?” Cardo rolled his eyes, the picture of arrogance. But he was still looking around, still calculating an escape route.

“No. You’d escape.” Hux rolled his eyes. “Your supreme leader wasn’t wrong. I am working for the Resistance- but I don’t care about them, or their cause. I just want Kylo Ren dead.”

The gate to the other side of the room swang open and people dressed in armour began to pile in, circling the two of them like vultures. Cardo’s eyes scanned each one of them, assessing the strength of their armour, the weapons they had.

“There’s too many of them for just two of you I figured- although that lightsaber threw me off. Without it, I suspect you may be overwhelmed.” Hux grinned. “Killing one of his knights proves to Ren how serious I am- and killing the girl he cares for most will only throw him completely off kilter, unprepared for when I lead the rebels straight to him.”

Cardo felt it then- felt that same panic that had infiltrated his senses the days Ace had gone missing. Kylo’s feral panic. Except now, it was coming from _her_ he realised as he looked over at her _._ Ace’s face was twisted in worry, energy overriding with panic for Ren as Hux described exactly how he would watch Rey kill him and then take the First Order for himself.

Cardo slipped one of the larger knives out the back of his pocket into her hands as they watched Hux smile at them, the group surrounding them only getting larger and larger. Where the hell had he found all these people? Were they the villagers, or brought here specifically to kill them? The resistance wouldn’t have sent them to do this, he was sure- if only for Ace. If only because he had no doubt Rey had told Leia about her.

“I should’ve waited at the ship.” Ace muttered, her fingers shaking slightly as she gripped the knife and took it out of his hand.

“Maybe would’ve been the smarter idea.” Cardo kept his eyes on the group, waiting for one of them to pounce. “You can do this, you know that right?”

“I know.” It didn’t sound like she fully believed herself, or him, but she was trying. She glanced back up at Hux. “Ren is going to kill you the minute you get back to the Steadfast!”

“I’m not going back- and I’ve even got a present for him to prove you’re dead.” He wiggled her lightsaber at them. “Have fun!”

At that, some of the people in front of Cardo began to move for them. Ace shouted, hand outstretched to the ceiling and Hux let out a squawk a she froze him into the place using the force.

Cardo grinned, hauling the gun over his shoulder and took aim. If she could hold him, they had a chance at getting out here alive and with Hux as prisoner- but he had to move fast.

Her training with them all had certainly paid off. The general didn’t move an inch, not even as she slid onto the dirt beneath her, avoiding swipes from two rebels, shooting backwards, a mist of blood surrounding her as she slit their throats.

Cardo fired upon the crowd, their screams echoing in the cavern as the bullets ripped their bodies in two. Blood spewed everywhere as some of the rebels had begun to run for the gate, afraid to be shot. He turned his gun in their direction, throwing a glance over to Ace.

But she was fine- a whirlwind of daggers and death, planting blows wherever she could make them. One rebel dead by a slit of the throat, another by the plunging of her knife into his spine.

“Get her! She’s trapping me!!” Hux shouted at them all, still held.

Sweat was dripping down her head as she moved, ducking underneath a punch. She must be exhausted, holding him there and trying to keep them off.

When the majority of the rebels surrounding him had either died, or fled in terror, Cardo dumped the gun, unsheathing the sword from his back.

He preferred his gun- but he risked a bullet going through Ace if he tried to shoot in her direction and she couldn’t shield herself on top of holding Hux into place. Slashing his way through more of the rebels, he grimaced as each one fell at his feet- these people were innocent, led by Hux to their deaths simply for his own personal gain. War was never fair, nor merciful and now that felt more potent than before.

Ace shouted, catching his attention as one of the men finally managed to get a hit in, slamming his elbow down right onto her head. He took the knife at his side, slashing a cut in her arm so wide Cardo could see the blood immediately rush out and spill onto both their clothes.

But it wasn’t like before, when she may have fell to her knees- she was straight back up, belting her own arm into his nose, before bringing that knife down on his skull.

Hux however, had managed to escape in the calamity, freed by her distraction. Ace swore, moving faster than before.

The two of them kept moving, kept killing, until the final bodies thumped to the ground in front of them- but they wasted no time in looking around, in marvelling the face they survived. Who knew what other surprises Hux had planted for them and if he left on that ship, they’d never catch him.

Cardo’s legs burned as they sprinted up the staircases, tearing out of the endless sets of doors and corridors, searching for the exit.

There were a few, foolish rebels waiting for them near it as they approach, weapons raised- but Cardo just raised his other gun, firing shots at them all, barely slowing his pace. They fell, crying out as they did so. Ace followed him, jumping over their bodies as they escaped the building and rushed for the direction of the ship.

Hux wasn’t much further ahead- much closer to the ship, but a hell of a lot slower than the two of them, throwing desperate glances over his shoulder as he ran for the ship. He was waving his arms, telling the pilots to start the engines.

“Ace, use-“

“It’s alright.” She huffed and with lethal precision, pulled out her gifted dagger that she had managed to keep safe and threw it, barely batting an eye as she did so.

Cardo watched it fly through the air, guided by her force and plunge itself into the generals shoulder, burying deep into the skin.

He roared, falling to his knees in the sand before scrambling back upwards, trying to reach the ship in time.

But he was done for- by the time he’d made it to the gangway, Ace already had her hand back out and in one fell swoop, she’d pulled the lightsaber out of his hand and flying for her own as well as the dagger.

Blood dribbled down his back as they caught up with him, breathless, engines roaring to life around them.

“You idiot.” Hux hissed at her. “You have these powers and you’re using them to assist him-“

“I’m trying to help him back from the dark side- not to kill the Jedi. You would’ve killed him _and_ the Jedi. Don’t act like some hero.” She snarled, her lightsaber now on and buzzing in her hand, ready for action.

“He doesn’t deserve your help.” Hux coughed, scooting up the ramp. “He doesn’t deserve your pity!’

“Maybe not.” Ace’s eyes turned dark as she raised her lightsaber. “But neither do you.”

She brought it down, piercing him in the heart. Hux cried out, choking on his own blood as it immediately surged upwards.

Cardo had never been scared of the woman beside him, of what powers she possessed- but right now, he felt nothing but darkness inside of her, nothing but feral, painful panic for a man who threw her into the hands of danger today simply because he was mad at her.

Hux began to laugh, choking on it immediately. His already pale skin became even lighter than before, if that was possible.

“You have become his apprentice. I take it back.”

She froze and immediately, the lightsaber by her side powered down, her entire body shaking as she watched the general die, his body becoming limp on the sand.

The pilots were watching them from inside the cockpit window, the masks covering their expressions. What a sight it must’ve all been- the general, dead at their feet, and the two of them coated in blood, their clothes and skin soaked with it.

Ace said nothing. Not as Cardo lifted Hux’s body off the platform and discarded him nearby. Not as he shuffled her onto the ship and got her to sit down, pulling out the first aid kit that was kept near the door.

The ship sped back to the Steadfast, completely silent. Ace’s arms were still shaking, even after Cardo bandaged her up.

Another thing he was surprised to see- the cut healing itself. A power usually reserved to those who dipped to the dark side of the force. So how much was Ren influencing her? How far had she actually gone and none of them had realised until she was forced to actually use her power?

“Sometimes.” He spoke quietly, so not to frighten her. “We have to do things to survive that don’t feel good. Sometimes we do them to protect people we love. It doesn’t make it any easier but.. it is necessary.”

“Was it?” She couldn’t quite look at him, her eyes still lingering on the window, pain etched onto her lovely features.

“If you hadn’t done it, Ren would have the moment we got back to the Steadfast. He would’ve tortured him for weeks for trying to hurt you- if anything, you were merciful in giving him the less painful choice.”

She was quiet for a few moments, considering this. Cardo sighed, sinking down onto his knees as she checked the rest of her over- a few bruises, a nasty cut across her forehead but otherwise she seemed alright. She had fought very well and if she wasn’t so horrified with herself for it, he would’ve told her to be proud.

“I stayed because I believed he could change. Mostly, I still hope he can but.. I never wanted this.” She dug her nail into her palm. “I’m not naive. I know Jedi kill people, I know it is in their duties. I have no issue but I killed..people who are on my side, even if they don’t know it. I killed Hux not because it was the right thing to do but because I was angry- because I was terrified of what he would do to Ren, what he had tried to do to us. I acted out of fear- there was nothing logical about it and I.. it makes me no better than him. Than any Sith- and that is not..that is not a path I wanted for myself.”

Blood bloomed in her palm as her fingers trembled, her nail breaking the skin. Cardo reached up, covering her hand with his own, pulling her nail out gently. 

“I had a family.” She finally glanced up at him as he spoke. “I loved them very much- and they all died because the resistance didn’t protect them the way they should’ve. I was angry.. and very lost. So I ran- I ran as far away from that village as I could and eventually I met Ren, the old Ren, who said I could either die at his sword, or become one of the knights. I chose the knights, being young and terrified and since they offered food, training, shelter it seemed like the right path. But the knights were born into bloodshed, into this kind of life. It awakens them, feeds them.” Cardo sighed. “I am not the same and we all know it- and this too was not a path I wanted for myself.”

“But sometimes we have to things that don’t feel good to survive.” She repeated. He nodded.

“You asked me once, what I would do if Ren returned to the dark side. I didn’t dare hope then that it was a reality- that some girl from Coruscant could change our futures from the bleakness we were presented with. So I told you I couldn’t answer that because truthfully, I didn’t dare dream then.” He sighed. “The other knights will kill him the moment he turns, you realise?”

“And you?” She breathed. The two of them were so still, he was surprised she had even spoken at all.

“I would run as far as I could to escape this madness. I would hope my old friend can survive facing that girl and his demons.” He clasped her hand. “I suggest you do the same.”

“No.” She shook her head, pulling away from him. In a graceful sweep, she stood, walking completely out of his space. Her eyes blazed as she took him in. “I will not be a coward. Not ever again- I will fight, wether that is for Ren or against him when the time comes.”

“I think it’s foolish.” He replied. But she only shrugged.

“You and I both wish we weren’t on this path Cardo- isn’t it time we changed that?”

He met her stare, the unbending defiance there. The girl who had all this power, enough to kill Kylo, to end this entire war and was still fighting to bring him back, desperate to find the boy she had once cared for.

She had run once and he could see it on her face, etched into every curve, how much she regretted it.

Cardo had run from his family, from his duty and wound up in a worse position than before. One of brotherhood but the killing, the turning on one and other.. it wasn’t something he had wanted. For himself. For any of them.

Forcing himself to stand, he towered above her. Then he nodded, just once.

“Maybe it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u guys i love this chapter lol 
> 
> i hope u did too! expect quick updates cause dis bitch is FINISHED with this book (especially since the chapter count has gone up again lol)
> 
> Much love


	38. SHAME

It felt as if every general in the room was staring at you that morning as you sat in front of them, awaiting the verdict.

You’d been summoned here along with Cardo to explain the death of General Hux. Besides the fact you had to tell them he hadn’t come back with you, the pilots had reported you anyway, saying they watched you murder him.

Cardo hadn’t said much since the proceedings began- in fact, he’d barely spoken a word to you since you returned to the Steadfast the evening before, bringing you to your room and walking to his own quarters. This morning when he’d collected you, he only checked over your arm again and asked how you’d slept.

But you didn’t take his quietness as a turning down of your offer to change your paths- instead, it seemed he was mulling it over. His eyes glanced towards you every so often, as if he was still surprised the words had left your mouth, that you had dared speak them into existence. And if he was surprised that he had agreed with you.

But you were done running and pretending to yourself- Ren was going to change, or he wasn’t. You prayed for the former but now more than ever, with him gaining on the girl, it was time to make plans for the latter. Given Cardo’s wavering faith in his squad, it seemed he too may become a part of those plans- something you could only be grateful for, should he choose to side with you.

Truthfully if you could’ve put off these plans longer, could’ve stayed in your blissful bubble with Ren you would- but Cardo had quietly informed you yesterday he had found the girl. There was only so many more encounters between them before he dragged her off to Exegol or she beat him there first.

Wedged between the knight and the supreme leader, you watched as general Pyrde finished up reading the pilots statements to you all, his voice dripping with disdain. It seemed nobody particularly cared about Hux’s death- but they had to investigate it nonetheless.

“And then she stabbed him, three times through the heart with a lightsaber.” His eyes flickered towards you, towards the weapon still clipped to your side now. Unconsciously, your hands moved towards it- as if to protect it. “Then.. seemed rather upset. The knight of Ren discarded the the body into the sand and instructed they fly back to the Steadfast immediately- they cooped up in the back of the ship the entire ride home, quietly talking.”

Kylo’s fist on the table clenched and unclenched.

He hadn’t spoken to you once since your return, to your slight surprise. You knew he was ready to leave, to find the girl and had only stayed behind to hear of what happened to Hux. But even last night when you suspected Cardo slipped off to tell him of what transpired, he never came knocking at the door. Didn’t shoot a single look in your direction as you slipped into the chair beside him.

Perhaps he was upset from what had transpired the other day, from what you had told him- but you had meant every word and even now, relaxed, you could feel that light inside of him, wether he wished to admit it or not.

“I looked into my knights mind-“ His voice shook you from your thoughts, rattling against your skin. You had missed him last night- and you hated yourself for it. Hated how wished he would’ve come to your door, offered some kind of comfort. “I saw exactly what happened. Hux led them to a trap, disarmed them and then left them to die at the rebels hands. He also announced himself as being the spy.”

General Pryde straightened in his seat. “I see. Well from what it appears, you had to fight your way out of there-“

A picture flashed up in the middle of the table. Your stomach lurched. It was the room you had to fight your way out of with Cardo- dead bodies piled up endlessly on the floor, blood soaking the walls as if it was bleeding itself.

Cardo’s hand flexed by his side, as if he might reach for you. Perhaps he would, if Ren wasn’t here.

Even Kylo, for the first time that day, cast you a momentary glance, face completely expressionless as he did so.

You hadn’t realised the two of you had killed so many. Granted, Cardo’s gun had mowed down crowds whilst you had only taken down one, perhaps two, at a time. But still- all that life, all those rebels just fighting for a better cause.. gone. Because Hux had led them to believe you were to be killed.

Neither of you had even tried to talk to them. To tell them you weren’t with the First Order- but you’d been too worried you’d never make it out of there alive, never tell Ren of what he planned to do to him.

“Is there a reason this is dragging on?” Kylo shifted, just slightly, his arm brushing against yours as he did so. He’d moved closer upon watching your eyes glaze over and you imagined your energy was all over the place, the panic you felt yesterday rising up again.

“We just want to make sure this isn’t some set up. Or something suspicious is going on.” Pryde shrugged. “I too believe Hux was the spy but-“

“Then there’s nothing left to talk about. Hux tried to kill my..apprentice and one of my knights to exact revenge upon the First Order. He passed on sensitive information to the rebels- and the moment he had landed back here, I would’ve skinned him alive for the former action never mind the latter.” Kylo growled. You shivered. “If anything, she granted him a merciful death. We are finished discussing this unless you wish this room to reflect that picture.”

Nobody moved. It seemed nobody even dared breathing as Kylo’s words echoed around the room, his eye twitching as it always did. He pressed something on the table, forcing the picture to go away and you let out a quiet sigh of relief.

“Meeting adjourned. Your ship preparations are done.” General Pryde announced to the table and then they all stood as Ren did, waiting for him to leave before dismissing themselves.

He paused, glancing down at you.

_Come on- we're leaving._

You followed without argument, Cardo on your heels as you did so. The rest of the table dispersed quickly after, quiet conversations erupting from the room as the doors hissed shut behind you.

Kylo turned as you approached the loading bay, his eyes glancing over your head to the knight behind you. “You can go back and talk to the others. We’ll be back by tonight.”

Cardo bowed his head and skirted around you, heading in the direction of the knights quarters. You watched him go, wondering exactly what else he’d shown Ren of yesterday. Just the parts with Hux, or your conversation after?

But he would warn you if he had. He had proven time and time again that when it came to Ren, he didn’t play by the rules of the other knights and given he’d all but asked you to run yesterday, possibly with him, you couldn’t see how showing Ren that conversation would hold anything good for either of you.

Kylo led you towards his ship and you realised he was in full battle armour- so it seemed you were going with him to find the girl. Something inside of you stumbled at him not leaving you out, despite it was exactly like him to do so.

Inside the ship, doors whirring behind you as they closed, you noticed your suit that you wore for missions laid out, along with your knife.

“We’re going to find the girl.” He stated, but kept walking towards the cockpit. “Get changed.”

Frankly, you were in no mood to question him, or argue about where it was you were going exactly. So you didn’t, instead changing into your clothes as he flew the ship out of the Steadfast and out into space.

Once you were ready, you took a few hesitant steps towards the cockpit and stopped at the entrance, watching as he pressed the buttons in front of him.

You’d never learned to fly one of these, not really. You had enough knowledge that in an emergency, you’d manage to get yourself out alive. But no real skill- Voe and Tai had known how to fly one. Hennix, like you, knew the basics.

But none of you were as good as Ben. It seemed he excelled in all areas like that.

“Cardo was concerned for your wellbeing last night.” He finally spoke, pressing another button in front of him that allowed him to take his hands off the steering as you jumped into hyper-speed. You stayed exactly where you were, feet planted firmly into the ground.

“Because of Hux?”

“Because of how you felt after killing Hux.”

Those dark eyes found yours and whilst you expected arrogance or something more cruel, he only seemed.. worried was too strong a word but there was something vaguely caring in there.

“I see.”

“He said he talked to you but you went to sleep right after. Refused to say any more.”

So he had lied to his master- he was thinking about what you’d said. You hadn’t slept at all though the conversation had stilled after he told you he’d need some time to consider what you had said.

“There isn’t very much to say.”

“That’s a lie.” He frowned and then stood, finally coming to face you. The air in your throat lodged, clamping downwards and squashing your heart, your fingers clenching the hem of your shirt.

Did he even know how much he terrified you? Did he even realise you’d struck deep into Hux’s heart only to save him?

“He tried to kill us so I killed him. I knew he’d only die when we got back to the Steadfast, if we brought him back injured and it seemed pointless for him to be tortured- what more do you expect me to say Kylo?”

“Cardo’s memories don’t just show me what happened. We are connected-“ He took a few steps closer to you and his gloved hand reached out, two fingers pressing directly above your heart. It beat wildly. “You and I are connected. I felt everything you felt in that moment- and I assure you there was nothing merciful about it.”

He was looking at you as if you were the beginning and end of time. Maybe you looked at him the same way, for your life had only started truly when he walked into it and you knew, deep in your heart, it would end the moment he did.

“What am I supposed to say?” You whispered.

He stood so close, his hand pressed against your heart- and yet it felt like miles between the two of you. An impossible crossing.

“You don’t have to say anything. I just don’t want you.. I just hope you don’t feel ashamed. I meant what I said even- it was a merciful death.” His eyes darkened. “I would’ve torn every limb from him. Every bone.”

He meant it. You knew he did- as he’d told you once, he would’ve burned cities to the ground if that rebel had taken you from his hands.

Except then, those words had been possessive. They’d frightened you in some way. There was nothing possessive in these words- it was just agony slicing through them, his fear at what could’ve happened to you.

 _I just hope you don’t feel ashamed._ As he had, for so many years.

“You proved you don’t need a lightsaber, thats for sure.” He muttered, his hand leaving your heart to touch the handle of it, fingers brushing over your own. “You fought well.”

Brushing past the compliment, you watched as he looped a finger around your own. “Is that why you’re bringing me today?”

“Partly. I may need help subduing the others.” He sighed. You didn’t bother moving your hand, grateful for the small touch. Grateful he wasn’t overwhelming you, nor spitting some bullshit about how killing Hux meant you were on his side. “And I didn’t think leaving you on the ship was a good idea.”

Something like worry or betrayal skipped across the bond before he managed to get a clamp down on it. A sense of Cardo, too. So he knew he’d left parts of the conversation out- but he hadn’t asked you about it, nor forced the knight to show him.

Why? He could take anything he wanted. The knight, though his faith was wavering, still couldn’t deny him if he asked.

Another feeling flitted down, as if he was struggling to get a grasp of himself, his emotions. You frowned- still a worried feeling but this time, you could hear yourself within it. Hear your voice over and over.

_Weak._

Your eyes flew to his but he showed no indication he’d allowed you to feel that, or that he even knew he had.

“We’ll be there soon- be prepared to fight.” His fingers unhooked from yours, leaving them cold against your lightsaber.

He turned back to the cockpit, readying the ship to land wherever it was he had managed to locate the girl and her droid. This time, their translator would read that dagger to them immediately, so you knew there wouldn’t be much time.

Ren would move to strike very quickly and as far as you could tell, there seemed to be be no more forgiveness within him- he was moving to kill her if he could. Not capture.

You wondered if this would be the last normal conversation you’d have with him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double release :)


	39. DON'T PANIC

Watching the ship take off towards the other tower, you surveyed the pitch darkness around you with narrowed eyes.

The tower across from you, connected only by a crooked walkway of metal pipes, was were the translator was said to be meeting Rey and the others. Ren’s ship landed at the top, powering down.

He’d be going inside soon- but he’d dropped you over here, aware they may be meeting inside this tower instead, to throw him off or try to escape over the pole connecting the two.

The two of you knew there’d be no killing blow, not from you. Despite what he hoped, you hadn’t turned, nor would you anytime soon- you wouldn’t kill rebels. Not these ones.

But would you let them go? Truthfully you hadn’t considered it. All you wanted was for him to reach that breaking point, to turn to the light. Rey seemed your best shot. But to let them escape with them being so close to his grasp..

He may kill you for it. Then you would be able to do nothing.

Unsure of your exact duties and plans, you skirted around the side of one of the broken glass buildings and glanced down to the ground below. It was a steep drop to the bottom. One a well skilled Jedi or Sith could survive, albeit some broken bones or bruises if they were truly lucky. But a fall like this for someone without the force would be lethal.

Even in the darkness you could see Ren stalk across the roof. He paused at the door, as if he was taking one more glance to where you stood, before booting in the door and walking inside.

Expecting a long wait, you leaned against the doorframe and watched the connecting walkway. Glass was scattered beneath your feet, crunching as you shifted. Everything here was completely desolate, as if nobody had been here for years. Given the vines crawling up the side of both buildings, twirling its way around the frames, it was likely nobody had been.

You yawned- it had been a sleepless night, from thinking of Cardo, to Hux, to the murderous rage that had overtook your body as you pierced his heart over and over.

Nothing like that had happened to you before. You’d been trained to kill, that was no secret. It was part of who you were and when the person you were killing had blood on their hands, just as you did, you found no issue with it.

Hux had more blood on his hands than you did- but it was his mouth, spitting words after you stabbed him that haunted you.

_You have become his apprentice. I take it back._

Because he saw in you what he did in Kylo- that cool, murderous rage that overtook until you didn’t know who you were, or where you were. If it hadn’t been for Cardo’s presence, his arm touching yours, you may have never stopped until he was chopped into a tiny pieces.

So, you supposed the question was _were_ you being drawn to the dark side? Because of your time spent with Ren, because you had been trained by them? If so, how long did you have until the unimaginable happened and you fell completely?

No. You shook your head. You wouldn’t let that happen- no matter what.

“We presumed you dead.”

You didn’t recognise that voice. Nor the knife that had appeared at your throat as you straightened, eyes following the arm that was outstretched beside you.

It was one of the men you had seen before, with Rey. The slightly older one, with eyes as rich and brown as Ren, watched you steadily as you looked over at them.

The other man was beside him. The one you had watched call so desperately for his friend, feeling his pain- and strangely, feeling a tether between them. A small awakening in the force, similar to the one you shared with Kylo.

But not quite the same.

“Is that so?”

“We knew this would be risky, Ren would probably find Rey. But she assured us she’d handle him and told us to wait here for her- and here we find you, who was reportedly lured into a trap just yesterday.”

“Some traps aren’t made to hold up.”

“I can see that.” He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t seem particularly too worried I have a knife to your throat.”

You shrugged, feeling the blade dig into your skin as you did so. “I’m not.”

It was a beautiful blade, you couldn’t deny that. Where a rebel had gotten such a thing you weren’t sure- truthfully, it looked familiar. But where, you couldn’t place it.

“A gift.” He spoke, noticing your eyes on the weapon in his hand. “And why aren’t you scared?”

“Really? You want me to be scared of you two?” You met his stare and sighed. “And here I was thinking we were all on the same side.”

“Doubtful.”

“We aren’t on the side that wishes Ren would turn? That wishes the two of them would take Palpatine together, not to rule the galaxy but to heal it?” You watched as the two of them shifted, trying to decide if you were simply toying with them or telling the truth.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Fine.” You shrugged. You were bored now.

Quicker than either could react, you pulled the lightsaber attached to your hip up and out, bringing it to life as you swung away from his knife. The man stumbled back slightly, eyes wide as he took in the weapon in your hand which was now pointing at the two of them. The other one had raised his gun at you, ready to fire, finger trembling on the trigger.

“I don’t wish your friend dead.” You motioned towards the tower where now, to your slight horror, you could see two other lightsabers lit up. Red and blue clashing, the sparks shooting all around as they battled. “I don’t want mine dead either.”

“Your _friend?_ ” The one holding the knife scoffed. “Leia informed us it may be more than that.”

“Good to know the general is still very involved in my personal business.” You huffed.

With a sigh, you put the lightsaber down, powering it down. But you didn’t clip it back to your side, just to be safe.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that since I was a teenager, I’ve met the general a few times and each one, she managed somehow to wriggle herself right into the business between me and her son. It seems nothing has changed.” You shook your head but felt your cheeks warm. Did she suspect the two of you were closer because she knew something, had she sensed it somehow? Or was she just guessing?

“You knew.. Ben.” It seemed to pain the man to say that name. Not pain of losing someone but more the pain of acknowledging there was a man underneath the monster he had become.

“Very well.” You turned to look back over at the tower. They’d made it a further two floors down, close to your own level. Neither seemed to have the upper hand. “Or so I thought.”

“You can’t expect us to honestly believe you are on our side.”

“You don’t have to. Wether you believe me or not means very little- I only ask you don’t try to kill me right now because then I’ll have to kill you. I don’t want to do that to you- or the girl.”

“You’re arrogant.”

“Easy to become arrogant when Luke Skywalker informed me I would be more powerful than him.” You shot them a smile- but it was completely a mask. An act to fool them into thinking you were far more relaxed than you were, to make them think you were cool and collected and arrogant.

But your heart was about to fall out of your chest for several reasons. The fact the rebels were here, within your grasp and Ren would be angry you hadn’t killed them, especially if he had managed to spot your lit up saber. The fact he was currently duelling the girl. The fact she could kill him, or him her- then you would be truly lost, either way.

“Leia mentioned you a few times.” One of them said, their own eyes now focused on the two duelling across the crossing. “Said if anyone..if anyone could help him turn it would be you. Instead of the last resort-“

“The last resort?”

“She won’t tell us. And don’t bother doing that mind trick stuff Rey does, we really don’t know.” The two of them shared a fond look as he mentioned their friend.

“That’s all I’m trying to do- turn him. I don’t want any of you dead, but I don’t want him to die either.”

The walkway creaked and you all jumped, looking towards it. Rey had landed on it with a graceful leap and was now making way towards you all.

“So you’re just going to let us go?”

“I-“ You froze slightly but relit your lightsaber in defence.

You had no option but to do exactly that, unless Kylo got his ass over here. You weren’t willing to kill them.

Unfortunately for Rey, the supreme leader wasn’t far behind her- he landed just as gracefully behind her and sent a wave of the force rolling for her, knocking her off her feet. Luckily, she caught herself before she slipped off entirely.

“Rey!” One of the men darted forward, panicked. The other one had no hesitation raising his gun at you as you braced yourself.

You arched your eyebrow at him, at the loaded gun aimed right for your chest. “Just when I thought we’d be friends.”

“We can’t be, if you’re on his side-“ He glanced towards the walkaway where Rey had managed to pull herself up, the two clashing again. “If you are on our side, be on our side. Help her!”

You shook your head. “I will not kill her- but I will not help her kill him either.”

“Then you are not on our side.”

He fired a shot but you deflected it with your lightsaber immediately, anger surging through you. Prick. You swung it around in your hands- nothing but show tricks, but his eyes grew wide as you stormed towards him all the same.

You could almost taste his fear, taste the tanginess of it in your mouth as you stalked towards him, blocking each of his shots.

“Poe!” Distracted by the two of you, the man turned form watching the Jedi girl to where you were fighting his friend.

You felt him approaching before he’d even neared you and ducked as his fist swung for the back of your head, grunting in annoyance.

“I don’t want to hurt either of you.” You took a few steps back as the two of them circled in on you.

“She’s just distracting us, Leia said he’d use her to fool us-“

“Well then she’s more of an idiot than I took her for.” You snapped.

Suddenly, Poe let out a shout as he was whipped from the ground, thrown into what was left of the glass behind you. “Finn!”

You tensed lightsaber still buzzing by your chin as the other man, Finn you presumed, whirled around to look at you but you shook your head, glancing around. Kylo had spotted the two of them cornering you and thrown him away.

Rey grunted with effort, slamming down on him as he stumbled, distracted by you. He needed help.

“I made sure Chewie was kept safe. I didn’t get any of the knights when I realised Rey was on the Steadfast. I’m on your side- I’m just also on his.” You emphasised, still shimmying towards the walkway.

You needed to ensure the man in front of you wasn’t going to shoot you in the back the moment you stepped onto it to help Kylo. Poe was still on the ground, probably unconscious, so he wasn’t a worry.

But Finn didn’t seem to care, his eyes only desperately looking between where Rey was bringing her lightsaber down on Ren and where you stood before him.

“I know you want him to turn- but even Rey thinks he is gone. You are fighting a losing battle and in doing so, fighting the resistance.” He raised his gun. “Sorry.”

You deflected each of his shots, swearing as he strode for you, finger clenched around the trigger. Your heel dug into the ground as a vine caught you by surprise, your leg stumbling. The movement meant one of the lazars slipped through, slamming into your thigh.

You winced, the blood pooling out. It wasn’t bad, certainly not bad enough you couldn’t walk but you knelt for a moment all the same.

That moment was enough time for Finn to run for the walkway and leap onto it, to go and assist his friend. Kylo could take them both, kill them both- but you didn’t want either of them dead, nor him.

Grumbling with pain, you shot to your feet and followed him out onto the poles which were much thinner than they appeared. Using the force, you yanked Finn back from where he was standing, onto the metal behind you. He slipped, his arms wound around the walkway as he struggled to hold onto it.

Rey brought her lightsaber up- you’d seen this exact moment play out in Kylo’s dreams, with the two of them in the forest where she scarred him. Except this time the blade was aiming for his heart, ready to strike.

“He dies, Finn dies.” You shouted across the howling wind as loud as you could. Kylo’s eyes snapped up to yours, his fist curling around the lightsaber in his hand. Rey turned, terror filling her eyes as she watched her friend dangle.

“No!” She tried to hit you with the force, to throw you back but you resisted it, only slipping slightly. It was enough to rattle the walkway, Finn slipping even further down.

Kylo had scrambled to his feet behind her and was now ready to kill her from behind, his face curling in anger if he did so.

But if he killed her, the newest Jedi would be gone. It would be your fault, for not stopping him, for foolishly hoping she could turn him. The only person who could help you to turn him would be gone and Ren.. he would truly be lost to the dark side.

If she killed him.. you would lose the only person who mattered to you.

The only way to stop them both, to separate them, was to cause them both to be distracted. Give them something else to do instead of fighting each other.

Kylo wasn’t even looking at you- but you could hear the words rattling around from earlier, when he had looked at you, touched you.

_Weakness. Weak._

Because you weren’t wrong the other day, nor was he. He was your greatest weakness- just as you were his.

You glanced down at the sheer drop below, time moving like slow motion. Rey hadn’t even sensed Kylo aiming for her, ready to strike, her feet moving into action towards you, towards her friend to save him.

His eyes flew to yours as you raised your own lightsaber. You met his stare. “Don’t panic.”

“Don’t PANIC-?!“

He let out a scream as you slammed your lightsaber into the pole, completely disconnecting it from the other side. Kylo stumbled on his attack, his mouth opening in something like a shout as the pole slid downwards- dropping you and Finn into the abyss below.

The wind whistled in your ears as the two of you fell and fell into the endless night. Finn’s screams rang out and you swore you could hear Rey screaming too- you could only hope it was in desperation to save her friend, not because she had been struck down.

A stupid plan to distract the two of them, given you’d bet your life and Finn’s on it. But the only plan given the moment.

Panic rose within you as you kept falling, the concrete beneath you now coming into more clear view. You hadn’t thought this through- what if you overestimated your powers? What if you weren’t-?

You stopped. Freaking out was going to ensure death- and you had a feeling, from the tautness of the bond, that panic wasn’t coming entirely from you. Ren was panicking, the fear clustering right your heart.

Though you knew it would scare him, you slammed down on the bond. Focused on your breathing, on the wind whistling beside you and closed your eyes.

When you opened them again, you dove- straight for Finn, wrapping yourself around him. He was gasping, terrified, his hands immediately clinging to you as you took another deep breath and with a sharp use of the force, threw the two of you sideways into the building.

You gripped him as glass shattered all around you, coating your hair, your clothes. It prickled your skin as the two of you smacked into the ground hard, rolling away from each other.

You just lay there for a moment, too winded to do anything else.

Truthfully, you had not expected you would’ve been able to manage that. The landing was much harder than you would’ve liked, but you had no time to slow either of you down given you’d already fallen for so long. It was a miracle neither of you had blacked out from the sheer force of it.

Finn grunted, reminding you that he was here too and you hauled yourself up to go and check on him. He was laying flat on his back, eyes cracking open just slightly as he watched you approach him.

He seemed relatively okay- a bruised forehead, cuts on his arms from the glass. Much like yourself you presumed, given the blood you could taste dripping down your cheek.

“Why?” He groaned.

“She was about to kill him- then he was about to kill her.” You breathed and with another sigh, allowed the bond to flow through you again. Ren’s senses skyrocketed through you, more panicked, more terrified than before. He was looking for you- you needed to leave here, before he found Finn and Rey, when she eventually tracked him down.

“You were trying to save them both. Using us as the bait.” He sighed. “He must care for you a lot if he’d stop fighting her to come for you.”

“That’s the hope.” You whispered.

“I can feel her.” He muttered. “She’s alive.”

“Good.” You stood, dusting the glass off your pants, wincing at the pieces that had trapped themselves in your skin. “I am..I’m sorry for using you. I’m sorry that you think I cannot possibly be on your side- but I can’t let him die. It’s foolish, I know but I..”

The words lingered there. The ones you had known since he told you he’d paid off Harley’s debts and let her walk free. Still, you couldn’t speak them. Couldn’t acknowledge how you truly felt, for fear that speaking them only made it real. Only made it all so painful.

“Leia only suspected he would use you to fool us. She hoped you were trying to help him- believed you were enough to do so.” Finn said as you turned to leave.

You nodded. “I’m trying.”

“He’ll know where we’re going, won’t he?”

“I’ll do my best to help, if he does find you.” You strode off, giving him a short salute as you went. “You’re welcome, by the way!”

“Asshole.” He muttered.

You dared a smile and glancing out, realised with a slight wince that you had almost made it to the bottom of the towers, the ground just a drop below. A few more seconds and the two of you may have been splattered against it.

You slid out before you could change your mind and using the force, slowly propelled yourself down the side of building, ignoring the pain in your thigh.

That fall had done nothing but worsen the wound there, your burnt flesh now visible through the ripped pants.

Once you hit the ground you moved as far away from the building as you could, limping over to the grassy parks nearby. Or what you imagined would’ve been parks- the grass here was long dead and brown, everything here also in disarray. Who the hell would live here with enough knowledge of the Sith? And more importantly, had Rey even gathered that information before Kylo had caught her?

You pulled on that connection between the two of you, willing him to find you. He sent back a solid tug himself and the panic quietened down.

Waiting, the ship appeared seconds later, its ramp pulling down. You hauled yourself on board, letting out a quiet cry of pain over your leg and watched as it closed behind you.

You wanted to stay awake- wanted to wait until the ship was in hyper speed and listen to Ren give you an endless, awful lecture about how idiotic you were and how you’d ruined everything for him.

But the sheer amount of force you had to use to throw your bodies sideways, to protect you from hitting the ground too hard had exhausted you, as had the wound still leaking blood, pooling onto the floor around you.

Right as the ship sped up and those thundering boots sounded, Ren’s face devoid of anything but pure rage as he took you in which quickly slipped into something else when he noticed his leg, you gave him a weak smile.

Then you passed out, head smacking against the metal as you did so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! i hope you guys enjoyed these chapters. 
> 
> We're coming into the home stretch now. Since I updated the chapter count we have like 11 chaps left lo 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts! I hope you've all had a lovely weekend.
> 
> X


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